PODCAST: fatherhood

On this episode of The 12Kyle Podcast, I will discuss FATHERHOOD. I give my thoughts on the highs and lows of fatherhood. Every man has a perspective on what it is like to be a father. I will also tell you 3 things that every man must give his child. I take you along on my journey as a father. Ride with me.

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last day of school

(Deion, Kameron, Brandon & Skyler (photobombed it at the bottom)

Where did the school year go?

It feels like the school year just started a few weeks ago.

Today is the last day of the school year!!!

It was an interesting year in my house. The kids were all in their milestone grades. Brandon (7) has completed the 1st grade. He was on the Honor Roll and was named Student of the Month for the month of April for his school. Kameron (11) has completed the 6th grade. It was his first year of middle school. He made the Honor Roll for most of the year and balanced playing football last fall. Honestly, I didn't know how he'd handle the workload from his classes and practice but he got it done. Deion (14) completed his freshman year in high school. While he didn't make the Honor Roll, he adjusted to high school quicker than I thought he would. I need to re-direct his focus from girls to working harder in the classroom. He will do better next year!

The last day of school brings back many memories for me. But things are so different for these kids. We would leave school for the summer and you wouldn't see most of your friends until school started again. Nowadays with technology, these kids will keep in touch with their friends on a daily basis.

Remember when you went to camp for the summer back in the days??? You did that for a week or two and it was dope. My kids will go to summer camp every day this summer. It's fun for them but it doesn't sound like as much fun as we had.

Then...we always explored that sacred place back in our day...it was called OUTSIDE. There was nothing like being outside for HOURS at a time. Sometimes I'll send my kids outside to play in the yard only for them to come back inside 15 mins later for water or a popsicle.

There was always a big FIGHT at school on the last day of school. You could fight and get away with it because you probably wasn't going to get suspended...unless you got caught. The fight always started with somebody saying something like "I don't like _____. I've been wanting to beat her up all year. Tell her that I'm gonna get her on the last day of school." Somebody would relay the message and it'd go from there. There was always somebody trying to be Don King and they'd hype the fight up. I remember 2 girls who fought on the last day of 8th grade. I told myself that I had to see that fight because they were fighting over a boy. Well, they fought after school on the last day. Fists and hair was flying. Next thing that I know...a bra comes off and we get a glimpse of one girl's breasts!!! She was one of the finest girls in the school. And when I saw her breasts, I felt like I had just witnessed one of the best things ever!!!

Thankfully, there will be no fights at their schools tomorrow. And that's a good thing!

Marriage 501...12 RADIO SHOW

Check out the 12 RADIO SHOW. The 12 RADIO SHOW is the most innovative and interactive show on Blog Talk Radio. Tune in tonight at 9pm EST as the host, 12kyle, informs and entertains! 

Don't just listen to the show...be a part of the show and participate in the interactive chat room...or call in to speak with 12kyle and his co-hosts. 

TOPIC - Marriage 501 

co-hosted by Krishna

Join us as we discuss the good, bad, funny, and ugly of marriage. Don't miss it!

(347)215-7162

www.blogtalkradio.com/12kyle

Krishna

Knock Knock

Gotta thank my home girl who shared this with me so that I could share it with you. It's all love!

I hope that you can appreciate it as much as I do.

Knock Knock

Daniel Beaty

my sister doesn't like you

For the past few days, my son Brandon has been talking about his girlfriend at school.

They are both 6 yrs old.

Today he said that he wanted her to come over and play. He said he wanted her to play with Skyler, too. Keep in mind that Skyler is only 18 months old...but I played along with the conversation as I held in my laugh.

I said to him..."Skyler may not like your girlfriend. In fact, she may not like many of your girlfriends. But it's ok. She's your sister and that is how she may be sometimes but it's ok."

Brandon looked puzzled. He could not understand why his baby sister would NOT like his girlfriend. He'll learn one day. Sometimes if a girl is not liked by your sister, she doesn't stick around. Women are very protective of their brothers. They know how other women are. Sometimes they can see the BS that men don't see. People always tell me how hard it will be for the baby girl to date with THREE older brothers and a somewhat protective, gun carrying father. But it's going to be hard for them too. If Skyler doesn't like their girlfriends, there is gonna be problems. My oldest son, Deion, is 12 yrs older than her. They are very similar to me and my sister. We are 13 yrs apart but we didn't grow up in the same house. I can't say that I've been blown away by any of her boyfriends but I have respected her decisions. Conversely, I made sure that I didn't bring alot of girls around her. In fact, I can think of only 3 that she liked (she loves my wife...by the way). I can think of one that she didn't like...and she told me! LOL. The rest of em never met her.

So, I want to prepare Brandon, Kameron, and Deion and let them know that Skyler may not give her approval of who they bring home...choose wisely! Her opinion will matter to them. As a parent, I think you should try not to get too attached to who your child is dating. Relationships will come and go. They will all experience some form of heartbreak. It happens to us all. I just want them to grow from it and move forward. I will continue to let them know that it's important that their parents like their girlfriends...but if their little sister don't like her...it's a wrap!

the father/daughter bond

Never underestimate a strong bond.

I am fully aware of the strong bond between parents and their children.

More specifically, the bond between a mother and her son. I don't have to look far to take note of it because I can see it in the bond that I have with my mother. The bond between a man and his mother is a special one. I've seen it develop in my own house as my wife has a strong bond with each of our 3 sons.

Now there is a new bond in my life. Three weeks ago today, my daughter was born. I had been told by my friends about how I should prepare myself to have my world turned upside down. And it has. As I look at her, I daydream. I understand that this bond must grow and our relationship must be cultivated. I am the first man that will ever love her. I am the man who has to show her what a REAL MAN is. I will always be Superman in Skyler's eyes. I am the measuring stick by which ALL men will be measured. If she saw me sloppy drunk, high, or smacking around her mother...what kind of impact would that have on her life? I have to give her...LOVE, DISCIPLINE, & an EXAMPLE to follow.

I can't help but look at her little face and wonder about what she'll be talking about 5 yrs from now. I wonder about how she'll handle her first day of kindergarten. I think about her painting a picture of me as a "stick figure". I can also see her becoming a young woman. I envision that moment when she has her first menstrual cycle. I see the awkward moment when she'd rather hang out at the mall with her friends instead of watching the football game with her dad. Then, there will be the moment when some lil snot nosed punk calls my house and wants to talk to her. I see it all. Clothing trends. Hairdos. Nails getting done. I see the day that I drop her off at college. Then I see day that I walk her down the aisle.I have envisioned it all

It's a new journey for me. The girls who I dated and the ones with whom I was friends with didn't really have fathers around. I mean, there was a few...but not many. I never remember going to a girl's house and being grilled by her father. Growing up, I remember having a female friend who has the perfect daughter/father relationship. Her father would take her on dates! In a sense, he laid the blueprint for her as to how she's supposed to be treated by a man. I had another friend who worshipped the ground that her DADDY walked on. She told me that she would often say to herself "I can't do that...my DADDY would kill me". I used to tease her about her DADDY but deep down I loved their relationship. I want Skyler to feel the same way about me one day. I want her to grow to be self sufficient and independent. She will not want for anything...me and her brothers will see to that. I want her to be a strong black woman. I call her the princess because one day she will be a queen...not a baby momma.

Children are a gift from God that are loaned to us. I pray that I have Skyler for 100 yrs. She hasn't been here long and I've already been planning her life! LOL.

More importantly, I can never lose sight of how strong our bond is and I must do whatever I can to keep it that way.

juss friendz

Are we products of our environment?

Are we victims of circumstance?

Maybe we're somewhere in between?


Relationships are a funny thing when you think about it. Especially when it comes to marriage. You have a man. You have a woman. These two people grew up separately and have lived vastly different lives. They find some commonalities within each other that brings them together. They grow close. Love ensues. Then they decide to spend the rest of their ENTIRE lives together and expect it to work. Sounds perfect, right?

Right!

LOL!

I'm being funny but you get my point. I was having a conversation with a good female friend of mine and we were discussing marriage. During the conversation, I realized how "different" some of my views were on marriage. These views were shaped by the marriage that I saw crumble right before my eyes. My parents divorced when I was 14. It came as a total shock. One day we were a happy family. The next day, they sat me and my younger brother down to tell us that they were getting a divorce. It hit me like a ton of bricks. They never ARGUED and yet they were splitting up? You don't understand how things are when you're that young. You learn as you get older. I've done a 10 yr bid in this marriage thing. LOL. I've learned some valuable lessons over the years. Marriage is hard. It's work. It's work...even when you don't wanna work. Just like love. Love is the ultimate verb. It's something you DO. Marriage is rewarding, tho. I hear people talk all the time about wanting to get married. There's nothing wrong with that. The question is...do you want to PUT IN THE WORK?? It's like saying..."I want to be in the NFL". But if you're not willing to get your body in shape, then it's all pointless.

My parents had a messy divorce. Dad got married again. Mom is still single. I don't think they were ever the friends that you need to be when they got married. Did they rush into it? I dunno...I wasn't here. I can't say that they hated each other when it was over but there was some extreme dislike. But a funny thing happened some 13 yrs later...they became grandparents. It was then that they had something in common. They went from being distant strangers to grandparents who marveled with pride about their new grandson. I laugh at them now. They talk all of time. Safe to say they are friends now. Last year, they came to my house to celebrate Deion's 5th grade graduation. They actually stayed under the same roof...for the first time in more than 25 yrs.

Friendships should come before marriage. A strong friendship is the foundation. Always keep that in mind.

As for my parents, it came after marriage. And I'm cool with that.

We????

We

[wee]

–pronoun

the nominative plural of I

I know that you know the meaning of the word but I wanted to give it to you anyway. The word stood out to me in a recent conversation.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a tall, athletically built, young man. I was at my son Deion's all star baseball game. The young man, who stood almost 6-1, had a younger brother who was on Deion's team. Within a few minutes of noticing the young man, I realized that I was sitting next to his father. His father was 6-3, 330 pounds. The father and I began to talk sports. Within our conversation, he revealed to me that he played football in college at Alabama State. He also informed me that his son wore a size 16 shoe and was 14 yrs old. Translation...the kid is gonna be HUGE!

I asked the father if the kid was playing football. He said that he wasn't playing football nor basketball. He said he was only playing baseball. I found that to be somewhat strange because the kid is built like a basketball or football player. The father then explained to me that he has provided his son with private lessons in baseball, a hitting instructor, and he plays in a travel league...all year.

Then he said something that really caught my ear...

He said..."I'm gonna make sure that we get drafted."

Huh?

He said it again minutes later..."When we sign a with a major league team out of high school, we'll be in a good spot."

We? Was he speaking French?

It became obvious to me that this guy was one of those overzealous parents who is trying to live their athletic prowess (or lack thereof) through their child. Not only is that wack but it's not fair to the child. I would never pressure or influence any of my sons to play sports. I think my boys will gravitate toward sports b/c they watch sports with me. Deion is playing baseball. Kameron is playing football. Brandon is too young to play but he'll play whatever he wants to play. They can play whatever THEY want to play. I won't force them. Not will I place unreal expectations on them.

I've had "my day" in the lights. My time has come and gone. I truly enjoyed it and I have no regrets about it. But it's over. It's not my job...nor any other parent's job to make their child a professional athlete.

Too bad some parents don't understand that.

teach and learn

When it comes to school, I don't play.

I demand that my sons do well in school.

Mediocrity is not an option.

A few weeks ago, my oldest son, Deion came home with a "C". He's 10yrs old and is in the 5th grade. He's an A student. So, I was NOT happy to see a "C" on his progress report. I realized that he had gotten a C because he had 3 homework assignments that he did not turn in. The strange thing is that he DID the homework. He just didn't turn it in!!!

Huh?

That left me scratching my head. How can you do it but not turn it in?

I happened to be out of town when my wife called me and told me about the grade. I was furious. I told her to put Deion on the phone. My wife tried to tell me to take it easy on him but I wasn't trying to hear her. When Deion got on the phone, I went off! I didn't curse (my sons have never heard me curse) but I let him have it. When he tried to explain, I told him that I didn't want to hear it and I didn't want to talk to him.

Should I have said that? Probably not.

My wife called me the next day and she said that after we got off the phone he cried as if he had gotten the worst spanking in the world. He was hollering! She said that he woke up the next morning and he was crying uncontrollably. She tried to cheer him up but he wouldn't snap out of it. He was hurt. I had no idea. After she told me what happened, I knew that I had to say something. I asked her to give him the phone. She tried but he didn't want to talk. What? He doesn't want to talk?

I told my wife to put the phone in his hand and to FORCE him to talk if she had to. After a few moments, he finally took the phone from her. I began the conversation by apologizing. Apparently, when I told him that I didn't want to talk to him...he thought that meant that his Dad didn't like him anymore...didn't love him like I love his 2 younger brothers.

I quickly reminded him that I DID love him. I reminded him that he was still my "main man". However, I was disappointed in what he had done. There was no excuse for not turning in his work. I reminded him of the many hours that he spends doing his homework and he should have turned the work in as soon as he walked in class. I reminded him that I needed him to be the leader for his brothers. You can't lead if you aren't doing the right things. He said he understood. I told him that I loved him and he said "I love you too, Daddy."

Lesson learned...sometimes words can hit harder than a fist. Always be mindful of what you say and how you say it.

Always remember that kids don't come with instructions. Parenting is a constant work in progress.

Even when you come down on a child, you should always end the conversation with a positive thought or a word of encouragement. It's usually the last thing that they hear...


Holla!!





Also check out a post that I wrote on Sista Sports...http://bit.ly/5PiM7L

growing pains...

recent convo...

ME: Man, these boys are growing up so fast. Never thought I'd have sons that are 10, 7, and 2. Time really does fly. I can remember the day that we bought Deion home from the hospital. Kinda hard to believe that it was 10 years ago.

Mrs12: Time really does fly

ME: Won't be long before the girls and stuff start.

Mrs12: What do you mean?

ME: I mean, it won't be long before he'll really start to like girls and things will really take off.

Mrs12: Take off? I don't understand.

ME: He'll like girls and then they'll be calling the house all the time.

Mrs12: Oh no! Those lil fast girls won't be calling MY house!

ME: Excuse me (laughs)

Mrs12: You heard me. Some of these lil girls are fast. Too damn fast. They won't call my house.

ME: At one point in time, YOU were a fast lil girl that called somebody's house! LMAO!!!

Mrs12: Yeah. Whateva.



The truth is...as parents you can't imagine your child being interested and falling in love with another child. You tend to look at your child through innocent eyes. In reality, when they become teenagers...sex will become an issue. You can try to hide it from em. But you have to remember that kids are exposed to so many things that we weren't exposed to. Back in my day, it was cool if you could get your hands on a copy of Playboy or Black Tail (some of y'all know about that). Nowadays, you can find any nudity you want (including porn) on the 'Net (some of y'all know bout that, too! LOL)

I always laugh when I hear dudes talk about how they are gonna protect their daughters from horny lil teenage boys. They talk about "getting their shotguns" to let these lil dudes know what time it is. Can't say that I blame em. If some young punk showed up at my door with 2 earrings, gold fronts, and with his pants falling off his ass coming to see my daughter (if i had one)...I'd wanna shoot his ass, too. Nothing wrong with being overprotected but we need to be honest with ourselves. You can't hide sex from teens. You could walk into any high school and I'm sure that you'd find very few virgins. Some of us got started earlier than others. LOL. But it's a sign of the time. There will be girls that will come along a make my boys THINK they are in love. And they'll get their little hearts broken. You don't wanna see it happen but it's a part of life.

I went on to explain to my wife that I'll be sitting down with Deion one day and explaining to him the birds and the bees. I won't tell him "DON'T BRING ME NO GRAND KIDS" (like my mom did). I'll talk to him about girls. Tell him the pros/cons to sex. I would never advocate that he has sex but I'd be unrealistic to think that he's gonna wait until he got married. I would prefer that he's ready. I think you know when you're ready. I'd tell him about HIV/AIDS, STDs, and pregnancies. I'd also tell him what Dad told me.

Before you do anything with a woman...ask yourself if you would want to deal with this woman for the rest of your life. If she gets pregnant, that's what you'll be facing.

Treat a girl/woman the same way that you would want another man to treat your sister.

I never forgot those words.

At the end of the day, you can only inform them and hope that they do the right thing. Some kids will wait. I didn't. But I did the right thing. Some women will say that they should have waited. Who knows what my sons will do? I just hope that they listen.

tha vent

This goes out to you...

This goes out to you...

And especially you...

From me to you...I'd like to tell you how I feel.

In my personal opinion... YOU AINT SHIT!

Yeah, I said it. If you don't like it, come see me. I ain't hard to find. This post is dedicated to all of those dead beat dads out there. Be a man.

For those of you who know me, I rarely call people out but you know that I'll tell you how I feel without holding my tongue. For those of you who know me, you know that fatherhood is something that I take very seriously. It is the most important job that I'll ever have. Having 3 sons, makes me want to work even harder at fatherhood because I know that they'll learn how to be a man from me. If I fail, I've failed those 3 little boys.

I don't understand how a man (and I use that term loosely for you bums) could help create a life but have nothing to do with it. You dead beat dads/baby daddies/sperm donars kill me. You would never seen an animal in the wild leave their young until they were able to fend for themselves. I don't understand your way of thinking. I won't attempt to. Some will say that they aren't in their child's life because of the strained relationship with the child's mother. That's bullshit. You can do anything that you want to do when it concerns your child.

Deadbeats are all around us. Take a look. You might be sitting next to one. You might be sleeping with one. If a man doesn't take care of his children...that are of his flesh and blood...he will do even LESS for you.

I can only shake my head at you fools. For example, I have a friend who hasn't seen her father in nearly 30 years. Thirty years? Are you serious? I have another friend who would chop his right arm off just to have a conversation with his daddy. He knows where he is but the father has denied for 36 years that my friend is his son. And then there's my niece's daddy. He's seen her twice in her 3 and a half years on this earth. Maybe he's spending time with the other kids that he had after she was born? Did i mention that he's only 23? Deadbeats. That's what y'all are.

Do me a favor...step up to the plate as a man and handle your business. For as great as children are...they didn't ask to come here. Just sending money isn't always the solution either. Spend time with your child. Bond with them. Children are smart. It won't take them long to realize what the rest of the world already knows...


YOU AINT SHIT!

time4acap

There comes a time for CHANGE

And I ain't talking about Prez O...

I think it's time for a change in the laws.

I would like to institute a salary cap...kinda like the NBA...on child support.

There should be a cap on the maximum amount that one can receive for child support despite of their parents earnings. Let me preface my comments by saying that this post ain't about those dead beat dads (baby daddy's) who pay little or nothing towards child support.

This post is for those "high priced babies." You know...the ones who costs more than my kids and your kids. The kids who are born to these celebs who need "special treatment" as a result of a divorce settlement or paternity test. In July, a judge ruled that the hip hop star NaS would have to pay his ex-wife, singer Kelis, nearly 40k/month in "support" (30k in spousal support and 9k in child support). Are you kiddin me? 40k per month? That's 480,000 a year. During their divorce proceedings, Kelis told the judge that she had not received any money from NaS during her pregnancy and she "only made nearly 21k per month." Kelis, who recently gave birth to the couples first child, asked the judge to make sure that she nor the child would not have to have a change in their lifestyle.

The judge ruled in her favor and granted that NaS pay her 9k a month for their child.

I have a HUGE problem with this. Kelis is not the first celebrity to cash in the child support dollars. Kim Porter, former model and the mother of 3 children to mogul Puff Daddy, cashed in for nearly 40k/month per child a few years ago. Porter and Puffy were never married. Fashion mogul Kimora Lee Simmons receives more than 100k/month from her ex husband hip hip mogul, Russell Simmons for their 2 daughters.

I think these amounts are insane. I understand that the "child support" numbers are determined by how much their fathers earn. I don't think any judge would ask NaS, Puffy, or Russell Simmons to pay "child support" that they couldn't afford to pay. I also understand that 40k per month for a multi-millionaire is like us paying 40 bux a month for a credit card. Do you really think that money is being used to "support the child?" Do the kids need Cristal in their Captain Crunch? Do the kids need platinum pampers? Do the kids need to be driven to school in a Bentley? What happens when these dudes don't earn this kinda money any more? Will these women still have the money that they should have set aside for the kids? Hell no

I'll be the first to admit that I don't know Kim Porter personally. However, I have run in the same circle as Ms Porter and we've been in some spots here in Atlanta. I don't know what she does with her money but I find it every time I've seen her...she and her girlfriends are pissy-drunk. I wouldn't call buying out the bar at a club a sound investment. But hey...that's just me.

I hereby propose salary cap on "child support." The new cap number is 7k per month. That is the max no matter how much the parent earns.

I think the cap is necessary because...quite frankly...if you can't raise a child on 84,000 per year...you prolly shouldn't have kids. If you can't raise a child on 84k, send em to me...I'll take care of em and you send ME the 84k.

fallen apple

Life has a funny way of repeating itself.

After telling my 2 year old son, Brandon, for the third time to back away from the tv...I realized something...

I have become MY father. I mean, I sound just like him. Brandon isn't my first child. I've been a father for 9 yrs. My oldest son, Deion, is nine and my middle son, Kameron, is 6. But right now...I am my father. I have developed into his ideas on parenting and the world. This is not a bad thing. My father is more than a father...he's one of my best friends. He had the biggest influence on me and my brother growing up.

I always said that if I could become half the parent that my parents were then I would have accomplished a lot.

What about you? For those of you who are parents...are you like your parents? How?

For those of you who aren't parents...do you think you'd develop the ideologies of your parents? Why...why not?

The apple don't fall far from the tree.

Hollatchaboi!

the magic number

I don't recall, ever graduatin at all
Sometimes I feel I'm just a disappointment to y'all
Every day, I just lay around then I can't be found
Always asked to give me some livin life like a bum
Times is rough, my auntie got enough problems of her own
Nigga, you supposed to be grown
I agree, I try to be the man I'm 'posed to be
But negativity is all you seem to ever see
I admit, I've done some dumb shit
And I'm probably gon do some mo'
You shouldn't hold that against me though (Why not?)
Why not? My music's all that I got
But some time must be ingested for this to be manifested

Cee-Lo from Goodie Mob (Git Up, Git Out)

The other day I was having a conversation with Mrs12. One of her best friends has a daughter who just turned 13. I can imagine that turning 13 is an exiting time for a young girl. I know it was fun for me. Anyway...she was given a cell phone so that she could always be in touch with her parents. She's a good kid and a great student. She's focused and mild mannered.

Here's the situation...at her parents request, she is not to talk to little boys on her cell phone. Period. When Mrs12 told me this, it made me think. I respect the decision that Mrs12's friend has given to her daughter. She is a very good mother and they have a very close relationship.

I told Mrs12 that it's interesting b/c this was the age when young Kyle used to get on the phone and talk to the ladies for hours. In fact, I'd call my boy Zell and we'd call chicks on a 3 way call and harass the chicks...lol (remember that Zell??) I know that it was a different time back then but if I couldn't talk to girls on the phone then...there was no need for me to talk on the phone.

My question is this...

are you too young at the age of 13 to be talking on the phone with members of the opposite sex?

what is the ideal age for a young lady to wear make up?

what is the ideal age for a boy to have a "supervised visit" at a girl's house.

how old were you when you started doing these things (if you can remember that far back)? haaaa!!

There are no right or wrong answers. Even if you don't have kids, I'm sure that you know what age would be appropriate for these things. And let's just assume that the kids that we're hypothetically speaking of are kids who are ones that don't have their pants falling off their ass or one of these HOT little girls.

Hollatchaboi!