PODCAST: tricks are for friends

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PODCAST: friends...how many of us have them

Check out the latest edition of The 12Kyle Podcast. 

On this episode, we will discuss FRIENDS. All of us have friends. How do we define our friendships? Who are our true friends? Can you have too may friends...or not enough friends? Are friends from social media our "real friends"? We'll also break down the hip hop classic song, Friends, and how it relates to us and how we define friendship.

I'll also give you 3 characteristics that I think every friend should have. All of this...and more... will be discussed on The 12Kyle Podcast.

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PODCAST : the last time that I got drunk

Do you remember the LAST time that you got drunk? 

Did you do something crazy or stupid? 

Did you get sick? 

Did you embarrass yourself? 

Do you even REMEMBER what happened???

Do you know what happens when you mix lifelong friends, liquor, a bachelor party, strippers, food, and a wedding together??? Shenanigans!!! Listen to this podcast and get my comical version about the last time that I got drunk! Let me know what you think. Also, share your story about the last time that you got drunk.


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LISTEN BELOW...

losing a good man

She tried really hard to make her relationship work

That can be difficult when you are emotionally hitched to a jerk

She was captivated by visions of love, marriage, and kids

But his actions made her feel like she could no longer live

Bound by confusion and grappled with fear

She made up her mind that she had shed her last tear.

The relationship that she longed for had finally come to an end

3 kids from 3 different baby daddies later...the third time wasn't a charm

It was a dud. And it was at that moment that she became alarmed.

She realized that she had lost that friend

You know that friend...the one who was always around to hear her cries

But for him, there was no real attraction in her eyes.

She knew that he liked her despite her mistakes

But when she made her final call to him...it was too late

Her anger in his "disappearance" was something she couldn't understand

Simply put...she had lost her best chance at landing a "good man".

high school dayz

Check out the 12 RADIO SHOW. The 12 RADIO SHOW is the most innovative and interactive show on Blog Talk Radio. Tune in tonight at 9pm EST as the host, 12kyle, informs and entertains! Don't just listen to the show...be a part of the show and participate in the interactive chat room...or call in to speak with 12kyle and his co-hosts.

TOPIC - High School Dayz...

co-hosted by Krishna

On this episode, we're going to take a trip down memory lane! Join us as we discuss our memorable moments from high school. We'll discuss our likes/dislikes, different subjects, high school best friends, popularity, activites, teachers, good/bad memories from high school. You don't want to miss this!!! Join us! Share your experiences!


You can listen online (www.blogtalkradio.com/12kyle) or via phone (347)215-7162. Press #1 if you want to speak to the host. You can also send tweets if you want to have your questions answered or comments to @12kyle

Follow the show on twitter: @12RadioShow

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a friend

I could never be like her, him, or you. I learned that I could only be

Never tried to be like anybody else once I found me.

When I was created, God shaped and formed my mold

I was given earthly talents and touched with a spiritual soul

I've extending my hand of friendship to many

For I was created to be a friend...not someone you'd envy

Strong, stern...yet poised and direct

Far from the type of friend who you could be bought with a check

I was injected with love and life to share to all

You know that if you need me, all it takes is a call

Flushed with the desires and aspirations to be great

Your friendship should always be on time and never should be late

Loyalty means everything to me

A true friendship is on display for the world to see

It can be about a look...a laugh...or a tear

Your words put their minds at ease and relax their fears

People always as what they would do for their friends

The answer should be "Everything." Because we are friends until the end

What kind of friend are you? Are you the friend that I see in me

Friends last forever...through love...because it's their destiny.

7 Annoying Things You Should Stop Doing On Facebook

I found this article on hellobeautiful.com after it was posted on Facebook by my boy OJ last week. Very interesting...

Where the heck are the “Dislike” and “Eye-roll” buttons on Facebook? The creators of the social media giant are slipping because these days, Facebook is being heavily abused by most users! Annoying is the word that comes to mind when I log onto my Facebook account. From statuses bragging about amazing jobs or vacations to the statuses that subliminally chastise a cheating lover, I am beyond annoyed with Facebook

Out of the 1000 friends you have connected to you on your Facebook, about 20 percent of those people (and sometimes less) are actually your friends who care about you and your day to day life filled with bragging, enlightened messages and relationship woes.

In order to start the new year off right, I wanted to make sure that you understood that there are indeed several annoying habits that play out on Facebook and you should stop them…now. Want to know what they are so you can stop? Check them out below:

1. The Brag

You know those statuses. “Life is so awesome. I just snagged a new promotion, bought a new car and signed the lease for my new mansion. It’s hard work, but somebody’s got to be amazing. LOL! #LovingLife”

A post making your life sound great, either you got your dream job, got your degree, love your new apartment you’re taking off on an amazing trip, just met your favorite singer, heading out on a fun night with friends or just had an amazing day–no matter how you look at it, is a brag!

Either you are honestly really that excited about your life, you want people to see you in a specific light or you’re trying to make the people in your life feel worse about their own lackluster lives because yours is so great. No matter your excitement, there are less public ways to share your good fortune. You could call, email, text or just tell your loved ones that things are going great for you. And when someone asks you how you day is, instead of simply stating, “Fine,” why not detail how awesome your day truly is?

The Bottom Line: Your moment of self-satisfaction is brutally annoying to people you’re not that close with, and those are the people who make up the vast majority of your Facebook audience.

2. The Humble Brag

What’s worse than bragging? Doing it with the intention of appearing humble. Many people disguise these brags as rants–something like, “OMG, can’t I just go to work in the morning. Three men stopped me to tell me I was beautiful and asked for my number, a man gave me his seat on the subway, telling me, ‘You’re way too gorgeous to have to stand,’ then I get to work, just to be honked at and winked at twice before I walked in the door. Grrrr #MenSuck!”

We get it, you’re beautiful, so the world can’t help but notice and obviously, it’s exhausting. SMH. Don’t tell the world that, via Facebook because honestly, we don’t care. If we know you, then we know you’re exceptionally gorgeous. We’re only friends with you in the first place to look at your photos in the middle of the night, while eating Ben & Jerry’s.

Oh and there’s others like, “Packing for Maui. Ugh anyone know a device that will help me pack my cutest summer gear in a flash?” We get it, you’re going on a trip. Great for you. The bragging for trips should really start once you’re actually on the trip, you’re going to flood our timeless with jealousy-inducing tweets anyway.

The Bottom Line: Wrapping your bragging in a pretty and humble package doesn’t make it anymore tolerable. Stop it and stop it right now. Oh and it also doesn’t make you humble.

3. Detailing Your Amazing Or Awful Relationship

What are you trying to prove by telling everyone on Facebook that you love the love of your life? That’s understood. And on the opposite side of the same coin, we have the many women and men scorned, who take to Facebook to vent their hatred toward their significant other.

Maybe the folks who share way too much about their loving or not-so-loving relationships are trying to strengthen the relationship or show that they’re so much better than their good-for-nothing ex by publicly showing their feelings, rather than saying it in private.

Really?! You’re gonna drag 800 of your “closest friends” into your crap because you couldn’t find a more creative way to go over-the-top in expressing yourself?

The Bottom Line: There’s no excuse for it! Just because you feel the need to plaster your relationship all over Facebook, doesn’t make it the only way to express your love. There are plenty of socially acceptable ways to do so–in fact, go nuts with couple profile photos and enjoy the plethora of incoming “Likes,” and comments when you change your status to “in a relationship,” “engaged” and/or “married.” But sharing every little nuance in your relationship is just unacceptable. We don’t care.

4. Updating Your Status, Literally

Often times, out days are mundane. We wake up, get dressed, go to work or about our days, go home and do it all over again. So when you hop on Facebook first thing in the morning and say, “Just woke up. #IWokeUpLikeThis #Flawless,” no one cares.

“Hitting the shower. That was a HARD workout.” What do you want? A bunch of “Likes” and virtual high fives? People are honestly not that invested into your everyday life. Narcissism is the name of the game and honestly, so is loneliness. Facebook has given lonely folks a venue to express themselves without shame or discretion. I’m pretty sure the world could care less about what should really be IM away messages. Remember those? We used to take those little messages seriously!

The Bottom Line: This is severe narcissism at its worst. It’s as if somehow, because you’re you, even the smallest details of your life are interesting to others. A weird part of the life of a major celebrity is that people are obsessed with everything about them. If you’re not a celebrity, this is not a problem you have, promise.

5. Spouting Enlightened Messages

While I appreciated being inspired and reading messages of positivity on my Facebook feed, I grow very weary of those who think they their words of wisdom mirror Deepak Chopra’s. What’s worse than that are the folks who use various Bible quotes or deep quotes they looked up on Google, “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” -Aristotle Onassis

There’s nothing honorable or inspiring about you Googling quotes. You know what inspires people? When you achieve something incredible and let that serve as an example and inspiration to others. While I can appreciate your heightened sense of self-esteem, your Facebook update is not going to change the world. It just won’t.

The Bottom Line: When you post something inspirational or “deep on Facebook, it seems you are trying to explain to the world that are you indeed profound and that your words alone can spark a revolution. That can’t and won’t happen. By all means, keep spreading positivity, but let me make it plain for you–You’re not as profound as you think.

6. Subliminal Messages

Every time I see one of those specific messages with no name, I think, “Who hurt you?” Do you know the 800 plus people are are following you? If you did, you’d know that the one or two people who would even think the message is about them would never say anything in your comments, so what’s the point of even putting it out there? Is there any satisfaction on your part once you’ve shared this cryptic status with the world?

“Something, you can be really annoying, but I’ll never stop loving you. You know who you are you.” Do they? If this message was so important, why not make the grand gesture of going to the person specifically and telling them?

The Bottom Line: You are clearly still stuck in high school, wanting the world to know that something you are socially involved in is something they need to know about, but not all the way know–just know enough to be jealous. Please stop. Grow up.

7. Stupid Invites To Play Stupid Games

I love my sister dearly, but every time I log onto Facebook, I am slammed with invites from her to play Candy Crush or some other pointless game created to steal away all of my time and attention. I don’t want to play and if I did, I am pretty sure I’d seek you out.

Here’s a suggestion–befriend people who update their statuses like, “I love dumplings,” or “I’m so sleepy,” and ask them to play. They’re bored and will likely say yes and then proceed to tell the world about it in status updates.

The Bottom Line: Ain’t nobody got time for that! I am not on Facebook to play games with you. And if I was, I know where to go. Stop inviting me. Also–if I never said yes from the first invite, why would you continue to invite me. This means you have no common sense and we probably shouldn’t be friends.

With all that said, are you guilty of being annoying on Facebook?

Back in Tha Day Vol 5 (Childhood Memories) 12 RADIO SHOW

Tune in to the 12 Radio Show tonight at 9 pm EST

Tonight's show will be co-hosted by Mindful Naked

TOPIC - Back in Tha Day vol 5 (Childhood Memories). Join us as we discuss some of the best childhood memories. It doesn't matter if you grew up in the 70s, 80s, or 90s...you will relate to this show. Don't miss it

(347)215-7162

www.blogtalkradio.com/12kyle

lost ones

Some of my fondest memories of playing football came when I was 8 yrs old. 

I would always play sandlot football with all of my friends. 

I made sure that I was always on the same team with my buddy, EJ. He was one of my best friends. We were the same age and we always played together every day. EJ lived in the same apartment complex that I did. EJ and I always were on the same team when we played football because he could play quarterback and I could catch any ball that he threw to me. We were always tight but we formed a special bond when we played football. We both loved the game and loved school. We had similarities but we were different. While I lived with both of my parents, EJ lived with his aunt, her 4 kids, and her boyfriend. I don't ever remember meeting EJ's parents. He always said they were living in NYC and they were coming to get him for the summer. 

I lived in the building in the background of this picture. The area of grass behind the building was our "football field". We treated it like it was the Rose Bowl. That's where I honed my skills and where I learned the game. EJ and I would meet some days on the field just to play catch. We would spend hours every day outside. This was the early 80s! This was the era before video games and MTV. We knew how to have fun. We didn't realize that we didn't have much because everybody in the "projects" were just like us...black people living in low income housing. While you could never confuse our neighborhood with Cabrini Green or Bed Stuy, we didn't live in the nicest section of Florence, SC. I never felt unsafe, though. By the time I was 10, my parents bought a house and we moved away. I was still attending the same elementary school so I would still see my buddy, EJ at school. We'd play football at recess and have a good time. We never missed a beat. Friends forever.

"But like the old saying goes / Time goes on, and everybody grows." - Tupac Shakur

By the time I was 14, my parents divorced and I moved to another side of town. I was no longer going to school with EJ. I didn't have his phone number so we lost contact for a few yrs. On day during my junior of high school, I was hanging at the mall and I ran into EJ. We both were excited to see each other. We spent about an hour catching up. Much to my surprise, EJ was going to West Florence High (one of my high school's rivals). He was supposed to be going to South Florence but he got into some trouble and left. He told me that he knew I was at Wilson High and doing well on the football field. We exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch.

The following year was our senior year. The first game of the season was against West Florence. Whenever you play a rival, you want to win but I had more incentive because I knew EJ would be at the game. I couldn't let my homie down. I had a great game...5 catches for 125 yards, 1 touchdown. More importantly, we won. It's ALWAYS great when you beat West Florence. After the game, I looked for EJ. I didn't see him. I called him the next day but the number that I had was disconnected. Later that day, I drove past his aunt's house (they eventually moved from the apartment complex) but the house was empty. Not only was it empty but it was abandoned. EJ had moved but I didn't know where he was. I was disappointed that he had disappeared without even telling me where he was heading. It would be another year before our paths crossed again.

During the fall of my freshman year at South Carolina State University, I decided to come home one weekend. I was being red shirted on the football field so I wasn't playing. I was homesick so a trip to Florence was necessary. During the weekend, I decided to drive past my old neighborhood. I parked my car and decided to walk on the old "football field". Nothing looked the same. The buildings looked different. There were no kids playing outside. It looked gloomy. But it felt good to be back. I stood and thought about the days of playing football with EJ and my friends. All of a sudden, I heard someone call my name. It was EJ! I was shocked to see him. We greeted each other with a pound and a hug. I was happy to see him. He told me that he heard I was a "star football player" at SC State. I laughed and told him that I was just a lowly freshman trying to find my way. I asked him about where he had been for the past year and what happened to him. That's when the complexity of the conversation changed. EJ stumbled through a few lies before he admitted that he dropped out of school. He and his cousins had moved out of his aunts house back into the apartments. When I asked him what he was doing with his life, he quickly changed the subject. After EJ's cousin walked over to inform him that "somebody was waiting for him around the corner"...I realized that EJ was selling drugs. I didn't want to believe it at first. I gave EJ my number and told him to call me. I told him when I'd be home again and I suggested that we hang out. I even offered him to come to SC State to hang out with me. He looked at the ground...then he looked away and said..."Nah, Kyle. You've changed. Things have changed. And it ain't like how it used to be." Those words felt cold but that was his reality. I gave him a hug and a pound and told him to take it easy. I watched him walk away and around the corner.

I pondered those words for awhile. Had I really changed? Did I make him feel like we weren't cool anymore? I never tried to make him feel like I was successful and he wasn't. Maybe he saw that the two kids who were once the best of friends were headed in opposite directions. We were headed in different directions. That was the last day that I saw EJ. He'd spend the next few years selling drugs. He eventually got caught and went to jail. I heard that he eventually started using drugs. The past 5 yrs of EJ's life have consisted of him being in and out of jail and drug rehab. Sometimes when I go back to my hometown, I secretly hope I bump into him. There's a part of me that would like to see him. There's a part of me that doesn't want to see him. He's lost. I can't help him because he doesn't want to help himself. Rather than dwell on what we lost, I prefer to remember us as kids. And I'm cool with that.

not like my momma

Last week I got a phone call from one of my homies.

It was good to hear from my childhood friend. I hadn't talked to him in about 6 months. The last time that we spoke, he and his girlfriend had just move in together.

I asked him how things were going. He said the relationship was having issues. My boy is single, college educated, no kids, and has a great job. By society's definition, he's a "good catch".

He said..."Things are ok but there are times when I feel like we are just roommates. I didn't sign up for this. A relationship is supposed to be progressive. Sometimes i feel like we are spinning our wheels. It's mad frustrating."

I pressed him to be more specific.

He said..."She don't cook! It's rare that she cooks! I don't mind eating out but I can't do that shit EVERY DAY! I've talked to her about it and all she does is talk. No action. You feel me?"

I told him that I understood. I asked him "Are your hands broke? LOL. There's nothing wrong with YOU cooking. Because I work from home, it's easier for me to cook dinner and have it ready by the time everybody gets home. I can't say that I cook EVERY day but I cook several times a week. I grew up in a house where I saw my pops cook. So, I just assumed that it was something that I was supposed to do. I enjoy it."

He said..."Well, that's good for you man. I ain't going for all of that. I'm telling you man...they don't make em like our grandmothers or our moms. She don't do it like my momma."

liner notes

Long before people had their music downloaded digitally, they had the music compressed onto a thing called a compact disc.

The compact disc was usually packaged with some information about the music that you had purchased.

I was always interested in reading the liner notes inside the packaging.

The liner notes gave you the general information about the music. You could also find out who wrote and produced the music. I was mostly interested in reading the liner notes where the artist gave their "thank you's" or "shoutouts". It let you know who they were down with and it also gave the people that they named some props. Sometimes if you read the liner notes and somebody's name DIDN'T appear in the notes...you could only assume that they were no longer down with that person. (long before the innanet)

The thought of liner notes gave me the idea to come up with my own...*imagine you've just opened up a cd from me...LOL*

Sorry for anybody who I forgot but my PR people gave me a short period of time to come up with this list.

THANK YOU...my family, wife, and kids...All of my love! I do what I do for you. My parents - you are simply the best and I hope to be half as good as a parent as you both were for me. My brother & sister - Love you both. Continue to shoot for greatness. Blaze your own trail. My cousins - we are brothers and sisters...not cousins. I love you all. Let's keep the family tight and raise all of our kids together just like we were. My aunts and uncles - Your love and guidance has made me grow into the man that I am. Florence, SC - thank you for allowing me to grow. You will always be home! Wilson High - Is there a better high school? Of course not. Thank you for the support and love. Shoutout to the Class of ' 91. I got nothing but love for you. Orangeburg, SC - the hottest place in the world in the summer time. Haa. My second home. You will always be home! South Carolina State University - The best 5 1/2 years of my life! Period. I bleed Garnet & Blue. It was an honor to play football there. Bulldog for Life! Atlanta, Ga - I can't imagine living anywhere else. I didn't know anybody here when I got here. I am thankful for it all.

Special Shoutouts...The Oceans Crew - World's Most Dangerous Crew. You know how it goes. Crew love, everybody on Norwood Lane & Spaulding Heights, JFresh, Shaft, Jimmell, Fred, JayH3, Dluvhall, Zeek, Zo, Ryan, RC, TQ, Denise, TuTu, Nyesha, Joey, Erv, Marie, all of my teammates at Wilson High (i can't name all of you but you know who you are! LOL)...Coach Wells (RIP) I still hear you, Coach..."Time waits for no man. You must have a respect for time" ....Everybody at SC State University, all of my classmates, professors, and all proud alumni (RIP Alan Robinson). Most importantly, love and respect to all of my teammates who wore that Garnet and Blue. Thanks to those who played before us and those who carried on the tradition after we left...Bulldog Pride...my teammates and partners in crime...Moe, Russ, Clark, Big Mel, Pizzo, Big Shot, Naylon, Q, Bruce, Hemby, Early, Tez, Spann, Bush, Frankie Sanders, Barr, Shorty, Trez, and everybody from that Class of ' 91. Shoutout to the old heads who paved the way...Zeus (RIP), Big Larry, Carnell, Big Rodney, Colson, Faulk, Joe, Top, Quincy, Houston, Big Ty, Greer...the crew...Juan, Steve, TurkNice, DG, Mal, Toine, Zae,  Shawn, Dia, Avis, Tan, Wilson, Scmoove Capone, Larry, Boogie, Rich, Shaun, AL B, Naz T, Brad, RobMa$e, Hov, Nicole, Sean I, Crystal, Will, Kimmie, ERob, Charles, DK, Hakeem, Kim, Sherry, and B. My favorite spots in Orangeburg...Foxy 44, Club Ritz, The Silver Spur, Fairgrounds, Dukes Gym, SHM, Bethea Hall, Mitchell Hall, all of the female dorms on campus (haaa). And last but not least...Kick Booty ; ATL spots...Club Esso, The Underground, Kaya, Shark Bar, Visions, DragonFly, Whiskey Peach, Northview High (best Sunday hoops in the city), Atlantic Station, Lenox Mall, the old Buckhead, Strokers, Magic City, Club Nikki, Gentleman's Club, Kamal's 21 (we still gotta go, you owe me!), Los' crib, GA Dome, Phillips Arena, Peachtree Street, Piedmont, Candler Road, Panola Rd, Earwax, Electric Fetus...Much love the kids who I coach and the coaching staff at Central Dekalb...my blogger crew - thank you! we all share a bond. Long before Twitter and Facebook...there was Blogger. LOL. Much love to you all. Special shoutout to those of you who read this blog but NEVER comment. It's all good. Thanks for reading...12 Radio Show - it would never exist if I never had this blog. Thanks to all who have co-hosted and those that listen. Shoutout to all of my peeps on twitter and facebook! Major shoutout to my homegirl LRenee who gave me the idea of starting a blog. You helped create the 12 Brand. I owe you five dollaz. Haaaa.

My PR guy is really rushing me to finish this list.

Thank you for WATER AND AIR!!! I need it to survive. Thank you. I love water and air.

Last but not least...Thank you God. I am who I am because I am your creation. I'm thankful each day for the opportunity at life to be a little better than I was the day before. Grateful. Blessed. Eternally

12kyle aka Kyle aka KD aka Kid Chocolate aka KDot aka Randy Floss aka Lunchmeat Mumford aka Rollo Lawson

if I forgot anybody...charge it to my head and not to my heart. Peace

can you break the friend zone?

I found this article on Men's Health.com that I wanted to share with you.


I can't say that I agree with this because I think ONCE you're in that zone...there is NO WAY that you get out! But you tell me what YOU think!!

Want to make your girl friend your girlfriend? Of course you do. In a study where 88 opposite-sex pairs of friends filled out questionnaires about their relationship, guys were more likely to be attracted to their female pals than the other way around, the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found.

Men were also more likely to overestimate their female friends’ attraction to them. So if you find yourself wanting to jump from the Friend Ship to the Relation Ship—see what we did there?—abide by these four strategies to make the tricky transition go as smooth as possible. (But believe us: There are still plenty of Good Reasons Not to Sleep with Her.)

1. Assess the Situation

First, is she available? “If she has a boyfriend, is just getting over someone, or is confused about what she wants, it’s a red light,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sexuality counselor and author of She Comes First. “Otherwise you’ll look like you’re trying to seize an opportunity, which could leave her feeling betrayed.” If, however, you spend lots of one-on-one time together, your interactions often feel like dates, or they have a romantic energy about them, those are good signs that you could become something more than friends.

2. Test the Waters

“In conversation mention, ‘Gee, if I were dating you, I would do x, y, z,’ and see her reaction to it,” suggests Amy Laurent, relationship expert and star of Bravo’s upcoming series Miss Advised. “If it makes her uncomfortable or she laughs and says, ‘Oh stop!’ with an awkward smile, you may be crossing the boundary and need to respect that she may simply just want to be friends with you.” But if she seems genuinely interested in how you would treat her—for instance, she asks follow-up questions to your hypothetical scenario—she may already be thinking you’re boyfriend material. (Learn how to Talk to Her about Anything.

3. Make a Pact

You have to know going in that there’s a risk of ruining your friendship if a relationship ultimately doesn’t work out, Laurent says. “Make a pact to not let that happen,” she adds. “If you’re going to risk a great friendship, make sure two elements—respect and communication—are always there. Because hopefully they’ll still be there and you can go back to being friends.”

4. Find the Right Moment

Telling her you want to date her while drunk and standing in the middle of a crowded bar surrounded by a group of friends: Bad idea, buddy. “Women are often very sensitive to context, so even if she feels the same way about you, she may not feel comfortable telling you in that moment,” Kerner says. Your game plan: Confess your feelings when the two of you are alone. “Make sure you’re in a fun, romantic context such as out to dinner, on a walk, or shopping together to help set the tone,” Kerner adds. “Then, depending on the situation, put your arm around her, hold her hand, or say, ‘I’m just going to do something here,’ and lean in for a kiss,” he adds. “These actions give her the opportunity to reciprocate if she feels the same way.”

i want a girl...when i want a girl

Sometimes I think I'm from another world
When I'm trynna tell a woman just exactly where I stand that
I want a girl, when I want a girl
And when I don't want a girl, I want a girl who understands that
And that's some hard shit to explain
To a woman that's in love with you, it's a pitiful thing
Until I had to figure
That I don't wanna play around, but I don't wanna settle down
And that's a man's dilemma, 'cause every man remembers
How his daddy and his uncles did it
'Cause more than likely that's the way they're gonna do it
I know it sound fucked up and most wont admit it - Phonte from Little Brother (Slow It Down)


Even though Phonte spit this verse when he was a member of the rap trio from North Carolina, Little Brother, the words still hold true. I can't speak for women but I can speak for most men when I say that we can all identify with this verse. It has applied to MOST of us at some point in our lives. We all get to that point when we WANT a woman. Then we get to that point when we DON'T want a woman. Sometimes committing ain't easy for us.


Two months ago I got a call from one of my boys. He told me that he was settling down. He said that he had met "the One". I was floored. In the 8 years that I've known him, I'd never seen him have a girlfriend...period. He always had women...but never one chick. He was the ultimate bachelor...college educated, smart, women thought he was good looking, no kids, good sense of humor, etc. Those kinda guys, at the age of 38, just don't fall out of the sky. Especially here in the city of Atlanta, a place where good lookin'/successful women outnumber men 20-1. He was the LAST one of my friends who I thought would ever settle down. An engagement will be coming soon and I think he'll be married within a year. But it made me think...

What makes a man settle down and get married? Men have been conditioned since their pre-teens to get as many women as they can. We were raised to be HUNTERS. Once you capture your "ultimate prey" you are supposed to put "your spear away." Makes sense, right? It doesn't make any sense but you get my point. Ladies...as your man...or any man for that matter if he envisioned himself being with ONE woman for 50,60, 70 years. Don't be mad at his answer. Most men will tell you that they grew up knowing that one day they'd be a father. Husband??? Not so much. And that's not to say that we grew up thinking we'd be somebody's "baby daddy". So what makes us settle down???

Finding a woman that will give YOU as much as YOU give them...unconditionally.

never underestimate

Never underestimate the power of words.

On Friday, I had a conversation with a former co-worker and friend of mine. Prior to our conversation, we had not spoken in about 3 weeks. The last time that we talked, she was about to have her 1st child. I called her to check on her and to find out whether she had a boy or a girl. She told me that days after we spoke, she had a seizure. During the seizure, the oxygen to the baby was cut off. The baby, a little girl, did not survive. My friend almost died. I was shocked to hear the news. I knew that it had not been an easy pregnancy for her. She had some health issues, lost her job, and broke up with the baby's father during the pregnancy. There are no words to console someone who's lost their child. Personally, I hope to never know what that feels like.

Never underestimate the power of a friend

She began to tell me that she "didn't know how she was gonna make it". She was stressed over the lack of money and being unemployed. I advised her to apply for unemployment benefits. Although it's not much, it's something to help. She said that she had become depressed and was facing the possibility of losing her apartment because she couldn't pay the rent. I reminded her that we all go through struggles. Some are bigger than others. We all go through peaks and valleys. My belief in GOD helps me understand that no situation is TOO hard to overcome. I reminded her of that. I won't say that I know every verse in the Bible but I do have a relationship with GOD. I don't try to impose my beliefs on anyone but I believe in GOD and what he can do for us.

Never underestimate the power of prayer

Before we ended our call, I told a few jokes and made her laugh. She sounded much better than she did before. I told her that I'd call her on Monday to check in on her. When we got off the phone, I said a quick prayer for her. It wasn't anything out of the norm. I will pray for my friends...so I did just that. Later that afternoon, my phone rang. It was my friend. I answered the phone and I could hear the excitement in her voice. She had just landed a job that she interviewed for earlier in the week. The new job will allow her to get out of the debt that she's in and will give her a piece of mind. While a new job won't bring back the child that she lost, it's a positive step in the right direction for her.

The moral of this blog is that prayer works. One thing that I've learned that sometimes it's just as important for you to pray for others more than you pray for yourself.

juss friendz

Are we products of our environment?

Are we victims of circumstance?

Maybe we're somewhere in between?


Relationships are a funny thing when you think about it. Especially when it comes to marriage. You have a man. You have a woman. These two people grew up separately and have lived vastly different lives. They find some commonalities within each other that brings them together. They grow close. Love ensues. Then they decide to spend the rest of their ENTIRE lives together and expect it to work. Sounds perfect, right?

Right!

LOL!

I'm being funny but you get my point. I was having a conversation with a good female friend of mine and we were discussing marriage. During the conversation, I realized how "different" some of my views were on marriage. These views were shaped by the marriage that I saw crumble right before my eyes. My parents divorced when I was 14. It came as a total shock. One day we were a happy family. The next day, they sat me and my younger brother down to tell us that they were getting a divorce. It hit me like a ton of bricks. They never ARGUED and yet they were splitting up? You don't understand how things are when you're that young. You learn as you get older. I've done a 10 yr bid in this marriage thing. LOL. I've learned some valuable lessons over the years. Marriage is hard. It's work. It's work...even when you don't wanna work. Just like love. Love is the ultimate verb. It's something you DO. Marriage is rewarding, tho. I hear people talk all the time about wanting to get married. There's nothing wrong with that. The question is...do you want to PUT IN THE WORK?? It's like saying..."I want to be in the NFL". But if you're not willing to get your body in shape, then it's all pointless.

My parents had a messy divorce. Dad got married again. Mom is still single. I don't think they were ever the friends that you need to be when they got married. Did they rush into it? I dunno...I wasn't here. I can't say that they hated each other when it was over but there was some extreme dislike. But a funny thing happened some 13 yrs later...they became grandparents. It was then that they had something in common. They went from being distant strangers to grandparents who marveled with pride about their new grandson. I laugh at them now. They talk all of time. Safe to say they are friends now. Last year, they came to my house to celebrate Deion's 5th grade graduation. They actually stayed under the same roof...for the first time in more than 25 yrs.

Friendships should come before marriage. A strong friendship is the foundation. Always keep that in mind.

As for my parents, it came after marriage. And I'm cool with that.

lost one

Chat rooms.

I hate em. Neva been a fan of them.

When I first got on this thing called the innanet, I quickly noticed that most chat rooms were filled with people who were pretending to be something that they were not. I mean, you're on a computer...who would know if you're being honest about who you truly are? I promised myself that I would be as truthful on this blog about myself on this blog as I am with anybody who knows me. I could tell you that I'm a 6ft 8 inch, self made millionaire, ladies man. I could tell you that I was the best wide receiver to ever play at South Carolina State and I TURNED down an opportunity to play in the NFL. I could tell you that I've got 6 kids from 5 different baby mommas. That's not my style. Instead, I choose to write about the stuff that I do and I let you into my world. Most of the people who read this blog have not met me yet they know me very well. They know about me and my love for my 3 lil boys, my wife, family, and crew. The picture that I've painted is one that is true.


"A lie don't care who tells it."

Now to the subject at hand. When I woke up on Saturday, I noticed that I had 67 friends on Blackberry Messenger. Strange. I had 68 on Friday. I thought..."No big deal. Maybe somebody left Blackberry for the iphoney." I didn't give it another thought until my boy Russ asked me if I had read my boy WisdomIsMisery's latest blog. I hadn't read it but I quickly read it. If you didn't read it, please do. It may not mean as much to you as it did to me and I understand that.

It was about my friend "Reina" who USED to write on the blog "Reinasong.com". To summarize it, "Reina" and her blog was a sham. The picture above does not belong to "Reina". The picture is of someone else. I won't get into too many details of how she "pump faked" me and the rest of her friends. Read WisdomIsMisery's blog. He breaks it down. And I gotta thank the homie for doing that. He told "Reina" that he knew she was fake and mysteriously...she disappeared. Suddenly...I had one less follower on twitter...one less Facebook friend...one less Blackberry Messenger friend. Her blog, Reinasong.com, is gone.

I'm not here to bash "Reina". Here's what I DO know about her. She was/is an intelligent woman. Her stories on the blog were very well written. She was an advocate of the fight against domestic violence against women. I know that "Reina" was mad cool. We chatted often...almost daily on twitter or blackberry messenger. She told me of her feelings for a fellow blogger. Like I said, mad cool. I would often tease her about her voice. She was Black/Puerto Rican but she sounded like she was from the backwoods of South Carolina. She co-hosted on my show, 12 Radio, 3 or 4 times. In summary, I considered "Reina" to be a friend.

Once I found out that "Reina" was fake, I was tempted to call her on her cell (we've spoken by phone) and try to get to the bottom of it. Why lie? Why be somebody who you aren't? Keep it real. You think you have to be a swimsuit model for people to like you? Do you! Be you! That's it! The fact that she disappeared once WisdomIsMystery found out who she was/wasn't speaks VOLUMES about who she is/was/will be. For all i know, "Reina" could be a 300 lb female Biggie Smalls look a like. It aint about a look because i guarantee that i look wayyyyyy betta than my pictures and my pics look great. It's about being who you are. It's about being truthful and honest about who you are. Am I hurt? Nope! Disappointed? Yes. I'm a loyal dude. If you're cool with me, then you are cool. She was cool with me. Now...I dunno know. She's got my info. I ain't hard to find. I'm sure she's reading this.

Get at me "Reina"

The moral of the story is that all I ask from ANYBODY is to keep it real with me. I'm gonna do that with you.

And that's something that "Reina" had a hard time doing.

12 Radio

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veeeeday

Valentine's Day!

Is it a holiday for lovers?

Is it a holiday for suckers?

You be the judge...

Valentine's Day is the holiday for love. Holiday? When did it become a holiday? My first memory of Valentine's came when I was in the 3rd grade. I had to give candy to my classmates (including the dudes) and exchange cards with the girls. Ironically, I had 2 special cards that were gonna go to my 2 Valentines...Catina & Carolyn, who were best friends...LOL.

Back then, Valentine's Day was fun because you would find out the girls in your class who liked you.


Nowadays, Valentine's Day ain't the same.



I mean, there is still a girl in my life who gets a card. And my mom still gets a card.

But society has commercialized the day so much that people who don't have Valentine's are made to feel bad.

Maybe we're just too old now and things ain't what they used to be.

Or maybe...people have turned something that used to be special into a money makin' venture.

Lovers or suckaz? I dunno.

Enjoy the "holiday" folks. LOL

birthdayboyz

There aren't many things that are certain in life.

For me, one thing is certain At 12:00am on December 9th, my cellphone will ring.

It'll be my mom calling me to wish me a happy birthday!

It never fails. She knows that I never liked for people to make a big fuss about my birthday. She told me.

"Boy, we're gonna celebrate every year. That's what you are supposed to do. I don't care if you don't want nothing. You'll at least get a cake and a card."

And she never disappointed me. She knows that's all I've ever wanted. A cake and a card. So, every year she sends me a card. The card always contains a dollar. Why? Not sure. But that's my mom and I love her to death.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the best birthday gift that I ever received. It was December 10th, 2006. My right hand man...the man who runs my house...the man who I haven't been able to win a stare-down with...the life of the party...the youngest in charge...Brandon! Look how you've grown over the years. Daddy loves you, man.

.
I wanna thank all of you...my family, crew, friends, fellow bloggers, twitter fam, and fans (LOL) for the birthday wishes. I really appreciate the love. I'm 37 years old. I look good. I feel good (like James Brown). And I'm blessed to see another year.

8-24-09

8-24-09

I remember that day like it was yesterday

It started with an upset stomach. That rarely happens. Nevertheless, I went on to work despite feelin like shit. Once I got to work, I was immediately met with some drama about something that I had done wrong. Now, I was pissed off AND I didn't feel well. I pressed on...

As the day progressed, my supervisor continued to annoy me about petty stuff. I was completely out of my zone. I called my wife and told her that I was tired of the micromanaging and I was about to cuss this chick out. I left the building for lunch to catch some fresh air. When I came back to the office, I tried to get back into my zone but I couldn't. I felt strange. I didn't know why. For some reason, my stomach was killing me again. I thought to myself...This has been a shitty day. What else could go wrong???

Then it happened. I got a text message at 2:45 from my friend Stacy. It read...

By the time u read this it will be to late. I love all of u.you have been great friends and family. I just cant do this anymore my life is done

Huh? What is Stacy talkin about? That's what I was thinking. I read the text again. Scratched my head for a second. The text message sounded suicidal. I had talked to Stacy 2 weeks prior to getting this text message. Stacy was going through some hard times. Stacy was about to be unemployed. Got fired because of some bs. Not only did Stacy lose the job but Stacy had a several relationships that had gone bad. With huge financial/personal issues, Stacy had decided to send this text message as a last goodbye to family and friends. I couldn't believe it. I have been tight with Stacy since high school. I sat at my desk for a minute...dazed. I stepped away from my desk and called Stacy. No answer. I tried again...no answer. Then I tried again...no answer. I called my wife and told her about the text message. She advised me to call one of my boys who lived near Stacy. At this point, I'm freaking out because I can't reach Stacy.

Hours go by. Still no answer. I finally get Stacy's brother's phone number. My worse fear had been confirmed.

Stacy had attempted suicide.

The news hit me like a ton of bricks. I was numb. Why would Stacy want to leave this earth? Times are hard and I know that. I think that no matter how bad things are you still have to do what you have to do to make things better. Jobs, friends, girlfriends/boyfriends/spouses will all come and go. As long as you have air in your lungs, you're ok. That's the way that I feel.

I spoke with Stacy later that day. I really didn't know what to say. I was hurt. I was pissed off. I was mad. I was confused. Not only did Stacy send that text message to me but to Stacy's siblings and parents. I really didn't say that much to Stacy that day. There was so much that I wanted to say but I couldn't. There are so many issues. Depression is one. Too often (especially in the black community), we never address the issue of depression. We ignore it. Did I ignore it in Stacy? I don't think so. Nevertheless, Stacy is getting help and counseling. I spoke with Stacy last week and it was almost like old times. Lots of laughs and jokes.

I'll be honest. I wasn't even gonna write this post. This happened nearly 2 months ago and I finally had the mindset to put it out there. I try to keep things positive. I've read blogs about stuff and become sad after reading it. That's not the intent here. Far too many times, we ignore the little things in people. The small cries for help. Sometimes we never know until it's too late. It's ok to tell somebody and show somebody that you care. More importantly, it's good to show them that they mean something to somebody. Far too many times we're left with unanswered questions.

I'm just glad that my friend has a second chance...