Monday, July 7, 2008

daddy's lil girl

This is street ra-dio, for unsung heroes
Ridin in they regal, tryin to stay legal
My daughter found Nemo, I found the new primo
Yeah you know how we do, we do it for the people
And the struggles of the brothas and the folks
With lovers under dope, experiment to discover hopes
Scuffle for notes, the rougher I wrote, times were harder
Went from rocky starter to a voice of a martyr
Why white folks focus on dogs and yoga
While people on the low end tryin to ball and get over
Lyrics are like liquor for the fallen soldiers
From the bounce to the ounce, its all our culture
Everyday we hustlin, tryna get them custom rims
Law we ain't trustin them, thick broads we lust in them
Sick and tired of bunchin it, I look on the bus at them
When I see them struggling, I think how I'm touchin them! The People

Common (The People)

From the website...

Award-winning broadcast journalist, Ed Gordon created Daddy’s Promise, an initiative designed to focus the attention of the African-American community on the positive relationship that can and should exist between fathers and daughters. Through a national campaign and a series of community engagements, including a father/daughter dance that will take place during Father's Day weekend 2009, the initiative will encourage fathers to be actively involved in their daughters’ lives. The movement gives this relationship a voice and creates a nationwide conversation with African-American families, ultimately celebrating fathers and father figures.

Daddy’s Promise includes a symbolic component that will encourage men to sign a pledge and make a public acknowledgment of love and support for their daughters.  It also consists of principles and guidelines to assist in fostering positive relationships between fathers and daughters. 

The Father/Daughter relationship has a significant impact on the many ways social and familial bonds are formed and the way girls grow up to be strong, confident women. To that end, Daddy’s Promise is a sustainable program that:

1. Encourages African-American fathers to take greater interest in their daughters’ lives,

2. Builds self-esteem in young girls and teaches them to be productive citizens

3. Salutes the importance of the father’s role in the full development in his daughter’s life and the tremendous impact he has in shaping her

4. Creates dialogue among families as a first step in establishing healthy relationships between girls and the men who help raise them—fathers, grandfathers, father figures and mentors, thereby strengthening African-American families as a whole.

A lot of times we talk about the roles that men play in the lives of their sons but we neglect the roles that they play in their daughters' lives. I don't have any daughter's but I know that there is a special bond between a man and his daughter.

What are your thoughts? What kind of relationship do you have/had with your father? Will a program like this be successful?



Dreamy said...

1st Haaaaaaaaa. Okay let me first start by saying that the program will work well if it is properly promoted. It would do well for the community, ohhhh yes it would.

As far as the relationship that I had with my father, I can say that it was great. He really loved each and everyone of his kids. As you know he is gone but his memory still lives on in us.

Dione said...

I had a great relationship with my daddy before he died when I was 3 years old. I have many fond memories and I was the apple of his eye. His world revolved around me even though my parents were divorced.
I heart this program... will the real men please step forward!

i.can't.complain. said...

i love my daddy


we didn't really get close until about a yr before he passed

he was such a great guy

we (women, in particular but men too) search and search

but no man will ever love u like your daddy.

i wish this program success.


The Jaded NYer said...

I'm with dreamy- if they do it right the program would definitely help start make things better with father-daughter relationships in black communities.

And then maybe they can have satellite programs to include all races, 'cause lord knows EVERY little girl needs her dad.

Me, well you already know Papi is my world. Now my wack ass wankster of a biological paternal parental unit is another story. He pretty much just doesn't have a place in my life.

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

this is great!

but as always, it will take the interest of the public for it to be successful. i think it will be. there is NOTHING like the bond between a father and daughter! i was the apple of my dad's eye (before he passed) and i knew it. he never let opportunities slip where he could show me that. and we had lenty of daddy and me time.

its no surprise, but having a positive father figure can be crucial to a woman's view of how she'll be as an adult...with her self confidence, with men and as a mother and wife. oh, i hope this program lasts for years and years!

Darius T. Williams said...

I think a program like this is so necessary. Anything that helps our men become better fathers and our fathers to become better men gets my vote. We need something to address these bucket head boys too.

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

This sounds like a wonderful program that is greatly needed within our community.

Unfortunately, I've never had a relationship with my father or any "father" role model in my life. I guess you can't really miss what you've never had, but I oftentimes wonder how I would be different if I had had a father figure in my life.

Great post!

Rich said...

Heard about this a couple of weeks back on The Steve Harvey morning show. I think with Ed's presence and his networking contacts it will work out very well. I personally have 4 daughters, so I definitely understand the importance of having daddy in the life of a baby, little girl, young woman and adult woman.

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

I say praise God for a program like this!!!!!! Children need both parents in their lives for so many reasons. A man's relationship with his daughter has a significant impact on her future relationships with men. The more a man shows his daughter unconditional love and support the less likely she is to go out into the streets looking for love from a man (which usually translates to the wrong man). A daddy can teach his daughter values and help her have a positive self worth by his conversations and interaction with her. I pray to God that my husband and father of my children will be a man who loves his daughters and speaks life into them on a daily basis.

I am currently in my healing process around this topic. I've known my daddy all my life, but I've also known since a child that when my mother wasn't giving him air play, it changed how he related to me. Since I was a young girl my daddy has "broken up" with me time after time, which I believe is a form of punishment in his eyes. I suffered from feelings of rejection and abandonment for years. He can be rather emotionally neglectful at times and feels that a dinner or money can make up for the neglect. Though I have told him many times, that I don't care about money I want respect. In fact, whenever he asks me to do something he makes me take money from him as if I am a stranger not his daughter who would willing help him out. There is nothing that I do that seems to be good enough for him. Though others tell me how much he loves me, his actions speak of dislike or even hate in my eyes. Even as 30something year woman I have cried like a baby after one of his disrespectful comments or actions. I cannot recall him ever apologizing and acknowledging his fault. I have written him a few letters in the last 5 years to express myself because I am not ALLOWED free speech in his presence particularly when it relates to our relationship. A few months ago, he was in one of his evil moodsand ended up grabbing a bag from me which caused my back to get hurt. When I tried to tell him that he had hurt my back, he shut me up and later said it was my fault for expecting him to carry my bag. I swear if I didn't have God in me, I would have put a serious hurting on him for principle sake that day....but thank God for his comfort and his constant reminders that HE is my Father and that HE loves me for who I am and is proud of me flaws and all.

As I matured I realized that my daddy's behavior is his own issue, but for a long time I thought it was me. Especially since, I am the one ALWAYS at fault in his eyes. Right now I have put space between us while I work on being healed and pray for his healing as well. I forgive, but I cannot allow anyone to cause me so much hurt. I think it's unfortunate that he doesn't realize what a special gift God gave him in the form of me, his first child. The sad thing is if I were to get married tomorrow I would not give him the honor of walking me down the aisle. That's sad, but true!

Fathers, I beg you to love, respect, teach, adore, and support your daughters. You are the first man in their lives, they need you more than words could express. Those who recognize this and treat their daughters well, I respect you and I send many blesses your way.

Brother I'm sorry this is sooo long, but this personal to me.

Mizrepresent said...

I have always believed that a daugthers relationship with her father will speak volumes of her relationship with other men in her life. It is our first incite into the workings of a man...this can be a positive thing in many ways, if fathers take an active role in the life of their daughters. My relationship with my father was a wonderful one...i never questioned his love or support of me...even when my parents divorced he tried very hard to remain a staple in my life. His strength, love of his family and support is what i look for in a man.

I think this is wonderful idea! Kudo's to this program and those involved.

12kyle said...

@ Dreamy
I think they are doing a good job of promoting this. They had a formum at the Essence Fesitval this year and it was on CNN as well.

Gone but never forgotten

@ Dione
I agree. It's really time for men to step up to the plate! This is a serious issue. If you wanna talk about the video chicks, prostitutes, and freaks on the street...then you have to talk about their childhoods and the relationships that they had/didnt have with their fathers.

@ -1-
Amen! No man will ever love you like your father.

@ Jaded Santana
I think this program will be huge! Eventually, it'll branch out to other races but we need it in the black community really bad right now.

LMAO @ wankster!!!

Were there any similarities between him and your ex hubby? I'm curious.

As a mother and a wife, I'm sure that you encourage the growth of the relationship between your hubby and lil PCD.

@ Darius
I agree. There are several programs out there for the boys. They need to be addressed as well. There's a huge disconnect between men and their sons.

You can't miss what you've never had. But he still should/should've had a role in your life.

@ Rich
I agree. Ed Gordon is well respected and I think he's someone who can help take this program to the next level.

4 daughters? Ohhh lawd! I know that you can't "leave the seat up" around the house! Lmao!!!

@ Keisha the Kitten
Thanks for sharing.

It sounds like the issues that are there are from your father...not you. He has major issues that don't have anything to do with you or your mother. It sounds like you're headed in the right direction. I pray that things work out and someday he will get the honor of walking you down the aisle.

@ Miz
Sounds like you and your father had a "perfect" relationship

The Jaded NYer said...

no similarities because, see, my ex is actually a daddy, actively taking care of his babies and helping me to guide and raise them right.

whereas that OTHER fool is NOT, at least not to me and at least one other kid he's got running around out there

in terms of personality, my ex was more like Papi, except wimpier, because Papi knew how to command respect in a room and my ex has yet to master that LOL.

did that make sense?

12kyle said...

@ Jaded Santana
It makes sense. I've heard you speak very highly of Papi. But not of your father. I understand now.

LOL @ wimpier

Papi sounds like my kinda dude

Smarty Jones said...

I hope this program will be successful, as black women who have (or will have) children, we NEED this program to be successful.
I have a great relationship with my father but that didn't happen until my freshman year at A&T.
Up until I was about 15, my dad was a heavy drinker. Society would call him an alcoholic, I called him a drunk - often and meant it every time.
My dad was always the cool dude but I didn't need him to be cool, I needed him to be a father. Sure he paid his child support on time and picked me up on most weekends - eventually. But, I think that my trust issues with men all go back to my father's broken promises when I was little.
I've forgiven him, I'm not sure if he forgives himself because he spends a lot of time beating himself up over stuff that happened when I was little.
Thank God that our relationship grew and got better as I got older and I stopped being upset for the daddy he wasn't when I was little and appreciating him for the daddy I need now.
This program is needed so much for little girls everywhere. Plus, it will give fathers and daughters something to do together that they can both enjoy, or hate, it depends on that particular father and daughter.

prettyparker said...

Sounds like a wonderful program. I'm blessed with a family full of men who believe in the importance of raising their children right.

I just spent the last two weeks with my mom and dad and I loved every moment of my vacation. My dad took me and my older sister to the movies and out for lemon meringue pie just like we were kids.

My brother and his family came down to visit over the weekend. He has two sons that are his world.

Even my father-in-law keeps an eye out for me and I'm an adult. (big ups to his July 4th BBQ ribs)

Of course I'm always praising my hubby for being actively involved with our children. Mr P just drove our older two to camp yesterday and still made it to his baseball game last night. Time management - family & friends are most important.

12kyle said...

@ Smarty Jones

Society would call him an alcoholic, I called him a drunk - often and meant it every time.

Maybe I wasn't 'sposed to laugh but that cracked me up! LOL

@ prettyparker
Wow! I love to hear stories like that. Sounds like y'all had fun

Smarty Jones said...

:-D It's OK. We laugh at it now, so it's OK. Had this been 10 years ago, we woulda had to fight!

ShellyShell said...

I think this program is a great idea. Young girls need to see how a man is supposed to treat a woman. They need to be shown respect for self, bodies etc. I love seeing black men with their daughters.I think this is greatly needed in the black community.

My relationship with my dad is is great. Although I think it was much better when I was a kid.From the time I was 4-13 we would go to NYC for Kid's Day at Yankee Stadium. It was just me and my dad for a weekend. I will always remember that! I know now we view things differently he doesn't approve of my job moves. He is old school. He thinks you have a good job keep it. I'm more like I need to advance not just stay stagnant. But I learned the value of a dollar from him...dude is CHEAP!!! All in all I know he loves me with all his heart!

dessex said...

From a Male's Perpective....

I grew with my mother in Oakland until I was 14 so I really didn't know my father. Then I moved out to ohio to live with him at 14 and I still didn't truly know him until I was like 19 or 20.

However, if I can venture off, If I have a girl, I want to be the example of what a real MAN is, hardworking, caring, loving etc... I will treat my daughter like the queen she is, and she should expect the same from whomever she is dating. I want to able to have my daughter talk to me about anything...okay let me stop before I get too personal.

I have no love for dead beat fathers in the world.

The F$%K it List said...

I hope it does work out. There are too many dysfunctional relationships between fathers and daughters.

Hadassah said...

I think the program is a good idea.

My relationship with my dad is awesome we are very close and I can talk to him about things. I am more of Daddy's little girl.

PrettyBlack said...

I love it! I had absolutely no relationship with my dad but my Uncle was and still is my father figure (he walked me down the aisle) I love him as if he were my daddy.

My hubby and our daughter are inseperable. She csn fall asleep and if he comes home after a late night she will wake up instantly and daddy will just sit and hold her and she'll go back to sleep.

A daddy and his daughter is ahell of a thing.

12kyle said...

@ Smarty Jones
I hear you! LOL

@ ShellyShell
Awwww! A day at the ballpark with Daddy! That's what I'm talkin bout

Cheap? Definitely my kinda dude! Lol

@ dessex
That's what it's all about, bruh. You build that relationship at an early age and let it develop.

@ The F$%K it List
Hopefully, its a domino effect. If our women our better, then we'll be on the right path to making the black family even stronger this the new pic with you and CJ? I see you with the "round the way girl earrings" lol. Very cute. CJ looks like he's a handful!!!

@ Hadassah
You sounds like Daddy's little girl. Nothing wrong with that!

@ prettyblack
I'll bet that your husband spoils your daughter. I love it.

IF and that's a big IF we ever had a daughter, she'd be showered with my love and will be spoiled beyond belief.

Buuuuuut...we aren't havin any more churren! LMAO!

dejanae said...

i like the idea
i seriously cant even imagine what it'd be like to not be close to my pops
he's my best friend on the real

Opinionated Diva said...

wow...I think it's a shame that something like this (the will to be actively involved in your child's life) isn't automatic. In spite of that, I think this is a wonderful initiative.

CapCity said...

my Dad is truly my best friend, not because some program was put into place either. i don't know - i'm wary of outside forces set up to "train" folk on how to talk to their own seed & loved ones... i hope it helps some!

CapCity said...

after reading the comments - As Sistah Kitten said folk with issues who are NOT dealing with those issues will NOT be good parents no matter WHAT the program. just like the parents of the bad kids who NEED to show up at teacher conferences nevah do... it's that crazy cycle...

As I read so many comments say that the relationship with one's father will dictate the relationship with their mate - maybe in the end for me it WILL. But, now I have a difficult time with Brothers cuz I was encouraged to be vocal & self-sufficient ... BY MY FATHER! To THIS DAY: when I talk to my Dad - the conversation lasts at LEAST an hour, most times upwards of 3! When I've met Brothers who talk that much they tend to talk AT me... Still praying for that Brother who's being prepared for MY special qualities...

Kieya said...

I think this sounds like a great program and its really needed w/today's young girls. I haven't had much of a relationship w/my father. My mom was pretty much my dad but as a woman, she could only do so much. That bond b/w a man & his daughter is so crucial in shaping her future. This program seems to be able to provide the support needed to help facilitate this relationship.

But as great as the program is, if there aren't people who stick to it & are dedicated to it, then it won't work.

12kyle said...

@ dejanae
I remember that you did that post that was dedicated to him. Very nice

@ OD
Things are that drastic to the point where something like this is very necessary

@ CapCity
I don't think it's designed to "train" folks. I think what it does is create a forum where this relationship can be celebrated and nurtured. As you can tell from the comments on this blog, we all have different stories. I think that there are some women who would chop off their arm to have what you have in a father. That's a blessing.

@ Kieya
I think the level of commitment will be strong. That will be needed for this program to have long term success.

Ms. Jones said...

This program seems like an excellent idea and I hope that it produces results and that it is given the support that it needs. I'm a daddy's girl for life, I can't imagine life without him :)

12kyle said...

@ Ms Jones
I've read some of your posts. You are truly a daddy's girl

CapCity said...

Dear 12Kyle & all who commented - i didn't mean to sound flippant when I made the statement about the program. I guess I'm just skeptical because We ALL watched the million man march with such hopes that it could change things in our communities & MAYBE some places have changed for the better since the march. Sadly, i watch too many of us continue to flounder in our attempts to mask our SHYT & ISSUES. I know too many parents on ALL levels of the social stratosphere who TALK a great game (I'm a teacher & have been for 16+ years) - but putting action & REALLY FACING their kids is a DIFFERENT story (my siblings included). Everyone tells me I'd be different if I had my own & that MAY be TRUE - but I can SAY that I have had & continue to have GREAT relationships with children because I TALK to & LISTEN TO them & am honest about MY issues with them! Too many parents think they have to be PERFECT in the eyes of their kids.

I KNOW that I am blessed with the relationship I have with my father & don't take it for granted. I had issues with my mom & I'm forcing her to deal with ME & our relationship - I don't let her sidestep questions I direct at her. TALKING is NECESSARY.

T.V./computer games/etc. is ROBBING US of OUR FAMILIES!! I also know it's not as simple as this blog-discussion - but we gotta start where we can;-).

I would apologize for this rant & "post" of mine;-) - but Brother 12K - u opened up a SERIOUSLY passionate topic of mine, so it's YOUR fault! LOL!

12kyle said...

@ CapCity
I didn't take it like that. I don't think anybody else did either. Your skepticism is warranted b/c of your experiences. We all know a lotta folk who can talk it but don't live it.

I think you made some valid points. I wasn't at the Million Man March. I know about its success and failures, tho. Ultimately, this program will make men look inward. Look at yourself and the daughter that you're raising. It'll make them look at the life that they should be leading and the bonds that should be there. Could it fail? Yes! Ultimately, the success or failure of it is gonna depend on us men. Just like it did with the March. The only difference is now we're in much more dire straits than we've ever been. If we don't act now, we may not be able to depend on the next generation of bruthas to do it.

LMAO @ u sayin it's my fault!

Stew said...

anything that is meant to help black people is a good move to me. this hits home for me a little because my bro just had a little girl, and i know everyday for him is consumed with that little girl.

i think that its great that there is an initiative like this.

Anonymous said...

The relationship between a father and his daughter is vital. It cannot be stressed enough. I was blessed to have my grandfather be more than a father to me while growing up. He and my grandmother raised me and to this day, I owe so much of my life to them. My biological father and I unfortunately have not been able to build a strong, lasting relationship, but I do know that deep down inside there is always a part of me that wants us to have that connection. Thankfully, my grandfather was the man that taught me why I should respect myself as a female and not let any man treat me as if I am nothing. My grandfather was the one that made me feel beautiful, and encouraged me to put an education before doing "adult" things way too early in life. If it had not been for him, I'm sure there would have been a huge void in my life. I feel that all children need both parents. It's true that mothers are usually the ones that have full custody of their children in most single parent families, but children still need both parents if it's at all possible. I attribute the rise in females with low self-esteem , and violence in males to the lack of parental guidance and involvement. This has to change if we expect anything better for our youth.