Thursday, March 6, 2008

Secret Lifestyle


As we discuss topics here at the 12th Planet, we know that this is a place where folks can stuff off their chest. All topics can be discussed. All opinions are golden. I have always expressed to the inhabitants of the 12th Planet that if they have any subject matter that they would like to be used as a topic that they can always email me ( and I'll post it. If you don't want me to put your name out there, then I can do it anonymously.

Today's topic comes from a female reader named In-vent-her. Here's what she had to say...

The Secret Lifestyle
Would you be suprised find out that your lawyer, hairsytlist, co-worker, teacher or even your relative is part of the secret life of swinging??
People have been swinging for decades but since its such a taboo in society, many people have preferred to keep the lifestyle secret.

There are
many different forms of the lifestyle, such as voyeurism, exhibitionism, full swap, threesomes, etc.

With places similar to Hedonism resorts popping up all over the Carribean, would you consider taking a walk on the wild side or have you done so already? Have you and your mate ever discussed the subject of bringing in another person into your bedroom? Thanks 12kyle


When I read it, I didn't know if there were many readers who participated in that lifestyle. But hey...this is 2008. Some women love women and some men love men. I don't knock ya hustle. Do what you do!

Your thoughts...


12kyle said...

@ In-vent-her

Here's my take...

I don't begrudge anybody for what they wanna do behind closed doors. Everybody has sex. Even if you haven't had it in a looooooong've had it before. LOL. In my humble opinion, we are all freaks to a degree. Some of us are very freaky and some of us are moderately freaky. And some of us are freaks beyond freekdom! Normally, I think we gravitate sexually to those who are on our level of freaky-ness.

I've been married for 8 years. I just can't see me and my ole lady swinging. She's beautiful and I'm as attracted to her now as I've ever been. But I'm not gonna swap her with another couple. LOL. I just can't do it. Threesomes? Nah. Letting people watch me have sex?? Hell no. I'd prefer to put in work and not be seen. LMAO

Brad said...

Very good topic. Biggups to In-vent-her.

Well, as a man I'm not ashamed to admit to having the fantasy of 2 women at the same time. I think culturally that's not even taboo anymore. That being said, I'm happily married and have put that particular one to bed. I know I couldn't swap becuase us involving another couple ain't going down. I'm not too shy to try a nude beach but I know the wife is. Hmmmmm maybe we're prudes.

But, when I was a yungsta I was 'observed' in a sex act. It was an afterparty and most of us had passed out and me and my girlfriend felt frisky under a blanket. Well, everybody wasn't sleep. And she wasn't all that quiet either. So, that's one of those stories my folks tell about me to this day.

Don said...

My advice to any dude who is even thinking about getting involved in a 3some - DONT DO IT.

Real talk.

I tell people all the time. It sounds good to be in bed with two women, but in reality, the ish is nasty and I dont even know the word Im looking for. Sick, thats it. Its better in thought than in presence. My two cents.

Lola said...

My boyfriend and I talked about going to one of those parties but just to watch and get really turned on. I often fantasize about being with another woman while my boyfriend watches us. I am totally straight but am curious. I might be down for one of those freaky vacays. Afterall what happens in the tropics...stays in the tropics. I figure I better get it out of my system before I settle down and get married. Great topic.

L. Renee' said...

After 7 years of marriage I think we have earned the option of getting a little more freaky. Not with another person but definitely involving more tricks and treats to our repertoire.

12kyle said...

@ Brad
I KNEW you'd have a story! LOL. I agree with you. I think since the teen years it's been every man's fantasy to be in bed with 2 women. I have also put that fantasy away.

@ Don
I had a friend in college who offered the proposition of a threesome to his girlfriend. They did it! But it didn't end well. She ended up dumping HIM for that chick. It's one thing to lose your woman to another man but to lose her to another chick was deflating to him.

Nasty? It don't look nasty on those porn flicks. LOL! Preciate the vibe, fam.

@ Lola
I think that there are parties and places like that all over the country. If you go somewhere like Hedonism, I heard it's a "anything goes" type of place. Don't think that you have to stop this because you're married. I'm sure there will be a least ONE married person who will respond to this blog and tell you that they are into this. Preciate you for coming to the planet! Come back.

@ LRenee
You are sooooo true. After you've been together all these years, you've gotta keep the sex provocative and fresh.

Queen of My Castle said...

Interesting topic. To each his own, but I would not prefer a 3-some, nor would I want to swap. I would be livid watching some other babe please my man or vice versa. As for voyeurism...I wouldn't want anyone openly watching me, but it is somewhat of a turn-on knowing that there is a possibility that you could get caught in the act.

I agree, we are all freaks to some degree.

Trish said...

My husband and I DO swing. Its not an all the time thing, but we have swung and continue to swing when we feel the urge. We frequent nude/lifestyle resorts at least once or twice a year. Nudity is very freeing, you should try it. There are more nude/lifestyle resorts out there than people know about. Its a fun wild time, just keep in mind before you close your mind that there is no pressure in this lifestyle,no means no. Just because we consider ourselves swingers doesnt mean that we swap all the time, sometimes it may be getting down in the same room with another couple, sometimes its just a female with us, sometimes its just me watching him enjoy himself, sometimes it's neither, just us together being exhibitionists or being voyeurs and watching other people, which can be a real turn on! There are so many forms. The key is that if either you or your spouse has even the slightest bit of jealousy DONT DO IT and of course never force or persuade you spouse into anything.
I have seen it ruin relationships.
We may even be "playing" with a female friend this weekend.
Now when I say friend...this is not someone I hang out with, went to school with, or was a bridesmaid in her wedding. No! One of my rules is no one too close, but close enough.
Lastly (or my comment will be toooo long) If you do decide to get into this "way" make sure you and your spouse keep your lines of communication open, THERE HAVE TO BE RULES as a couple, what you like, dont like, what you are willing to do and not willing to do. For example... no kissing, or only females, no gay-dom., etc.
Discuss all and every option and scenario before even trying.
A good starter is just going to one of these resorts just to see what its like, you dont have to do anything, but I promise you that a majority of you would get turned on in some way.
Dont knock it. Just be open.
Feel free to ask me any questions..
hopefully I can help. lol !
If you havent guessed already...
I am In-vent-her.

Opinionated Diva said...

I guess I wouldn't be surprised to learn who might be interested in these "secret lifestyles", but it is so not for me.

There's a blogger, that openly posts about going to these swinging parties and sex clubs or at least she used to (I haven't been to her blog in a while).

She had a post about a man who was in the middle of having sex with one woman...she left to use the bathroom or to go somewhere...and another woman immediately started giving him head. What kind of drug are you on, to go down on a man that just pulled out of some other woman? They were all strangers.

Nasty and just stupid in these times.

Trish said...


12kyle said...

@ Queen of My Castle
Thanks for coming to the Planet. I've seen you "around the other 'hoods." Make sure that you come back. You are right...we're all freaks to some degree.

@ Trish
Thanks for your info. We've had this conversation several times over the 4 or 5 yrs that we've known each other. Although she has never tried to "recruit" me, she has given me some insight to this secret lifestyle. She seems very secure in herself and her marriage. It works for them. It would work in my crib but I don't knock her for what she likes. LOL

@ Opinionated Diva
That's nazzzzzzzty! LOL

Brad said...

Trish, Your candidness is great. I always say if your gonna do something be open with it. So, I do have a question. What got you into the lifestyle? Which one of you (you or hubby) was the first to bring it up?

Trish said...

Thanks Brad. It is what it is, no need in being shame about it.
I actually had experienced some things on my own prior to being with my husband and in the very great communication that we have,
I ended up being candid with him,
he loved it, asked alot of questions and became curious, so we started experiencing things together and we started by planning vacations to nude spots and it went on from there.
It works for us, it doesnt work for everybody.

To Opinionated Diva
I say... to each his own. Thanks for the comment.

PrettyBlack said...

Wow...ummm hubby better not even step to me with that bullshit. Sex is best with someone you love...period. It has to be safe. Shit I don't even remember any of my sex partners before my hubby, there weren't alot but damn I wasn't a prude either haha!

Hubby and I used to watch pornos but now they just look gross.

I did buy him some nice flicks and a bunch of books last fathers day for the nights I'm just not in the mood. But honestly hubby and i fit together reeeaaaaalll we don't need no help! In the words of T-Pain "We can do it all by ourselves!"

And I'd be damn if another bitch straddles my man in front of me, that's a good way to get sliced up into kibble!

@Don you freaky mofo you!

12kyle said...

@ PrettyBlack
"I don't even remember any of my sex partners before my hubby". Damn! Ihope none of them are reading this. Haaaaa

James Tubman said...

you can't do this if you are with an overly jealous person

i wouldn't do it because they can always throw it in your face

women don't forget nothing

if guys remember that they would be a lot more cautious about what they do and say to them


What i find funny is that if it weren't for our social morals and values (that were pretty much forced on us as children), then this wouldn't even be a topic.

in NATURE we are all polygamous creatures.

Its natural to swing, or want to swing, lust for someone other than your "legal" mate, be aroused.. sexually attracted too others... etc etc. Its just funny how parts of our nature are shunned upon.

Simple rule:

"And it harm none, do as ye will." the Wiccan rede

TravelDiva said...

I guess I would be surprised if persons I knew were involved in it. It's not my thing--I don't share. But I'm not going to judge what people do behind closed doors.

Eb the Celeb said...

I'm too damn selfish for all that mess... aint no way i'm letting some trick in my bedroom... I would have to smack a hoe!

12kyle said...

@ James Tubman
"women don't forget nothing" truer words have been said, bruh

@ Weja Priest
I feel you...I think. LOL. Are you for it or against it?

@ TravelDiva
We never know what those who are close to us will do behind closed doors. I agree with you. I don't judge people. Do what you want to do. I'll do the same.

12kyle said...

@ Eb the Celeb
You are soooo funny. I think i heard those same comments coming from A Pimp Named Slickback. (inside Boondocks joke). Thanks for the post.

Anonymous said...

If I want to experience any of the above, all I have to do is pick up an AA novel.

On the real, though, sex is a respected thing that I do not take for granted. It only happens with someone that I am in a committed, loving relationship with. Therefore I do not see putting all the emotional energy into more than one person.

12kyle said...

@ Jewells
This is true. Sex does change things between a man and a woman

eclectik said...

I have a one dick rule in any sexual activity I'm involved in the more tittayballz the merrier!!!

I wouldnt be surprised to find out co workers and etc are involved in some mess...

they nasty lol


12kyle said...

@ eclectik
You like to work alone too, huh. LOL

Mizrepresent said...

I remember my hairstylist speaking of such...and i was shocked at her freakiness, and at some point just a little bit excited...but i know i wouldn't go there...but i tell you the stories were...quite the stuff that freak dreams are made of. And i say, to all, do you.

Boogie said...


@ Trish......I applaud you for 'coming out' and being real with you and your hubby's "antics".

As for me and my opinion, since I've been divorced, I've been involved in the making of a porn movie (heh heh heh), met more 'risque' women then EVER before, and have had a very savoir-faire attitude about sex compared to the 10+ years of friendship/marriage/relationship with the same person. Now, I really only want to be with one I'm thinking about my two lovely daughters (6 and 3) and how I want them to be raised (if anyone wants to bash me and my behavior, then so be it........Brad, Dit (Kyle) know how my marriage ended.....). Basically, my opinion about swinging is 'do what you do.......just stand behind what you do'. Don't just do it because you THINK it's it because that's what you WANT to do. Too many times people get caught up into doing something that is TOTALLY out of their character only to lose focus of who they are THEMSELVES. I mean, if you are freakier than Rick James EVER was.....go on witcha bad self. I ain't mad atcha......just know that you reap what you sow......

12kyle said...

@ Boogie

"freakier than Rick James"? I don't think ANY of us are THAT freaky. I mean, Rick was burning white women with cigarette butts for thrills

12kyle said...

@ Mizrepresent
Thanks for visiting the Planet for the 1st time. Come back. We're here and we're stronger than a GOOD pair of stockings.

The Jaded NYer said...

I have dabbled in the "lifestyle", and under the right circumstances it's aiight...not anything to write home about. Or maybe I just haven't found the right partner(s) LOL. I don't regret it- I was curious, got it out of my system, it was fun, and now I can move on.

But I agree with the comment that if you're going to do it A) there have to be rules and B) one of those rules has to be an insistance of safe sex- no exceptions. It's the only way to proceed with it.

Otherwise the fallout can be, well, use your imagination!

12kyle said...

@ The Jaded NYer
Interesting perspective. Here's someone who tried what they wanted out of it...and moved on. 'Preciate your candidness.