you've got the answers

Kameron walked into the room the other day. He looked at me and asked...

"Dad, when was Pearl Harbor?"

I paused. Then answered

"December 7, 1941. Why do you ask?"

He responded.

"I just wanted to see if you knew."

Then he walked out of the room.

I found the question to be weird. I wasn't talking about Pearl Harbor with him or anything. It was just a random question that seemed to come from left field. He knows that I'm a history buff. But I'm an even bigger fan of geography. That was my favorite subject when I was in high school. Even though the question was a surprise, it wasn't abnormal.

One of the things that we do from time to time in my house is...we watch Jeopardy together. We watch and try to guess the answers. When we watch, I try my best to answer the questions as quickly as I can. I try to answer before the kids do. I'll admit...I get a few right. The kids almost always seem to be impressed with me getting the answers correct. For some reason, they think I know all of the answers.

The truth is...I don't.

But history has a way of repeating itself.

When I was a kid, I'd watch Jeopardy and my dad would get a LOT of the answers correct. It was amazing. Away from the show, I could ask him any question...and he knew the answer. It didn't matter if it was about history or just about life. He had all the answers. I remember I'd ask him what a word meant...or how to spell a word. His response would always be the same... "Look it up." There was no internet in the 80s so when I had to look something up, it meant that I had to look it up in the dictionary. The reason why both he and my mother would encourage me to "look it up" was because if you take the time to search for something...when you find what it is...you're not likely to forget it. That always stuck with me. As much as I'd hate to "look" for stuff, it made a difference. And it also answered a lot of questions.

I've adopted that same theory with my kids. Sometimes I will answer their questions. Then there are times where I will tell them to "look it up". They don't need the dictionary. They have Google. I'm sure in my kids eyes...I have all of the answers. They probably view me the same way that I view my parents. Even to this day, it seems like they have all of the answers.

In reality, I don't have all of the answers. But I'm glad that they think that I do.

PODCAST: fatherhood

On this episode of The 12Kyle Podcast, I will discuss FATHERHOOD. I give my thoughts on the highs and lows of fatherhood. Every man has a perspective on what it is like to be a father. I will also tell you 3 things that every man must give his child. I take you along on my journey as a father. Ride with me.

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7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

This is a great article that I found on All Pro Dad (dot com). After reading the article, it made me reflect on the blossoming relationship that I have with my 4 yr old daughter, Skyler. She is my heart. We have a great relationship and I truly love being around her. I know that the relationship that we have will help mold many of her decisions later in life. It's a huge responsibility that I don't take lightly. This article hits home. Read below...

7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

As a girl grows up, men will come in and out of her life, but the one man who will always be there is her father. A father plays a vital role in his daughter’s journey to adulthood, and below are seven things what a daughter needs from her dad. 

1. She needs you to be involved.

A daughter needs her father to be actively interested in her life. “Actively interested” does not refer to the second-long conversation that sometimes happens between a father and daughter when he asks how her day went and she replies with one word. A father should participate in his daughter’s hobbies and activities by displaying interest. For example, if she is interested in collecting coins, take her to coin shows. Use the Internet to learn about rare coins and talk about them. Is your daughter talented in the any sports, such as volleyball? Whether she wants to play or just enjoys watching the games, become an enthusiastic fan and supporter! Show your daughter that you are interested in her life by learning more about it and trying to become a part of it.

2. She needs you to demonstrate a healthy marriage.
The first relationship a daughter experiences is the one between her mother and father. If her father disrespects his wife with physical or emotional abuse, a daughter might come to believe that is the expected relationship with a husband. However, a father that displays physical affection, respect, and a true partnership with his wife provides an incredible example that his daughter will want to mirror in her own life.

3. She needs you to support her.

Even though a father may not always agree with his daughter, she needs to know you will support her. When a father fully and wholeheartedly supports his daughter, she will develop strong self-esteem and a positive self-image. This doesn’t mean that you always have to agree with her, but show her that while you might not agree with a choice she is making, you will always believe in her as a person and have confidence in her abilities.

4. She needs to trust you as a confidante.

When your daughter does come to you and discusses personal issues and problems, she needs to know that you will treat them with respect and confidence. They shouldn’t become dinner-table conversation with the rest of the family.

5. She needs your unconditional love.

Just as our Father in Heaven demonstrates unconditional love, fathers on earth need to display this as well. Unconditional love requires that a daughter knows no matter how badly she messes up, her father will be there, not to ridicule and demean but to forgive.

6. She needs a strong spiritual leader.

A father should be the spiritual head of a household and should take charge of his children’s religious education. Pray with your daughter! Don’t be shy about bringing the Lord into your conversations with her.

7. She needs a positive role model.

Many daughters today lack a positive male role model in their life. A father is the first man in a girl’s life that she will intimately know. Her father sets the standard for all other men in her life, and a positive role model will help her choose a good husband in the future. Take a moment for some self-reflection. Are there any habits you need to break? Are there some areas of your own life that could use a “spiritual overhaul” and prayer? When your daughter sees that you are willing to examine your own life and make changes when necessary, you provide the best example she could ever have of accepting responsibility for her actions.

PODCAST : ask 12kyle...

Sometimes when you have a burning question…you need to ask someone who will tell you what you NEED to hear…not what you WANT to hear. It’s good to seek the advice of someone who knows what they are talking about and will be impartial in their response.

That’s what host 12kyle does on this edition of The 12kyle Podcast. A few months ago, we gave our readers a chance to open up to us about any problems or issues that they were having and we would address them on the podcast. On this edition, 12kyle fields a wide range of questions from choosing a major in college, dating and relationship problems, giving money to a church…and MUCH MORE! Listen to the podcast and let us know what you think. 

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Overcoming Family Financial Habits

While doing some reading on finances, I came across this article. I think you might get something from it.


Whether you realize it or not, your parents likely had a major influence on your financial habits. Studies, including the recently published
"Habit Formation and Learning in Young Children," show that the ideas about money you pick up during childhood tend to stick with you for life, whether you grow up just like mom and dad or have made choices in reaction to them.

"Most of our beliefs and habits take shape well before the age of 12, and that includes money habits," says Keith Whitaker, Senior Family Dynamics Consultant with Abbot Downing. "Most people may not want to believe that, but they know in their heart that it's true."

If your parents didn't talk about money, for example, you also probably feel uncomfortable when the subject comes up. If your family was always trying to keep up with the Joneses, you may equate money with success, and you may feel like you can never have enough.

If you strongly disagreed with your parents' financial habits, you may have reacted by choosing to take the opposite approach. But that too can be harmful when taken to extremes. For example, some people who grew up poor, or whose parents were extreme penny-pinchers, hated feeling deprived, so they may spoil their own children by giving them too much.

• Potential harmful money habits you may have picked up from your parents include:
• Overspending to show love
• Extreme penny-pinching
• Believing that money is the cause of world problems
• Equating money with success and happiness
• Associating money with personal conflict
• Reluctance to talk about money

Whatever your money baggage, fortunately, you aren't stuck with it forever. "It is possible to change," Whitaker says, "but it takes a lot of work." He recommends these five steps:

1. Reflect on your behaviors and feelings about money. Think back to your childhood and your parents' attitudes about money. Were they constantly fighting over money? Did they overspend and go into debt? Or were they extremely frugal? Try to recognize both the positive and negative lessons you learned from your parents, and how they affected your beliefs and feelings about money. "The first step in changing bad financial habits is becoming aware of your deep-seated beliefs about money and where they come from," Whitaker says.
2. Focus forward and don't blame. While it's important to recognize your parents' influence, it's equally important not to assign blame, Whitaker says. "Blaming others won't help you move forward," he says. "Try to empathize with your parents and accept that they probably did the best they could do and, like all of us, they had their limitations. Show yourself grace, too."
3. Clarify your goals. After you identify any bad financial habits that come from your upbringing, make a conscious decision to change. "Ask yourself, 'What are some other ways I can act?'" Whitaker says. If you tend to spoil your spouse and your children with monetary gifts, commit to spending time and having experiences with them instead. "Maybe you suddenly realize that you've been spending all this money on your child, but he's acting like a spoiled brat," Whitaker says. "It may be time to stop giving materially and start giving emotionally."
4. Break big changes into small steps.  Rather than trying to change all at once, commit to taking a series of small steps in the right direction, Whitaker advises. If you're reluctant to create a budget with your spouse because your parents fought about money, start with one small piece of a budget. "Maybe you can do a better job of tracking your spending on just one type of expense, or saving for something specific," Whitaker says. "Instead of taking it all on at once, take on a manageable piece." If sharing specific numbers — such as the size of your estate — makes you queasy, you can start by talking about your estate in a more general way, without the dollar signs.
5. Get help. Connect with people who can help you talk through your money issues and help hold you accountable. Friends, professional colleagues, counselors, or members of shared interest groups can help reinforce your desired behaviors and give constructive, positive feedback. And, of course, your relationship manager is probably your best resource on making good financial decisions. "As hard as it is, you can do something about your beliefs and your behaviors," Whitaker says. "I've seen it happen."

just my .12 cents (vol 3)

check out the latest episode of just my .12 cents (vol 3) as I randomly ramble off thoughts on...2014, 2015, new years resolutions, PSA for ladies, football, public restrooms, music, hip hop, R&B, parenting, weight loss, Serial, PHryme, and more

school with NO BOOKS

I found this story on the NY Post. A sad story of how people are failing the children on a day to day basis...


This principal runs a school of “no.”

Students at PS 106 in Far Rockaway, Queens, have gotten no math or reading and writing books for the rigorous Common Core curriculum, whistleblowers say.

The 234 kids get no gym or art classes. Instead, they watch movies every day.

“The kids have seen more movies than Siskel and Ebert,” a source said.

The school nurse has no office equipped with a sink, refrigerator or cot.

The library is a mess: “Nothing’s in order,” said a source. “It’s a junk room.”

No substitutes are hired when a teacher is absent — students are divvied up among other classes.

A classroom that includes learning-disabled kids doesn’t have the required special-ed co-teacher.

About 40 kindergartners have no room in the three-story brick building. They sit all day in dilapidated trailers that reek of “animal urine,” a parent said; rats and squirrels noisily scamper in the walls and ceiling.

And the principal — Marcella Sills, who joined PS 106 nine years ago — is a frequent no-show, sources say.

Sills did not come to school last Monday. On Tuesday, she showed up at 3:30 p.m.

On Wednesday, The Post found her at home in Westbury, LI, all day before emerging at 2:50 p.m. — school dismissal time. Wearing a fur coat, she took her BMW for a spin.

She showed up at school Thursday, but not Friday.

When Sills, 48, does go to work, it’s rarely before 11 a.m. — and often hours later, say sources familiar with her schedule.

“She strolls in whenever she wants,” one said.

The school hasn’t had a payroll secretary in years.

A Department of Education spokesman said Sills was required to report her absences and tardiness to District 27 Superintendent Michelle Lloyd-Bey but would not say whether Sills did so last week.

Lloyd-Bey did not return a call. Sills hung up on a reporter.

When she is out, an assistant principal is left in charge. Yet Sills, who gets a $128,207 salary, also pockets overtime pay — $2,900 for 83 hours in 2011, the latest available records show.

“This school is a complete s- -thole, but nobody in a position of power comes to investigate. No one cares,” a community member said.

PS 106 families hope their cries for attention bring newly installed Schools Chancellor Carmen Fariña to the rescue, saying they can’t recall any prior DOE leader visiting the remote school.

She would find it sinking, they say.

The isolated building sits a block and a half from the beach, surrounded by vacant, weed-choked lots, the road behind it strewn with trash bags and broken TVs.

The floods of Hurricane Sandy in October 2012 wrecked a hangar-like annex, called the Early Childhood Academy, which housed pre-K, kindergarten and first and second grades. It has not been repaired.

Two kindergarten classes moved into “temporary classroom units” in the yard. The other children moved into the main building, forcing some classes to squeeze into small offices and storage rooms. The pre-K class sits in the auditorium, but has to move to the cafeteria during the movies.

Kids in several grades said that last week they watched “Fat Albert,” “Alvin and the Chipmunks” and “Monsters, Inc.,” but did not relish the downtime.

“I like gym. I like to draw,” said Charm Russell, 10, who added her peers are too restless and bored to watch the screen. “They’re always making noise, and there’s nothing entertaining going on. No art, no gym, no music class.”

More alarming, the teachers have gotten no curricula since Sandy. Last February, the DOE announced several new options, including “Go Math” for grades K-5, and “ReadyGen” or the state Education Department’s “Core Knowledge” for English language arts. The books cover the Common Core standards, skills that kids should master at each level.

But five months into the school year, PS 106 classes still don’t have the books or teacher’s guides.

“They have no reading program, no math program,” a source said, adding Sills blames outside administrators for not sending materials.

Teachers muddle through by printing out worksheets they find online, buying their own copy paper.

The DOE gave no explanation for the missing curricula but said it’s “working with the school to provide students with physical education.”

A spokesman denied the trailers are rat-infested.

Staffers won’t speak up or even file a grievance with their union because Sills will retaliate, a source said.

Parents wonder if higher-ups know what’s going on.

“Why don’t they get on them? I don’t understand that,” said Michael Moore, father of a second-grader.

Another father, Roland Legions, added. “They’re not doing right by the kids.”

One mom said she couldn’t get a meeting with Sills to discuss concerns. Another said Sills is “just not professional.”

“She should be here,” the mom said. “How is she going to run the school if she’s not here?”

PS 106 is allocated $2.9 million to serve a low-income population with 98 percent of its students eligible for free lunches. As a Title 1 school, it gets extra federal funds, but community members say they’ve never seen a budget tracking the income and spending.

http://nypost.com/2014/01/12/no-space-no-books-no-leader-no-clue-at-citys-worst-elementary/

Blended Families...12 RADIO SHOW

Tune in to the 12 RADIO SHOW. The 12 RADIO SHOW is the most innovative and interactive show on Blog Talk Radio. Tune in every Wednesday night at 9pm EST as the host, 12kyle, informs and entertains! Don't just listen to the show...be a part of the show and participate in the interactive chat room...or call in to speak with 12kyle and his co-hosts. 

TOPIC - BLENDED FAMILIES (Baby Momma's & Daddies, step parents, child support & kids) co-hosted by MzKayotic. 

Join us from 9pm-11pm EST to discuss the good...bad...and drama. 

You don't want to miss this show! You can listen online or via phone (347)215-7162. Press #1 if you want to speak to the host. You can also send tweets to the host if you want to have your questions answered or comments addressed at @12kyle . 

Don't miss it! 

Marriage 501...12 RADIO SHOW

Check out the 12 RADIO SHOW. The 12 RADIO SHOW is the most innovative and interactive show on Blog Talk Radio. Tune in tonight at 9pm EST as the host, 12kyle, informs and entertains! 

Don't just listen to the show...be a part of the show and participate in the interactive chat room...or call in to speak with 12kyle and his co-hosts. 

TOPIC - Marriage 501 

co-hosted by Krishna

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Krishna

never forget

Two months ago, me and the fam were in New York City. We were taking a cruise around lower Manhattan when I spotted the World Trade Center. I pulled out my iPhone and began to take pictures of it. The Freedom Tower looked almost complete.

My oldest son, Deion, look at me taking the pictures and he saw the look in my eyes.

He said..."Dad, why are they building it again? Someone may just come back and knock it down again?"

I love it when kids ask me these type of questions because these are what I call "teaching moments."

He has no memories of the day because he was only two years old at the time. He only knows what we've told him and what he seen on TV. 

He didn't know that I watched a plane fly through that building live on TV. 

He didn't know that just a year before the attacks I was in that building. 

He also didn't know that when i was a kid, I used to stare out of my grandmothers apartment window in Newark New Jersey at the New York City skyline and the World Trade Center. 

And he'll never know the pain and hurt that we felt as a country to have that happen on US soil.

I said..."This building HAS be rebuilt. People all over the world have to understand that that will never happen again. It will never stop us as a country. Never let someone come into your backyard and hit you and you just let it go. We learned and grew from that experience. But you never forget."

He nodded and smiled.

I did too. Another lesson taught.

12 RADIO SHOW

Welcome to the 12 RADIO SHOW! It is the most inovative & interactive show on BlogTalk Radio. Tune in tonight at 9pm EST as the host 12kyle entertains and enlightens you.

TOPIC - MARRIAGE 105...cohosted by Tiffany. Tune in as we discuss weddings, the pros & cons to marriage, and how to make marriage work. You will be educated and entertained! Don't miss it!!

We????

We

[wee]

–pronoun

the nominative plural of I

I know that you know the meaning of the word but I wanted to give it to you anyway. The word stood out to me in a recent conversation.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a tall, athletically built, young man. I was at my son Deion's all star baseball game. The young man, who stood almost 6-1, had a younger brother who was on Deion's team. Within a few minutes of noticing the young man, I realized that I was sitting next to his father. His father was 6-3, 330 pounds. The father and I began to talk sports. Within our conversation, he revealed to me that he played football in college at Alabama State. He also informed me that his son wore a size 16 shoe and was 14 yrs old. Translation...the kid is gonna be HUGE!

I asked the father if the kid was playing football. He said that he wasn't playing football nor basketball. He said he was only playing baseball. I found that to be somewhat strange because the kid is built like a basketball or football player. The father then explained to me that he has provided his son with private lessons in baseball, a hitting instructor, and he plays in a travel league...all year.

Then he said something that really caught my ear...

He said..."I'm gonna make sure that we get drafted."

Huh?

He said it again minutes later..."When we sign a with a major league team out of high school, we'll be in a good spot."

We? Was he speaking French?

It became obvious to me that this guy was one of those overzealous parents who is trying to live their athletic prowess (or lack thereof) through their child. Not only is that wack but it's not fair to the child. I would never pressure or influence any of my sons to play sports. I think my boys will gravitate toward sports b/c they watch sports with me. Deion is playing baseball. Kameron is playing football. Brandon is too young to play but he'll play whatever he wants to play. They can play whatever THEY want to play. I won't force them. Not will I place unreal expectations on them.

I've had "my day" in the lights. My time has come and gone. I truly enjoyed it and I have no regrets about it. But it's over. It's not my job...nor any other parent's job to make their child a professional athlete.

Too bad some parents don't understand that.

teach and learn

When it comes to school, I don't play.

I demand that my sons do well in school.

Mediocrity is not an option.

A few weeks ago, my oldest son, Deion came home with a "C". He's 10yrs old and is in the 5th grade. He's an A student. So, I was NOT happy to see a "C" on his progress report. I realized that he had gotten a C because he had 3 homework assignments that he did not turn in. The strange thing is that he DID the homework. He just didn't turn it in!!!

Huh?

That left me scratching my head. How can you do it but not turn it in?

I happened to be out of town when my wife called me and told me about the grade. I was furious. I told her to put Deion on the phone. My wife tried to tell me to take it easy on him but I wasn't trying to hear her. When Deion got on the phone, I went off! I didn't curse (my sons have never heard me curse) but I let him have it. When he tried to explain, I told him that I didn't want to hear it and I didn't want to talk to him.

Should I have said that? Probably not.

My wife called me the next day and she said that after we got off the phone he cried as if he had gotten the worst spanking in the world. He was hollering! She said that he woke up the next morning and he was crying uncontrollably. She tried to cheer him up but he wouldn't snap out of it. He was hurt. I had no idea. After she told me what happened, I knew that I had to say something. I asked her to give him the phone. She tried but he didn't want to talk. What? He doesn't want to talk?

I told my wife to put the phone in his hand and to FORCE him to talk if she had to. After a few moments, he finally took the phone from her. I began the conversation by apologizing. Apparently, when I told him that I didn't want to talk to him...he thought that meant that his Dad didn't like him anymore...didn't love him like I love his 2 younger brothers.

I quickly reminded him that I DID love him. I reminded him that he was still my "main man". However, I was disappointed in what he had done. There was no excuse for not turning in his work. I reminded him of the many hours that he spends doing his homework and he should have turned the work in as soon as he walked in class. I reminded him that I needed him to be the leader for his brothers. You can't lead if you aren't doing the right things. He said he understood. I told him that I loved him and he said "I love you too, Daddy."

Lesson learned...sometimes words can hit harder than a fist. Always be mindful of what you say and how you say it.

Always remember that kids don't come with instructions. Parenting is a constant work in progress.

Even when you come down on a child, you should always end the conversation with a positive thought or a word of encouragement. It's usually the last thing that they hear...


Holla!!





Also check out a post that I wrote on Sista Sports...http://bit.ly/5PiM7L

growing pains...

recent convo...

ME: Man, these boys are growing up so fast. Never thought I'd have sons that are 10, 7, and 2. Time really does fly. I can remember the day that we bought Deion home from the hospital. Kinda hard to believe that it was 10 years ago.

Mrs12: Time really does fly

ME: Won't be long before the girls and stuff start.

Mrs12: What do you mean?

ME: I mean, it won't be long before he'll really start to like girls and things will really take off.

Mrs12: Take off? I don't understand.

ME: He'll like girls and then they'll be calling the house all the time.

Mrs12: Oh no! Those lil fast girls won't be calling MY house!

ME: Excuse me (laughs)

Mrs12: You heard me. Some of these lil girls are fast. Too damn fast. They won't call my house.

ME: At one point in time, YOU were a fast lil girl that called somebody's house! LMAO!!!

Mrs12: Yeah. Whateva.



The truth is...as parents you can't imagine your child being interested and falling in love with another child. You tend to look at your child through innocent eyes. In reality, when they become teenagers...sex will become an issue. You can try to hide it from em. But you have to remember that kids are exposed to so many things that we weren't exposed to. Back in my day, it was cool if you could get your hands on a copy of Playboy or Black Tail (some of y'all know about that). Nowadays, you can find any nudity you want (including porn) on the 'Net (some of y'all know bout that, too! LOL)

I always laugh when I hear dudes talk about how they are gonna protect their daughters from horny lil teenage boys. They talk about "getting their shotguns" to let these lil dudes know what time it is. Can't say that I blame em. If some young punk showed up at my door with 2 earrings, gold fronts, and with his pants falling off his ass coming to see my daughter (if i had one)...I'd wanna shoot his ass, too. Nothing wrong with being overprotected but we need to be honest with ourselves. You can't hide sex from teens. You could walk into any high school and I'm sure that you'd find very few virgins. Some of us got started earlier than others. LOL. But it's a sign of the time. There will be girls that will come along a make my boys THINK they are in love. And they'll get their little hearts broken. You don't wanna see it happen but it's a part of life.

I went on to explain to my wife that I'll be sitting down with Deion one day and explaining to him the birds and the bees. I won't tell him "DON'T BRING ME NO GRAND KIDS" (like my mom did). I'll talk to him about girls. Tell him the pros/cons to sex. I would never advocate that he has sex but I'd be unrealistic to think that he's gonna wait until he got married. I would prefer that he's ready. I think you know when you're ready. I'd tell him about HIV/AIDS, STDs, and pregnancies. I'd also tell him what Dad told me.

Before you do anything with a woman...ask yourself if you would want to deal with this woman for the rest of your life. If she gets pregnant, that's what you'll be facing.

Treat a girl/woman the same way that you would want another man to treat your sister.

I never forgot those words.

At the end of the day, you can only inform them and hope that they do the right thing. Some kids will wait. I didn't. But I did the right thing. Some women will say that they should have waited. Who knows what my sons will do? I just hope that they listen.

fallen apple

Life has a funny way of repeating itself.

After telling my 2 year old son, Brandon, for the third time to back away from the tv...I realized something...

I have become MY father. I mean, I sound just like him. Brandon isn't my first child. I've been a father for 9 yrs. My oldest son, Deion, is nine and my middle son, Kameron, is 6. But right now...I am my father. I have developed into his ideas on parenting and the world. This is not a bad thing. My father is more than a father...he's one of my best friends. He had the biggest influence on me and my brother growing up.

I always said that if I could become half the parent that my parents were then I would have accomplished a lot.

What about you? For those of you who are parents...are you like your parents? How?

For those of you who aren't parents...do you think you'd develop the ideologies of your parents? Why...why not?

The apple don't fall far from the tree.

Hollatchaboi!