Monday, April 24, 2017

daddy time...

I love being a Dad.

Always have...always will.

I've often said that being a father is the most difficult...yet rewarding job that I'll ever have. It's a job that I can't...and won' at.

My wife and I have been blessed with 4 amazing kids. I hope to never lose sight of that. They are great kids. They get on my nerves at times (i'm sure I get on theirs too) but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Last Friday, I visited my daughter, Skyler, at school for an event called Doughnuts with Dads. It was my second time participating. They invited the fathers of the students to come a visit their children and spend an hour at the school. We visited the classroom. When I first walked in and sat down, I saw this. The kids recited it to us...

Then we did some painting.

Skyler also gave me this. It put a HUGE smile on my face

I hate washing the dishes but I'd never tell her that. LOL

As we sat and talked, I realized that all of the kids did not have a father or father figure. One kid was sitting at our table. He told me that his "Pop" was 60 and he couldn't come because he had to go to the doctor. I assumed that his "Pop" was his grandfather. Being around those kids made me realize something that I don't often think of...the male figures in the life of a child. There were about 5 kids who didn't have anybody there. While that doesn't mean that they don't have fathers or father figures, they weren't made to feel inadequate. Almost all of the other men made an effort to interact with the kids who didn't have a father there.

It's important that men...are there for the kids. I really enjoyed being there with Skyler. That's my heart!!!

Sunday, April 23, 2017

PODCAST: crazy chick

Did I ever tell you that story about the experience that I had with that CRAZY CHICK??? Listen to the story...

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Saturday, April 8, 2017

PODCAST: love letterz

Six simple questions. I'll read the questions and give you my thoughts. You can let me know what you think!

1. Tell us about the first time that you fell in love

2. How has your perception of love changed over the years?

3. Has love influenced your creative side?

4. Do you have a favorite love song?

5. Do you have any regrets from past relationships?

6. Have you ever written a love letter?

Listen, and let us know what you think. Feel free to leave comments

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Wednesday, March 29, 2017

9 things to avoid when negotiating a salary

I came across this article the other day. It gives some helpful tips about negotiating your salary. 

You’re 96% sure that you’re ready to schedule a meeting with your boss to ask for a raise. Or perhaps you’re nearing the end of the job interview process and an offer is in sight. However, if you’re like me, you have definitely put your foot in your mouth a time or two saying the wrong thing at the absolute worst moment. Doh!

Don’t mess up. Don’t mess up. No matter how many times you rehearse what to say, there’s always that risk of fumbling right at the five-yard line. Instead of panicking, get prepared.

To coach us along in the salary negotiation process, we turned to Josh Doody, author of Fearless Salary Negotiation. “A salary negotiation is a collaboration, and a key ingredient of a successful collaboration is good communication,” says Doody. “It’s important to be very clear with what you communicate to avoid ambiguity, which could complicate things and slow the negotiation process.”

Instead of Doody simply sharing the things you should say, he’s here to warn you about the potential negotiation landmines to avoid when angling for the salary you deserve. Here are nine things to never say in a salary negotiation:


The most common question recruiters will ask a candidate is something like, “So where are you right now in terms of salary, and what are you looking for if you make this move?” Don’t fall for it.

Instead of asking for “more” salary or “more” vacation, this is your time to get specific.
“I call this the ‘dreaded salary question,’ and it’s tricky because it usually comes up early in the interview process, and most candidates don’t think of it as part of a salary negotiation even though it is,” says Doody.

“Answering this question by disclosing numbers can make it very difficult to negotiate effectively later on because it can box the candidate in. Once they disclose current or desired salary, the offers they get are very likely to be tied to those numbers. That can be very expensive if the company might have offered them a much higher salary than they disclosed.”


Don’t disclose your current or desired salary! “Recovering from this mistake can be tricky and each situation is unique. But one way to untether from those original numbers is to review the benefits package for deficiencies,” says Doody. “If the health insurance offering, paid vacation, target bonus, or other aspects of the benefits package are underwhelming, the candidate can use those as reasons to ask for a higher salary to compensate.”

Instead, try something like:

I’m not comfortable sharing my current salary. I would prefer to focus on the value I can add to this company rather than what I’m paid at my current job. I don’t have a specific number in mind for a desired salary, and you know better than I do what value my skillset and experience could bring to your company. I want this move to be a big step forward for me in terms of both responsibility and compensation.

3. “SORRY”

According to Doody, “negotiating is uncomfortable, and our natural tendency is to try to smooth the edges on a difficult conversation. Saying sorry could signal to the recruiter or hiring manager that you might be willing to back down, and that could be expensive. Don’t apologize for negotiating.”

4. “NO”

“You want to continuously improve your situation throughout the negotiation and you do that by avoiding negative language and focusing on positive language. Instead of “No, that doesn’t work for me” (two negative words), you can say, “I would be more comfortable with . . .” (a more positive expression).

“Saying sorry could signal to the recruiter or hiring manager that you might be willing to back down . . . Don’t apologize for negotiating.”

Negative words slow things down and may put up walls that make collaboration difficult. Using only positive words is difficult at first, but you’ll get better with practice.”

5. “YES”

While this may sound like the exact word to use when speaking to an HR recruiter, Doody insists it should be used with caution. “You’ll often get a job offer that seems really appealing, and it might be far more than you expected. Your instinct in that case might be to just accept the offer because it’s so good.”

But is it too good?

“It’s possible you underestimated your value in this situation. Instead of “Yes,” formulate a counteroffer to see how much you can improve it. The negotiation should end with the company saying “Yes” to you. Once they say “Yes” to you, or you run out of things to ask for, then you are finished negotiating.”

6. “LATER”

As in, “I can deal with that after I start.” Procrastinators, this one’s for you. “Sometimes it’s easier to avoid uncomfortable parts of a negotiation by deferring those parts of the conversation until after you’re hired. That can be a very expensive mistake because you won’t have the same latitude to negotiate and improve your position once you’re in the door. Push through the discomfort and get the best possible result now.”

7. “TRY”

In expressions like, “Can we try . . .?” “’try’ is a passive word that leaves a lot of wiggle room, and you don’t want that,” insists Doody. “It’s easy for someone to say—honestly or not—”We’ll try…” and reply with, “We tried and it just didn’t work out.” Don’t ask them to “try” to do something. Instead, use more positive language like “I would be more comfortable with…”.”

8. “MORE”

While this word seems counter intuitive because you are negotiating to get more, it’s a word that is too general for a successful negotiation. Instead of asking for “more” salary or “more” vacation, this is your time to get specific.

“Don’t leave things to the imagination once you’re negotiating. Instead of “Could you budge on the salary?” say, ‘I would be more comfortable with a base salary of $105,000.’”

9. “WANT”

Lastly, the word “want” can tank negotiations. Using it can undercut the entire premise of your argument that you deserve to be paid more and you deserve a more competitive salary. Go into a negotiation with facts and figures, making a compelling case. Start with printing out your results using a tool like Glassdoor’s personal salary estimator, Know Your Worth. See what you base salary should be and see what the industry norms are.

“You could talk about what you want, which just isn’t all that important. Or you could talk about what the company wants, which is not as potent as talking about what the company needs, which are the most important thing,” adds Doody. “Focus on the company’s needs and how you can help meet those needs so they can easily see your value and work to compensate you for it.”

Get your money. It's not about what you are's about what you can negotiate. 

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

off tha dome

random thoughts...

spring is is the pollen

i really feel for people with bad allergies

do you think President Obama misses us? we damn sure miss him...

the month of April is almost here. how are those new years resolutions going

vocally...for doesn't get much better than Jill Scott & Erykah Badu

tell me does SEVERAL young, black women disappear from our nation's capital and there's NO NEWS COVERAGE about it?

if i became a muli-millionaire friends would STILL clown me about the time that i threw up in the strip club at Roody's bachelor party. gotta love those kinda friends

i finally saw Get Out. incredible movie. a must see! i'll definitely see it again

why do people ask people who are married but don't have any kids yet..."so, when are y'all gonna have kids?"

sometimes you have to ask yourself..."do you really want to win...or do you want to look good while loosing?"

did you hear about the domestic terrorist white man who drove to nyc so "he could kill black men?" he killed one before being arrested. did you hear about it? i didn't hear one news outlet call him a terrorist. i wonder why???

i can ice skate backwards but i can't roller skate backwards. not sure why

i'm almost certain that the good folks at Krispy Kreme put crack in these things

did the tweeter in chief mention the terrorist? if he did...i missed it

Skyler : "Daddy, did you have an iPhone when you were a little boy?" i don't know if i stopped laughing to answer her

i was in the restroom at work the other day. some dude was on his cellphone while on the toilet, flushed it, and walked out. didn't even think to wash his hands...

fellas...most women who SOUND good over the phone don't look good. can i get a witness?

ladies...why do you go to the restroom in numbers with your friends?

is it restroom or bathroom? you're not resting in a public place...and you're definitely not taking a bath

i enjoyed having the opportunity to speak at my grandmother's funeral last month. while i will miss her, i am thankful for having her here for 95 years. and it was great seeing my family. some of them i haven't seen in years

keep it real...shEther was one of the best diss records that you've heard in a minute

can somebody get steve harvey outta here

i'm not sure who June's Diary is...or who authorized them to remake Jodeci's "Stay"...but it's pretty dope

my boy Tee Reese can roller skate. maybe he can show me how to do it backwards

i'm amazed at how people are surprised when i tell them that i don't eat chocolate or watermelons

i know i've said this every year but THIS will be the year that i take piano lessons

ya manz (aka 45) has been playing golf every weekend in florida. he's not doing much in washington...might as well chill on the weekends

i don't know how y'all subject your eyes and ears to reality tv. i can't

do you have a piano that i can borrow?

you can find me on deck listening to music and grillin on most weekends. you can come through and kick it. but don't come empty handed who you are. she'll like you. trust me

ladies...if a man has no direction in life...leave him alone. he's lost. you don't want to be lost with him

don't talk...just listen

i didn't watch the Oscars but when i heard about what happened...i can't lie...i laughed loudly

if there's such a thing as socially anti-social...that's me

lavar ball isn't helping his sons

turkey bacon is good for you but it don't taste as good as the real bacon

gimme the real bacon

never been a fan of cats

thanks for reading this blog. i appreciate it. i really do. even those who read but don't comment. i still appreciate it

this blog is almost 10 yrs old. damn. where did the time go?

and thanks for listening to the 12kyle podcast

never push your creativity.

i really feel like the Falcons let America down

i ain't gonna talk about that game. i don't wanna start cussin

there's always somebody with 15 items in the "10 Items or less" aisle in the grocery store

LeBron recently said he missed 82 days of school in the 4th grade. not sure how that's humanly possible. i'm glad he passed...but i'm not sure what he learned that year

if you're the smartest person in the room...then you're probably in the wrong room get shoot your way out of the friend zone

ladies...if he's in the friend zone, let him know that he's there. don't encourage him to be a fool

i'm a foooooooool for youuuuuuuuuu

along with learning the piano and learning how to roller skate backwards...i need to become fluent in Spanish.

is there a more boring chore than folding clothes??

Monday, March 27, 2017

maybe you do...maybe you don't

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day. The podcast was from GFT Radio (shoutout to Sunny & Clint) and it was called "Do people really know you?"

The title made me stop and ask myself..."Do people REALLY know me?"

On the podcast, they talked about whether people really know you based on what people may post on their social media accounts. That thought...made me ask myself the question again..."Do people REALLY know me?"

Do you know me? Maybe you do. Maybe you don't.

Here's what I do know...I'm sure that many of you know me. Those of you who read this blog and have bonded with me through social media. You know more than what's on the surface (I'm married...we have 4 kids...we live in Atlanta...I'm a proud alum of South Carolina State University...I love football...I love hip hop...etc). That's the surface stuff. That's the stuff that most people know.

Do you know more than that based on what I say on my social media accounts? Maybe. I've often said that Kyle and 12kyle...are the same person. I've always said I would never try to be somebody that I'm not. I'm me. I'm comfortable with who I am and who I will be. I've been this way since I was about 7. I wouldn't want to be anybody else. I'm great at being Kyle. I'm great at being that guy. I'd probably suck at being anybody else. What you see on social media is the same as what you'd see off line.

Honestly, if you read this blog consistently, you probably have a better insight as to who I am than what you may see on Facebook or Twitter. I've managed to "put my lifetime in between these paper's lines." Was it by design? just happened. I've had this blog for nearly 10 years. If you've been around for awhile, you probably have an understanding as to who I am. I've been through a lot and I've shared it here. I'm probably more likely to share a deeper thought or feeling here before I do on social media. Funny...many of you have learned more about me here than members of my family who don't even know that this blog exists. It's not that I didn't tell them...they have just never read it. And that's cool with me.

My inner circle knows me. They know me well. As they should. That's what matters to me. The inner circle is always tight and their opinions of me and what I do matter. It's always been that way. I wouldn't have it any other way. But everybody can't be in the circle. And I'm cool with that. Some of you who read this blog are in a rare place with me as for knowing about me...and some have never met me. That's a different circle but I'm appreciative of it.

So...that gets me back to the original question...

Do people REALLY know me?

Most don't.

Well...maybe a select few do.

And I'm cool with that.

But do people really know me?

Maybe they do...maybe they don't.
And I'm cool with that as well.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

PODCAST: Life After Death...20 Years Later

1997 was a pivotal year for hip hop. On March 9th of that year, hip hop suffered a huge loss with the murder of The Notorious BIG. Two weeks later, Biggie's second album, Life After Death, was released posthumously on March 25th. On this episode of the 12kyle Podcast, we will revisit the double album from Biggie. We will break down the album, Biggie's legacy, and the significance of Biggie's death.

All of that and more!

Listen and let us know what you think.

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Saturday, March 18, 2017

PODCAST: what makes a classic hip hop album

What makes a classic hip hop album? It depends on who you ask. But there are some fundamental truths that you must first acknowledge before you start the discussion. On this podcast, we'll examine these truths. We'll also break down the differences between a modern day hip hop classic album and an all time hip hop classic album. How soon can you determine if an album is a classic?

We'll also explore if some of your favorite albums like My Twisted Dark Fantasy (Kanye West) and To Pimp A Butterfly (Kendrick Lamar) are classic hip hop albums. We will cover how there are some songs on classic hip hop albums that you MAY NOT LIKE. Does the number of guest features and "all star" producers determine whether an album should be deemed a hip hop classic?

All of that and more...

Listen and let us know what you think.

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Tuesday, March 7, 2017

5 drinks for better sleep...

I'm not big on drinking anything but water before going to bed but this is some useful information...

Did you know that lack of sleep may have a negative impact on your weight? Studies have found that people who get enough sleep (7 to 9 hours are recommended) are, in fact, slimmer. Regular exercise and a balanced diet are key for better quality sleep. And, believe it or not, choosing the right beverage plays an important role, too. The following five bedtime beverages help you fall asleep easily, get quality shuteye, and even help keep your metabolism fired up during the night.

1. Milk

Milk is the perfect bedtime drink, no matter if you enjoy it hot or cold! It is rich in tryptophan and calcium (both of which will positively affect your sleep). Apart from that, milk provides you with high levels of protein; casein to be exact. Your body absorbs this milk protein slowly (as opposed to whey protein) which prevents muscle loss during the night. The more muscle mass you have, the more calories your body burns when resting.

2. Ginger tea with lemon

Ginger and lemon will activate your metabolism; so why not combine them? Freshly brewed ginger tea with lemon not only improves your metabolism, but works wonders for your immune system! Simply add a few slices of ginger and freshly squeezed lemon juice to a liter of hot water. Then, add your tea and let it brew for about 15 minutes. Too bitter? You can sweeten your bedtime drink with some honey.

3. Grape juice

Yes, you read it correctly: if you would like to shed a few pounds, grape juice is indeed a suitable ‘good night drink’. Obviously, it’s all about the right quantity, as fruit juice contains a lot of sugar. A small glass of pure grape juice (about 150 ml/ 8 oz) before going to bed will stimulate the fat burning process. A study conducted by the International Journal of Obesity found that resveratrol, an antioxidant in grapes, is responsible for that. It is said to convert white fat into metabolically active brown fat.

4. Camomile tea

Do you often struggle to fall asleep? Time to take action – but please choose natural means over pills. If you don’t get enough sleep your body becomes more prone to illness and you also run an increased risk of becoming overweight. This is where camomile tea comes into play: it helps you relax and fall asleep. This herbal tea increases glycine levels in your blood. Glycine is a neurotransmitter that acts as a muscle relaxant and therefore ensures that you get a deep and restful slumber.

5. Kefir

Kefir is made from fermented milk and contains carbon dioxide. With its high levels of probiotics (micro-organisms which are added to the beverage), this creamy drink has a positive effect on your intestinal health and activates your metabolism. Additionally, kefir is rich in protein. A glass of this dairy drink as a late night snack keeps you full and provides your muscles with protein during the night. Then, you’re sure to be set for a great athletic performance the next day.

Bottom line: If you would like to shed a few pounds, there is no way around regular exercise and a balanced diet. Enjoy these drinks in the evening, as an addition, if you want to boost your weight loss.

Monday, March 6, 2017

15 questions to ask at the end of every interview...

I came across this article on the WSJ the other day. Hopefully, this can help you.

It's important to remember that every interview is a two-way street.

You should be assessing the employer just as much as they're assessing you because you both need to walk away convinced that the job would be a great fit.

So when the tables are turned and the interviewer asks, "Do you have any questions for me?" take advantage of this opportunity. It's the best way to determine if you'd be happy working for this employer, and whether your goals are aligned with theirs.

"The very process of asking questions completely changes the dynamic of the interview and the hiring manager's perception of you," says Teri Hockett, chief executive of What's For Work?, a career site for women. "Asking questions also gives you the opportunity to discover details that you might not have otherwise unveiled."

Amy Hoover, president of TalentZoo, says there's another reason you should always prepare questions. "It's expected — and if you don't ask at least two questions, you will appear disinterested, or worse, less intelligent and engaged than a prospective employer would like." You should have at least four questions prepared, though, in case your original two are answered through the course of the interview.

But, Hoover says, don't just ask questions for the sake of it. To actually benefit from them, you'll need to think carefully about what you want to ask.

"Your questions can, in fact, make or break an interview," she explains. "If they're not thoughtful, or if you ask something that has already been addressed, this can hurt you way more than it can help. Asking smart, engaging questions is imperative."

Luckily, there are plenty of smart ones to pick from.

Here are 15 questions you should always ask in a job interview — if they weren't already answered — to help you get a better sense of the role and the company, and to leave the interview with a positive, lasting impression:

1. Who do you think would be the ideal candidate for this position, and how do I compare?

Hoover recommends this question because it's a quick way to figure out whether your skills align with what the company is currently looking for. If they don't match up, then you know to walk away instead of wasting time pursuing the wrong position for yourself, she says.

2. Who would I be reporting to? Are those three people on the same team or on different teams? What's the pecking order?

It's important to ask about the pecking order of a company in case you have several bosses.If you're going to be working for several people, you need to know "the lay of the internal land," she says, or if you're going to be over several people, then you probably want to get to know them before accepting the position.

3. How has this position evolved?

Basically, this question just lets you know whether this job is a dead end or a stepping-stone.

4. How would you describe the company's culture?

Hoover says this question gives you a broad view on the corporate philosophy of a company and on whether it prioritizes employee happiness.

5. Who do you consider your major competitors? How are you better?

This question is not for the faint of heart, but it shows that you are already thinking about how you can help the company rise to meet some of its bigger goals, says Peter Harrison, CEO of Snagajob.

6. Beyond the hard skills required to successfully perform this job, what soft skills would serve the company and position best?

Knowing what skills the company thinks are important will give you more insight into its culture and its management values, Hoover says, so you can evaluate whether you would fit in.

7. Do you have any hesitations about my qualifications?

While this question puts you in a vulnerable position, it shows that you are confident enough to openly bring up and discuss your weaknesses with your potential employer.

8. What do you like most about working for this company?

Hoover says this question is important because it lets you "create a sense of camaraderie" with the interviewer because "interviewers — like anyone — usually like to talk about themselves and especially things they know well." Plus, this question gives you a chance to get an insider's view on the best parts about working for this particular company, she says.

9. Can you give me example of how I would collaborate with my manager?

Knowing how managers use their employees is important so you can decide whether they are the type of boss that will let you use your strengths to help the company succeed.

10. Can you tell me what steps need to be completed before your company can generate an offer?

"Any opportunity to learn the timeline for a hire is crucial information for you," Hoover advises.

Asking about an "offer" rather than a "decision" will give you a better sense of the timeline because "decision" is a broad term, while an "offer" refers to the point when they're ready to hand over the contract.

11. How would you score the company on living up to its core values? What’s the one thing you’re working to improve on?

Harrison says this is a respectful way to ask about shortcomings within the company — which you should definitely be aware of before joining a company. As a bonus, he says it shows that you are being proactive in wanting to understand more about the internal workings of the company before joining it.

12. What are the challenges of this position?

If the interviewer says, "There aren't any," you should proceed with caution.

13. What have past employees done to succeed in this position?

The main point of this question is to get your interviewer to reveal how the company measures success.

14. If you were to hire me, what might I expect in a typical day?

Obviously this shows your eagerness about the position, Harrison says, but it also gives you a better idea about what the job will be like on a daily basis so you can decide whether you really want to pursue it. "A frank conversation about position expectations and responsibilities will ensure not only that this is a job you want, but also one that you have the skills to be successful in," he advises.

15. What type of employee tends to succeed here? What qualities are the most important for doing well and advancing at the firm?

This question shows the interviewer that you care about your future at the company, and it will also help you decide if you're a good fit for the position, Oliver writes. "Once the interviewer tells you what she's looking for in a candidate, picture that person in your mind's eye," she says. "She or he should look a lot like you."

Saturday, March 4, 2017

PODCAST: Criminal Minded...30 Years Later

On March 3, 1987, Boogie Down Productions released it's first album, Criminal Minded. The album, fueled by the diss records...South Bronx and The Bridge is Over, his a hip hop classic. Listen to the latest episode of the 12Kyle Podcast as we discuss the significance of the album, how the album came about, the Bridge Wars and why it is a hip hop classic. We pay homage to Criminal Minded...30 Years Later

Listen and let us know what you think.

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Saturday, February 25, 2017

PODCAST: thoughts on marriage (w/ tko0076)

This podcast came about in the most unusual way.

I sat down at my computer with no thoughts of what the podcast would be about. wife walked into the room to talk to me about something. Suddenly...the light in my head turned on! I decided to record a conversation with her for the podcast. While that doesn't SOUND too far fetched...for her it is. She is someone who is very detailed and organized. The mere thought of her recording a podcast would have made her ask me for a list of the topics so that she would be prepared. Not this time. This was an off the the dome...conversation.

We talked about how we met. We also talk about our thoughts on marriage. Check out this funny and spontaneous conversation with my wife, Sherice (@tko0076). Listen and let us know what you think.

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Saturday, February 18, 2017

PODCAST: the good break up

We all have experienced a break up or two when it comes to relationships. Some have ended on a good note. Others haven't. On this podcast, we will discuss breaking up with someone. In particular, how to have a good break up with your ex mate. The podcast is co-hosted by special guest, Echo Silent. Listen and let us know what you think.

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Saturday, February 11, 2017

PODCAST: Baduizm...20 Years Later

1997 was a very good year for music. In particular, we were given a gem from Erykah Badu. She released her debut album, Baduizm, on February 11, 1997. Listen to the latest edition of The 12Kyle Podcast as we discuss the album, the tracks, and the significance of this album. We also explore the greatness of Erykah Badu. We present...Baduizm...20 Years Later

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Saturday, February 4, 2017

PODCAST: what happened to R&B music

Check out the latest edition of The 12Kyle Podcast. On this episode, I will ask the question..."What happened to R&B music?" Does the genre still exist? How does today's R&B compare to R&B music from back in the day? All of this...and more will be discussed on The 12Kyle Podcast

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Thursday, February 2, 2017

does she regret the 1 night stand

I found the following article in Men's Health magazine. Very interesting...

Even if no-strings-attached sex seems great at the moment, post-sex regret might creep up with the sunrise. And it seems to occur more for women than men, a study from Norway suggests.

Researchers asked 263 people ages 19 to 37 how much they regretted either engaging in or passing up a recent casual sex experience. About 35 percent of women surveyed expressed regret, compared to just 20 percent of men. Plus, only 30 percent of women said they were happy with their most recent one-night stand, while around 50 percent of men said the same. (These are the new rules of one-night stands.)

So it’s not really a surprise that women were more likely to be pleased with passing on no-strings-attached sex: 80 percent said they were glad they declined a recent chance of casual sex. That’s nearly double the amount of men who said the same. (In fact, 30 percent of men regretted not getting frisky when they were given the chance.)

Women did worry more about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and loss of reputation associated with casual sex, but those factors don’t account for the sex differences when it came to post-sex regret. Even the difference in sexual satisfaction didn’t seem to explain the disparity.

Instead, researchers suggested that it comes down to fundamental differences that tie into evolutionary psychology. Basically, women may be more wired to see sex as a way to have children with a supportive partner. A short-term rendezvous wouldn’t provide that for them. But for men, the results of short-term sex wouldn’t be so problematic—so they look for casual opportunities more than women do.

Monday, January 30, 2017

bound for heaven...

Rest in Peace, Grandma

April 10, 1921 - January 27, 2017

Sometimes you expect people to be around forever. It's not possible. But with just do.

I wasn't shocked when I got the phone call that my paternal grandmother, Opal Dowling, had passed away. Her nurses had advised the family earlier in the week that she would not make it through the week. Those same nurses had advised that she would not make it through the month of December. But she did. This time, I knew it was a matter of time. So, I wasn't shocked when I got the phone call. I was saddened by the call...but not shocked. But more than being sad...I was thankful.

My grandmother got to live 95 years on this Earth. That's a huge blessing and I'm extremely thankful for that. We would all be lucky if we lived to be that age. Up until the day that she died, she knew who she was and where she was. She wasn't in any pain when she left us. I find comfort in those things. She lived through a bad marriage and divorce with my late grandfather. She raised their 5 kids the right way. Unfortunately, she outlived 2 of her kids. Grandma stayed faithful in her belief in God and she always moved forward. She lived through world wars, segregation, and she voted for a black man who became president. She saw a lot in her lifetime.

I'm thankful for the time that I did spend with my grandmother. She was a funny lady. Very funny, beautiful, intelligent, quick witted, and she had a sharp tongue. She would let you know how she felt without holding back. I think that some of what she had was passed to me. And I'm thankful for that. Unlike most kids, I didn't see her all the time. I only saw her a couple of times a year. Grandma lived in Newark, NJ. I was born in Newark but my parents and I moved to South Carolina when I was 3 years old. I'd visit Grandma on holidays or when we would visit NJ for the summer. Even when my parents divorced when I was 13, my mom still made sure that my brother and I saw Grandma when we went to NJ to visit our family.

Grandma lived in the same high rise apartment building since the 60s (i think). I know she had been there for all of my life. One of the best things about her apartment was that it had a great view of the skyline in Newark. And it had a great view of the skyline in New York City. You could easily see the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, and the World Trade Center. I remember spending HOURS just staring out of that window. New York City was only 10 miles away but from her window it felt like you could touch it because it was much closer than that. I enjoyed those days being around her listening to her tell stories about my Dad. Grandma always had a funny story to tell.

As the years passed, I would joke with her about sending me a birthday card "on time." My birthday is December 9th. But for most of my life, Grandma would send my birthday card to me a week or 2 after my birthday. Sometimes, I'd get in in January. But it was cool because it came from Grandma. Unlike my cousins who lived in New Jersey, I didn't get to see her as much. When I got to college, I'd call once and awhile just to say hello. I think I called about as much as any other kid in college would call. I wish that I had called more and made more visits as time passed. But I don't have any regrets because I know she loved me and I loved her.

These past 2 years have been to be expected. She moved from Newark to Virginia to live with my cousin. She could no longer live in that apartment in NJ. My cousin and his family took excellent care of her. Grandma was in the initial stages of dementia. When I got the word about it, I had a deep fear that I would call her and she wouldn't know who I was. I couldn't live with that. I had already experienced dementia with my late Uncle Ronnie. I talked to her a handful of times but only twice within the past year. I would have much rather seen her face-to-face so that she would remember me. It didn't happen. I'm at peace with it. I have great memories of Grandma. I remember one of our last and funniest conversations...

Me: "Grandma, I saw some pictures of you."

Her: "Where did you see pictures of me? I didn't take no damn pictures."

Me: "LOL. They were taken with a cellphone."

Her: "Oh."

Me: "Grandma, you look good for your age."

Her: "Boy, I look good for ANY age!"

LOL! That's my Grandma. That's who she is. I thank God for making. I thank God for helping her make the man that made me. I know God will take care of her.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

PODCAST: the Obama Years

Check out the latest edition of The 12Kyle Podcast. On this episode, I will discuss my thoughts on President Barack Obama. I will reflect on the impact and legacy that his presidency had. I will also share a personal story about how his policies saved the industry where I work...and subsequently saved me.

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Saturday, January 14, 2017

PODCAST: many of us have them

Check out the latest edition of The 12Kyle Podcast. 

On this episode, we will discuss FRIENDS. All of us have friends. How do we define our friendships? Who are our true friends? Can you have too may friends...or not enough friends? Are friends from social media our "real friends"? We'll also break down the hip hop classic song, Friends, and how it relates to us and how we define friendship.

I'll also give you 3 characteristics that I think every friend should have. All of this...and more... will be discussed on The 12Kyle Podcast.

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CLICK the link below to listen on Stitcher

Thursday, January 12, 2017


Editors Note...A few years ago, me and some of my fellow hip hoppers (Rashan Jamal, CRecks, & eclectik) would get together on twitter and comically and randomly discuss some questions from hip hop that were never answered. As I was thinking about how we would go back and forth, I came up with a few of my own...

How did Rampage get picked to rhyme on "Flava In Ya Ear"?

Why hasn't Luke and the 2 Live Crew not gotten a Lifetime Achievement Award?

Why didn't people like the way that Sally walked?

Why was Memphis Bleek and Amil on Rocafella but Sauce Money and Foxy Brown wasn't?

Who allowed Snoop to do a remake of "Vapors"?

Why is Rapper's Delight so long?

Can Andre 3000 be considered on a Top 10 rapper list if he never drops a solo rap album?

Why do some people STILL think that Jay Z won the battle against NaS?

How was TI "crowned" the King of the South? Was there a ceremony?

What is blow tishes? Did LL ever explain that?

Why does the DJ always want to know if Brooklyn is in the house?

What happened to the mixtape "exclusives" that were really exclusives?

Why did we never get Lil Kim and Foxy Brown on multiple songs or a collaborative album?

What happened to the maxi-single?

Would Biggie and Tupac be as revered if they were still alive?

Why didn't A Tribe Called Quest bring back Jarobi for Beats, Rhymes, and Life instead of using Consequence?

How did the guy who admitted that he "don't smoke weed or cess" go on to make an album called The Chronic?

When Suge Knight chastised the label for having the "CEO dancing all in the artists videos" do we know not know he wasn't talking about Jermaine Dupri?

How many Roxanne's are there? Do we really know?

If the roof was really on fire, why would we let the mutha#%*~a burn?

Was there a better MTV Cribs edition than Redman's?

Why wasn't Big Daddy Kane actually on the set of the video for "The Symphony"

Why do they still call it a "freestyle"? Very few people actually still freestyle...

Did anybody ever confirm that Ice Cube got a triple double?

Thursday, January 5, 2017

off tha dome

random thoughts...

it's "Happy New Year"...not "Happy New Years"...singular not plural

it's no need for some folks to make resolutions for what they'll do in the new year. they'll be back doing the same ole BS in 3 wks

football season is almost over. I'm not happy about that

I spent a few days in my hometown, Florence, SC and brought in 2017 there. It felt good to get out of Atlanta and get back home

I finally saw Luke Cage over the holidays. it was dope

as much as I didn't like george bush...I would have voted for him 3 times before I voted for Donald Chump

speaking of Chump...why is he ALWAYS on twitter? this ain't a game, fool. you're about to be the leader of the free world and you are on twitter like it's the place to be. are you 15 years old???

if a woman goes to the gym with makeup on, she's probably not too concerned with working out. she's trying to "get chosen".

if I see one more dude trying to show off his "belt buckle" I'm gonna scream. is that the new trend? nobody cares what kind of belt that you have. just wear a belt

oh how times have changed...the New England Patriots, Cleveland Cavaliers, and the Golden State Warriors are 3 teams that have sucked for most of my life. and now they are on top. go figure

hey Solange...thank you for that INCREDIBLE album. i never heard one song from you before i heard that album. sorry for sleeping on you

if I told you that I will write more in 2017, I'd be lying. and I don't want to lie to you.

i will definitely miss them...

the "Facebook poke" was/is useless

there's always one jerk who hits "reply all" to an email that wasn't meant to go to the masses

give the drummer some...

i'm not a fan of the mass text messages...especially when someone replies to everybody and you don't know them. you get random text messages from people who you don't know

my mom makes the best lasagna

i read a report that said Chicago had 762 homicides in 2016. that's more than NYC and LA COMBINED!!! that's scary and sad on so many levels

congrats to Penny Gordon on having a baby at age 50. I can't imagine changing diapers at 50.

the only thing that I want to do at 50 is play golf and chill

steve harvey ain't funny to me. I respect his hustle...but he can keep those jokes

i'm surprised at how tall my niece has gotten. i think she should try playing basketball. she's going to be at least 6 feet tall

have you ever wrote something...then read it years later...and thought to yourself "I can't believe I wrote something that dope". it happens to me often

the world is bigger than your street

never been a fan of neck tattoos

my 14 year old son, Kameron, asked could he get an earring. I laughed so hard. then I said "nope". it reminded me of the time when I was 17 and wanted an earring and I bought some magnetic earrings. I'm glad I never got my ears pierced the half nekkid women on Instagram who get 10,000 "likes" get money from it?

barry bonds SHOULD be in the baseball hall of fame

remember when Jordan got kicked out of the game for wearing these? the refs said "there wasn't enough white in them"

oatmeal raisin cookies are everything

my generation was the last generation who communicated without the internet

willie washington...still funny to this day

never underestimate the power of laughter

love is...

gotta make it back to NYC this summer...and you should come too

I ain't no joke, I used to let the mic smoke...

I wonder what's next for Simone Biles

if I ask you to hold the that too much to ask?

Saturday, December 31, 2016

PODCAST: Top 5 Hip Hop Albums from 1996

1996 was an incredible year for hip hop. Many people in hip hop circles think that 1996 marked the end of the "Golden Era of Hip Hop". On this podcast, we will discuss the landscape that helped make the music and some of the albums that were made.

More importantly, we will give you the certified Top 5 Hip Hop Albums from 1996. The list is based on the following criteria...lyricism, production, dopeness, impact, and longevity for each album. Leave a comment and let us know if you agree or disagree.

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Tuesday, December 27, 2016

2016 Year in Review Pictures

My year in review (sorta) in pictures...


Deion's band performed at the MLK Day Parade


The 12Kyle Podcast, featured on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, GooglePlay, YouTube...was well on it's way to becoming your favorite podcast...

I attended the first...among many...Father/Daughter dances with Skyler. We had a ball

At the circus with Brandon, Skyler, and her friend Kai

At lunch with the kids at the best pizza spot in Atlanta...Fellini's


Deion participated in the Cotillion-Beautillion. It was an awesome experience for him. I was very proud. He's pictured here with his escort, Gentille

Mom & Dad made it. Having my parents be there for it was a very happy moment for me.

two of my favorite ladies...

Both Sherice and I were fly. Take a good look because you might not ever see me in a tux...

Hanging with the cool kids...Kameron and Brandon

3 the hard way...Deion, Kameron, and Brandon

the kids were happy to hang out with Grandpa

Skyler was named the Pre-K Scholar of the Week at her school. She is soooo smart

We lost one of my favorite MCs...Phife Dawg from A Tribe Called Quest. I grew up on their music and Phife always felt like the cousin that I never had. While I wasn't fortunate enough to meet him, I felt like I did. Gone but not forgotten. You on point, Phife???

Sherice turned 40. We had a ball celebrating her birthday with friends and family.


The kids with my niece, Mackenzie, in my hometown...Florence, SC.

Deion was headed to DC to visit Howard University. Skyler wasn't happy about it

Doughnuts with Dads day at Skyler's school

Arin, Jamison, and Kellen visited while on their Spring Break

We got to see our godson, Jalen, when we went to see his uncle get married. He's such a cool young man. We love him

Wedding flow

One of my personal favorite moments of the year was seeing Rakim perform here in Atlanta. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love and admire him. It was great to finally see him perform

We lost a legendary genius. Prince is one of my biggest musical influences. His death shocked me and the rest of the world. It's rare for me to feel the sense of loss when entertainers pass away. But I FELT this. I knew Prince...even if only through music...but I KNEW him. It's still hard to believe that he's gone. I did a tribute to him on the 12Kyle Podcast. He's gone but we can always bring him back to life when we press "PLAY".


Skyler's dance recital was great! She performed very well

Kameron was tooo smooth as he attended the 8th grade prom

Another proud daddy moment...Skyler graduated from Pre-K


We lost another legend...Muhammad Ali. As a kid, I didn't have many sports heroes. Other than my uncle, there weren't many sports figures that I looked up to. Not sure why...but I just didn't. But then there was Muhammad Ali. For as far back as I can remember as a young child in the 70s, Ali was larger than life. He wasn't just a great boxer...he was a showman, an activist, a humanitarian and much more.

"A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." - Muhammad Ali

Thanks Champ

I cherish moments like this that we had at our family reunion. One day she'll be too big or too cool to be on Daddy's shoulders

Sherice & Deion


A night on the town...

I lost my buddy, Cheryl. It's funny how you can get close to someone that you've never met but we were really tight. I miss our conversations. I can't watch the Golden State Warriors and not think about her. I blogged about it here. She's still a Warrior


What is the summer without a day at Six Flags?

First day of school for the kids...Deion (12th grade), Kameron (9th grade), Brandon (4th grade), and Skyler (Kindergarden)

Grandma came to visit

So did my godson, LaKell. It was great seeing him. We love him. 

There was a new addition to the family...a fish named Stitch Abraham. He was only with us for a month. LOL


Baaaaaaad Booyyyyyy...Sherice and I hit Phillips Arena to see the Bad Boy Reunion Tour. It was phenomenal!!! It took us back to the 90s.

Deion and the Marching Rams

Kameron put on a great acting performance in the school play, Dreamgirls. I didn't know the kid could act.

Princess Skyler turned 5. She had a "spa party" at our house with her friends. They had a good time

Kameron and Deion with their little cousin, Zeniya.

Sherice and I celebrated 16 years of marriage. I think that's a major accomplishment!


Sherice and I went back to the place where it started for us...South Carolina State University. It was homecoming. We had a ball! We took Brandon with us.

Senior night

Skyler was Doc McStuffins for Halloween

Me and Brandon went to the Packers vs Falcons game to see the Dirty Birds win a thriller


Brandon participated in the Jr Atlanta Hawks Basketball camp


Skyler was named Scholar of the Week...this time in Kindergarten.

Skyler is chillin with her brothers after her Christmas concert performance

I turned 44 years old on December 9th and became the coolest, freshest, dopest 44 year old that you know

Brandon turned 10 on December 10th

On December 14th, I celebrated the 20 year anniversary of graduating from South Carolina State University.

2016 was a year that saw many highs and lows. Ultimately, it was a great year...because we ALL got to see it. And that is more than enough to be thankful for!!!

May 2017 be filled with blessings and prosperity for you and yours!!!