Thursday, May 29, 2008

close tha door...

Sex. Famous 3 letter word. I'm gonna assume that everyone reading this has had sex at least once (stop giggling). We're all having sex (or will be having sex) with somebody...sooner than later. LOL. Nevertheless, we're all doin it. Are we doin' it right? Well...that depends on who you ask. Sex can be enhanced. And as LRenee told us last week, we gotta make time for it because it's good for us. I guess we all can get better at it. The only way that I know how to get better is to...PRACTICE. Haaaa. Peep this article that I found on WebMd...

Was it good for you?

If you’re like a lot of men, chances are it wasn’t. At least, the sex wasn’t as good as you think it could have been.

To rephrase a famous question: Can’t we all just have great sex?

Of course we can. But first we should decide what great sex is.

“Great sex is in the eye of the beholder, or the be-hander,” says Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching. “For some men, it might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their partner. For other men, it might mean being able to last three minutes. Being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your particular partner, and that requires doing something very difficult: opening your mouth.”

Great Sex Tip 1: Take Up Pillow Talk

Right. The mouth. Useful for kissing and other orally administered forms of arousal (none of which should be underestimated), it’s also a tool for communication. Try it. Tell her what you want. Ask her what she likes. Shoot for trust and openness.

“If you get to know yourself and your partner, you’ll have a much more erotic and explosive sexual relationship,” says Joy Davidson, a New York-based psychologist and sexologist, and the author of Fearless Sex.

Great Sex Tip 2: Don’t Believe Locker Room Talk

When men do talk, they often puff themselves up to their peers. Less apt than women to discuss their insecurities and more inclined to exaggerate their exploits, men paint distorted pictures of their sex lives for one another.

“A lot of men wind up thinking that their sex life is missing something, that other men are having wilder sex or more frequent sex,” Davidson says. “They have a sense that the pleasure ship has sailed and left them behind.”

Great Sex Tip 3: Don’t Compare Your Sex Life With Porn

Not everything men know about sex they learned from pornography. But a lot of it they did. And that can be a problem. Populated as it is by flawlessly formed women and men with etched abs and equine endowments, adult entertainment makes many guys wonder: What am I doing wrong? Or, more to the point: What’s wrong with me?

There are positives to porn -- it can, for example, inspire us to greater sexual exploration. But when Debbie Did Dallas, she also did damage to the way men often think about sex.

“I’m not going to stand in the way of your watching porn, as long as you’re aware that it’s not reality,” Castleman says. “It’s like watching a car chase in an action movie. It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s not the way to drive.”

Great Sex Tip 4: Focus on Pleasurable Sensations

While we’re on driving, let’s talk about commutes. And cubicles. And computers. And the demands and distractions of our daily lives.

Stress is an enemy of great sex. So is anxiety about performance. Minimizing both helps maximize your enjoyment of your partner. “If we can quiet our monkey-minds, put a stop to that ceaseless inner-chatter, we can open ourselves up to better sex,” Britton says.

She recommends that men adopt a mantra: FOPS, or Focus on Pleasurable Sensations.

“There are techniques ranging from eye-gazing to massage and synchronized breathing that help keep you in the moment,” Britton says. “Great sex happens in the present. It doesn’t happen in the future, like worrying about how quickly you’re going to come.”

Great Sex Tip 5: Focus Less on Size and More on Other Matters

“I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t matter,” Davidson says. “There are plenty of women for whom it absolutely does. But I prefer to focus on the idea of the right fit.”

No two people are built the same, and it helps to have compatible body parts. For some women, men of modest size may be a perfect fit. It’s a matter of physiology and personal preference. But perfect-fitting penetration isn’t the only path to satisfying sex. Focus on foreplay. Concentrate on kissing, cooing, caressing -- the full panoply of sexual pleasure giving.

Great Sex Tip 6: Schedule Sex. Really.

What sounds rote and dreary can actually be dreamy, says Michael Castleman, who recommends the strategy especially to couples in long-term relationships, who’ve passed the can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other phase.

“There’s this powerful mythology that says you should fall into each other’s arms spontaneously, with string music playing and the sun setting in the West, and if that doesn’t happen there’s something wrong with you,” Castleman says. “Nonsense. Real life doesn’t work that way.”

Castleman says that scheduling sex also eliminates conflict over desire differences. “People say, ‘What if I’m not in the mood?’ Well, one of the things about relationships is that you sometimes make compromises. But what astonishes people once they start scheduling sex is that they can actually enjoy it.”

Your thoughts...on whateva you wanna discuss. haaaaaaa



DreamCop08 said...






DreamCop08 said...


WEJA said...

YEs.... all of that article is true! The problem I run into is that most women i meet expect a man to just be turned on and fully erect because they are a woman. I mean come on... that's like going in a grocery store and being completely fascinated by one lemon over the millions of lemons in the batch.

It seems that these women nowadays just want you to go home with them, kiss em two or three times, grab a nipple then "mmm.... fk me hard!"

Yeah.. whatever happened to foreplay.. caressing, touching, snuggling... and actually having a female at least pretend she admires the penis.

Anyway, I finally found a woman who is into foreplay, petting, touching, caressing, etc., and understands that the insertion is just the icing on the cake, not the entire meal. She's older, mature, and I think that is what makes the difference.

Women are used to typical men who somehow are just turned on because a female has breasts and a vagina, but the mental or spiritual connection doesn't even matter. BLEH!!

ANywya.. that's my tangent argument!

The article is completely correct!

12kyle said...

@ Dreamcop08
LOL...I'm not laughin atcha...I'm laughin witcha

Those are some sound words. I'm sure that you'll do just that when he comes into your life.

@ WeJa
Good points, fam. You and I have talked about this a lot. Good luck with that chick. Ever since college you've always had success with the older women! Dunno why but you have. Sounds like she's doin it for you.

Mizrepresent said...

Sigh, i miss great sex.:(

I miss SEX!

The mouth is a gift :)

Mizrepresent said...

One more thing...what makes sex so good for me, is when a man is so into me...takes his time and don't mind exploring every inch of my body...whew, okay gotta early in the morning for me to be thinking like this.

The Pew View said...

Baby I just wanna know where was this here information when I married my 5th and 6th late husbands two minute Willie and kiss then spill Earl. Out of 7 husbands them two sho nuff didn't please me one bit. It's a wonder I even birthed childrens for these mens cause hell I kept me a headache. My motto back then was 'if you comin to fast you ain't gettin no a##' I know even in my old age I'm sexy and desirable in all but my goodness. Take care now.

Ruthie Ann

12kyle said...

@ Miz
Ideally, that's what we should all have...someone who is knowledgable and willing to explore your body.

LMAO @ u!!! Too early??? Haaaaa

@ Pew View
Haaaa!!! Love that motto!

DreamCop08 said...



Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

Hey Brother!... Let me just say that I'm believing that God is going to bless me with a husband that can please me like I've never been pleased before in return for me sacrificing my desires of the flesh around I truly believe that when you are married to someone where there is a spiritual connection ...and God is the head of the marriage...the sex has got to be great!

p.s. if anyone who reads this is married... and has a spiritual connection with their spouse BUT sex sucks .....please don't tell me...that belief is what keeps me holding out for a sistah out if you will...

Opinionated Diva said...

lmao @ Dream!!!

wow @ Keisha

When I was younger I really wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. I think I was about 21 when I decided I didn't EVER want to get married, so I might as well "do it".

I remember thinking THIS is what people are singing about in songs? THIS is what people are all giggly and shyt about? THIS shyt was for the birds!!!

I think I didn't have sex again for an entire year or two...but baaaaaaaaaby when I did...I thought...noooooow I get it! lol

Queen of My Castle said...

LMAO @ Diva but baaaaaby when I did LOL

This was a great post. For me the best part of sex HAS to be foreplay followed closely by the very first second of penetration.

I think having a great rapport outside of the bedroom makes the sex explosive, especially when you just "get" each other.

But um, yeah, a man that knows how to work his mouth and has a keen sense of dexterity can most def work and touch my body.

The Jaded NYer said...

re: pillow talk, I will have to channel Miranda from Sex and the City...

(mind you, I'm paraphrasing)

"I do enough talking in my daily life... during sex it's the one time where it is okay to shut the f*ck up"

I don't want to hear "put it here" or "who's your daddy" or any of that mess! Go ahead and moan, tell me I'm the sh*t and whatnot, let me know you're coming... other than that, please do: shut. the. f*ck. up.

Or at least don't expect me to reciprocate; I'm too busy making believe dude is someone I'd *actually* like to be screwing!


Eb the Celeb said...

I think the size part was written by someone that isnt well endowed...

and the last one... so funny that they mentioned scheduling sex... I was watching Deion and Pilar last night and they had to schedule sex... between all the kids and everything that was going on they never had time to do the do. The only part of marriage that I am dreading... I am big on spontaneity and being in the mood... and feeling obligated to schedule sex in order to have it is depressing to me

TravelDiva said...

Kyle this is so timely. On my way into work this morning on the Russ Parr show they had a whole discussion about sex, communication, what women want, what men want.

the old me said...

Sex is the reason that I don't drink or do drugs. It's the only thing I need to be addicted to.

Everything was so true...but sometimes I must admit I like to compare some of my sex sessions to porn

TravelDiva said...

Oh, and I agree with Miz.

Opinionated Diva said...

co-sign Jaded NY'r...I hate all that mess about "whose ussy is this", "tell Daddy what you like that huh huh huh"...shut.the.shyt.up!!!!

I'm not saying he has to be silent (I definitely don't want silence) but all that fake porno talk is either going to make me laugh hysterically or I'm going to get pissed off because you're talking too much.

CapCity said...

As I toldja girl L.Renee - i'll come back & study this when i'm having sex again....*slams door, walks off, shakin' head, mutterin' : dayumm married folk always gotta remind somebody they gittin' it regular*...

LOL! I crax me UP! See ya next week! Ready 2 dance off my frustration!! LOL!

Trish said...

Great Topic Kyle, right up my alley. lol
I agree with Queen..
I think having a great rapport outside of the bedroom makes the sex explosive, especially when you just "get" each other.

The foreplay starts way before you even get to the actual sex, the foreplay goes on all day, flirting with each other, laughing together, saying little sexy things to each other. It just gets you all hot and ready for whats gonna come that evening or whenever.

Eb dont stress about having to schedule sex, its great to be spontaneous, but with kids you very well may have to schedule it to be able to get it in at all.
When you schedule the sex at times
it actually gives you both something to look forward to..
let him think all day about how he's gonna tear it up later ! lol

When my husband & I can have great, long, take your time oral foreplay it just hightens the actual sex. He likes it real nasty!

When a man can give a woman dynamite oral, when he finally penetrates she feels like she wants to explode !
The key is to give as well as you receive !!

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

a big fat whatever to #5...and i would also like to add that creativity is key. no one likes a routine sex even if you schedule sex, it doesn't always have to be on tuesdays at 7pm, in the bed, missionary for 9.75 minutes...followed by chug-a-lugs of purple gatorade and a grilled cheese sandwich!

12kyle said...

@ Dreamcop08
You are very funny!!!

@ Keisha the Kitten
I wanted to wait until I got married but that changed at the age of 16. LMAO!!

Seriously, I respect your decision to wait. As long as you're up front with a man (I'm sure that u are), then its all good.

I think it would be in everybody's best interest to marry somebody who they are sexually compatible with. If you aint...there's gonna be problems. If your hubby likes sex and you don't...there will be major issues. If you like it and he don't...there will be major issues.

Here's my question for you...what do you do if you get married and you realize that he's not what you want sexually?

@ OD
You are funny!!! I'm rollin over here

@ Queen
Foreplay is very underrated. As a man, we have to remember that we can't rush it. Enjoy those moments. A great rapport will enhance your sex life. Who wants to just have sex with someone where there is no mental or spiritual connection?

We all have to use our mouths for more than talkin'

@ Jaded NYer
Ohhh lawd! Look at you quoting Sex in the City!

I think women would have a serious problem if the man said absolutely nuffin. I think we all wanna hear sumthin . Maybe not "who's your daddy" but silence aint golden. You feel me?

@ Eb the Celeb
Mannnn, you know a white man wrote this. LMAO!!

We've never had to schedule it...but me and Mrs12 have had to schedule a date. You'd be surprised how busy you can get...especially with kids. You don't wanna become too busy that you neglect your man

12kyle said...

@ TravelDiva
Communication is the key!

@ the old me
Welcome to the 12th Planet. Make sure that you come back. We have a good time round here. We're here every day like a stray cat

Addicted to sex? There is such a thing. Look at the bright side...this addicition won't kill ya. And its good for your health (peep LRenee's blog for the statistics)

@ OD
Wonder what he'd say if you were silent? Haaaaaa

@ CapCity
Yoooooo!!! I'm rollin! These white folk gotta think I'm crazy for laughing out loud like that.

Fa sho! Looking forward to meeting you and the rest of the crew

@ Trish
I hear you and I agree. Long foreplay makes it that much better.

"The key is to give as well as you receive !!"


OMG!!!! LMAO!!! You are stoooopid!!!

I think when they speak of scheduling I think its about setting aside some time for your mate. I hope you let the creativity takeover after that

Purple gatorade! Haaaaa

L. Renee' said...

12Kyle, Thanks for the shout out again this morning. I appreciate the looking out! (smile)

This message is for Keisha "kitten".
I am here to tell you that God provides when you are faithful. My husband and I didn't have sex with each other until our wedding night. We weren't virgins..but when we met we were both practicing abstinence.
Sex with my husband is more incredible than any previous sex I had ever experienced in my lifetime. There is something extra special when you both have a spiritual connection. Sex with him is so much deeper than the physical act. He truly knows my heart. We've been married for 7 years now and the sex just keeps getting better and better. Keep the Faith Girlfriend!

Queen of My Castle said...

LMAO @ PCD...that was hilarious

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

That's where faith comes into play...I just believe that if I keep saving myself for marriage (don't get me wrong I have fallen, but we fall down and we get back up).....GOD WILL give me that someone who is compatible in the bedroom...God knows my desires even more than I do...I'm trusting and believing that he's gonna give me a husband that will lay it down....even better than what I thought I liked! It might sound foolish...but I cause it faith..matterfact when the time comes...I'll be sure to write a blog about it..."They called me foolish, I called it faith, but let me tell you, my new husband just hit it the right way!"'s that for a title?

Rich said...

@Keisha -- will you have a discussion about your feelings on sex before you get married or will you just leave it all up to God?

@L. Renee -- did you ever discuss sexual expectations or did you leave it to chance?

You definitely have to schedule sex or be open to getting in where you fit in when you are married with kids. It's funny, we have four kids at home (one just returned for the summer from college) and we find we talk more about wanting each other than having the time to get with each other, but when we do it's on. By the time nightfall comes, you are tired, so sometimes 3/4/5 in the morning is the best time. It's not always ideal, but it allows you to get it in before the kids wake up.

Foreplay is cool also, but sometimes it's overrated.

Never did like a lot of talk. We try and communicate throughout the day about general stuff. Not to mention "I love you's" here and there plus a few well placed flirtateous remarks and the need for pillow talk is diminished.

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

@Rich-Of course!...we talking about everything..through the door...but it's gonna be all good in the end...cause remember He will be sent by God!

Bottom line is...I want to do something different for different way hasn't worked yet...I'm committed to trying God's way! As lame as it may sound...I don't wanna know my husband like that..until our wedding night...I ain't knocking the next you...and Imma do's all love...

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

One more thing...if communication is the key...wouldn't talking about your wants and desires with your spouse....and agreeing to work to please each other...make the sex better???

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

LRenee-Just saw your comment..that's what I'm talking about sistah! And when I have my turn to experience that type of love making...I will definitely go back and tell my sistahs...that GOD CAN and HE WILL!

~Ms. Moore~ said...

I agree with Weja and the article.

Keisha Kitten Isaacs don’t let anyone step on your beliefs or rock your faith. My belief is that amongst all the weeds (and weed heads) out there is my rose that will take the time to LEARN to love me and be loved by me and only me. So every day I chop down weeds in search of my rose that was grown for me and only me.

Opinionated Diva been there done that. I didn’t have anyone to tell me about the birds and the bees. All I knew was that everyone was making a big to do about this sex thing. Quick funny true story: the sex education talk (on 2 separate occasions) from my parents lasted less than 30 SECONDS. Me being the logical individual that I am I decided to research this sex business before I decided to do it. I read books like the Sensuous Woman. I watched a porn movie but the funniest part of all this madness was that I went to see a movie called “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex but Was Afraid to Ask”. This movie is by no means to be used for sex education. IT IS A COMEDY by Woody Allen.LMAO (People please talk sensibly to your children about sex). After all my crazy research I decided to just do the dam thing out of curiosity. And like you I could not understand what all the ado was about. It was horrible!!! After about a year I met a man that was patient and kind. Who did not just have sex with me but MADE LOVE TO ME!

Jaded NY’r when men get to hollering all that noise it seems to me that they are insecure. And it’s at that time that I like to play with their minds. Who’s ya daddy? Robert Moore Sr. Who’s p _ _ _ y is this? It has belonged to ~Ms. Moore~ since I was born. And the million $ question: Is this the best d _ _ K you ever had? Well let me think about it, hummmm It’s longer than Joe’s, but thinner than Dave’s, but shorter than Percy’s OH BTW is it in yet =(

Eb the Celeb don’t get it twisted. Just because a man is well endowed doesn’t mean he is good at sex. =(

Ditto PCD creativity is key, both parties should be willing to recommend or do something new to maintain the relationship.

Ditto Rich communication at all phases of the relationship is crucial. I am not very good at hints. And since I am not very tactful I generally say what I mean and mean what I say. STOP PUTTING YOUR TOUNGE IN MY EAR THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M DROWING!!!

Kieya said...

See now, I'm torn on the size part.

Yea, if its sizable, yay! But....some guys just think thats all that matters and thats all they rely on. "Hey girl, I got a big d*ck"...but u can't do nothin with it! You gotta be able to work it something serious lol.

BUT some guys know they're average and will definitely find ways to make up for it.

I am def a fan of foreplay and teasing til the absolute point where either person can't take it anymore...thats where the fun is especially when you have a strong connection with the other person. that only intensifies the experience

Jackie Edwards said...

And here I thought only women had such in depth thoughts about these types of things. Glad to see you're on the ball Kyle, leading the way for all the men out there, letting them know what the deal really is!

ShellyShell said...

Good Post! Sex is great when you are doing it with someone who truly knows you and you have a connection with! Oh yeah and the oral game betta be!

Dayum I may have to go watch YouPorn now....I miss it SEX! What is it? LOL!

12kyle said...

@ LRenee
No problem! You know I gotcha back!

You and hubby abstained before you got married? Wow! He learned a lot from me...but not that! LMAO!!!

@ Queen
I think PCD is a comedian in here spare time

@ Keisha the Kitten
Great title!

@ Rich
3am is the best time, bruh! Mannnnn, you took me back with the word "trim" today. I was laughing so hard. Man, I'ma put that back in my vocab.

@ Keisha the Kitten
I commend you for waiting. I dunno if I could but i feel where you're coming from

@ Ms Moore
great post. i KNEW that you were gonna say something that would crak me the hell up! LMAO!!


@ Kieya
I plumber who doesn't know how to use his matter the size...doesn't stay employed for long! haaaaaaaa

@ Jackie Edwards
Thanks! I had to get the word out!

@ ShellyShell
Look at you throwing out porn sites

*somebody is writing down that they are reading these lines*


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