Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Somewhere between Twitter, Facebook, and The 12th Planet you can find me...thinking. You all know about the off the dome...random thoughts. But this day, I was thinking about me being single and without children.

Before your mind wanders, everything is good with wifey and the fam. LOL. The thought came from something that I saw on tv. There's a 42 yr old sista who was on Good Morning America. She has created a website to help her find a husband. Her goal is to find a a year!!!

My first thought was like "huh." Who in their right mind would set their goal to find a husband in a year? She has created a website where she will "solicit" dates and get advice from her close friends as well as thousands of Americans. In essence, she's "pimpin" herself over the 'Net.

It got me to thinking...if I was a single dude with no kids...could I do something like that? I mean, I do have the intangibles. Smart, good looking, driven, college educated, witty, and extremely modest. Could I internet pimp myself like that? Would I accept dates from women from all across the US in an effort to find a woman who would share my last name and have my children?

Hell no!

I applaud the sista's effort but she's going about it the wrong way. Take it from a dude who's been married for nearly 9 yrs. That's not how it's supposed to go down. You can't put a time limit on a relationship. If she meets a guy in September that she's she trying to get married by the following September? That's just backwards. I know that some of you who are reading this are looking for a man who you could settle down with. Please don't do this! LOL. This chick is gonna waste a year chasing a dream. You can't force things. flowers...must be cultivated so that they can grow into something more than what they are. IF (and that's a big if) she finds a man, she sounds like the type who may spend too much time worried about the wedding and not the marriage. She's spend a year trying to find him...marry him without really knowing him...and be divorced in 6 months.

She's going about this like a kid on the basketball court who spends countless hours trying to dunk but never works on his jumpshot. He never learned the fundamentals. He was too busy being worried about something else. You've gotta crawl before you can walk.


clnmike said...

Yeah that lady needs to get it together.

But that seems to be the thing with women now.

They are so hell bent on the idea of marriage and the show of it that they are giving no thought about the MAN they are spending there lives with.

The Jaded NYer said...

dangit! I just left a long ass comment and then my internet started acting a fool!! GRRRR!

basically I wrote that I felt bad for her because she's probably doing this cuz she thinks it's her last shot. She IS 42... that might've scared her silly!

MzInspiredMind81 said...

I have to agree that it seems like for some women(myself included at times) we start to 'feel' that biological clock ticking and resort to desperation to 'find a man'. She probably looks at herself as being at the end of the road, w/ having no children or husband and being in her 40s. SIGH. It's sad how mainstream the idea of marriage is starting to get to folks. I've told friends time and time again...'I want a marriage like my granparents...they've been married for 60yrs!' These days marriage(in my humble opinion, to some people) is nothing more than an extension of boyfriend and girlfriend hood.
Clnmike hit it on the head too

Angel said...

I know people that would do that though!

I feel so sorry for her though. I have a feeling her birthday came and she felt lonely and desperate.
Its not the right way to go though, I feel that she will go out a lot but you have to question the quality of man that would really respond or want to get married to a woman that is effectively 'for sale' on the internet.

Anonymous said...

Damn, that's some desparate moves right there. I feel sorry for her too. It's a shame she felt she had to resort to that. A damn shame.

dessex said...

I know a lot of people that got married and really didn't know that other person that well and most of their relationships are struggling now. I never been married but I do know it's not just something you rush into it

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

Hey Brother!

Funny on my way to work I was thinking about how many women are so focused on 'finding a man'. Then I started thinking how God designed us to desire companionship BUT we miss that the first companionship is meant to be with God! Then I started thinking how looking for a man is out of order as well because HE who FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing. Relationships are important to God and marriage was the first covenant but going out of divine order is a recipe for disaster. God brought Eve to Adam and Adam found her pleasing....God puts the woman in the man's path and its for the man to find comes in due season and I believe it's worth the wait to have a divine connection!

That's my two cents on the topic..Great post Bro!

Ra said...

You can't discover the true psycho in a person in a year. If she stays focussed on getting married, she's not going to see the person she's marrying. Impending divorce aside, she could end up in an abusive situation. There are men out there who seek out that kind of desperation in women, and use it to their advantage. I hope she rethinks her plan. At the very least, procede with caution.

Queen of My Castle said...

I agree with Ra. It takes about a year and a half before you even start truly scratching the surface of the other party's TRUE identity. I understand her plight for wanting to be married, but heck, sometimes being single trumps marriage for some people.

Queen of My Castle said...

Just saw the title. Cute

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

desparation at its finest...

Opinionated Diva said...

I think she's crazy. If you haven't found him in 42 years, you're not going to just miraculously find him in a year. I also think she's opening herself to all kinds of crazies that prey on the desperation of older women.

It should make for an entertaining year for her though.

xcentricgem said...

42 ... I understand her urgency ... She's probably accomplished everything else ... Career, Home and all other MATERIAL things ... however, there is no greater void than the absence of true love...

Is she going about it the wrong way?... Maybe ... Hell, it worked for Lisa Hartwell on Housewives of Atlanta ... she married after 1 month and 23 days ...

Would it work for me ... Nah... not my style ... But, she is on her way to her 15 minutes of fame ... in a few months she could publish this experience and be a NY times Best seller ... I applaud her for going after what she wants ...

There is no misery greater than lonliness unless its with being with someone and still being lonely...something she really needs to consider ... Unfortunately, she is at an age where the men in her age group are entering the 'mid-life' crisis ... and if they are single.. they are looking for 20's and early 30's ... so her choices are getting extremely low ... I think she was shopping in the mall with me when we should have been in the boutiques !!!

Totally agree that she may be going about it the wrong way ... but ... there comes a point in ur life when u realize there's a great possibility that you have more years behind u than u have in front of ya .... so her urgency I understand ... the odds are stacking against her by the minute.

This topic has caused me to reflect on some of the choices that I have made relationship wise and ... If I could have an outta body experience and kick my own ass .. I would ....

Thanks 12... LOL

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

Hmmmmm...what you would do for love...

I'm not walking in her shoes, so I can't imagine how she is feeling, but I do think this is the wrong way to go; simply because people lie too much to find someone via the internet. Then you have to deal with all of these psychos.

In the end, I hope she finds love, but I don't know about this.

Smarty Jones said...

What's up with all my blogging buds and the marriage question this week?
I think she just got impatient and has taken matters in to her own hands. It makes me wonder what else she's become impatient about.
We've all heard the statistics about black women getting married and they are flat out depressing.
She's being proactive, you gotta applaud her effort, even if you don't agree with her actions.
It's hard for a woman to be alone especially when pop culture and your family paint you as incomplete if you're without a man and/or children.
Personally, I don't agree with her actions. I think she's become too impatient. I have to wonder about her religious background.
I say that to say that the Bible states, "He that findeth a wife, finds a good thing ..." Now that may not mean much to a lot of folks, but that means I'm not supposed to be looking because my husband is supposed to be looking for me.
I'm not over here living a nun's life, but I ain't no damn bounty hunter either. If I'm meant to be a man's wife and the mother of his children, it's going to happen in God's time, not mine.
As for spending more time on the wedding than the marriage, blame Disney.
All those damn princess stories that we read as little girls and watch in the movies all make it seem like you're going to find your prince charming and have the wedding you've been dreaming about since you were five.
It's hard to let go of something you've held onto since you were five. I'm not saying that it's right, I'm saying that's what happens.
Fortunately for me (or unfortunately), I'm a little bit wary of marriage anyway. It is the No. 1 cause of divorce, why not eliminate it? It's breaking up families! LoL

L. Renee' said...

Hey Kyle.
This woman probably was feeling lonely during the holidays seeing people together and sharing special memories. At this point, she is feeling desperate. I'm sure by now the majority of her friends are married with kids. That can put alot of pressure on a woman. In my case, I met my husband through a blind date. Which, I vowed I would never do. But, said what the hell anyway. We dated for 6 months. He proposed, and 6 months later we were married exactly on our one year anniversary of dating. It could happen. We have been happily married for 8 years. Never, say never.

Tha L said...

desperate bitches drive me nuts. SMMFH.

Rashan Jamal said...

Sounds like someone who just needs some attention to me. She can't realistically expect that in a year. It can happen, but not when she's dating untold amounts of men trying to find her prince.

The Jaded NYer said...

I just went on her site, and the about me states:

"Neenah doesn't consider herself a desperate single, but she does understand that at this point in her life, the odds of having a family of her own are against her. Where conventional methods have failed, Neenah decided to try a new approach to finding a husband."

I just thought I'd include that in the comments because some people seem to be judging her so harshly, and on the site she specifically says "Prospective Husband" so she's going into this looking for a LTR, and I think it's fair to state that upfront so dudes know what's up.

After viewing her site, I really have to hand it to her- she's really putting herself out there and being proactive about her happiness.

Still, I wouldn't do it... but ask me again if I'm still single in 10 years! lol

The Flyyest said...

off the domes.....loves it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sexxy Luv said...

let me get 42 and be single.

12kyle said...

@ clnmike
I couldn't have said it better myself, bruh!

@ jaded santana
is it a bad thing to be single at 42? i mean, society puts pressure on folks to make them feel like they should have a spouse, car, house, 2.4 kids by the age of 35. that makes no sense.

@ MzInspiredMind81
i feel you. i, too, want to be married for 60yrs. till death do us part

@ Angel
right! it's like "pimpin' ya self"

@ boredntalkative
very desparate

12kyle said...

@ dessex
i know a dude who rushed into marriage. i asked him "are you ready for this?" he said that he thought so. well, he was married and year later he was divorced.

@ keisha the kitten
Nuffin left to say but Aaaaaaamen!

@ Ra
"You can't discover the true psycho in a person in a year." That is sooooo true! just never know if people are who they say they are.

@ Queen
I agree. And we all got a lil bit of crazy in us, don't we? LOL

No doubt.

12kyle said...

@ OD
I think it'll be more than entertaining for her. I hope she's not overwhelmed.

@ xcentricgem
You are funny! LOL. Good points, tho. Most men her age are trying to "buy" young chicks. They'll take their six figure and become sugar daddys!

@ Beautifully.Conjured.Up
I agree. I hope she finds love but i don't think this is gonna work. I think she'll wake up and realize that she wasted a year of her life

@ Smarty Jones
Bounty hunter! LMAO!!! You are stoooopid! I feel you, tho. Its funny how women have the images of weddings and marriage instilled in their heads at an early age. It doesn't happen like that for us.

@ LRenee
Your husband is the exception! I can honestly say that I knew a few of your husbands blind dates...none compare to you!! That's why he had to snatch you up...QUICK! LOL!!!

12kyle said...

@ L
Haaaaaaa!!!! U crazy!!!

@ Rashan Jamal
Looks like she's determined to kiss a lotta frogs just to get to that prince!

@ Jaded Santana
I read that too. Here's my interpretation...they said that she is "trying a new approach". Well, I call that internet pimpin ya self. That's dangerous in 2009. I wonder who is gonna screen these dudes?

@ Flyyest
Thanks! Welcome back! You've been missed

@ Sexxy Luv
LMAO!!! That's 20 yrs away, right? LOL

The Jaded NYer said...

re: screening... well, let's just hope she's smart about it and does background checks. I do them all the time... $14.95 a pop or you can purchase a subscription for just a lil bit more.

Or, you know, know a cop who'll look ppl up for you *innocent smile*

The Jaded NYer said...

Oh, and she also said her window to have her "own family" was closing so she needs to act now. Which is true; just cuz Madonna had a baby at 500 years old, doesn't mean it works for everybody LOL

Her eggs are now 42 years old and less viable by the day. her clock is TICK TOCK TICK TOCK and to ppl who actually want to have a baby of their own, that's important to consider.

Didn't mean to take up her cause or anything, just, one of my many talents is seeing things from all angles and then playing Devil's Advocate... and harassing you! lol

12kyle said...

@ jaded santana
actually i DO know a cop who could do that. but i think it's only for the state of georgia

i see you over there playing devil's advocate. lol!!! you know i don't mind.

L. Renee' said...

Thanks BIG Brutha Almighty! (smile)

~Ms. Moore~ said...

So many of the blog comments ring so very true. I hope the sister means this stunt to be a marketing ploy to create a moment of fame for herself and if she finds Mr. Right in the process all is good but if she doesn't life happily goes on.

The F$%K it List said...

I'm not sure about this site at all.

On one hand I can see how some would think she is desperate. She is after all putting herself out there in a way that is uncommon and to some strange.

On the other hand, she is 42 and single and at this point she is up against a wall. In this society people look at you sideways if you are single over 40, and will treat you like a leaper.

so more power to her, I can't see how it will work but if it does you might see more and more of these sites pop up.

A.M. said...

@ My sissy:
I'm sure you're not gonna be 42 and single...and wait how are u all up on other people's blogs and not helping me deal with this crazy life of mine ova on mine

Anyhow Kyle, hehe...totally agree. I don't care how desperate you get...they are just somethings you just have to WAIT for...until the time is right :-)

Just Jasmine said...

yeah that is just crazy. 1 year? i hope she covers all her basese b/c 1 year is not nearly enough time to meet and marry a stranger.

good luck with that

Anonymous said...

I empathize with her. However, I wouldn't go that route. Based off of what you said (haven't gone to the site yet), she seems to be going about it all the wrong way. More than likely she's gonna end up marrying the wrong guy.