you are the FATHER...NOT the baby daddy

I think I must've went insane
Thinking I was in love, but really in chains
Trapped to this girl through the two-year old who carried my name
I tried to stop tripping
But yo, I couldn't and the plot thickened
That shit affected me, largely
Because I know a lot of people want me
To fail as a father
And the thought of that haunts me
Especially when I check my rear-view mirror
And don't see him in his car seat
So the next time it's late at night
and I'm laid up with the woman I'mma make my wife
talking 'bout how we 'gon make a life
I'm thinking about child support, alimony, visitation rights
Cause that's the only outcome if you can't make it right
Pissed off with your children feeling the same pain
So, Pop, how could I blame cause you couldn't maintain
I did the same thing
The same thing...(Phonte from Little Brother "All for You")

Me and my homeboys have a LOT in common. Far beyond our tastes in women, music, and sports we share a lot of similarities.

I've noticed one thing that me and all my closest male friends have in common...we ALL have fathers who have played a significant role in our lives. Not some of my friends. ALL. That says alot about those men. Their influence have made us the men that we are today.

By society's standards, we are all successful, progressive, young black men. If you ask any of them, they will tell you that their father was the definition of a man. This is not to say that our mothers weren't there...because they were. I'm a firm believer that a woman can raise a young man and show him how to become a productive citizen. But only a man can teach a boy how to become a man. I feel fortunate and blessed that I have a father who showed me the way and I feel fortunate that my homies have too. Every one is not as fortunate. I don't take that for granted. I think that if a young boy doesn't have a father in his life then he needs a father figure in his life. That could be an uncle, older brother, teacher, mentor, or coach. It's very critical in a young boy's life to have that interaction with a male with whom he loves and respects. As the father of 3 sons, I feel that I have to be the man that they learn from. Being a father is the most rewarding and important job that I'll ever have. It's a job that I enjoy but I take very seriously. I can't make them into a miniature 12kyle. But I can show them how to become a man and how to make it in this world.

As men, we have to get beyond the point of leaving our sons to fend for themselves in this cold world. Is your child supposed to suffer because you are no longer with his mother? Is it smart to neglect your son because you are no longer sleeping with his mother? As men, we have to do better. Our sons need us. More importantly, our sons watch our moves. If we don't show them them the right way...they will be destined to follow in our footsteps.