Monday, July 21, 2008

2nd place


See I was -- born in sewage, born to make bomb music
Flow tight like I was born Jewish
Used the streets as a conduit - I kept arms
38 longs inside my mom's Buick
At any given moment Shawn could lose it, be on the news
Iron cuffs - arms through it; or stuffed with embalmin fluid
Shit, I'm goin through it - mom dukes too
Tears streamin down her pretty face, she got her palms to it
My life is gettin too wild
I need to bring some sort kinda calm to it
Bout to lose it; voices screamin "Don't do it!"
It's like '93, '94, bout the year
that Big and Mag dropped; and "Illmatic" rocked
outta every rag drop, and the West had it locked
Everybody doin 'em, I'm still scratchin on the block
like "Damn; I'ma be a failure"
Surrounded by thugs, drugs, and drug - paraphenalia
Cops courts, and their thoughts is to derail us
Three time felons in shorts with jealous thoughts
Tryin figure where your mail is, guesstimate the weight you sellin
So they can send shots straight to your melon; wait!
It gets worse, baby momma water burst
Baby came out stillborn, still I gotta move on
Though my heart still torn, life gone from her womb
Don't worry, if it was meant to be, it'll be -- soon
Jay Z (This Can't Be Life)

I have a friend named ShaTonya. I've known her since college. We're good friends. I've known her since our freshman year. She's single with no kids. She's attractive, intelligent, and has her own career.

Nine months ago, she met a guy that she liked instantly. They hit it off. He was intelligent and driven. After a few dates, they were inseparable. She was wined and dined. She spent more time with him than she had with any other man.

After being with him for 5 months, she felt like she was falling in love with him. She had already been experiencing sexual pleasures beyond belief with him. More importantly, she was into him. She prided herself on not letting men get too close to her. She always kept her guard up. Like many women, she's been dogged out before. But to her...he was different.

A month later, he told her that he was married.

BOOM!

She had been seeing him for 6 months and she had no clue that he was married. They spent most of their time at her house. Although she had never been inside his house, she had been there before. She also had his home number. She had some suspicions about it b/c she had never been invited to his place but she preferred to be at her home. Nevertheless, she found herself in love...with a married man.

That was 3 months ago.

She's still seeing him.

As her friend, I don't pass judgment on her. It's not like she said "I'm gonna find me a married man." No. She was deceived. I don't promote nor condone her behavior. She knows that she's wrong. I've told her that. But she didn't need me to tell her that.

Most of us have had thoughts about things that we can't have...we just don't act upon those thoughts. As a married man, I can tell you that I've seen women look for my wedding ring...see it...and STILL approach me!

I don't think that most men would fall for being the "other dude". Maybe that's just me.

Ladies, have you ever been the other woman? Fellas, would you wanna be the dude on the side? I think we all will agree that ShaTonya should move on. How?

Your thoughts?

Hollatchaboi!!!

40 comments:

Mizrepresent said...

Back in the saddle...ready to ride!

Yes.

And yes she needs to move on...he is not going to leave his wife for her and even if he does...she can pretty much be sure that this situation can and will repeat itself.

It's sad she was deceived though...that also happened to a close friend of mine...it never ends easy.

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

Doing flips in the front room for being first...ouch...bumped my head!!!!

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

You mean to tell me I bumped my head for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh well....on to the question at hand.....Yes I have been the other woman in my younger days...(never with a married dude though).....that was back when I didn't recognize that I AM the daughter of the King....A Dime Piece...All that and a bag of chips...Icing on a cake...and more...lol...

You're girl sounds like all of the above as well...She'll shake herself out of love soon...when she gets that good look in the mirror and remembers that she ain't second best...and that she deserves the best!!! I pray SHE recognizes that real soon....

Dreamy said...

wow, i know a situation like that...

person has been the other woman for more than 10 yrs....

personally i wouldnt put up with a situation like that......

she needs to let that situation go, give it to God and find that person that is meant for her. cause he is definitely not it!!!

Dione said...

Looked for your ring, saw it and STILL dropped some lines on you? U must have some serious swagger.
I've been the other woman before, back in college. Not to a married guy but still, I was the other woman. I had NO CLUE I was dating someone's boyfriend until ole girl called me up and we set up a surprise meeting for Mr. Silent. Thing is, I bounced out of the relationship (if you could call it that) after that but the girl that said he was hers, all hers, stuck around. Claimed it was going to work... He proposed, she accepted and three months later the engagement was off because he was creepin again. He was calling ME saying he was a fool for treating me wrong blah, blah, blah. I vowed then, I won't stay with someone like that because a leopard will NOT change his spots. Ole girl needs to get her girlfriends on speed dial and get ready to tough out that broken heart. He is not going to leave his wife and time will heal those wounds and she'll be better off without him.

PrettyBlack said...

My advice would be, what goes around comes around. When I was single plenty married men propositioned me, but I always knew that one day I would have a husband and I would give a woman the respect I would hope to get one day if my hubby ever tried that shit.

Maybe that's why I have a pretty good dude...who knows.

As for NOT kbowing a man is married...hmmm that sounds suspect to me. And, she went in his hous and didn't know? Naw I don't believe that shit.

I have a poem that goes:

The dick ain't quite as delicious when he's sharing it with other bitches.

12kyle said...

@ Miz
Back at the #1 spot! LOL

I think the fact that she was deceived for so long would be more than enough reasons to leave this man.

@ Keisha the Kitten
LOL. Don't bump ya head

@ Keisha the Kitten
I think she'll snap out of it. Hopefully, it'll be sooner than later.

Who wants to play second fiddle to anybody?

@ dreamy
10 years??? Wowwwwwww! That's a looooong time. Too long in my opionion

@ Dione
I've got swagger. In fact, my swagger has swagger. Lol. Seriously, I think they approach b/c a married man is safe. They can get everything except a committment from a married man. And that's what some of them want.

Sounds like you were wise to get out of that situation. You saw straight through him.

@ prettyblack
Good points! You'd never want that to happen to you. I feel you on that.

"The dick ain't quite as delicious when he's sharing it with other bitches." Classic! PrettyBlack...the poet! LOL

Darius T. Williams said...

Yea, I don't think being the other dude is all that great. I can tell you this (especially after my ordeal this past weekend) that the signs are ALWAYS there. But, for some reason we're blinded and don't pay well enough attention to what we should. Trust me, I know.

I think she should end it. It's not a good idea and it won't end to anything substantial. I think if she wants more, she's gonna have to give this one up.

Keith said...

Awww Man, welcome to my life...I
have a close friend, she's like a
little sister to me..who is in the
same situation..She's with a man who she has loved for seven years
and he just got married (to someone
else ) this past December...He still calls her and they sneak around and spend time together..I've told her that this is a dangerous road and that she should move on..but she says that I don't understand...I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I read your post and I thought I was reading about someone I knew...Man that is scary.
I would do a post on her, but I just did three on my ex, who is in
a simular situation...Man-Sharing must be the new thing. What'cha think? lolol.

Keith said...

I'm glad I'm married and out of the dating game.

The Jaded NYer said...

oh my... I feel for her... but she needs to stop; Karma will come back for her- and that's the truth!

can't say I've ever been "in love" with someone who was already involved or married, but I have been lied to by a few dudes about their status. Lucky for me, though, I found out before anything happened.

Jewells said...

Though she is wrong for continuing to see him, it is understandable. It's hard to turn your feelings off like that. It will probably take her some time to realize what she is indeed doing. Like you said, she knows she's wrong but her heart disagrees at the moment.

Give her time. She will come to her senses. She'll realize that her future is more important than her present.

I wish her and her heart the best. It ain't easy.

Pro said...

does she want to walk around with "the bullet" lodged in her body and have health issues because of this or would she rather have it surgically removed. heal and move on? i say make the cut quick and move on. it will never change no matter how much she convinces herself they make magic together. if she settles she's lived her former years in vain because she is throwing away strength, success, etc. for false security with a married man.

Rich said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rich said...

Never down for playing 2nd fiddle. The only thing she can do is make a clean break. She may as well get ready for all the "reasons" for why he's there sort of stuff. Cause he's apparently not trying to give her up. His wife must travel or live in another city or something temporarily for him to spend the type of time that he does. Either way, my heart goes out to her, becuase that is not a nice place to be in. It's a no win deal.

12kyle said...

@ Darius
I think you hit the nail on the head. The signs may have been there but she just didn't want to see it.

Hope everything is good with you, bruh.

@ Keith
LOL! I agree, bruh. I don't have the time. One of the benefits to being married is that you don't have to run around in dem streets. I dunno what they are thinking about. Maybe they aren't thinking??

@ Jaded Santana
I feel you. There's a difference between knowing and not knowing. You are rational. And you know that if he's taken...he's not gonna be yours.

@ Jewells
I understand that she can't just turn off her feelings. I don't begrudge her for that. I feel you on that point. However, that was months ago. She could have been over this dude by now if she had left him back then. She needs to concern herself with protecting her heart.

@ PRO
The "bullet". LOL!!! Loves your analogies. Great points

@ Rich
It's a lose-lose situation. She knows that she has to face the music. We talked on the phone the other day and she said "I'm in the process of leaving him right now."

I told her that she sounded like somebody "trying to get off drugs." LOL!

ms.uncensored said...

she needs to let that one go. it almost never works out. and usually ends badly.

i've never been the other woman knowingly. until five months after a break up i get hit with the shitload of bricks tellin me i was. watevs.

i know plenty of dudes who don't mind being the other man. from what i hear its less complicated since the chick already belongs to someone else. its kinda no strings attached. on the other hand. when the chick catches feelings shit may get messy.

pink said...

not downin her...but i couldnt do it. i cant be 2nd..i require waaay too much attention for that and im too jealous to stand for it. if shes been dogged out before, shes lettin it happen again. cut that shit loose now before it gets any worse. god forbid wifey show up on her doorstep wit a .22 or somethin! or what if she got pregnant?! its too messy.

Opinionated Diva said...

Was she really deceived?

"She had some suspicions about it b/c she had never been invited to his place"

Not judging her, but still...

I've been the other woman unknowingly. Since I'm such a nosy questioning woman I found out relatively quickly.

He claimed they were still married but living together until the divorce was sorted out and the lease ran out on their place.

Whatever...I was done!

dessex said...

this was a great post....

Now with me being a man I am going to be completely honest. Most men probably don't care about being that dude on the side (unless he is very emotional and starts to catch feelings) The fact of the matter is that most men are usually not that emotional attached to relationship as woman. So if a man can have a woman with no strings attached, that would be perfect. Me personally I don't think I could break up a happy home. Marriage is sacred and I wouldn't that to happen to me.

Sorry to be so long windned

TravelDiva said...

Oh that's terrible. I feel for her because that joker lied to her. But she needs to cut her losses. He's a loser--he's cheating on his wife, and probably has other chicks on the side. She's going to have to go cold turkey--no calls, no e-mails, no contact. She should not waste her time on him any longer. She can fall in love again, but she'll never get back the time. Moreover, she needs to think about his wife--she doesn't deserve this and by continuing the relationship knowing about the marriage, she is knowingly trashing someone's marriage.

Sexxy Luv said...

I feel really bad for her, an i can understand why she is still seeing him, it's going to take a lot to let it go especially if he continues to treats her right.

I have never been the other woman, but i was the main woman while there was a "other woman"!

dogg ass nicca's is all i can say!

12kyle said...

@ ms.uncensored
I think it's gonna get messy. I say that only b/c she sounds like she's in too deep right now

@ pink
"god forbid wifey show up on her doorstep wit a .22 or somethin! or what if she got pregnant?! its too messy"
Sooo true. We talked about it this weekend. I don't wanna see her get shot or her ass kicked.

@ OD
I think her situation was similar. I never got specific details. I know that she had his home number which is a "no-no" when it comes to foolin around. Maybe the clues were there and she just ignored them

@ dessex
I hear you, bruh. I can't go that route either. I don't think I'd wanna be the dude on the side. I'm not worried about being second but I don't wanna compete with another man.

@ TravelDiva
"She can fall in love again, but she'll never get back the time." I'm gonna tell her that.

@ Sexxy Luv
LOL!!! You are funny. I feel you, tho. I really feel you.

Smarty Jones said...

Ohmigah! This sooooo proves my point.
I just had a conversation with my brother who went to a Justice of the Peace last Thursday and came back with a wife.
Love is a man-made hunk of Grade-A crap!
You watch all these movies, read all these books and poems and listen to these damn love songs about love being so good and nice and sweet but that is a load of crap!
Love sucks!!! I'm sorry, it does. That's the problem with the world now, people make too many decisions based on how they feel.
I don't make decisions on how I feel. I did that before and my "feelin's" got me in trouble.
I'm moody and I might love you now and hate you tomorrow.
She messed around, let her guard down and "caught" some feelings and now it's hard to let go. I feel sorry for her because you know that has to be messing with her conscious and she probably beats herself up every time his name comes up.
See, that's why I stuff all my feelings in a box and don't let 'em out until New Year's!

Smarty Jones said...

Whew! That felt good! Thanks Kyle. :)

12kyle said...

@ Smarty Jones
LMAO @ u!!!!

I hope your brother knows what he's doing

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

some men and women are just foul like that

ShellyShell said...

She needs to move on. I know her feelings are all wrapped up in it now but dayum he was living two lives and straight lied to her. Karma is a mfer no good will come out of this.

I went on a few dates with a married man(didn't know at the time)our LAST date he told me he was legally seperated. I was like good luck with that. I'll holla. I don't mess with marriage. That is so disrespectful. Funny thing is he and I both moved to DC, he got a divorce and his ex wife ended up marrying my ex boyfriend....CRAZY!!

Eb the Celeb said...

GREAT POST BLOG BROTHA!

First, I hope that "Shatonya" is a fake name


Second, She definitely has to stop seeing him. I believe heavily in karma... and you dont want to be the wife and have your husband cheating. Also he is never going to leave his wife... I dont know why women think they can make a man leave his wife... if he wanted to, he would have done that already so that he doesnt have to sneak around... She just has to completely cease all communication with him. This is the epitome of settling and until she gets him out of her system, she wont truly be able to find anyone else.

laughing808 said...

It is reallu unfortunate that Shatonya let her guard down only to wind up in this type of situation. But she does need to stand up and leave that woman's man alone. No good will come from continuing that relationship. As someone else stated, even if he was to leave his wife for her, she can best believe he'd probably cheat on her as well. And how could you begin to trust a man that cheats on his wife?

How does she do it? Cut all communication, severe all ties. There's no point in having a last conversation and telling, the reason should be obvious to him.

Anonymous said...

This is my comment since I'm the one he is referring too. I have read all the comments and must say I'm impress . It is easy when you are not the one in the situation to give advise and be judge and juror . There were never any signs that he was married because day or night he was with me . I did ask in the beginning if there was any one else and he stated that he had a girlfriend but they are no longer together. Love is funny and comes with no warnings signs. But to say the least I know now and I have begun the process of leaving him as far as not seeing him or have any contact but like many of you stated it takes time. It hard turn feelings off when you have been with someone that makes you feel like "#1". And the funny thing I have been married and now I'm divorce so I know both sides. Just so you know being the other women have some great benefits and are better benefits than the wife gets on a regular. But do not get me wrong I know this is not right and I know it has to end as I told by friend who has shared my business with the world!!!!!!!!!!
The Other woman

Kieya said...

Wow...

So she wasn't upset that he lied? I mean...not just a "oh, I'm really 35 even though I said I was 30" lie but a "i have a joint account & a wife at home"

homeboy is having his cake & eating it too

I've never been in that situation b/c...I think its just wrong & karma's a b*tch and I know I wouldn't want that to happen to me but homegirl has got to let go. It'll suck & she'll probably have her guard up for extra long afterwards but its better that way.

The Flyyest said...

i was the other woman....well at least i didnt know til his WIFE called me on halloween '05!!! i cut that short!! i dont do "mistress"

no sir ree bob!!!!! i cant compete with the wife...(girlfriend maybe) but not a WIFE!!!!! lmao

PrettyBlack said...

Okay I read the comment by the chick who says she is who this post was about...And this got me:

"Just so you know being the other women have some great benefits and are better benefits than the wife gets on a regular."

How would you know? Seems to me game recognize game and he recognized that you didn't have any. Best believe if you were the princess his wife was the queen.

How do you think you had it better. Because he came to your crib instead of providing you with one? Fortunately I can't feel what you're going through. The way Kyle described you, you are very smart book wise, but it sounds like you have no common sense. You were the wife once, now you are sloppy seconds. That's nowhere for a woman with any kind of love of self, to be. Believe that.

Everyone answers to what they do in this life and it may come sooner than later...That brotha (or whatever) is having his cake and eating it to and your footing the bill. If you are so special how come your the secret?

A man can only cheat if he has someone to do it with, so basically you are the individual who turns a man into a mouse, and makes a louse for a spouse. You're nothing but slave cabin poosie and the wife sits up in the big house...He's telling you you are not worthy of that. He's a piece of shit and your the toilet he's swimming around in. Sorry to be so harsh, but you sound as if you think you have it good...Boo they NEVER leave wifey...NEVER. Christmas will be very lonely this year if you don't find someone of your own to share it with.

You deserve to be seen, not stowed away...But maybe you don't see that.

You were never number one...he just gamed you to make you feel like that. His wife is number one.

Miss Mika said...

I have been the other woman... but not by choice. On more than once occasion, I was in relationships with men who hadn't quite ended things with their previous relationships and by the time I found out about it, feelings were already involved...

But how can I believe that someone loves me when he has vowed to love another? How can I be okay with that? I couldn't. I don't share my men, and I don't share myself. I hope that your friend separates herself from that situation before matters get worse. The longer she is a part of it, the harder it will be to walk away from it.

12kyle said...

@ Torrance
No doubt!

@ ShellyShell
WOW!!! That sounds like an episode of the Young and the Restless

@ Eb the Celeb
LOL!!! U silly

I wanna see her get him outta her system sooner than later.

@ laughing808
"And how could you begin to trust a man that cheats on his wife?" Soooo true. History will repeat itself

@ Kieya
You make an interesting point. The fact that he lied about it should've been enuf to kick him to the curb

@ Flyyest
LMAO @ no sir ree bob!!!!! I haven't heard that in years!

@ prettyblack
WOW!

@ Mika
I agree with you. I don't want to see this prolonged b/c it's not healthy for her...at all

@ Anonymous (ShaTonya)
Thank you for commenting. You didn't have to. You've had a chance to read what the people have said. Now...it's up to you. And its on your timetable.

Sexxy Luv said...

i can't stay up no more waiting for tuesday post, i thought you posted at 12:12 every night?

12kyle said...

@ Sexxy Luv
Haaaaa! I just posted! LMAO!! You are crazy!

Stew said...

if i was the other dude i would not care because i would have other girls. that's easy.

as far as your friend is concerned, she is in a tough spot, but she need to go ahead and take steps away from him. when it comes down to it and he is forced to choose, then he is going to cut her off with no problem and she is going to be left high and dry.