Sex. Famous 3 letter word. I'm gonna assume that everyone reading this has had sex at least once (stop giggling). We're all having sex (or will be having sex) with somebody...sooner than later. LOL. Nevertheless, we're all doin it. Are we doin' it right? Well...that depends on who you ask. Sex can be enhanced. And as LRenee told us last week, we gotta make time for it because it's good for us. I guess we all can get better at it. The only way that I know how to get better is to...PRACTICE. Haaaa. Peep this article that I found on WebMd...
Was it good for you?
If you’re like a lot of men, chances are it wasn’t. At least, the sex wasn’t as good as you think it could have been.
To rephrase a famous question: Can’t we all just have great sex?
Of course we can. But first we should decide what great sex is.
“Great sex is in the eye of the beholder, or the be-hander,” says Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching. “For some men, it might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their partner. For other men, it might mean being able to last three minutes. Being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your particular partner, and that requires doing something very difficult: opening your mouth.”
Great Sex Tip 1: Take Up Pillow Talk
Right. The mouth. Useful for kissing and other orally administered forms of arousal (none of which should be underestimated), it’s also a tool for communication. Try it. Tell her what you want. Ask her what she likes. Shoot for trust and openness.
“If you get to know yourself and your partner, you’ll have a much more erotic and explosive sexual relationship,” says Joy Davidson, a New York-based psychologist and sexologist, and the author of Fearless Sex.
Great Sex Tip 2: Don’t Believe Locker Room Talk
When men do talk, they often puff themselves up to their peers. Less apt than women to discuss their insecurities and more inclined to exaggerate their exploits, men paint distorted pictures of their sex lives for one another.
“A lot of men wind up thinking that their sex life is missing something, that other men are having wilder sex or more frequent sex,” Davidson says. “They have a sense that the pleasure ship has sailed and left them behind.”
Great Sex Tip 3: Don’t Compare Your Sex Life With Porn
Not everything men know about sex they learned from pornography. But a lot of it they did. And that can be a problem. Populated as it is by flawlessly formed women and men with etched abs and equine endowments, adult entertainment makes many guys wonder: What am I doing wrong? Or, more to the point: What’s wrong with me?
There are positives to porn -- it can, for example, inspire us to greater sexual exploration. But when Debbie Did Dallas, she also did damage to the way men often think about sex.
“I’m not going to stand in the way of your watching porn, as long as you’re aware that it’s not reality,” Castleman says. “It’s like watching a car chase in an action movie. It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s not the way to drive.”
Great Sex Tip 4: Focus on Pleasurable Sensations
While we’re on driving, let’s talk about commutes. And cubicles. And computers. And the demands and distractions of our daily lives.
Stress is an enemy of great sex. So is anxiety about performance. Minimizing both helps maximize your enjoyment of your partner. “If we can quiet our monkey-minds, put a stop to that ceaseless inner-chatter, we can open ourselves up to better sex,” Britton says.
She recommends that men adopt a mantra: FOPS, or Focus on Pleasurable Sensations.
“There are techniques ranging from eye-gazing to massage and synchronized breathing that help keep you in the moment,” Britton says. “Great sex happens in the present. It doesn’t happen in the future, like worrying about how quickly you’re going to come.”
Great Sex Tip 5: Focus Less on Size and More on Other Matters
“I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t matter,” Davidson says. “There are plenty of women for whom it absolutely does. But I prefer to focus on the idea of the right fit.”
No two people are built the same, and it helps to have compatible body parts. For some women, men of modest size may be a perfect fit. It’s a matter of physiology and personal preference. But perfect-fitting penetration isn’t the only path to satisfying sex. Focus on foreplay. Concentrate on kissing, cooing, caressing -- the full panoply of sexual pleasure giving.
Great Sex Tip 6: Schedule Sex. Really.
What sounds rote and dreary can actually be dreamy, says Michael Castleman, who recommends the strategy especially to couples in long-term relationships, who’ve passed the can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other phase.
“There’s this powerful mythology that says you should fall into each other’s arms spontaneously, with string music playing and the sun setting in the West, and if that doesn’t happen there’s something wrong with you,” Castleman says. “Nonsense. Real life doesn’t work that way.”
Castleman says that scheduling sex also eliminates conflict over desire differences. “People say, ‘What if I’m not in the mood?’ Well, one of the things about relationships is that you sometimes make compromises. But what astonishes people once they start scheduling sex is that they can actually enjoy it.”
Your thoughts...on whateva you wanna discuss. haaaaaaa