you've got the answers

Kameron walked into the room the other day. He looked at me and asked...

"Dad, when was Pearl Harbor?"

I paused. Then answered

"December 7, 1941. Why do you ask?"

He responded.

"I just wanted to see if you knew."

Then he walked out of the room.

I found the question to be weird. I wasn't talking about Pearl Harbor with him or anything. It was just a random question that seemed to come from left field. He knows that I'm a history buff. But I'm an even bigger fan of geography. That was my favorite subject when I was in high school. Even though the question was a surprise, it wasn't abnormal.

One of the things that we do from time to time in my house is...we watch Jeopardy together. We watch and try to guess the answers. When we watch, I try my best to answer the questions as quickly as I can. I try to answer before the kids do. I'll admit...I get a few right. The kids almost always seem to be impressed with me getting the answers correct. For some reason, they think I know all of the answers.

The truth is...I don't.

But history has a way of repeating itself.

When I was a kid, I'd watch Jeopardy and my dad would get a LOT of the answers correct. It was amazing. Away from the show, I could ask him any question...and he knew the answer. It didn't matter if it was about history or just about life. He had all the answers. I remember I'd ask him what a word meant...or how to spell a word. His response would always be the same... "Look it up." There was no internet in the 80s so when I had to look something up, it meant that I had to look it up in the dictionary. The reason why both he and my mother would encourage me to "look it up" was because if you take the time to search for something...when you find what it is...you're not likely to forget it. That always stuck with me. As much as I'd hate to "look" for stuff, it made a difference. And it also answered a lot of questions.

I've adopted that same theory with my kids. Sometimes I will answer their questions. Then there are times where I will tell them to "look it up". They don't need the dictionary. They have Google. I'm sure in my kids eyes...I have all of the answers. They probably view me the same way that I view my parents. Even to this day, it seems like they have all of the answers.

In reality, I don't have all of the answers. But I'm glad that they think that I do.

just us...

We took this picture almost 7 years ago. It's funny how the time is flying by. This is one of my favorite pictures of us together.

She was a toddler then. Now she's a 2nd grader.

She couldn't really talk back then. Now, she talks almost as much as I do. And I love our conversations

Back then, she was learning to walk. Now she runs everywhere she goes.

She was a Daddy's girl back then. And she's still a Daddy's girl now.

When I look at this picture, I remember how those brown eyes would turn me into mush. Nowadays, it's the same...but worse. LOL. She's figured out that she runs our house. She runs me and her older brothers.

I'm the oldest. She's the youngest. So, I don't know what that feels like.

What I do know is that we have a very special bond. There is a special love that a father has for his daughter. And there's an even more special love that a daughter has for her father. We have that love. You can see it in this picture. I'm thankful for that.

No matter what happens each day, one of the best feelings is to see her face and that smile and hear her say "Hi Daddy!" You can't put a price tag on that.

I'm certain that puberty, boys, and other things will challenge us as time goes on. But we'll grow and adapt.

And we'll be just like we were in this picture...

just us

Skyler & Daddy

PODCAST: black fathers...

On this week's episode of The 12kyle Podcast, we talk about role and the plight of black fathers


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because of the internet...

"Hey Dad, what did you do when you were a kid? You didn't have the Internet." - Brandon (age 11)

I love my kids.

They make me laugh.

Much like their father, they are all very inquisitive.

I couldn't help but chuckle when he asked me this question. I chuckled because all that he knows is the internet. He won't ever live in a world without the "information highway." I did. And it was fun. I immediately thought of the stories that he will tell his kids about their grandfather many years from now.

After I stopped laughing, I told him that we managed to have a bunch of fun without the internet or computers. I told him that I spent a lot of time outside. His eyes lit up! Much like me, he likes being outside. Back then...EVERYTHING happened outside. You were considered lame if you stayed in the house in the 80s. LOL

I also told him that because we were no cellphones for us to be glued to...we actually had to talk to the people who were in the room with us. There were no handheld electronics to occupy our time on the 10 hour drive from South Carolina to New Jersey every summer. But we spent our time learning about the cities on I-95. Since there was no GPS, I learned how to read a map. That was fun.

Things were simple then. For example, I loved talking on the phone. If my mom told me that I couldn't talk on the phone for a week, I'd be devastated. I spent hours talking on the phone to my homboys and my girlfriends. It didn't matter. It could be a conversation until 4am or falling asleep on the phone...only to be awakened by my mom yelling at me to get off the phone.

While it may be hard for them to fathom, I actually enjoyed life without the internet. While I enjoy the technology, I'll be the first to admit that it's changed the game. It's made us less humanistic and more robotic

And in many ways...less fun.

graduation 2017

It's official...

I am the parent of a high school graduate.

Damn...I feel old. (lol)

My oldest child, Deion, graduated from high school on May 26th. I'd like to thank everybody who commented on my social media pages with well wishes for him. I really do appreciate it.

I would also like to thank all of my family who came to celebrate with us. We had a lot of family that came from out of town to honor Deion. I'm very thankful for that. I was glad my parents and my in-laws, my brother and his family, my cousins as well as all of our family and friends could make it. It was a joyous occasion.

A week before graduation, I told Deion that I wanted him to "savor the moment" of graduation. I wanted him to enjoy it all. I reminded him that you only graduate from high school once...so live it up. I told him about the day that I graduated from high school. It was June 7, 1991. It was a great day. Graduation was cool. But I really didn't cherish it like I should have. I was ready to rush off to college. I appreciate it much more now. But if I could re-live that day, I'd savor everything and cherish some of the people who took that journey with me. I didn't want him to have the same regret that I had.

Deion had a lot to be proud of. Not only did he graduate from one of the best high schools in the county and metro Atlanta, but they accomplished a great deal. They graduated 99% of their senior class, 98% of the students would be headed to college, and they had been awarded over 15 million dollars in college scholarships. Honestly, that doesn't happen at most high schools...nor does it happen at an all black high school (which his was)...but it did. As a class, they have a great deal to be proud of.

I would be remiss if I didn't thank the village that helped my wife and I with Deion. Especially the grandparents. My in-laws, who live 5 minutes from our house, have always been incredible and helpful. I don't know where we would be without them. My parents live in South Carolina but they did a lot for us as well. I remember when Deion was in the 11th grade my mom made a 4 hr drive on a Sunday from South Carolina to our house...just to help Deion study for a test. I had no idea that she was coming. She just popped up at my house. I was shocked. She stayed for 2 hours...then drove back to South Carolina. I wanted her to stay but she said she had to go. While I thought it was crazy to come that far, it spoke volumes about how much she loves him. Deion is the first grandchild on both sides.

I am extremely proud of the kid. I think the some of the fussing that I did over the past 4 years have paid off. LOL.


Here are a few of the thousand pictures that were taken over the weekend...


The graduation was held at the Georgia World Congress Center

Deion with his brothers and his cousins. When I looked at this picture, I realized that we'll be going to high school graduations for the next 10 years. LOL. Deion is the oldest of his siblings and cousins. But it seems like there was a child born on both sides of his family every year after him.

Deion with my niece Taylor.

Party at the crib...we had a graduation party for Deion on Saturday (May 27th). We had about 70 friends and family attend the party. I threw some food on the grill as well

graduation cake

Chillin with my mom

The fam...Kameron (rising sophomore), Brandon (rising 5th grader), Skyler (rising 1st grader), Sherice & me

throwback videos...a few days before graduation, I pulled out some video tapes. The video tapes were labeled "Deion...the early years". I hadn't watched them in over 10 years. So, I decided to watch them. When I saw this little kid, it made me realize how much time had passed. It also reminded me of how this little boy changed my life forever. I watched videos of him when he could barely walk. Then I saw a video of us playing catch in the park. This was when it was just me, him, and Sherice. When I saw that little boy who loved playing catch...I went back to that moment. Although I was watching this video with nobody else in the house, somebody started cutting onions in the room...

you did it...this was my favorite picture that we took. I told him that I loved him and that I was proud of him. I told him that this was the first of many graduations. I hugged him and had a flashback to the day that he was born. The doctor handed him to me and asked me what his name would be. Without hesitation, I said...Deion. Life goes by so fast. But in that one moment...that one embrace...it was August 9, 1999 again.

College awaits in the fall. But right now, the high school graduate has made his father proud.

And old...but that's ok, LOL

daddy time...

I love being a Dad.

Always have...always will.

I've often said that being a father is the most difficult...yet rewarding job that I'll ever have. It's a job that I can't...and won't...fail at.

My wife and I have been blessed with 4 amazing kids. I hope to never lose sight of that. They are great kids. They get on my nerves at times (i'm sure I get on theirs too) but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Last Friday, I visited my daughter, Skyler, at school for an event called Doughnuts with Dads. It was my second time participating. They invited the fathers of the students to come a visit their children and spend an hour at the school. We visited the classroom. When I first walked in and sat down, I saw this. The kids recited it to us...

Then we did some painting.

Skyler also gave me this. It put a HUGE smile on my face

I hate washing the dishes but I'd never tell her that. LOL

As we sat and talked, I realized that all of the kids did not have a father or father figure. One kid was sitting at our table. He told me that his "Pop" was 60 and he couldn't come because he had to go to the doctor. I assumed that his "Pop" was his grandfather. Being around those kids made me realize something that I don't often think of...the male figures in the life of a child. There were about 5 kids who didn't have anybody there. While that doesn't mean that they don't have fathers or father figures, they weren't made to feel inadequate. Almost all of the other men made an effort to interact with the kids who didn't have a father there.


It's important that we...as men...are there for the kids. I really enjoyed being there with Skyler. That's my heart!!!

PODCAST: fatherhood

On this episode of The 12Kyle Podcast, I will discuss FATHERHOOD. I give my thoughts on the highs and lows of fatherhood. Every man has a perspective on what it is like to be a father. I will also tell you 3 things that every man must give his child. I take you along on my journey as a father. Ride with me.

LISTEN and SUBSCRIBE to The 12Kyle Podcast here...

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7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

This is a great article that I found on All Pro Dad (dot com). After reading the article, it made me reflect on the blossoming relationship that I have with my 4 yr old daughter, Skyler. She is my heart. We have a great relationship and I truly love being around her. I know that the relationship that we have will help mold many of her decisions later in life. It's a huge responsibility that I don't take lightly. This article hits home. Read below...

7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

As a girl grows up, men will come in and out of her life, but the one man who will always be there is her father. A father plays a vital role in his daughter’s journey to adulthood, and below are seven things what a daughter needs from her dad. 

1. She needs you to be involved.

A daughter needs her father to be actively interested in her life. “Actively interested” does not refer to the second-long conversation that sometimes happens between a father and daughter when he asks how her day went and she replies with one word. A father should participate in his daughter’s hobbies and activities by displaying interest. For example, if she is interested in collecting coins, take her to coin shows. Use the Internet to learn about rare coins and talk about them. Is your daughter talented in the any sports, such as volleyball? Whether she wants to play or just enjoys watching the games, become an enthusiastic fan and supporter! Show your daughter that you are interested in her life by learning more about it and trying to become a part of it.

2. She needs you to demonstrate a healthy marriage.
The first relationship a daughter experiences is the one between her mother and father. If her father disrespects his wife with physical or emotional abuse, a daughter might come to believe that is the expected relationship with a husband. However, a father that displays physical affection, respect, and a true partnership with his wife provides an incredible example that his daughter will want to mirror in her own life.

3. She needs you to support her.

Even though a father may not always agree with his daughter, she needs to know you will support her. When a father fully and wholeheartedly supports his daughter, she will develop strong self-esteem and a positive self-image. This doesn’t mean that you always have to agree with her, but show her that while you might not agree with a choice she is making, you will always believe in her as a person and have confidence in her abilities.

4. She needs to trust you as a confidante.

When your daughter does come to you and discusses personal issues and problems, she needs to know that you will treat them with respect and confidence. They shouldn’t become dinner-table conversation with the rest of the family.

5. She needs your unconditional love.

Just as our Father in Heaven demonstrates unconditional love, fathers on earth need to display this as well. Unconditional love requires that a daughter knows no matter how badly she messes up, her father will be there, not to ridicule and demean but to forgive.

6. She needs a strong spiritual leader.

A father should be the spiritual head of a household and should take charge of his children’s religious education. Pray with your daughter! Don’t be shy about bringing the Lord into your conversations with her.

7. She needs a positive role model.

Many daughters today lack a positive male role model in their life. A father is the first man in a girl’s life that she will intimately know. Her father sets the standard for all other men in her life, and a positive role model will help her choose a good husband in the future. Take a moment for some self-reflection. Are there any habits you need to break? Are there some areas of your own life that could use a “spiritual overhaul” and prayer? When your daughter sees that you are willing to examine your own life and make changes when necessary, you provide the best example she could ever have of accepting responsibility for her actions.

a letter to my kids...

I have often said that one of the great things about having this blog is that people can read it and get to know how you feel about things. I think one of the reasons why I've kept the blog and haven't deleted it is that I want my kids to read it and gain a different perspective as how their father saw the world through his eyes. Honestly, they know this blog exists but I don't think they've read much of it. But that's cool. One day they will.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. It's a special day for me because it's a day that I celebrate because of THEM. My children. Instead of writing a post about something random or silly, I decided to write this open letter to them...

Deion (age 15)


My first born! You were the first to make me a father. I still remember the day that you came into this world. It seems like it was yesterday. I remember standing in the delivery room and looking at you with amazement. You had only been on this earth for a few minutes before you urinated on the doctor who was trying to weigh you. The doctor smiled at us and said "Well...we know that part works." You and I are alike in a lot of ways. I have told you since you were a baby to always be a leader...not a follower. You are a great leader and I truly feel that you were put on this earth to be a leader. Am I hard on you? Yes! But it's only because I want you to see the greatness that is within you. The sky is the limit for you. As you move forward in life, you'll realize the lessons that I'm teaching will take you far in life. You're father is pretty smart...but you already know that by now. I am proud of the young man that you have become. I love you!


Kameron (12)


You are...by far...the most talented child. And that's no knock on your siblings...because everybody has multiple talents. You just have more. Anybody that has ever been around you will tell you that. I've found over time that you can be extremely shy around unfamiliar faces and the life of the party around friends and family. I am like that, too. It's not always easy being someone's little brother and someone's big brother...but you've done it well. Your mother and I realized a long time ago that when Kameron wants to do something, he's going to do it on his terms. That's what makes you who you are. Keep being who you are and keep shining! I am proud of the young man that you have become. I love you!

Brandon (8)


You are the star of our family! There's no doubt about it. I've never seen a kid this young be so cool! I WISH that I was as cool as you were when I was your age. I was cool but not like you. I've never seen a child so competitive and driven to be the best and win at everything! It's a rare gift. You and I look alike and our birthdays are only separated by a day. And maybe that's the way it was supposed to be. I can't imagine how it feels being the baby boy...but you are no baby. You don't walk in your brothers shadows. You've created your own trail and I like that. Most kids are fearful when it comes to performing in front of an audience. You...you seem to relish in that spotlight. Sometimes I look at you and think to myself..."Is that really MY kid?" Of course you are! And I wouldn't have it any other way! I am proud of the young man that you have become. I love you!


Skyler (3)


Where do I start? I never envisioned having a daughter. Even when I was a kid, I knew one day I'd get married and have a son. I never thought about having a daughter. Words can't describe how I feel about you. You and I have a very special bond. My friends told me that a little girl would make melt like ice cream. And I've been melting ever since the day that you got here. Our relationship grows each day. To say that I have spoiled you is an understatement. You've learned how to use those big brown puppy dog eyes to get what you want from me. As much as I want to say no...I can't. Sometimes I look at you and I don't want you to get older. Getting older means that one day you will...want to wear make up, want to wear something that I might not like...like boys and want boys to like you back...be approached to do something that you know isn't right. It'll be those moments when you'll hear a voice in your head say..."I can't do that. My Daddy would KILL ME!!!" Simply put, you are a "Daddy's girl" and that will never change! I am proud of the little lady that you have become. I love you!

I know I can be difficult at times. Sometimes I'm James Evans...then I'm Cliff Huxtable. But I'm preparing you for this world that you'll have to live in. Being a father to the 4 of you is something that I take very seriously. It's the most rewarding job that I will ever have. It's a job that I can't afford to fail at...and I won't. Your grandparents have set a high standard for me to follow in becoming what I think a parent should be. If I can become half the parent that they are...I'll be fine.

Right after Deion was born, your grandfather gave me words that I will always remember.

There are 3 things that you must give your child...LOVE, DISCIPLINE, and an EXAMPLE to follow. I will continue to do that until they throw dirt on me. I thank God for loaning you to me!

I love you,

Dad

24 with 12

I've been writing this blog 7 years. I think one of the first things I said before I started writing. I told myself "you're a cool dude but people aren't gonna want to read about your life...it's not that interesting."

That said...I want to give you a small glimpse of what a day in the life of ole 12kyle is like...

SATURDAY:


7:15 am - The alarm clock goes off and I'm up. I've never been one to "sleep in". We weren't allowed to just lay around as kids. You had to get up and do something. Nevertheless, on this day...my wife is out of town so it's just me and the kids.

7:32 am - Skyler (age 3) runs in my room and jumps on my head. "Daaaadyyyyy!!! I want some pancakes. The princess gets what she wants.

7:36 am - Brandon (age 8) walks in the room. He wants to know if he can watch SportsCenter.

8:01 am - After a quick shower, I get dressed and make my way downstairs. I walk down the hallway and wake up the "big kids"...Deion (15), Kameron (12).

8:25 am - I crank up Pandora on my iPhone to so that I can listen to music while I cook.

8:30 am - Brandon asked "Dad, did you watch SportsCenter on Saturday mornings when you were my age?" No son...we had REAL cartoons back then...

8:47 am - Breakfast is served...pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs

9:12 am - Skyler needs to get dressed. This is always interesting because she's at the point now where she may say "I don't want to wear that" Huh?

9:18 am - Incoming phone call. Face Time with my Mom. I think FaceTime might be the best thing since sliced bread. My mom, who lives in South Carolina, gets to actually see the kids. We use FaceTime 4 or 5 times a week. Once you get older and have kids, your parents don't wanna talk to you...just the kids. LOL

9:39 am - "Clean your rooms!!!" I'm yelling this to the boys. It's too early to be yelling...

9:46 am - Skyler's hair is done...from the previous day. But I see some hair sticking up. I think I can fix it. But she won't let me touch her hair. I don't know how to do hair. Maybe she knows that. She won't let me try to fix it

10:15 am - The doorbell rings. I wasn't expecting anybody. I look out the window and it's the Jehovah Witness crew. Damn!

10:17 am - I give out the instructions to clean up. We've got to sweep and vacuum the floors. I don't mind these chores

10:25 am - While the boys are doing that, I start to wash clothes. I hate washing and folding clothes

11:11 am - Brandon and Skyler are playing football in the living room. I'm amazed at how rough she is. I guess it's like that when you're the only girl.

11:45 am - Incoming phone call. It's my boy Melvin (aka Melly Mel). He's one of my boys that I played football with at South Carolina State University. We talk once every two weeks. The last time we spoke, I told him that I was eating and I'd call him back. So, when I answer the phone...he says "Hey bruh...you still eating?" LOL. That's how we are. We're always clowning. He is one of my favorite teammates.

12:15 pm - Skyler has to eat lunch then take a nap. Unlike most kids, she doesn't make a fuss when it's nap time.

12:35 pm - The boys all eat pizza for lunch. I skip lunch. Not sure why but I wasn't hungry

12:40 pm - Deion and Kameron make an attempt to explain to me who the Migos are. No thanks...I'll pass

1:22 pm - They go outside to toss the football around in the back yard. I watch from the deck. It's good watching them play together. Sometimes...like most brothers...they are teasing each other.

1:47 pm - I find a game on tv. I check in and browse twitter and Facebook

1:52 pm - The twitter timeline is buzzing about something crazy on tv. I pass on tweeting about it. Most of the time, I tweet my thoughts and stay in my mentions. It's more enjoyable that way. Facebook is hit or miss. Some days it's good. Other days...you question who these "friends" are.

2:12 pm - I forgot about the clothes that were in the dryer

2:15 pm - Incoming phone call. It's the homie, JFresh. 

2:45 pm - I'm hungry but I'm totally confused about what I want to eat. I hate when that happens

3:22 pm - Reading tweets about the pending divorce for Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon. Somebody said they couldn't figure out their favorite song by Mariah. For me...that's easy. We Belong Together. That's my joint!

3:35 pm - Skyler is up from her nap. She runs downstairs and asks for some cookies. I shouldn't give them to her...but I do. 

3:37 pm - Clothes still not folded. I forgot about them

3:52 pm - The boys head to the back yard to play football.

4:01 pm - An episode of The Chappelle Show is on tv. It's the Rick James episode. My favorite episode of Chapelle Show. Hands down. I always watch it and laugh as if I've never seen it. RIP  Rick James

4:45 pm - For some strange reason, my eyelids are getting heavy. Not sure why...

5:45 pm - That was a great nap. The boys are back in the house and are playing video games. Skyler is watching Dora the Explorer.

6:15 pm - Deion challenges me to play against him in a game of John Madden football. This is a trap. He's been playing and has gotten better. As for me, I'm a Madden champion. I was a monster in college. But I hardly play now. Playing Madden is like riding a bike...once you learn...you never forget. So...against my better judgement...I settle in on the couch to play him.

7:00 pm - I win by a field goal 24-21. The kid is good. Not better than me but good enough to beat me. Rule #7979 as a parent...never let your kids beat you in ANYTHING. Once they can beat you, stop playing! LOL

7:15 pm - I'm not cooking so I ask the kids where they want to eat and they yell McDonalds. I don't want no stinkin McDonald's so I convince them to pick somewhere else. We decide to grab some Chinese food and bring it home.

8:25 pm - Bath then bed for Skyler.

8:57 pm - While the boys are watching tv, I sit down the computer with the hopes of writing something for the blog. I write when I feel I have something to say. If I don't have anything to say, I don't write. You can't force creativity. I have plans to write a poem about a woman who fell in love with the perfect guy.

9:02 pm - My 3rd grade teacher always told me that the first two lines of any story are the most important. That's always stuck with me.

9:07 pm - 1st two lines are done

9:10 pm - The boys are in the living room arguing about what to watch on tv. I walk in the room...grab the remote...and turn the tv off. Nothing to argue about now

9:15 pm - Group messages from the fellas. The conversation comes up about _____ who went to high school with us. I'm laughing so hard. Tears

9:54 pm - Another win for the Atlanta Hawks. We're looking good

10:02 pm - Wait...let me fold up these clothes

10:33 pm - I tell the boys to jump in the shower then go to bed. Gotta get up early for church tomorrow. 9:30 am

10:36 pm - Skyler's hair is fine. I won't have to do it for church tomorrow. This is good because I can't do hair. I never learned. At some point...I will. Right now, she won't even let me TOUCH her hair. If I ask her if I can do her hair, she'll say no.

10:50 pm - I sit back down at the computer. All I have is 2 sentences. Damn!

11:05 pm - dozing off at the computer

11:10 pm - gotta shower and hit the sack. Tomorrow is a new day. Another day to be better

See...told you my life is boring.

Haaa

Devin's story

We both sat patiently. Waiting...

Both of our cars were being serviced. Like me, he was waiting in this auto shop as they were outside changing the tires on both of our cars.

When I walked in, we had initially made eye contact and gave each other the proverbial "head nod". But as we were sitting...not looking at each other...he blurted out in frustration...

"I hope they get my tires fixed right this time. I can't make this trip on bad tires."

I looked up from playing with my iPhone. I looked at him and broke the ice.

"Where are you headed?" I could hear in his voice that he wasn't from Atlanta.

"Chi-caaaago." he replied. I knew by the way that he said it that he was from there (i have a habit of listening to people who I don't know and I guess where they are from...most of the time I am right."

I confirmed it. "Is that where you from?" He said yes.


Meet Devin. He's a 27 yr old young man. He's married with a 5 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter. Although he is from Chicago, he's been living in Atlanta for the past 2 yrs. I told Devin that he was in a better place considering how violent Chicago is right now. He agreed. He told me about how his brother was murdered a few years ago in the Wild 100s - one of the roughest, gang infested sections on the South Side of Chicago. Devin and his wife Kenya, whose name was tattooed on his forearm, moved to Atlanta from Chicago for a better life. They had agreed that they would try living in Atlanta for 3 years. If they didn't like it, they would leave. Devin fell in love with the ATL. He found the slower pace living to bring him peace. He felt at peace knowing his kids could play outside in their neighborhood without hearing gunshots ring out. Unfortunately, Kenya didn't feel the same. She didn't like Atlanta. She was homesick. She wanted to go back. The plan was to wait 3 years but she didn't want to wait that long. This past September, Kenya decided to take the kids back to Chicago. She had given up on Atlanta...and she had given up on Devin and their marriage. At 25, Kenya preferred the fast life of Chicago but Devin didn't.

"I'm not going back to live in Chicago. I can't go back. I'm 27 years old. I did a lot of shit when I was younger. I ran in the streets and lived a different life. But I've never been to jail and I made it out of one of the worst ghettos...ALIVE. Why would I go back? To do what??? Stand on the corner with my homies. I've lost 10 friends to the streets AND my brother. My mom has moved here to Atlanta and she lives with me. Why in the hell would I go back. She's selfish. Our marriage is all but done. She can have Chicago. I'm here. I have a good job and I have my education. I'm not looking over my shoulder when I walk on these streets. If I lived in Chicago, I might not make it to see the age of 30. I'm only going back tomorrow to take the kids back and I'll be back here on Sunday. They've been with me all summer. They had a ball. She had the nerve to tell me that I should live there so I can see my kids. You can't use my kids as pawns. If this means that I get to see my kids only during the summer and the holidays...I guess that's what it's going to be."

I could see the pain is his eyes and the hurt in his voice. I told him that I respected his decision because I know it was a tough one. I explained to him that Kenya is at an age where some women want to still "be in the world". She got married young and she's chasing a lifestyle. I also gave him a few points of direction to help him. I was then notified that my car was ready. I gave Devin my phone number and I got his. I gave him a pound and a hug and I told him to be safe. Then I left.

It's funny what you can learn about people within a 20 minute conversation. I gained a lot of respect for a young brother who is a lot stronger and smarter than a lot of people.

Happy Birthday, Skyler

Skyler, 

Two years ago today my life changed forever. This is the day that you were born. I remember holding you in my arms and thinking to myself..."is there a more beautiful creature on God's earth?" There wasn't. And I still feel that way today.

You and I have a special relationship. My friends told me that it would be this way. Your Uncle Damon told me that it would be this way. It was hard for me to conceive because you were not here. Once you arrived, it made more sense. One of my friends told me that you will always be the apple of my eyes. That is so true. I have a different relationship with your brothers. I love them as much as I love you...but it's different. Girls are different. A father's love for his daughter is different. A girl's love for her DADDY is different. I am the first man that you'll ever love. There will be men that will come and go throughout your life. But not your DADDY. I'll always be here. There are times when I look at you and just wish that you can remain the smart, adorable little girl that you are right now. But that's not realistic. I will teach you the values and lessons that you will carry with you and pass on to your children. And when somebody asks you to do something that you aren't supposed to do...you'll utter these words..."I can't do that. My DADDY will KILL me!" 

You are a gift from God. And I thank HIM for you. Happy Birthday to my princess. Happy Birthday, Skyler. Daddy loves you!

Love, 

Daddy

Happy Birthday, Deion

14 years ago today, I became a father for the first time. 

It's hard to believe that it's been that long because I can remember it like it was yesterday.

Every man wants to have a son. I was no different. For my first born to be a son made life that much sweeter. It was the best day of my life. I knew at that moment that my life had changed forever. The way that I looked at the world changed as well. Life became more important. 

He's the oldest child...just like me. He's extremely smart and talented. I think he has many gifts that he will give the world. I admit...I am hard on him because he's the oldest and he sets the pace for his brothers and sister. But I think it makes him better. He enters high school on Monday. Where did the time go? 

I remember trying to decide what I would name him. I thought I'd name him after me. But when I looked at him...I said "let's name him Deion." And it fit. That was my middle name but it fit better on him. I was proud that day. Fourteen years later, he still makes me proud.

Happy Birthday, Deion. I love you. 

Happy Birthday, Kameron

11 years ago today, I became a father for the 2nd time. 

I remember my first thought when I saw him...

"Who's kid is THAT? He can't be mine. He's HUGE!" LOL

He was 8 pounds, 8 ounces. Born on 8-8 (see how I did that??) 

So much time has passed since that day. He is the one child who's personality is most similar to mine. Very intelligent and a thinker. Quiet, calm, and never rattled. He's extremely talented as well

Happy Birthday Kameron! I love you

Knock Knock

Gotta thank my home girl who shared this with me so that I could share it with you. It's all love!

I hope that you can appreciate it as much as I do.

Knock Knock

Daniel Beaty

you are the FATHER...NOT the baby daddy

I think I must've went insane
Thinking I was in love, but really in chains
Trapped to this girl through the two-year old who carried my name
I tried to stop tripping
But yo, I couldn't and the plot thickened
That shit affected me, largely
Because I know a lot of people want me
To fail as a father
And the thought of that haunts me
Especially when I check my rear-view mirror
And don't see him in his car seat
So the next time it's late at night
and I'm laid up with the woman I'mma make my wife
talking 'bout how we 'gon make a life
I'm thinking about child support, alimony, visitation rights
Cause that's the only outcome if you can't make it right
Pissed off with your children feeling the same pain
So, Pop, how could I blame cause you couldn't maintain
I did the same thing
The same thing...(Phonte from Little Brother "All for You")

Me and my homeboys have a LOT in common. Far beyond our tastes in women, music, and sports we share a lot of similarities.

I've noticed one thing that me and all my closest male friends have in common...we ALL have fathers who have played a significant role in our lives. Not some of my friends. ALL. That says alot about those men. Their influence have made us the men that we are today.

By society's standards, we are all successful, progressive, young black men. If you ask any of them, they will tell you that their father was the definition of a man. This is not to say that our mothers weren't there...because they were. I'm a firm believer that a woman can raise a young man and show him how to become a productive citizen. But only a man can teach a boy how to become a man. I feel fortunate and blessed that I have a father who showed me the way and I feel fortunate that my homies have too. Every one is not as fortunate. I don't take that for granted. I think that if a young boy doesn't have a father in his life then he needs a father figure in his life. That could be an uncle, older brother, teacher, mentor, or coach. It's very critical in a young boy's life to have that interaction with a male with whom he loves and respects. As the father of 3 sons, I feel that I have to be the man that they learn from. Being a father is the most rewarding and important job that I'll ever have. It's a job that I enjoy but I take very seriously. I can't make them into a miniature 12kyle. But I can show them how to become a man and how to make it in this world.

As men, we have to get beyond the point of leaving our sons to fend for themselves in this cold world. Is your child supposed to suffer because you are no longer with his mother? Is it smart to neglect your son because you are no longer sleeping with his mother? As men, we have to do better. Our sons need us. More importantly, our sons watch our moves. If we don't show them them the right way...they will be destined to follow in our footsteps.

Happy Birthday, Skyler

I remember it like it was yesterday

It was May 10, 2011. I was at the doctor's office with Mommy. The doctor looked at us and said..."You're having a GIRL!!!" 

I was SO happy! A girl? Finally!!! 

But a few seconds later...reality set in. My joy turned to fear because I knew nothing about girls. We had already dealt with raising your 3 brothers. In my mind...sons were work but easy for me. I understand them. But a girl? Can I raise a girl? Am I ready to bring a girl into this world? I remember praying that night and asking God that you come to us healthy. And that's all that I prayed for. I knew if I trusted HIM, that my fears would be eased. And they were

September 28, 2011 was one of the happiest...if not the happiest day of my life. God blessed us with you. Words cannot explain how I felt to see your little round face. Before you were delivered, the doctor asked me how much I thought you'd weigh. I said "seven pounds and four ounces"...and I was correct. Mommy and Auntie Lisa named you Skyler. They insisted that your name be spelled the way that it is because in your name is my name. 

This past year has been a blessing. My life has changed so much since your arrival. All of my friends who have daughters told me that I was gonna change. And I have!! I've gone from being Rambo with your brothers to Barney with you. You've already learned at a young age that you have Daddy wrapped around your finger. You are truly a Daddy's Girl. I'm proud to say that! Your intelligence and strength is beyond your age and I hope that it continues. 

I know that it's easy for me to want you to be a sweet, cuddly little baby forever but that's not likely. You'll grow into a little girl...then young woman...then grown woman. But you'll always be Daddy's princess. I understand that the relationship that you and I share will help mold your thoughts and opinions on men. I know the bar is set high but I hope that you will learn the lessons that I try to teach you. I'm sure it won't be easy to date when you have THREE older, protective brothers. Not to mention a father who won't let you see any bum off the streets. But I'll be fair. I'll give you the same things that I've given your brothers...love, discipline, and an example to follow. 

Today we celebrate your first birthday. I hope that you have at least 100 more. And one day I want you to read this and get the feelings and the emotions that I feel. I love how we laugh and play together. I love how you lay on my chest when you fall asleep. I love it all. Most importantly, Daddy loves you!

Happy Birthday Skyler!