Thursday, May 31, 2018

PODCAST: the signs that they are NOT the 1...

In life, it's hard to find The One. It's a process. During that process, we often encounter people with whom that we THINK are The One...but they are not. Sometimes people come into our lives and we think that they are The One but there are signs that they are not. We ignore the signs. Are you familiar with the signs? On this podcast, we'll tell you what those signs are.

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Friday, May 25, 2018

PODCAST: what is attractive

What is attractive? How do you define it? Studies have shown that it can (and in most cases) be more than what you physically like about a person? What do women find attractive? What do men find attractive? Check out this podcast and you'll get those answers...and more.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2018

6 ways you can get an STD...that aren't sex

You would think that people would know these things. But honestly, a lot of people don't know. I found this on Men's Health the other day. 

You know what the “S” in STD stands for, right? True to their name, the vast majority of sexually transmitted diseases stem from sexual contact. But there are non-sexual behaviors that can carry risks too.

“People are always asking me if the can get herpes from a hot tub or hotel sheets or toilet seats,” says herpes expert Christine Johnson, M.D., an associate professor of infectious disease at the University of Washington. “But herpes and some of these other bugs don’t live on surfaces.”

In fact, unlike cold and flu germs, most STD viruses “die immediately” once they leave the human body. For that reason, your risk of contracting an STD outside the bedroom (or backseat, or wherever you get it on) is low. But it’s not non-existent.

Here are all the ways you could end up with an STD that aren’t penetrative sex.

1. Oral Sex

“Oral sex is sex,” Johnston says. Herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, and other STDs can all be transmitted during oral sex—whether you’re giving or receiving, she says. While it's difficult to compare the risks of getting specific STDs from different types of sex, according to the Center for Disease Control, studies have shown that the risk of getting HIV from oral sex with an infected partner (either giving or getting oral sex) is much lower than the risk of getting HIV from anal or vaginal sex with an infected partner. Condoms or dental dams are effective ways to protect yourself, according to the CDC

2. Sharing Razors

Blood-borne STD pathogens—including the viruses that cause AIDS and hepatitis C—can be transmitted via razor. “It’s extremely rare,” Johnston says. But it’s something to keep in mind if you ever think to borrow a buddy’s Mach 3.

3. Unregulated Tattoos

Nearly all tattoo parlors in the U.S. follow proper health regulations. In those cases, you’re not at risk for an STD. But if you’re getting inked by a friend or at an “unregulated” tattoo shop where needles are reused, you’re at risk for hepatitis C and HIV, Johnston says.

4. Sharing Needles

Intravenous drug users (or anyone who shares needles) is at risk of contracting STIs—even beyond HIV or hepatitis C Johnston says. One recent study from the University of Florida found injection drug users may be almost twice as likely to contract an STD than people who don’t use these drugs. According to the study, those who share needles tend to be bigger sexual risk-takers and have links to high-risk networks, which gives them a greater chance of sex with an infected partner. This in turn, increases their overall STD risk and their risk for HIV infection.

5. Kissing

While herpes simplex 1 (oral herpes) is not strictly considered an STD, it can—and often is—passed via kissing, says Dr. Khalil Ghanem, M.D., Ph.D., an associate professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. If both you and your smooching partner have open cuts or sores around your mouths, that could potentially expose you to other STDs, he adds.

6. Dry humping

Even if you and your partner stop short of sex, rubbing your bare genitals together could lead to STD transmission, according to the CDC. For example, if your partner kept her underwear on but had an exposed, open syphilis sore, rubbing your penis on it could lead to an infection.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

7 deal breakers hiring managers can't stand to see...

I came across this article while scrolling through the twitter last week. Very informative. Check it out.

With so many job interview how-to guides out there, you'd think we'd all be nailing them by now. A new survey from recruiting solutions company JazzHR, however, shows that candidates still are making employers all over the country do face palms with a few key interview mistakes.

The 7 biggest deal breakers hiring managers can't stand to see

Among the you-should-know-better-by-now blunders, JazzHR's survey of more than 500 hiring professionals across the country found that

86% of interviewers won't consider candidates not authorized to work in the country. These employers know unauthorized workers can have great skills they need. But the legal ramifications --for example, fines, the loss of a business license or even jail--usually aren't worth the risk for most companies.

81% of respondents agree that badmouthing a previous employer or employers is bad news. Mature candidates don't badmouth old bosses or companies because they take responsibility for their own part in events. Even if the employer truly was at fault, hiring managers still want you to "be the better (wo)man" and show that you've grown and learned from what happened. They know that if you talk badly about an old employer, you probably wouldn't hesitate to do it to them, too, and they'll draw the line at risking their hard-earned reputation.

8 out of 10 people would not hire a candidate with visibly bad hygiene.
This is a turnoff for hiring managers for the same reason you wouldn't want a dirty Tinder date. The underlying message is that you don't care about yourself, others or your work enough. Even if you could prove this isn't the case, employers aren't going to want others to get that initial impression from you.

76% of respondents would show a candidate the door if they appeared arrogant. Bosses need to know you're able to respect their authority and the contributions from others on the team, not your own ego. They also need to know you're humble enough to be willing to learn and take responsibility for mistakes.

71% of hirers wouldn't hire a person who missed the dress code memo. Yes, hoodie-loving Mark Zuckerberg and others like him are making leaders cut employees some slack when it comes to attire. Even so, appearances still count in first impressions, and employers want to see someone polished. Your best bet when in doubt? Look at what others in the company wear ahead of time and match it.

Now, consider these last two points carefully:

90% of respondents wouldn't hire someone who lied on their resume. We get it. The market's tough, so you feel like you've got to play hardball. But lies don't build the trust employers need to give you great projects, job security and the perks you're after.

90% of people would disqualify a candidate if they simply touched their phones. Attention on the interviewer, people. That's all there is to this one. Turn your device off and put it away.

Did you catch it?

Tech--or rather the distractions it causes--is now just as reviled during the interview process as fibbing. I'll give you a moment to let that one sink in.

What's not going to cost you

83% of respondents say that 'thank you' notes are obsolete and would not disqualify a candidate that didn't send one post-interview. This might be because the daily business pace is so frantic, making it hard to look at "extra" correspondence. But tech probably has changed things, too, giving candidates other ways to show appreciation on a larger scale.

82% of prospective hirers see visible tattoos as totally acceptable. This might be one area where companies have become more open-minded about diversity, particularly considering how so many businesses now are stressing expression, authenticity and creativity. Distracted, disrespectful candidates aren't tolerated, but those who show individuality are.

56% would still give someone a job if they didn't ask any questions of their own. This might be because interviewers know questions might be slim if you've done an incredible job getting details ahead of the interview and seamlessly weave them into the conversation. Interviewers also might be considering that your primary objective has to be making the case for your skills and experience in a limited amount of time.

53% of respondents said they'd still hire a candidate who was late or who had to reschedule. This isn't to say hiring managers love to be inconvenienced--the fact that 47 percent of interviewers would give you the boot is worth pause. You should give your all to schedule the interview for a time when you think the odds of potential problems are slim to none. It's merely to say that most interviewers understand that life--you know, getting sick or having car trouble, for instance--happens.

Why are we still making the goofs?

Allie Kelly, JazzHR's VP of Marketing, says that some of the difficulty comes from generational conflicts. Today's candidates simply have different priorities about what they need and want for work-life balance, which is creating some clashes and shifting what leaders value in their company culture. But she acknowledges personal responsibility, too.

"It all comes down to preparation and discipline. The candidates who are genuinely interested and want to prove their value are the ones who will take the time to research and show how they can fit into the bigger picture. [The candidates] going into the interview with the right amount of confidence, humility and knowledge are the ones who typically get it right."

Understanding that it's ultimately up to you to ace your interview, Kelly says there are only three things to do for success:

1. Do your research. Yes, you should have basic information about the company and their values in your head. But you should also know who you'll be interviewing with. Make it personal and truly seek to connect. "Look up their LinkedIn profiles. Know what roles they've held and start to brainstorm how you could potentially work together.. If you aren't provided with an [interviewer name] list, ask for one. Come prepared with thoughtful, relevant questions that will give you a better idea of what the role will entail."

2. Practice! Practicing using the research you've done, Kelly says, develops the confidence you need to set aside interview jitters. Do some mock interviews with your friends or family members to get your talking points in line, and dress the part regardless of the role you're trying to nab.

3. Know who you are
. "It's important to take a candid look at your strengths and weaknesses prior to any interview. You should know your story--what major contributions you've made in past roles, challenges you've had to overcome, and most importantly, your results. Being able to articulate these key attributes and align them to your potential employer's organization will give you a big leg up amongst the competition."


Monday, May 21, 2018

off tha dome...

random thoughts

after all these years...I JUST realized that was Charlie Wilson at the end of Computer Love. Lmao! Don’t ask me how.

why does Facebook notify you when someone makes a comment on a post or picture behind your comment? we don’t need to know what they have to say

spring is here...I think

if you are a man over the age of 20 and you rock short sleeved dress shirts...I’m judging you

folks do weird things for "clicks" and attention these days...

Snoop made a gospel album and it’s the number 1 gospel album in the country. Let that marinate for a second

gas prices have jumped up for no reason. did I miss an oil spill or a hostile takeover in the Middle East?

I really miss the Obamas

the show that BeyoncĂ© had at Cochella that was blackity black. I ain’t mad at that

I don’t drink Starbucks so it’s easy for me to "boycott" them

Facebook has already shared your information...and there is not much that we can do about it

I’ll give it to the NFL...they’ve made it an event...just by releasing the schedule

as a kid...your biggest worry was getting soap in your eyes

one of my favorite channels...National Geographic

while his tweets and commentary made me shake my head...I’m still perplexed why people care what Kanye thinks. I stopped caring a looooong time ago

you can't put Ketchup in the refrigerator

i graduated from high school in 1991. there was not ONE day that i walked the halls of my school where i didn't feel safe. these school shootings are tragic and mind boggling. sadly, nobody is doing anything about them. everybody wants to just talk. smh

i'm not a fan of cardi b. i understand the appeal and why people like her. but i'm cool on her. she doesn't make music for me...

never put sugar on grits

have you ever noticed that we you say you don't like a particular artist, people will try to convince you why you SHOULD like them

thanks for reading this. i thought you had forgotten about me. but you haven't

"You had better be in this house before the street lights come on."
- your momma & my momma

i'm soooooo far behind on my favorite tv shows like blackish and The Blacklist. i'll catch up as soon as the nba season ends

nia long is so dope. i love her. she did a great job in the Roxanne Shante documentary

can we get a new Foreign Exchange album this year?

nia was about the only thing that i liked in that documentary. it was pretty bad. smh

Wakanda Forever

never put fish in the work microwave

Deion's first year of college is in the books. the kid made the Dean's list. i'm extremely proud of him

sorry...i don't care about the Royal Wedding

Deion was surprised to learn that his "scholarly" father didn't make the Dean's list in college. LOL

where would the D.O.C be if he never got into that accident

this year is going by fast

at the end of the hard is it to hold the tomatoes and onions? apparently for Wendy’’s very hard

I really don’t like driving near motorcycles on the highway

bomani jones & pablo torre have a new show (High Noon) that will debut on espn on june 4. looking forward to that

hip hop forever

remember when i told you that a people...will get it right? i still believe that.

much love to the folks who listen to The 12kyle Podcast each week. most of you are nameless and faceless people with whom i don't communicate with but you are there every week. and you don't have to be. i really appreciate it

there are times when i say something to my kids and then i say to myself... "Damn, man. You sound just like Mom & Dad!!!"

imagine a world in which your favorite singer or rapper drops an album and you MUST purchase within the first few days of it's release so that you would have it. if not, the record store would be sold out of it and you'd have to wait

can we put the LeBron James vs Michael Jordan comparisons to rest?

somebody should make Kanye great again

speaking of rappers, has there been a rapper with a better "re-invention" of a career than Snoop?

i know...i know...i'm gonna do more of these Tee Reese! hahaha!

the older that you get...the more that you say "I don't care"

misspelled words and bad grammar on social media (especially Spacebook) annoys me. it really annoys me if we went to high school together. i read some posts and wonder how/why the subjects and verbs don't agree

this is the microwave era

why doesn't stuff sit with us the way that it used to? i mean...something bad will happen and people will be mad as hell...FOR TWO DAYS. and then everybody moves on

when Public Enemy talked about a woman "watching channel zero" back in '88...i think they meant VH-1 those reality shows

Kameron asked me to listen to a song from somebody named Lil Baby. I said "Why would I EVER want to hear somebody named Lil Baby..."

i've been contemplating about cutting my beard off. not sure if i'll keep it

"I hear thunder. I just saw lightning outside. Unplug everything. Go sit in a corner, be quiet and read a book." - my momma & your momma or grandmomma

not sure why we had to be quiet. it's not like the lightning is bothered by you talking...

i've always loved growing up and living in the south.

Brandon went to Disney World with his 5th grade class last week. It was his second trip there in the last 5 months. he didn't bring me a souvenir. but he did send me this picture. thanks

Thursday, May 17, 2018

PODCAST: The Great Adventures of Slick Rick...30 Years Later w/ @Tweetrhymeslife

1988 is widely recognized as the greatest year in hip hop. One of the premiere albums from 1988 was The Great Adventures of Slick Rick. This was the debut album from Slick Rick. This classic album turns 30 years old this year. The homie, eclectik, stops by to reminisce and entertain you about this album. Listen and let us know what you think.

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Saturday, May 12, 2018

PODCAST : Slam Magazine's 50 Greatest NBA Players of All Time w/ @dluvall & @eazyduzitva

A few months ago, Slam Magazine created a list of the Top 100 Greatest NBA Players of All Time. Like most lists of the all time greats, I found the list to be flawed and incorrect. While lists like this are all subjective, I decided to bring the discussion to the podcast. The homies @dluvhall & @eazyduzitva join me on the podcast and we will discuss their list...but we cover the top 50 greatest players. We'll share our opinions on what they got right and what they got wrong. Listen and let us know what YOU think!

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Saturday, May 5, 2018

PODCAST: black fathers...

On this week's episode of The 12kyle Podcast, we talk about role and the plight of black fathers

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Tuesday, May 1, 2018

How Bill Cosby Divided Black America

*repost from the*

In the wake of the Cosby verdict, former Ebony editor-in-chief Kierna Mayo reflects on her “shattered glass” Cosby Show cover and how it highlighted a great divide.

Wednesday, when the news broke, my stomach reacted first. I was home writing when the CNN ticker flashed: COSBY FOUND GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS. The rush of emotions that followed was confusing, not fully placeable if you will. I texted a few friends (COSBY!!!!) and then I sunk back into my sofa, heart racing, belly in knots. What the hell is wrong with you? began the internal talk. I just wanted to understand the sensation. I needed to feel something less indecipherable. My nerves were a wrap; I reached for the vape.

Two years ago, after the soul-stirring funeral of a friend’s beloved mother, a glamorous, gorgeous, silver-haired black woman of a certain age approached me in a parking lot filled with hundreds of mourners. She stopped right in my face and grabbed my hand.

“I wanted to send you roses,” she said.

Initially, I had no response. I had no idea who she was, and no idea what she meant. I was frozen; struck partly by her unique beauty, but mostly by her odd comment and sheer intensity. Lady, I’m emotionally spent, I didn’t quite get out.

“Thank you so much. For that cover. For supporting me. I was one of his victims.”

One. Of. His. Victims. All of a sudden it clicked. She was talking about Bill Cosby. The cover she was referring to was the November 2015 issue of Ebony magazine. I was its editor-in-chief at the time. After a raucous debate about what image should cover our “family” issue, a staff member suggested The Cosby Show. The sexual assault accusations against Cosby had been pouring in by the day. First five women, then 12, then 30 and so forth.

As journalists, we were steeped in discussion about it for months; the entire black community had been. The problem was that there was a deep divide: those who were inclined to believe the women and wholly rejected Cosby’s social status as a reason to think he was incapable of the crime, and those who believed that white women, with the help of some black women, acted as agents of “the white man” and were all conspiring against an otherwise standup family dude, also known as Dr. Cliff Huxtable.

The magazine cover, featuring a classic shot of the original Cosby Show cast, was dropped with a press release, and before the issue hit stands I was being booked on cable news shows. The sweet image of that darling black T.V. family under an overlay of shattered glass (the crack began over Cosby’s face) struck a chord. As editors, we were attempting to capture a cultural moment: the Cosby Show mattered to America, to black America, but the black “respectability politics” that it trumpeted, for better or for worse, was being metaphorically challenged by the crimes of its star. Something about this perfect black family image was cracked, something was indeed shattered, and Ebony didn’t do it. But that didn’t stop the vitriol from coming.

“John Johnson (Ebony founder) would be turning in his grave,” read one comment from a reader. For some reason, that one stayed with me. Would he be? He was friends with Cosby, of course.

I admitted to CNN’s Brooke Baldwin that I hadn’t slept in two days in anticipation of the release. I knew that the pain, frustration and anger we held over the accusations against Cosby were deep and real. Wendy Williams asked me on camera if I felt physically intimidated by some of the backlash I was receiving. I responded half-jokingly by looking over both shoulders, and then explaining that it was exactly what I did walking out of my house to come to her studio.

After nearly a year of publically talking about the accusations and intently listening to whole swaths of black America debate the facts—and the feels—on that day in the parking lot, I was standing in front of a black woman who had actually been raped by Bill Cosby. Both of us already a mess from the service, we simply cried and held each other the way we both clearly needed. For about an hour, I listened to her story. Her young model-actress life. How they met. The what, when and where. All I could hear though, was the weight of her irreconcilable sense of guilt.

“I still feel so guilty,” she said, weeping. “I just feel like I really, honestly let black people down.”

She never wanted to tell. Not because it didn’t happen, but because “we need unity with our men.” She was sacrificing the self for the whole.

“Don’t say that! We are completely here for you,” I heard myself half-way lie. But is black America here for the victims of black men?

I re-posted that old Ebony cover on IG yesterday. And I’ve since confirmed that what I felt in the moment of his conviction was an emotional lack of clarity that actually made sense. Because there are no absolute winners here.

For Cosby’s victims, there may be some resolution, for his family—his stoic wife Camille in particular—there must be devastation especially now that Cosby is 80 and legally blind, and for his people, confusion. Looking at my Instagram, there is still palpable heartbreak and for some, frightening denial. Why our Dr. Huxtable? Why???

A few comments on my post right now:

“Fuck that metoo movement. I used to support it but its taking down successful black men and I’m not with it.

“This show will never be broken. It is one of the few things that was whole in Black history.”

“I don’t believe not one of these women.”

“We needed to see his shattered image. He is flawed! He is clearly capable of being twisted in spite of the contributions he’s given to our culture.”

“This cover is literally one of the bravest most amazing things done in media in the past few years.”

We were split and shattered by Bill Cosby. And I promise a single magazine cover didn’t create the maelstrom. After this verdict, the courage to face the truth about one black man and to really be “completely there” for his victims and for the countless other women who are sexually assaulted every year is our clear option.

Which way, black America? My profound hope is that with the Cosby conviction we have turned a page as a community. There was, sure enough, a time when we confused black genius, and the illusion of what is “respectable” with lived black decency, black integrity and black life.

Perhaps after yesterday, we’ll crack all the illusions that cover up great lies.

Kierna Mayo is the former Editor in Chief of Ebony and Honey magazines. She is a veteran cultural critic whose writing has appeared in national women’s publications from Essence to Marie Claire. Ms. Mayo was most recently the Senior Vice President of Content and Brands for iOne Digital where she developed and launched the new millennial culture brand, Cassius.

After reading this article, I wanted to re-post it here. Like many, I grew up watching Bill Cosby. From Fat Albert to The Cosby Show. I firmly don't believe that SIXTY women got together to come up with the same story. Bill Cosby is guilty. For some, that's a tough pill to swallow. I know who Heathcliff Huxtable was. I don't know who Bill Cosby is. I know what he did and what he was convicted of. For those that think he was "framed", I ask that you go read the deposition like I did. He framed himself. While I understand why people take this so personal, you can't defend what he did. I won't. He did the crime. Now, he must suffer the consequences. 

For those that scream "Free Bill Cosby" or those that proclaim his innocence, let me ask you this...if this were your mother, aunt, sister, or daughter that made these claims against him...what would you say?