daddy time...

I love being a Dad.

Always have...always will.

I've often said that being a father is the most difficult...yet rewarding job that I'll ever have. It's a job that I can't...and won't...fail at.

My wife and I have been blessed with 4 amazing kids. I hope to never lose sight of that. They are great kids. They get on my nerves at times (i'm sure I get on theirs too) but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Last Friday, I visited my daughter, Skyler, at school for an event called Doughnuts with Dads. It was my second time participating. They invited the fathers of the students to come a visit their children and spend an hour at the school. We visited the classroom. When I first walked in and sat down, I saw this. The kids recited it to us...

Then we did some painting.

Skyler also gave me this. It put a HUGE smile on my face

I hate washing the dishes but I'd never tell her that. LOL

As we sat and talked, I realized that all of the kids did not have a father or father figure. One kid was sitting at our table. He told me that his "Pop" was 60 and he couldn't come because he had to go to the doctor. I assumed that his "Pop" was his grandfather. Being around those kids made me realize something that I don't often think of...the male figures in the life of a child. There were about 5 kids who didn't have anybody there. While that doesn't mean that they don't have fathers or father figures, they weren't made to feel inadequate. Almost all of the other men made an effort to interact with the kids who didn't have a father there.


It's important that we...as men...are there for the kids. I really enjoyed being there with Skyler. That's my heart!!!

7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

This is a great article that I found on All Pro Dad (dot com). After reading the article, it made me reflect on the blossoming relationship that I have with my 4 yr old daughter, Skyler. She is my heart. We have a great relationship and I truly love being around her. I know that the relationship that we have will help mold many of her decisions later in life. It's a huge responsibility that I don't take lightly. This article hits home. Read below...

7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

As a girl grows up, men will come in and out of her life, but the one man who will always be there is her father. A father plays a vital role in his daughter’s journey to adulthood, and below are seven things what a daughter needs from her dad. 

1. She needs you to be involved.

A daughter needs her father to be actively interested in her life. “Actively interested” does not refer to the second-long conversation that sometimes happens between a father and daughter when he asks how her day went and she replies with one word. A father should participate in his daughter’s hobbies and activities by displaying interest. For example, if she is interested in collecting coins, take her to coin shows. Use the Internet to learn about rare coins and talk about them. Is your daughter talented in the any sports, such as volleyball? Whether she wants to play or just enjoys watching the games, become an enthusiastic fan and supporter! Show your daughter that you are interested in her life by learning more about it and trying to become a part of it.

2. She needs you to demonstrate a healthy marriage.
The first relationship a daughter experiences is the one between her mother and father. If her father disrespects his wife with physical or emotional abuse, a daughter might come to believe that is the expected relationship with a husband. However, a father that displays physical affection, respect, and a true partnership with his wife provides an incredible example that his daughter will want to mirror in her own life.

3. She needs you to support her.

Even though a father may not always agree with his daughter, she needs to know you will support her. When a father fully and wholeheartedly supports his daughter, she will develop strong self-esteem and a positive self-image. This doesn’t mean that you always have to agree with her, but show her that while you might not agree with a choice she is making, you will always believe in her as a person and have confidence in her abilities.

4. She needs to trust you as a confidante.

When your daughter does come to you and discusses personal issues and problems, she needs to know that you will treat them with respect and confidence. They shouldn’t become dinner-table conversation with the rest of the family.

5. She needs your unconditional love.

Just as our Father in Heaven demonstrates unconditional love, fathers on earth need to display this as well. Unconditional love requires that a daughter knows no matter how badly she messes up, her father will be there, not to ridicule and demean but to forgive.

6. She needs a strong spiritual leader.

A father should be the spiritual head of a household and should take charge of his children’s religious education. Pray with your daughter! Don’t be shy about bringing the Lord into your conversations with her.

7. She needs a positive role model.

Many daughters today lack a positive male role model in their life. A father is the first man in a girl’s life that she will intimately know. Her father sets the standard for all other men in her life, and a positive role model will help her choose a good husband in the future. Take a moment for some self-reflection. Are there any habits you need to break? Are there some areas of your own life that could use a “spiritual overhaul” and prayer? When your daughter sees that you are willing to examine your own life and make changes when necessary, you provide the best example she could ever have of accepting responsibility for her actions.

a letter to my kids...

I have often said that one of the great things about having this blog is that people can read it and get to know how you feel about things. I think one of the reasons why I've kept the blog and haven't deleted it is that I want my kids to read it and gain a different perspective as how their father saw the world through his eyes. Honestly, they know this blog exists but I don't think they've read much of it. But that's cool. One day they will.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. It's a special day for me because it's a day that I celebrate because of THEM. My children. Instead of writing a post about something random or silly, I decided to write this open letter to them...

Deion (age 15)


My first born! You were the first to make me a father. I still remember the day that you came into this world. It seems like it was yesterday. I remember standing in the delivery room and looking at you with amazement. You had only been on this earth for a few minutes before you urinated on the doctor who was trying to weigh you. The doctor smiled at us and said "Well...we know that part works." You and I are alike in a lot of ways. I have told you since you were a baby to always be a leader...not a follower. You are a great leader and I truly feel that you were put on this earth to be a leader. Am I hard on you? Yes! But it's only because I want you to see the greatness that is within you. The sky is the limit for you. As you move forward in life, you'll realize the lessons that I'm teaching will take you far in life. You're father is pretty smart...but you already know that by now. I am proud of the young man that you have become. I love you!


Kameron (12)


You are...by far...the most talented child. And that's no knock on your siblings...because everybody has multiple talents. You just have more. Anybody that has ever been around you will tell you that. I've found over time that you can be extremely shy around unfamiliar faces and the life of the party around friends and family. I am like that, too. It's not always easy being someone's little brother and someone's big brother...but you've done it well. Your mother and I realized a long time ago that when Kameron wants to do something, he's going to do it on his terms. That's what makes you who you are. Keep being who you are and keep shining! I am proud of the young man that you have become. I love you!

Brandon (8)


You are the star of our family! There's no doubt about it. I've never seen a kid this young be so cool! I WISH that I was as cool as you were when I was your age. I was cool but not like you. I've never seen a child so competitive and driven to be the best and win at everything! It's a rare gift. You and I look alike and our birthdays are only separated by a day. And maybe that's the way it was supposed to be. I can't imagine how it feels being the baby boy...but you are no baby. You don't walk in your brothers shadows. You've created your own trail and I like that. Most kids are fearful when it comes to performing in front of an audience. You...you seem to relish in that spotlight. Sometimes I look at you and think to myself..."Is that really MY kid?" Of course you are! And I wouldn't have it any other way! I am proud of the young man that you have become. I love you!


Skyler (3)


Where do I start? I never envisioned having a daughter. Even when I was a kid, I knew one day I'd get married and have a son. I never thought about having a daughter. Words can't describe how I feel about you. You and I have a very special bond. My friends told me that a little girl would make melt like ice cream. And I've been melting ever since the day that you got here. Our relationship grows each day. To say that I have spoiled you is an understatement. You've learned how to use those big brown puppy dog eyes to get what you want from me. As much as I want to say no...I can't. Sometimes I look at you and I don't want you to get older. Getting older means that one day you will...want to wear make up, want to wear something that I might not like...like boys and want boys to like you back...be approached to do something that you know isn't right. It'll be those moments when you'll hear a voice in your head say..."I can't do that. My Daddy would KILL ME!!!" Simply put, you are a "Daddy's girl" and that will never change! I am proud of the little lady that you have become. I love you!

I know I can be difficult at times. Sometimes I'm James Evans...then I'm Cliff Huxtable. But I'm preparing you for this world that you'll have to live in. Being a father to the 4 of you is something that I take very seriously. It's the most rewarding job that I will ever have. It's a job that I can't afford to fail at...and I won't. Your grandparents have set a high standard for me to follow in becoming what I think a parent should be. If I can become half the parent that they are...I'll be fine.

Right after Deion was born, your grandfather gave me words that I will always remember.

There are 3 things that you must give your child...LOVE, DISCIPLINE, and an EXAMPLE to follow. I will continue to do that until they throw dirt on me. I thank God for loaning you to me!

I love you,

Dad

Skyler turns 3

Skyler turned 3 yrs old yesterday. Her birthday party was great! Thanks to everybody who came. We appreciate it.

I did a quick video on my thoughts about Skyler. Forgive me for rambling. This is my little heart. Thanks for all of the birthday wishes.

last day of school

(Deion, Kameron, Brandon & Skyler (photobombed it at the bottom)

Where did the school year go?

It feels like the school year just started a few weeks ago.

Today is the last day of the school year!!!

It was an interesting year in my house. The kids were all in their milestone grades. Brandon (7) has completed the 1st grade. He was on the Honor Roll and was named Student of the Month for the month of April for his school. Kameron (11) has completed the 6th grade. It was his first year of middle school. He made the Honor Roll for most of the year and balanced playing football last fall. Honestly, I didn't know how he'd handle the workload from his classes and practice but he got it done. Deion (14) completed his freshman year in high school. While he didn't make the Honor Roll, he adjusted to high school quicker than I thought he would. I need to re-direct his focus from girls to working harder in the classroom. He will do better next year!

The last day of school brings back many memories for me. But things are so different for these kids. We would leave school for the summer and you wouldn't see most of your friends until school started again. Nowadays with technology, these kids will keep in touch with their friends on a daily basis.

Remember when you went to camp for the summer back in the days??? You did that for a week or two and it was dope. My kids will go to summer camp every day this summer. It's fun for them but it doesn't sound like as much fun as we had.

Then...we always explored that sacred place back in our day...it was called OUTSIDE. There was nothing like being outside for HOURS at a time. Sometimes I'll send my kids outside to play in the yard only for them to come back inside 15 mins later for water or a popsicle.

There was always a big FIGHT at school on the last day of school. You could fight and get away with it because you probably wasn't going to get suspended...unless you got caught. The fight always started with somebody saying something like "I don't like _____. I've been wanting to beat her up all year. Tell her that I'm gonna get her on the last day of school." Somebody would relay the message and it'd go from there. There was always somebody trying to be Don King and they'd hype the fight up. I remember 2 girls who fought on the last day of 8th grade. I told myself that I had to see that fight because they were fighting over a boy. Well, they fought after school on the last day. Fists and hair was flying. Next thing that I know...a bra comes off and we get a glimpse of one girl's breasts!!! She was one of the finest girls in the school. And when I saw her breasts, I felt like I had just witnessed one of the best things ever!!!

Thankfully, there will be no fights at their schools tomorrow. And that's a good thing!

SnowJam 2014

The images on TV looked like a scene in the movies, Walking Dead or The Day After Tomorrow.

Thousands of people stranded in traffic for hours trying to make it home. Thousands of them would leave their cars on along the highway and WALK home in 20 degree weather.

Over 1000 of students were stranded at SCHOOL. Their buses could not pick them up from school nor could their parents.

The culprit???

Two and a half inches of snow

This was the scene in Atlanta on Tuesday.

WHAT HAPPENED???

A snow storm that swept through the deep south dumped snow on the ATL. I knew it was coming. Apparently, the government officials and the mayor of Atlanta, Karim Reed, didn't know it. We had been warned that we would be getting snow as early as last week. At one point last weekend, the prediction was that the snow would come to the areas far south of the city of Atlanta. Cities like Macon and Columbus would be hit with 4 inches of snow. The path of the snow storm changed on Monday and we were notified that metro Atlanta would get 1-2 inches. I learned this on MONDAY. I guess the governor, Nathan Deal, missed the memo, too. On Tuesday morning, schools were open. So were businesses and the government. I checked my weather app on my phone. It clearly said that the snow would start at 11am. I was cool because I was already at home. The kids were at school. My wife was already at work downtown. I looked out my window at 10 am. No snow. Did it at 11 am. No sign of snow. At noon I decided to step out of the crib. I walked outside and I see that the snow is coming down in buckets. Minutes later, I get a call from my son Kameron. He's at his middle school and he wants me to pick him up. I told him that I'd be there in 10 mins. I found it strange that the school was releasing kids. On my way to pick him up, I get an email from our school district office notifying parents that they can pick up their kids because they will be letting them out early. I thought to myself "did these fool NOT know that it was going to snow?"

Deion and Brandon caught the school bus home and everybody is home by 3 pm including my wife who left work at noon. I scoop up Skyler and everybody is safe at the crib. At this time, I'm still perplexed as to why people are having to scramble to get home. I looked outside and I knew that at some point the roads were going to get bad. It was rush hour. The temperature was about 25. The snow that had fallen was going to turn to ice on the roads that had not been treated. As it turns out, many of the major highways and interstates weren't.

I watched the news just like the rest of the world and saw the damage caused by this storm. Two inches of snow turned to ice and crippled the NINTH LARGEST CITY in the United States. People were stuck on the highways for 10 plus hours. No help. Can you imagine being in your car for 12 hours with no food or water? Can you imagine being stranded with nobody to help you? We're not talking about a Third World country. This is Atlanta, Ga! Can you imagine being told "we can't bring your child home and we'll take care of them at the school." Ohhh helllllllll no! I'd ride a bike to go pick up my kids if I had to.

Through the struggle, there were people who stepped up. I am always encouraged at what we can be as a society in the moments of tragedy. People don't tend to see colors or social status. From the guy who helped deliver a baby on the side of I-285 to people like my former teammate, Palmer. He brought snacks to a school bus that was stranded in his neighborhood then allowed them to spend the night in his home instead of on a cold bus. That's what you call "stepping up to the plate." You have to be thankful for people like that who were a blessing to others.

THE FALLOUT

The governor, government officials, the mayor, and the metro school districts failed...miserably. They failed everybody in this city. They weren't prepared. Piss poor planning. You can't be open for business then try to send everybody home at 1:30. By then, you've got snow on the ground and it's a mad dash. The governor and the mayor made matters worse when they got on tv and tried to DEFEND the fact that they messed up. The mayor blamed the governor. The governor blamed the National Weather Service. C'mon son. Don't piss on us then tell us that it's raining. It was a bad PR move. They were trying to make Atlanta not look bad. Too late fellas. There are 6 million people in metro Atlanta but we can't get it right. They both talked about how it wasn't as bad as the ice storm in 2011. I think it was worse. We didn't have people stuck in cars and kids stuck in schools back then. Nevertheless, you can't point fingers. Step up and say..."Hey, I messed up." The mayor believes that Atlanta can host a Super Bowl once the new football stadium is built. Huh? This year's Super Bowl is on Sunday. Can you imagine how it would have been if the Super Bowl was HERE and this happened?


Over the past few days, I've seen alot of people being critical of Atlanta for "not being able to handle 2 inches of snow". In defense of Atlanta, this is not New York, Boston, Philly or Chicago. There are NO snow plows in this city. They treat the roads with salt and sand. That's it. Secondly, the roads turned to ice. I don't care who you are or where you're from...you can't drive on ice. I can drive in the snow. As many of you know, I worked in Minneapolis four years ago. I would work there during the week and fly home to Atlanta on the weekends. I had never driven in snow until I got there. I learned quickly. You could have 18 inches of snow on the ground in Minneapolis and the streets would be clear. Schools and businesses were open. Not only does the city have snow plows but you have tens of thousands of citizens who have snow removal equipment. We don't have that here. So...I will defend Atlanta in that aspect. You can't remove snow if you have nothing to remove it with. And there's no need to put millions of dollars into equipment that you may use every 4 or 5 yrs. But I won't defend Governor Deal or Mayor Reed. They dropped the ball at the 5 yard line. I think the "northerners" who find humor in southerners not being able to "handle snow" should take a moment and think...how would you feel if you or someone you loved was stranded and you couldn't get to them.


Memo to Deal and Reed...today is January 31st. We've probably got another 3 weeks of "winter" left. What are you gonna do the next time that there is a possibility of snow???

Happy Birthday, Skyler

Skyler, 

Two years ago today my life changed forever. This is the day that you were born. I remember holding you in my arms and thinking to myself..."is there a more beautiful creature on God's earth?" There wasn't. And I still feel that way today.

You and I have a special relationship. My friends told me that it would be this way. Your Uncle Damon told me that it would be this way. It was hard for me to conceive because you were not here. Once you arrived, it made more sense. One of my friends told me that you will always be the apple of my eyes. That is so true. I have a different relationship with your brothers. I love them as much as I love you...but it's different. Girls are different. A father's love for his daughter is different. A girl's love for her DADDY is different. I am the first man that you'll ever love. There will be men that will come and go throughout your life. But not your DADDY. I'll always be here. There are times when I look at you and just wish that you can remain the smart, adorable little girl that you are right now. But that's not realistic. I will teach you the values and lessons that you will carry with you and pass on to your children. And when somebody asks you to do something that you aren't supposed to do...you'll utter these words..."I can't do that. My DADDY will KILL me!" 

You are a gift from God. And I thank HIM for you. Happy Birthday to my princess. Happy Birthday, Skyler. Daddy loves you!

Love, 

Daddy

kids are watching / 12 RADIO SHOW

Kids watch EVERYTHING that you do. 

Having my own kids, I know this already.

But I've come to realize that they are watching when you least expect it.

Just the other day my daughter, Skyler, snuck into my office at home. She's 17 months old and very active. I turned my back and before I knew it, she had the mouse from my computer in her hand. Not only did she have the mouse but she was clicking on icons on my desktop. My first reaction was to take it from her. But since she didn't see me standing behind her, I let her proceed to click away. I called her name...she turned...and flashed a smile that said "Daddy, I know what I'm doing...leave me alone!" All I could do was laugh. 

Good thing she doesn't see me doing anything crazy!

Programming note. Be sure to tune in to the 12 RADIO SHOW tonight at 9pm. 

TOPIC - College Dayz with ShellyShell. Tune in as we wax poetic about

some of the best time in a person's life...their college dayz. You

will be entertained! Don't miss it!!!

(347)215-7162

www.blogtalkradio.com/12kyle

ShellyShell

welcome home

HOME - the place in which one's domestic affections are centered. By this definition, home is where you make it. They say that HOME is where the heart is. And that is so true. This past weekend, I had the opportunity to visit HOME. Not the city where I was born...Newark, NJ. Not the city where I grew up...Florence, SC Not the city where I have lived for the past 15 yrs...Atlanta, GA I went HOME to Orangeburg, SC. More specifically...my alma mater, South Carolina State University. It was our homecoming weekend so I went back to enjoy the festivities. I had not been there in 5 yrs. To say that I had fun would be an understatement. I had a ball. More importantly, being back on the campus reminded me of who I am and who I was in the fall of 1991. I have often said that the years at that school were the best years of my life. The best 5 1/2 years of my life!! LOL. Yes, it took me that long to graduate. The School of Business was no joke! But I had fun. I learned so much about myself. I didn't step on the campus in search of who I was. I knew who Kyle was and where he was headed. I learned how to struggle. I don't think you could ever be THAT broke and have THAT much fun. I learned how to push myself and overcome challenges. Anybody can quit when you get knocked down. It's all about how you bounce back when you get knocked down. These were some of life's lessons that I carry with me to this day.

I left all of my blood, sweat, and tears in this stadium. Football was always my first love. When I came to play football for South Carolina State, I wasn't sure how it would turn out. I'm glad that I played there. I wore the Garnet & Blue with pride. Playing football is one thing...playing for a HBCU is something else. Truly a beautiful experience. Walking into that stadium gives me goosebumps because I know that I left it all on the field. More importantly, I bonded with some great young men who have become true staples in my life (more about that in a future blog) One great thing about going back to Homecoming is seeing old friends. You are reminded of the bonds that were created years ago that is still strong to this day. I learned alot about women when I was at SC State. LOL. It's interesting that people come to me about relationship advice now. Back in the day, my track record with relationships was horrible. It wasn't that I couldn't get a woman. That wasn't the problem...I just couldn't keep em. LOL. Was it my fault? That depends on who you ask. Sometimes it was. Nevertheless, by the time I left school I had met my future wife. Lastly, Homecoming reminds me of personal growth and the growth around me. It's about seeing your boys go from 18 yr old young - beer drinking warriors...to grown successful men. It's about seeing that female friend go from being shy and unassuming to running a Fortune 500 company. It's about seeing the look in the eyes of the professors smile at you knowing that they had a part of your success. It's about one big family. This was Skyler's first trip to Homecoming. As you can see, she was chillin. LOL

Life changing experiences during a 5 1/2 years span that mold you into who you are. Time flies and people change. One thing always remains consistent...HOME!!

Can't wait to go back. 

Happy Birthday, Skyler

I remember it like it was yesterday

It was May 10, 2011. I was at the doctor's office with Mommy. The doctor looked at us and said..."You're having a GIRL!!!" 

I was SO happy! A girl? Finally!!! 

But a few seconds later...reality set in. My joy turned to fear because I knew nothing about girls. We had already dealt with raising your 3 brothers. In my mind...sons were work but easy for me. I understand them. But a girl? Can I raise a girl? Am I ready to bring a girl into this world? I remember praying that night and asking God that you come to us healthy. And that's all that I prayed for. I knew if I trusted HIM, that my fears would be eased. And they were

September 28, 2011 was one of the happiest...if not the happiest day of my life. God blessed us with you. Words cannot explain how I felt to see your little round face. Before you were delivered, the doctor asked me how much I thought you'd weigh. I said "seven pounds and four ounces"...and I was correct. Mommy and Auntie Lisa named you Skyler. They insisted that your name be spelled the way that it is because in your name is my name. 

This past year has been a blessing. My life has changed so much since your arrival. All of my friends who have daughters told me that I was gonna change. And I have!! I've gone from being Rambo with your brothers to Barney with you. You've already learned at a young age that you have Daddy wrapped around your finger. You are truly a Daddy's Girl. I'm proud to say that! Your intelligence and strength is beyond your age and I hope that it continues. 

I know that it's easy for me to want you to be a sweet, cuddly little baby forever but that's not likely. You'll grow into a little girl...then young woman...then grown woman. But you'll always be Daddy's princess. I understand that the relationship that you and I share will help mold your thoughts and opinions on men. I know the bar is set high but I hope that you will learn the lessons that I try to teach you. I'm sure it won't be easy to date when you have THREE older, protective brothers. Not to mention a father who won't let you see any bum off the streets. But I'll be fair. I'll give you the same things that I've given your brothers...love, discipline, and an example to follow. 

Today we celebrate your first birthday. I hope that you have at least 100 more. And one day I want you to read this and get the feelings and the emotions that I feel. I love how we laugh and play together. I love how you lay on my chest when you fall asleep. I love it all. Most importantly, Daddy loves you!

Happy Birthday Skyler! 

daughters

I'll admit...the comment left by Bella on this post about spanking children (http://the12planet.blogspot.com/2012/04/spank-me.html) left me perplexed.

I had to read it twice to get a better understanding.

I think if you decide to go the non spanking part you also have to watch the spoiling part because we have more than enough daddy's girls that never marry because of the crazy set of expectations some dad gave his daughter lol. Men do stuff for daughters they have never done for there wife, telling them a future hubby should do it.

While she went on to admit that she had veered off topic, the comment that she made left me to think about the dynamic between fathers and daughters. It's interesting. The father is the first man that his daughter will ever love. There is nothing like a father's love for his daughter. Even though I've only had Skyler for 7 months, I've found that to be very true.

I slightly disagree with Bella's point. I think expectations SHOULD be high for any man that she should meet (this goes for my sons, too). While there will never be another man who will love her and treat her like her DADDY, she should get the next best thing! She should DEMAND that of any man who wants to be with her. If he can't step up to the plate, then she should move on. As she gets older, we'll have conversations about men. I hope to give her REAL insight into what she will be dealing with in the future. I would never tell her that "all men are dogs" or "men ain't shit". Men are who we are but you can control some things about the man that you choose and how he treats you. For as great as I am (and I AM great...modestly speaking), I don't expect her to find a boyfriend or husband like her father. That's not going to happen. I'm built different from any man of her generation will be. However, I do believe that she should not settle for the first dude who calls her cute, comments on her body, or buys her stuff. Life...and relationships are so much bigger than that. I will tell her that she should lay out her expectations...to be treated like a lady (not a baby mamma) from any man. More importantly, I will remind her that she should carry herself as such.

In the eyes of the women that I dated and in the eyes of my father in law...was I good enough? Probably not. Nobody is ever good enough. LOL. I would advise Skyler to seek some of the same traits that I saw in my mother...intelligence, self confident, driven, goal oriented. Her man could never be me but if he can treat her like a queen and his love is only second to the love from her father...she's found the one!