Tuesday, June 3, 2008

give sumthin to get sumthin

I bomb atomically, Socrates' philosophies
and hypothesis can't define how I be droppin these
mockeries, lyrically perform armed robbery
Flee with the lottery, possibly they spotted me
Battle-scarred shogun, explosion when my pen hits
tremendous, ultra-violet shine blind forensics
I inspect you, through the future see millenium
Killa B's sold fifty gold sixty platinum

Inspectah Deck from Wu Tang (Triumph)
What is the ONE thing that most of us want? A meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you swing that way). Some of us are looking to take a meaningful relationship to the next level. You know...marriage.

When you enter a relationship, you're expected to give up certain things. Is that fair? I think so. But I guess it would depend on what you're expected to give up certain things. For men, when we turn in that "playa card", we lose some things. I remember being a man who had a lotta female friends in college. These weren't women who I wasn't necessarily interested in. Women who had become friends with me b/c I'm an easy guy to talk to (...as evidence of this blog...things haven't changed. haaa). But there were some friends who DROPPED off the face of the earth when I got married. It's cool, tho. I understand.

There are some things that most people miss from the single life. For example...a recent study of 2050 women were asked what they missed about the single life. On a scale from 1-10 (with 10 being a very big deal to 1 being no big deal) here's how things stacked up...

Time to myself...7

Total financial control...6

Freedom to play the field...4

Answering to no one...8

Decorating on my own...4

Traveling when I want to...6

Finding dates for parties...3

Leaving my place messy...5

Bar hopping...3

Easier Scheduling...7

Hanging with friends...7

Ok. Now it's on you. Not just women...men, too. If you aren't currently in a relationship, you can specify the things that you would miss about the single life.



Sexxy Luv said...

It pays to stay up late!

1st!!!!! Yea Boi!!!

going to read the post, I just seen 0 comments and had to have the #1 spot! lol

prettyparker said...

What I miss most - having my own room. I know that sounds crazy but I wish I had my own bedroom again.

I had more male friends than female friends. Not boyfriends, just platonic, cool peeps. Well it is not appropriate for a married woman/man to have a friend of the opposite sex (or so many believe). That just sucks, but I accept it.

I had a bit of an identity crisis for about 6 months after we said "I do." I was used to being misswright and suddenly I was prettyparker. I felt like everything I worked so hard to achieve for 22 years was lost to a new identity that no one knew. I always wondered if other women felt that way after changing their name.

Wearing t-shirts to bed and comfortable cotton underwear that felt secure on my rear. Well, thank goodness we are at the 10 year mark and I can go back to the t-shirts and comfy fruit-of-the-looms, hahaha!

12kyle said...

@ Sexxy Luv
Haaaaa. Look at you. I guess the night owls will get an early start

@ prettyparker
Well it is not appropriate for a married woman/man to have a friend of the opposite sex (or so many believe).

I feel you. I've just never subscribed to that theory. All of my close female friends are friends with Mrs12. In fact, my closest female friend talks to my wife more that she talks to me! Haaaaaa

New identity? That makes a lotta sense. I understand where you're coming from.

Ohhhhh laaaawwd!!!! Not the fruit of the looms!!! haaaaaa

DreamCop08 said...

lmao of at prettyparker.

well i am not married ,but you know i have my lil boo.

what i dont miss is being tied to my phone, now i feel obligated to it now. i hate to be asked why i didnt answer my phone.

I'm so used to being by myself, its gonna be hard to be involved with someone.

Mizrepresent said...

Top of the list -

Time to myself


Hanging out with family and friends

Answering to no one.

Having male friends - i had them while married, mr. just didn't like it...oh well, i still kept them. Hope the next guy is a lot more understanding, like Mrs12kyle.
That's cool.

I can sleep in anything i want, lol! I so love the T-shirts.

funny thing it took me awhile (and still working on that) to get used to sleeping alone...now i can't imagine sleeping next to someone, everyday, lol.

Brad said...

I miss being able to REALLY enjoy the Atlanta social scene. Great thing for a single man. Bad thing for a married man.

I miss being able to make purchases purely off the fact that I wanted it, with no one else to consider.

And I miss 2 am booty calls. Get the call at 2. Be grinding by 2:30 and she gone by 4. What a perfect way start your day. LMAO.

Kieya said...

Time to myself would have to be number one. I love being in my own space by myself in just quiet.

I suppose marriage kinda takes that time away...? If so, then my husband & I are gonna have to have "me only rooms" so when I want time alone, I don't get bothered lol

Brown Girl Gumbo said...

I honestly can't think of anything that I miss. I guess the one thing I miss about being single is getting dressed up for dates!! LOL! I know that I can still get dressed for my husband, but it's not the same. He's seen all of my cute outfits, etc.!

SistaSocialite said...

What I miss most is having my own space. I'm an Aquarius and we demand some serious "me" time a lot of the time. I haven't had that since me and my boyfriend moved in with each other 1 year ago, but all honestly, it was a mutual choice, and although it's taken time to get use to, I'm not really complaining that much. All other stuff... if I wanted to bar hop or play the field, I wouldn't be in a relationship, simple as that.

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

i miss most...

my own place. while company (*wink*) is nice, i LOVE being alone. i love peace, quiet and having everthing just so. i kept an immaculate house, hubby is a slob.

i still hang with my friends...just not the same. but it would be silly if i did. i have grown and aged, so in turn, my activities have evolved.

sorry, i'm getting off topic...back to what i miss...

um, i miss, eating as fabulously as i would every day. i have an adventurous palate, hubby is picky

i think the most i miss is peace, quiet and organization. i often reminisce about the days when it was just me and my cat, starr jones and i...living high on the hog. we ate exquisitely, lounged together and were quite social. when we wanted to be around folks, we were. when we didn't, we didn't. on some weekends, we'd hole up, order food and watch the movies we liked allllllll day and night. on the same note tho, i got a lil PCD out of the deal (*sniggle*) and that outweighs anything i may possible miss, even for the moment :-)

Anonymous said...

Can't say I miss anything right now since I am single.

I miss a whole lot about being in a relationship though.

TravelDiva said...

Selfishness. When you're with someone, you have to think about them when making decisions, even if it's just what to eat for dinner. When you're not in a relationship, all you have to think about is yourself. So sometimes, you kind of miss that freedom...

The F$%K it List said...

I miss the peace and quiet. My own bed. Love him dearly but he takes up a lot of space.

Hanging out with my friends at the bar after work, now i hang with CJ.

I miss no dirty socks on the bed, or clean one in the bed LOL!

The F$%K it List said...

and ya'll are crazy, I sleep in what I want and have maintained all of my male friends. But if they can't get along with him I snip snip.

Trish said...

I was one who also had alot of male friends (strictly friends)
when I was single.
I have kept some of those friendships. While my
husband and I are very open with each other and he states that my male friends dont bother him. I keep my male friends to a minimum in all ways because that can get very touchy, especially if its a long, long time male friend who knew you prior to your marriage, they can sometimes sound like they know you better than your husband does.
Now to the question at hand... I guess miss the not having to check and discuss things prior to making a major move financial or otherwise and Sleeping alone. I love my husband but I like to have the bed to myself.

CapCity said...

WOWWWWW...were u listening/tapping my phone yesterday? I was talking to a married friend about this VERY SAME THING! WOW! warning - i'm 'bout to post in your comment "erea". LOL!

Anyway, it was funny cuz I said I would NOT miss being single AT ALL - cuz I've had MORE than my share of this brand of "freedom". He laughed & said I say that NOW. It was like two kids on opposite sides of the fence - he "reminiscing" & me anticipating. I said he didn't miss the things he missed enough to call it quits (he agreed!). I then compared it to this move I've made to NYC - YES there are things I miss about home/DC...but when I go back to DC - the things I "missed" aren't really there -or- at least they don't affect me in the way that I "missed" (hope that makes sense).

It'll be interesting for me to revisit this once I'm married to a Brother I ADORE! Hopefully, he won't be the type to be offended when I say I wanna sleep in the guest room cuz i need to stretch out cuz i'm a pretty wild sleeper! though he'll always be welcome to be my alarm clock cuz i do sleep au naturale (was that tmi?) LOL!

Rich said...

I'm like Travel Diva, I miss being selfish. I sometimes just like to get in my car and ride with no destination in mind with no one else in the car but me and my music. Now I have to consider the Mrs. I still do it from time to time, but a lot of times she or one of the kids want to come along. That's what family time is for.

I hate that I can't go to Blockbuster and get myself a movie without someone (pick a kid) wondering why I didn't bring them one and then giving me the sad face.

I sometimes just miss the freedom to not have to be anywhere at anytime until I'm ready to get there. You'd swear I was married to my youngest daughter the way she calls and asks where I'm at and when I'm coming home (and she's not doing it for the Mrs.). I call her little momma, because she makes sure I check in with her. I can be with the Mrs. and she's calling wondering when I'm going to hit the door again. I guess love is like that.

@Kyle - I lost a few female friends as well when I got married. It seems I thought more of the friendship than they did or maybe, just maybe they thought they had a shot.

Good post

prettyparker said...

"I hate that I can't go to Blockbuster and get myself a movie without someone (pick a kid) wondering why I didn't bring them one and then giving me the sad face."

Rich, from your lips to my hubby's ears He said that exact thing this weekend! Lol!


I miss...hmmm I have been in this relationship with my husband 3 years now. So.....

knowing always that the toilet seat is down

having the covers to myself along with the whole bed

putting girly stuff up in the room like my Betty Boop stuff

I'ont know this was a good post though...I love being married I dont miss being a little slut bucket..LMAO

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

some folks just to selfish to even SACRIFICE for another great post scholar, no get a dog lol

12kyle said...

@ Dreamy
Please don't tell me that you play those phone games? LOL

I didn't hear the phone ringing

@ Miz
Time to yourself is very important. We all have to make time for ourselves. Sometimes you can be so involved in a relationship that you lose sight of that.

Get used to sleeping alone. That's funny.

@ Brad
Welcome back from the cruise, playboi. When you get a chance, you may wanna check out some of the posts from last week. You'll get a laugh or 2

I feel where you're coming from. If you never did Atlanta as a single man, then got married here...you'd prolly be miserable. I'm glad that I did it as a single man.

Boyyyeeee u stooopid!!!

@ Kieya
You can have "me only rooms" but your kids and your husband will find ways to ignore your request to be alone! Haaaaaaa

I hear you. Do you dress him up for your dates or can he wear what he wants to wear?

@ SistaSocialite
Welcome to the 12th Planet. Make sure that you come back. We have a good time over here. We're here every day...hangin out like wet clothes.

Living together is a huge adjustment. After a year, it should get better for you.

Hmmmmm. You keep a clean crib but your hubby is a slob. I'm SURE that he gets an earful from you.

You like to eat different things and he's picky. Do you guys compromise on that?

@ Jewells
"I miss a whole lot about being in a relationship though." Classic! I feel ya!

12kyle said...

@ TravelDiva
I can dig it. For most of your life you've only had to worry about yourself. Now, you have someone else to consider. It's an adjustment. I know people who are just that selfish that they'd rather be alone than to commit to a serious relationship.

@ The F$%K it List
"My own bed. Love him dearly but he takes up a lot of space." Well...there's always the couch LMAO!!! Jussss messin wit cha.

Nuffin wrong with male friends.

@ Trish
"I love my husband but I like to have the bed to myself.". I'mma speak for Charles...
"You can hit the guest room or the floor!!!" LMAO!!!!

@ CapCity
We are on the same wavelength. LOL
Keep in mind that NO man wants to be beat up during his sleep. Wild sleeper MUST take the guest room. Haaaaa. I hear you, tho.

@ Rich
I hate that I can't go to Blockbuster and get myself a movie without someone (pick a kid) wondering why I didn't bring them one and then giving me the sad face".
We haven't gotten to that point in my house...yet!

I feel you, bruh. I don't know if they thought they had a shot but I wasn't interested. We dated in college so it shouldn't have come as a surprise to any of my college friends that i would marry Mrs12. I just found it interesting how many of em disappeared.

@ prettyparker
It's a common theme among us men. LOL

@ Poca
LMAO @ the toilet seat!!! There are 4 men in my house. My wife will be complaining for a long time about that. The great thing about that for me is that if I leave the seat up...I can blame it on them! Haaaaaaaaa.

Betty Boop? Yeah...your hubby ain't going for that!

@ Torrance
Dogs are great but SOMEBODY in this house is too selfish to get a dog. LMAO!!

CapCity said...

Rich & 12k - sometimes we female friends disappear 1) if we don't jibe with your wife 2) cuz being friends with married men can be awkward if u knew him b4 she did - especially if wife's insecure/not cool with it...
i have one male friend who i've known since we were like 3 (went to baby sitter together back 'fore day care;-) & his wife told me I'm his ONLY female friend that she allows. some female friends don't wanna put in the work required to make the wife feel secure either...
Not ALWAYS about whether we wanted to BE the "chosen" one or not...
tha's my two cent on THAT! LOL!

Queen of My Castle said...

I agree with Cap, we pull disappearing acts for many reasons, NOT because we think/thought we have/had a chance. Many wives get jealous and insecure, so it's not worth holding on to the friendship because after you say "I do," the wifey becomes the leading lady in your script of life, therefore a true respectable friend would do whatever it takes to keep down confusion in your humble abode.

When I was married I missed

-Having males friends to chat with all hours of the night or day. Men gossip more than women and are most times funnier and easier to talk to.

-My freedom

-Not having to "okay" my decisions with someone else

-Being able to sleep peacefully through the night without him "poking" me in the ass because he was horny

-Him going home to his own crib at night

-Not having to clean behind a grown man

-Not having to deal with crazy ass in-laws

karrie b. said...

ughhh. i hate that i'm single sometimes.

i saw a weird looking bug in my tub last month and FREAKED! it was then i wish i had a man to kill the bug and comfort me.



12kyle said...

@ CapCity
1) if we don't jibe with your wife
If you're interested in remaining friends then it's imperative that you jibe with the wife. LOL. And the man should be the bridge between the two. Sometimes if a woman takes off...then it looks suspect. But I feel where you're coming from. I really do.

2) cuz being friends with married men can be awkward if u knew him b4 she did - especially if wife's insecure/not cool with it...
It's hard to overcome another woman's insecurity. That's not your problem. It's hers.

@ Queen
Men gossip?? Say it ain't so! LMAO!!!

"Being able to sleep peacefully through the night without him "poking" me in the ass because he was horny
*side eyeing you* haaaaaaa

Crazy in laws can definitely be a HUGE problem

@ karrie b
One thing that we CAN do is to kill bugs! LOL!!!!

Eros said...

"What is the ONE thing that most of us want? A meaningful relationship with a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you swing that way)," really? Most women just want to be understood and cherished...

soumynona said...

Relationships can take away time
(mostly from playing sports)
They can take away energy
(if you are into going out you dont do that as much)
But I believe they can add more than subtract

ShellyShell said...

I'm single but I'll answer this as if I was engaged like I was 2 years ago....lol!

What I missed the most was having to be accountable for financial purchases(anything over $100)and not being able to just go to a happy hour/dinner on the fly.

We each had our rooms that we could retreat to, but he was a consultant so shyt I was home Mon-Thurs alone how much alone time did I need! It did take awhile to get used to sleeping with someone since I sleep diagonal...lol!

As for friends of the opposite sex. My best friend is a guy and if any dude I get with can't understand we've been friends since Kindergarten then it's a no go. But my ex was very understanding because his bf was a woman but we both had many friends of the opposite sex. My friends talked to him and his to me!

But that is all in the past! I'm riding solo now!

12kyle said...

@ Eros
Welcome to the 12th Planet. Make sure that you come back. We have a good time over here. We're here everyday like the long lines at the security checkpoint in the airport.

Every woman wants to be understood and cherished. As men, we'll cherish you...we'll never understand you. LMAO!!!

@ soumynona
"Relationships can take away time (mostly from playing sports)"

I hear you playa. I play golf and sometimes they ain't tryna hear about you leaving for a day to get in 36 holes. haaaaaa

@ Shellyshell
LMAO @ you for sleeping diagonal!!

You've had that friend since you were toothless! LMAO!! Any man should understand that.

TravelDiva said...

LOL. I'm not that selfish. Heeeheehehee

12kyle said...

@ TravelDiva

The F$%K it List said...

That's the same thing I tell him,Can you go sleep on the couch HAHA.

I usually try to jibe with my male friends partners/wives etc but there have been one too many instances where the woman doesn't like me. So I keep my distance and only really embrace them if the relationship get serious.

writers dream said...

if i was still single i know i'd be club hoppin like a mug. but im actually happie that im with a good man. Hey, but i wouldn't trade it for the world.-peace

Kieya said...

really? damn....

Dione said...

I would hate not having quiet and alone time. Oh, and when I was in a serious relationship, I missed not being able to spend money like I wanted. I always had to think about the other person and what large purchases we might want to make together.
I agree with Capcity about reasons female friends may drop off the face of the earth when a guy gets married. Good points there! Also, it could be that the guy lost his friends number transitioning from one city to another and HE dropped off the face of the earth until years later... roflmao!

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

to answer your question kyle, the compromise is this...i no longer go out of my way to pick things from the small list that he likes. i don't go as far as i could go with my picks...but i don't pacify that silliness either.

(his pickiness is borderline obnoxious...no meat, esp. chicken with bones in it, no veggies except broccoli or greens beans, no seafood, and forget anything that is a delicacy) but like i said, i have stopped feeding into it...and the rule is that we eat whatever is presented...because most importantly we are teaaching lil PCD to eat healthy and not to be a pain at the table...so he no longer can be...at least not the way he would like

CapCity said...

12k & Rich/other married men - u said the female friends dropped off - but u didn't say what u did to KEEP the relationship going? I know I'm not going to "fight" to stay friends with a man whose woman is trippin' - & i know it's not my issue - it's HIS: he married her! LOL!

Oh, forgot one: some of my male friends have tried to keep me as the side fantasy - even if we don't engage in anything sexual it feels weird when a male friend tries to get all into my intimate life as if trying to live thru me & my singleness - kinda like watching thru conversation (make sense? & it's different than talking dirty...)... just strange!

so, those are MY three TOP reasons... & thanx 2 the folk who agreed, so this sistah know SHE ain't trippin'.

Eb the Celeb said...

aint ish gon change when I get me a man cuz I am gon find one that like to be out and about just as much as I do... so HA!

Eb the Celeb said...

but if I had to choose it would be limiting being selfish... i tend to do what I want when I want to and I know I have to compromise that a bit if I will be living with someone.

12kyle said...

@ The F$%K it List
Haaaa!!! I hear you.

@ writers dream
Welcome to the 12th Planet. Make sure that you come back. We have a good time over here. We're here every day like a stray cat

Club hoppin used to be my thing...back in my day. LOL

@ Kieya
Really! LOL

@ Dione
Interesting point. That could very well be true. I could see how that could happen. It didn't happen to me, tho.

Big^ to you. You're a good wife. That sounds like that could be somewhat irritating.

@ CapCity
I feel you. It's a two way street. But if i reach out to you and you never call back...then what can I do?

@ Eb the Celeb
I think you're gonna hang out less once you settle down. And when you DO hang out...it'll be with him.