Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's all Relative

Peep this convo that I had with my boy Moe

Me: "You have daughters. I'm sure that you're gonna be hard on any little boy who comes to your house who is interested them."

Moe: "Hell yeah!!"

Me: "I never had a problem with a girl's father. I got along with all of em. I didn't fear the father of any girl who I dated. What about you?"

Moe: "Mannnn, I never dated a girl who had a father."

Wow!

There is always a delicate balance between you and the family of your spouse or significant other. I have a good relationship with my in-laws. I can't say that it's a great relationship but a good one. Conversely, my mom and Mrs12 didn't always see eye-to-eye. A lot of that was MY fault. I should have been the bridge between the 2. I learned that over time. Things are much better now. She has always maintained a great relationship with my pops.

I know that some of my ex's parents are telling their daughters..."I sure did like Kyle. Why did you let him go? And now you're stuck with THIS clown!!!"

LMAO!!! Maybe not to that extreme...but you get the picture.

How is the relationship between you and your spouse/mate's parents? Have you maintained a relationship with the parents of an ex?

Gimme your vibe....

40 comments:

The Jaded NYer said...

my ex mother in law was a little weird; it was like she was intimidated by me or something. And she behaved like a child sometimes; it was a little annoying, but she was harmless.

And she can fry chicken like nobody's business, ok? lol

We don't maintain a relationship b/c we never really had one to begin with.

My mom, on the other hand STAYS calling my ex her 'son'

What the HELL, mom?

i.can't.complain. said...

nah, im not cool w/the ex's family.

i love them cuz they are my daughter's family

but maintaining a relationship and contact with them would be far too awkward.

i never wanna be the ex that won't go away.

still calling the ex's family on holidays and making things uncomfortable for the new chick.

sooo not my style

his family are solid people though.

they are ok in my book.

@the jaded nyer my mom stays on that bull too

"how's my son-in-law doing"...

if she wasn't my mother, R...

if she wasn't my mother.

hey, 12k... hows that book coming along?



-1-

MsPuddin said...

well I see the problem, your wife gets along with your pops. obviously friction...

one time I brought a boyfriend home for dinner and my dad told him, "lets go outside with a baseball bat and play a game of you lose." um embarrassing!

MsP

The Flyyest said...

the only ex parents that i still keep in touch with is my BD.....even b4 i had a baby...i kept in touch with the whole family... his sister i call my sister.... but all my ex parents love me!!!

Tag....your it....check me out, and you have to play

Hadassah said...

ahm, I cant answer that yet but I am dating a guy from different tribe as I am and our tribes do not get along they practically hate each other. So i am kinda nervous about meeting the parents if it ever gets that serious.

btw I tagged you

Mizrepresent said...

I was very close to my first love's mom, and stayed in contact as much as possible...in fact i still try to see how she's doing...she was just special. I got along very well with my ex's parents...his mom passed away some years ago, and i'm cool with his dad too, but we don't keep in touch, but if he's in town, just like his uncles and cousins, they ask about me and want to visit with me...so i guess i too am the one they ask about...lol!

Jewells said...

Well....since I am single, I don't have any expectations to live up to.

I didn't think my ex-manfriends' mom liked me. Her daughter was just graduating law school and her son [whom I was dating] had his MBA. Me...I had only did a semester in college and had dreams of being a well-established writer.

I felt like she looked down on me because having a college degree and joining a sorority weren't goals of mine.

He said she liked me though. And I'll be honest, I bet no other woman that he brings home (his current one is a graduate and Delta) will be as well-rounded as I am.

Other than that, most of the others that I dealt with, when I did meet their moms, all took a liking to me.

Brad said...

I get along with my in-laws pretty good. My mother in law is a character. I've had to check her a couple of times in MY house. But we get along fine. Her and the wife go at each other a little more than I'd like. And moms-in-law is about to move Hotlanta. UUUGGGGG!!!. My father in law is cool. He just one of them old dudes that talks about his bad back and sports all day. LOL

L. Renee' said...

12Kyle,
Great Topic!
I absolutely love my husband's dad! He and my father are so much alike. Infact, they have become great friends! My mother-in-law is a special woman. I do emphasize very special. My ex's parents were wonderful people. I think I fell more in-love with them. LOL
His mom was one of those super moms that you see on t.v.
I didn't have that type of relationship with my own mom so I was completely drawn to her. Now, my husband's aunt and I are super close. She's like another mom to me.
If you get a chance check out the blog today. Have a safe trip back!

Eb the Celeb said...

I dont have a spouse/mate...(sigh)

and I am one of them people that doesnt meet the parents anyway...

you have to damn near drag me.

I remember I almost couldnt go to my senior prom because of it. The dude I had been dating for all of my senior year and had never met his mom... She wanted me to come by the house so she could take pictures of us after he picked me up and I told him I didnt want to go. Do you know she called my mom and my mom made me go over there. Said if you dont go see that lady you aint going to the prom. Ugh!

PRO said...

Ex-boy and his parents loved me. I almost had their grandchild. lol It was cool to the point if I ever got kicked out'a my home growing up I could have shacked at their crib. Damn near did when I was a teen - every weekend, after school he would be at football practice and I was at his house. Digress.

My husband's parents took me in and loved both me and my child like their own. It was rocky at first cause hubby was raised by a teen mother, and his grandmother had lots of say in his upbringing (in essence 2 moms). They felt like I was taking their prize possession away from them because he grew up to be such a responsible, hard-working, intelligent dude. LOL College grad, doing things you know the kind that breaks all barriers and stigmas "growing up in da hood" type ish. The thing about them accepting my daughter was that MP's mom met her first hubby who accepted her son (him/MP) and raised him like his own blah blah blah. We all get along great and it feels good to be a part of such a close-knit family unit of beautiful black successful people I can claim!

Thought-provoking post. Your boy's sentiments could make for blog-worthy material. MP says that he RARELY if ever dated chicks with fathers. And he, like you, was the shiznit in them single mama's eyes. Game recognize game. He's already a fuckin' beast as it relates to our daughters and the son, I already see differential treatment. Shit ain't right. I'ma take care of them faz-azz hoochie girls tho. Please bee lead!

Rezidl said...

....eye-opening comment from Moe.

Queen of My Castle said...

I loved my ex-father-in-law because he was really cool and laid-back, but I couldn't stand the bat crazy mother-in-law. I am usually very mild-mannered, but I have had to check her in my house because she was over-stepping her boundaries, and since her son refused to say anything...I had to. Her own children couldn't stand her, and I think she was into witchcraft. She was from some backwoods Louisiana town. I can't say I miss her.

prettyparker said...

I fell in love with my mother-in-law's cooking the first time I met her. She had me meat stuffing! and my father-in-law is as great a man as one can be.

They both took me in like the daughter they never had and since my hubby is an only child, they look out for us like parents should w/o interfering in our personal business.

My parents love my hubby like he's their second son. Straight up.

Trish said...

I get along just wonderfully with my husbands parents.
They dont but in, they barely come over. Its wonderful !!

I got along well with my ex-boyfriends Mom fine, his grandmother extremely! (she raised him and he lived with her, she took me in as if I was her daughter)

Im very blessed to have the in-laws I do now, although my only pet peeve is that I still tend to get daughter-in-law type gifts at christmas. you know, slippers, pajamas, robes, etc. what the hell is that ?!?!?
Every once in while do I get the expensive perfume or gold earrings and braclets. But if thats all I have to complain about then Im doing good. lol.

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

OH 12 KYLE!!! can of worms...

i can't stand my MIL. my FIL is cool, has always been. my hubby's sisters! UGH! but hubby has a great relationship with all of my family. (I HAVE MY OWN THEORY...I TOOK THEIR MEAL TICKET AWAY!) so the ladies and myself do not and probably never will "get along." i tried at first, but there's only so much i could take. any ex always got along with my parents. they are the type that will feed you, clothe you, put gas in yor car and call you to make sure you're alright. TOO NICE TO A FAULT!

Tabu said...

I don't have inlaws, but I have always gotten along with my ex's moms, I just didn't pay them any mind and "yes Ma'am" them to death.

12kyle said...

@ Jaded NYer
LMAO @ your mom!!! That's funny.

@ -1-
The ex that won't go away. I feel you. You don't wanna come around and they say..."What is she doing here?"

I'm on chapter 3 of the book!

@ MsP
My folks are divorced. Dad grew close to my wife b/c he's a very friendly dude. He'll talk you to death. Mom is a bit reserved. I'm the oldest. I think she was leary of someone "taking her son away." That wasn't the case, tho. Early on...I could have done a better job of bringing the 2 of them together. That was my fault. I can't blame anyone.

Dayyym! Your dad is off the chain!!!

@ Flyyest
It's good that you don't have the BD drama.

Thanks for the tag. I'ma try to play if I can figure it out. LOL

@ Hadassah
What tribe is he from? Is he a pilgrim? LOL

@ Miz
Isn't it a great feeling to be the one that they still ask about? I kinda like that. In a slick-playeristic way. Haaaa

@ Jewells
She sounds like SHE was the one with the problem...not you. You're much betta off.

@ Brad
Haaaaa! You had to check her in YOUR house! That's funny. She's movin to the A??? Uh oh!

@ LRenee
Now you know I Loooooove your in-laws. Your father-in-law is the coolest. And your mother-in-law is just as sweet as she can be. And she makes the best smothered pork chops in the world!! I really hope that things get better.

I hit your blog earlier. It was on point.

@ Eb the Celeb
Why don't you meet the parents?

TravelDiva said...

What's up 12Kyle?

They live in a different country, so it's quite amicable. LOL!

12kyle said...

@ PRO
"I'ma take care of them faz-azz hoochie girls tho."

LOL

You sound JUST like Mrs12. She's gonna be hard on any girl who comes around our house

@ Rezidl
I agree. Tara's dad passed a few months ago. I don't think he ever met him. And they've been married for almost 11 yrs. His comment really shocked me

@ Queen
Crazy bat? Lmao!!! Too funny. Sup with these folks showing out in YOUR house? LOL

@ prettyparker
Nuffin better than in-laws who don't meddle in your bidnezz.

@ Trish
You want them to break the bank on your gifts, huh? LOL

@ PCD
Uh oh. Why do you think that you "took away their meal ticket". I will assume that your hubby makes good $$$ and they want a piece of the rock?

@ Tabu
"yes Ma'am" them to death! Classic. Just be polite and kind. I feel you.

12kyle said...

@ Travel Diva
Different country...wow! I know that you like that. LOL

The F$%K it List said...

Now I like my inlaws. My mother in law use to make all kinds of ridiculous comments because of I am skinny and she would go on and on about not having grandkids, 1) I was only 18 2) she had 9 other kids why was the weight of all that on our shoulders, UGh. She has since calmed down, though every now and again I feel like she gets out of pocket. I just exit left when I feel that way. My father in law is MIA 6 months out of the year in Jamaica so I can't complain. when he is here he is off riding his bike somewhere or at church.

As for my and my hubby he always loved her, her not so much. When he officially met her as my boyfriend (we have been friends since 10 years old) at 17 she met him at the door with a bat and my dad and brothers were right behind her. My fam is crazy, but once they love you thats it...they always will.

Still_Pocahontaz said...

I have a cordial relationship with my exes mother. She is a really good grandmother to my children but sometimes she prys to much. I don’t think she has accepted the fact that I am no longer a part of her sons life and my new life is no concern of hers. She is really pushy.

My husband’s father passed away when he was young but his mother nor his family to this day although we’ve been together over three years could care less about me, for no apparent reason and its all the same for the way I feel about her.

My family absolutely adores him and loves him probably more than me..LOL

Miss Mika said...

I love my bf's mom and dad. They are so down to earth and funny. They are my example of what I want my marriage to be like. I think that we have a pretty decent relationship, but the first 6 months, I didn't really talk to them much. I guess the bf had a rep for not having a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months so they didn't want to emotional invest themselves until I made it past the 'hump'.

I don't talk to my bio dad and don't really talk much to step mom so he doesn't really know them. My bio mom seems alright with him. She is a man-hater though so she always has her guard up with him.

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

you would be correct. before we got married, he was always loaning, buying, saving, giving...but PCD shut it down once we hopped that broom. they no likey that...but oh well!!!

Sexxy Luv said...

I have a great relationship with the Ex Inlaws, they love me and I love them, I don't try to step on the "new Miss" toes but they won't let me go! lol

12kyle said...

@ The F$%K it List
A bat AND the brothers??? Ohhhh lawwwd! LOL

@ Poca
If you're someone who prys and is pushy, then you can easily alienate people

@ Mika
Wow! Your bf sounds like the old Kyle. I'd get that 6 month itch and kick em to the curb. LOL

@ PCD
Shut it down! Lmao @ u!!! I feel you, tho. The wife comes FIRST!

@ Sexxy Luv
That's a tough balancing act, aint it? You wanna stay close but you also don't wanna step on the new chick's toes.

karrie b. said...

i'm STILL best friends with one of my ex's moms after 4 years. she's the greatest. when i went to visit her last yr, we drove to mcdonalds and dude @ the drive thru was staring @ me...she goes "don't be eyeing my daughter!!!" he goes "yes ma'am" and we busted out laughing. she's AWESOME.

-KB

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

I was just having a conversation about this last week. My friend was saying how she's really close with her significant other's family. She said if they broke up she would still be cool with the family.

I think it's possible to maintain a relationship sometimes, but it may not be the best decision all the times!

Sometimes we've got to let the past be the past.....

Don said...

the relationships that were good usually involved my being close with the parents. the relationships which weren't so good usually ended up not being close with the parents. which you now bring to my attention.

never been married but the second female i supposed to have married, me and her mom were best friends. i think that's how i know for sure she was the one. i f*cked it up.

the usual. lol.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

i dont know about it being hard, my little raised by me and her brother, two men, so she will see men, and the fellas, well they may not be ready for her running wild on 11 acres azz lol

Don said...

Conversely, my mom and Mrs12 didn't always see eye-to-eye. A lot of that was MY fault. I should have been the bridge between the 2. I learned that over time.

*applause*

Rezidl said...

...I'm really cool with my in-laws. My FIL is a character and is really supportive of my relationship with his daughter. He had experienced so much personal hardship with his health over the years that he was simply relieved that he could relax believing his baby girl would be taken care of.

My MIL is cool. I think she took a little while to warm up totally because their side of the family had not seen someone love them and their daughter (wife) as diligently as I did. Once she saw that my intentions were solid, she became a serious fan. I do remember her saying to me during her wedding toast, "Take care of my baby." She said it without blinking and was not playing. I got the hint.

L. Renee' said...

12Kyle
It's all good. Thanks for your comment on the blog.
I am maintaining a positive attitude from this point forward. You've heard that old saying Kill her with kindness. Well, that's my picture next to it. LOL

12kyle said...

@ karrie b
That is hilarious! She wasn't gonna let nobody holla at her "daughter"

@ Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs
Welcome to the 12th Planet. Make sure that you come back. We're here everyday like a bad supervisor who never takes a day off!

I think its a good thing if you can maintain a relationship without causing any problems.

@ Don
You fugged it up? Don't worry. If you're still tight with ma dukes...it might not be too late

@ Torrance
A huuuuuge advantage to having 11 acres! Lol

@ Don
It took me a lonnnng time to realize the role that I played in it. I was in the middle. But I didn't wanna be in the middle. Then, I realized that I put MYSELF in the middle. And I fought hard to make things better

@ Rezidl
"Take care of my baby." Classic!

@ LRenee
There ya go! Gotta stay positive

The Flyyest said...

wait...i never said i didnt have BD drama....

HIS ASS IS CRAZY!!!! but i love the family!!


how u gonna slap your sister then 3hours later talk and laugh like nothing happend!!!! LOL

the whole family is nuts..,.thats why i mesh well!!!!

swag_ambassador said...

my 2nd gf was in good with the fam. they saw her as pure and right for me in all the right ways.. i however didnt.. her family LOVED me, always had me over, all the kids and everybody used to play with me.. So when we brokeup, it was funny cause they still liked me, but my auntie, who was real close with ole gf, was mad at me?!?!?! WTF?

my last relationship, her mother and family loved me as well.. her mother was real cool with my auntie, used to do lunch and everything..

I learned not to have my auntie get in too good with families of my lady cause got damn, she will make it oh so hard shall we have to not be togetha anymore

as far as me.. i dont get intimidated by families, and have always been loved by their families..

Still_Pocahontaz said...

Oh yeah... I definitely know hot to do the alienation thing....Since I've moved no one except for my brother knows where I live

12kyle said...

@ Flyyest
LMAO @ u!!!

Yeah...he sounds like he may need to be fitted for one of those tight jackets with the straps.

@ swag
Sounds like you've learned a lesson...don't let em get too close. Good post

@ Poca
I hear ya!!!

Hadassah said...

LOL @ 12thplanet saying is he a pilgrim!

LOL! no, u know how it is in Africa with all the genocide wars between different tribes and all