"The game done changed." Those were the words that were told to me by my close friend Deuce Tre. This was his response to my question to him about the dating game. I wondered why a dude like Deuce hasn't found the "right one" and settled down. He told me that the dating game has changed tremendously since I was in the dating scene. I've been married for almost 8 years. So, I find his stories to be very interesting and sometimes comical.
I've known Deuce since our college days. We've been tight ever since then. And we still hang out at least twice a month. By society's standard, Deuce is a "good catch". He's single, educated, driven, has a very good job, house, car, and women find him attractive (although you'll never hear me say that about him...LOL). He also has custody of his 10 yr old son. But Deuce is one of my boys who I'll probably never see walk down the aisle. He's gonna stay single. While there's nothing wrong with being single, he's happy dating women. He's open enough with them to let them know that he's not trying to settle down with them. You've gotta respect that.
Deuce and I always talk about the stigma that is sometimes attached to a woman who is over 30, educated, no kids, and no man. It's very prevalent here in Atlanta. It's not fair...but it is what it is. Here's the question...is it REALLY that hard to find a good man or good woman? Why is dating difficult in 2008? Is it bad for a man or a woman to "play the field" forever? It doesn't matter if you're single or married. What's your take?
13 comments:
Well, I see it as different in different places. For instance; in Atlanta the ratio of single women to single men is something absurd like 8-1. That leaves any man with 1/2 a game at a serious advantage. That also makes it more like eating at a buffet than eating at a classy restaurant. You can get what you want, if you don't like it throw it away, go back to the buffet, and choose someone else.
Where I'm from up in NY the dating scene was different. Sure there were plenty of women but the ratio wasn't nearly as bad. And meeting them was a lot harder. So, while it was easy to play the field. It certainly wasn't as easy to find the type of woman you were interested in. Specifically women who had something going for themselves. So, when you found one you weren't so quick to let her go. You chose fine dining over the buffet.
I've been off the market for 8 years now and from what my single friends tell me. The dating scene hasn't changed a bit. People are just getting older which means they have been out there long enough to collect baggage. Now, if you are picky and don't want to date someone who has been married before,divorced, has kids, been emotionally scarred or drained. Then..yeah, I would say it would be hard to find someone for you.Once you are in your 30's your priorities should change.
While you are being picky..life happens.
....12Kyle, I would not pay green money to be back on the dating scene. I'm keeping my wife of several years for that fact alone...LOL
Both men and women seem so much more selfish now. EVERYONE is out for self. It used to be only some guys now it's all guys and all gals. It makes it easier to jump from person to person if someone does not meet your standard or chew the right way or eats too much ketchup or has a junky car....
There are too many options and people are tremendously more self-centered.
Brad
Food and women! Boy you are funny. But you make good points. Why was it hard to meet women in NY.
LRenee
When you were on the market...were you picky?
Airtre
I feel you man. I dunno if I'd want to step back into that scene again. Just too crazy. I must say that my boys who are single really do enjoy it, though.
12kyle,
Up north the women are much harder to approach. Southern Hospitality has it's advantages. In NY. when I was single...you could approach 10 women and maybe get 1 number and give your number to 1. You had to talk extensively to get that. It was never a given. However, once you got the number from her you had probably a 50% probability of at least 1 date.
When I moved to Atlanta, kind of single, the scene flipped. You could talk to 10 women and get 8 numbers. But you had probably a 20% chance of getting a date. heck you had only 50% chance that she'd answer your call (dayum caller ID).
Brad, I like that you broke it down to statistical probabilities.
12Kyle, I'm sure the single guys love it, but as I get older my tolerance for games, jokes, tricks and thangs has largely deminished. I'd flip out on folks too many times.
Brad
The Southern Hospitality pays off. Especially for a dude from NY
Rezidl
I'm with you. I'm just a lil too old to be playing the games. My patience is very thin
Seeing that I have been single then married and now singlw again . I like the fact that I'am single and tied down and probaly will not go that route again. I'am happy dating and it can be a lot of fun. I'am in charlotte so the ratio is about the same as in Atlanta and to most men that I meet I diamond in the rough I have no kids , My own home and a great job . And I awlays tell them I not looking to settle down so that keeps them coming back !
RERE
Divorced with no churren? Hmmmm. Sounds like you'll be playing the field for a while. Thanks for sharing.
I have been out of "business" for a total of 11 years. Married for 5 of those years. Wouldnt trade my husband for any of the knuckle heads out there now. Is it hard to find a good man? No. When I stopped actively looking for a man is when one dropped in my lap. He was given to me.
I truly believe that if its meant for you to have a mate, he or she will find you. Laws of attraction.
12Kyle, your dude who's single supposedly for life, may start dating someone that just bites his heart and wont let go, he wont be able to resist the one thats truly for him. So never say never.
Im a NY girl, so I know how difficult it can be to find the RIGHT one, and believe me in NY you have a ton of choices.
Yes, In the south a man can say he's from NY and the women seem to go nuts. NY women however have heard it all, NYC is a big city and the even though you find a fine brother who has got it together, there are probably 3 other women across town that know hes got it together too and are taking advantage of it.
NY women are tough hearted, they wont just let anyone in, because there are so many ways to play in NY.
When I was single, men were amazed that I didnt have any kids, cause that was the common question. "You got kids?" When I said no, some guys didnt believe me.
There is someone for everyone that wants someone to love. Just wait for him or her to come. It will be when you stop searching when you just desire to have someone but wait, it will be when you least expect and you'll meet them in the place you least expect!
AND LADIES WHEN YOU GET A MAN, PLEASE LET YOUR MAN BE A MAN !!
Trish
Those are some valid points. I think my boy is very content being single. Like Brad said earlier...when you consider the ratios in Atlanta...that's not a bad life.
LET A MAN BE A MAN! Preach on!
The dating game is a mess right now with all these crazy rules. Don’t call the same day you get the number. Wait 3 rings before you answer the phone. Don’t return a call until 12-24 hours later. People pretending to be something they are not. The lies are the worst part of all this craziness. Glory it’s a wonder how people come together at all. I just want people to say what they mean and mean what they say. When I find that someone is a habitual liar it is time for me to run as far away as possible. One thing for sure is if a man/woman will cheat with you he/she will cheat on you.
Good point Brad it is easier for men from NY to get women in the south. For some reason they think you guys are spectacular (even before they get to know you). Probably has to do with the grass being greener theory. I’m from up top (NJ) and the women are harder because they have heard the BS that some men in that region spew. The BS may be more accepted here because they have not heard it before. Brad you may feel like there is southern hospitality because of the male/female ratio and/or the fact that there are so many women here that act like they are desperate for a man.
Trish AMEN!!! LET A MAN BE A MAN!!! Women please stop taking care of these men that you are not married to or who do not have your back in your time of need. Also, women your sons are not your husbands, stop coddling to their every need. Raise them to respect themselves and others. Teach them how to take care of themselves and their household. I also agree that there is someone for everyone. You just have to chop down the weeds to get to the rose, and I swing a mean machete in search of my true love =).
www.deliveringonthepromise.com/rcvmoore
Ms Moore
You are sooo funny. But that is true. There are so many "rules" in the game. I'm sure that there are more that have come out since I retired from the game. I know a lotta single males and females who don't have major issues. But I sometimes wonder if people are so accustomed to playing the games that they'd rather do that and not pull out that machette to chop those weeds down.
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