sex drive

Sex Drive

Is your sex drive in park?

Are you not getting enough but not sure why? Well, Men's Health and ole 12kyle will give you some reasons why...

STRESS

You may be the kind of person who does many things well when under stress. But feeling sexy isn't likely to be one of them. Job stress, money troubles, caring for a sick family member, and other stressors can decrease libido. To keep your stress levels in check, learn helpful stress management techniques or seek the advice of a counselor or doctor.

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Unresolved relationship problems are one of the most common killers of sex drive. For women in particular, emotional closeness is a major ingredient in sexual desire. Simmering arguments, poor communication, betrayal of trust, and other barriers to intimacy can steer your sex drive off the road.

BODY IMAGE

It's hard to feel sexy if your self-esteem suffers from poor body image. For example, feeling ashamed of being too heavy (even if you’re not) will douse your love light. If your partner has these feelings, it can really help to reassure him or her that you still find him/her sexy. And there's a flip side to the equation: Working out not only enhances your self-esteem, but also ups your sex drive.

TOO LITTLE SLEEP

If your sexual get-up-and-go is gone, maybe you're getting up too early or getting to bed too late. Or maybe you have insomnia or sleep apnea. Whatever it is that's interfering with your sleep, it's also interfering with your sex drive. Too little sleep creates fatigue. Fatigue saps sex drive.

PARENTING

Parenting itself doesn't kill sex drive. But it can be hard to find time to be intimate when the kids are under foot. Hire a baby sitter for some time to nurture your relationship. New baby in the home? Try scheduling sex during the baby's nap time.

MEDICATION

Drugs commonly linked to libido loss include:
Antidepressants
Blood pressure medications
Antihistamines
Oral contraceptives (some studies show a link; others don't)
Chemotherapy
Anti-HIV drugs
Finasteride
Synthetic progesterone-medroxyprogesterone

Changing to a different medication or different dosage may solve the problem. Other drugs may affect sex drive, too. If your sex drive shifted into park soon after beginning a new medication, talk with your doctor. Never stop taking a medication without consulting your doctor.

ALCOHOL

A drink or two doesn't always put you in the mood. Alcohol famously makes you feel less inhibited about sex. But it can also numb your sex drive. And even if it doesn't numb your sex drive, inebriation can be a turn-off for your partner. All of this goes for recreational drugs, too.

ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a different kind of sexual disorder than loss of libido (a medical term for loss of sex drive). But men with ED worry about how they will be able to perform sexually. And that worry can drain their sex drive.

LOW T

Testosterone increases sex drive. As men age, their testosterone levels may decline slightly. Not all men lose the desire for sex when their testosterone levels drop -- but many do. Testosterone is linked to sex drive in women, too. But a woman's hormonal balance is more complex than a man's and many factors are at play. It's not at all clear whether testosterone therapy is as safe and effective in boosting sex drive for women as it is for men.

DEPRESSION

It doesn't seem fair. Many antidepressants can lower your sex drive -- and so does depression. But if your sex drive has drooped, is might be a sign that you're depressed. Clinical depression is a serious, but treatable condition.

MENOPAUSE

About half of women report reduced sex drive around the time of menopause, even though they believe it important to maintain an active sex life. Menopausal symptoms, such as vaginal dryness and pain during sex, may make sex less comfortable. But the hormonal changes of menopause are only part of the picture. An aging woman concerned about her sex drive should also consider the quality of her relationship, her body image and self esteem, medications she is taking, and her physical health.

OBESITY

Being overweight or obese is linked to a lack of sexual enjoyment, desire, and difficulties with sexual performance. The reason isn't clear, but may be linked to self-esteem, unsatisfactory relationships, social stigma, and other psychological issues.

TOO LITTLE INTIMACY

Sex without intimacy is a sex-drive killer. Intimacy isn't just a code word for sex. If your sex life is in neutral, try spending more non-sexual intimate time together – alone. Talk, snuggle, trade massages. Learn to express affection without having to have sex. As intimacy builds, so does sex drive.

competition...

Because I'm number one, competition is none

I'm measured with the heat that's made by sun

Whether playin ball or bobbin in the hall

I'm just writin my name in graffiti on the wall

You shouldn't have told me you said you control me

So now a contest is what you owe me

Rakim "My Melody"

I was listening to this song and this verse was on "repeat" in my head. Competition is none...

None!

Rakim meant that!

The more that I thought about it...i had to ask myself..."is there any competition for you?"

You'd be surprised with the answer that I came up with. No! There is no competition. Some may think that it's an egotistical, arrogant, and bold statement. Actually, it is. The way that I see things...I'm not in competition with anybody in all facets of life. I am an extremely competitive person. I've always been. But there is no competition.

I remember being in competition with my crew when we were in high school. Back then, the competition was to get the best grades. It was subtle but we tried to outdo each other at times. Positive peer pressure...that's what i call it. After those years, the competition flowed inward. Even athletically when i was in college, it wasn't about being better than the next dude. It was about how well I could be and how far I could push myself.

As life as evolved, I've realized that people will try to box you into what they THINK you should be. You know...you should have this kinda job...this kind car...this kinda house...this kinda spouse...this number of kids...blah, blah, blah. If you realize where the real competition is, then you can't be boxed in. By most people's standards, I'm doing well in life with what I've accomplished thus far. But I don't get into all of that. I ain't Jay Z or Lebron James. I'm not in competition with them either. I'm not in competition to live their lifestyle nor to own their worldly possessions. I'm not in competition with anybody...about anything. Not even this blog...because there is no competition to this blog (lol)...truth be told.

The competition lies within. It's about the drive to be who you are. It's about being better than you were yesterday. It's about trying to be better the next day. It's all about forward progression. But the drive, desire, motivation, hustle, ambition, energy, and positive thinking...comes from within.

And there is nobody that can compete with what YOU have within YOU.

9yrs in tha game...

September 23, 2000

Nine years ago

I stepped into it.

Tied the knot that day. And now I'm here reflecting. A few things that stand out from that day.

#1. When I woke up that morning, the skies opened up and it was raining hard. It was raining so hard that I couldn't see past the hood of my car as I drove around. I thought to myself...I wonder if this is a sign that I ain't supposed to get married. The wedding didn't start until 5pm. It's funny because the weather went from a monsoon and it immediately cleared up. By the time the wedding started, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Much like that day, in marriage you'll endure storms. No storms...no matter how bad they seem...last for ever. You've gotta marry somebody who is willing to weather the storm with you.

#2. My brother was my best man. I wasn't sure if he was even gonna make it to my wedding. My neice, Taylor, was born the day prior to our wedding. My brother was at the hospital with her and he was about 2.5 hours away. He kept asking me if I wanted him to come that day but I told him that he needed to be there with his daughter. Well, on his way to my wedding he got lost. I had to direct him there. He showed up...fifteen minutes before the wedding was set to start. I was glad to see him. I dunno if I would have let the wedding start without him.

#3. Cru Love. I felt extremely blessed to have my cousins (Eric, Mike, Marc) and my new brother-in-law (Michael) as my groomsmen. I was just as happy to have my crew (JFresh, Moe, D, Russ, Zell) as my groomsmen as well. There is something to be said for having the dudes who were down since day 1, stand at the altar with you. For much of my life, it was all about the crew. These dudes watched me grow from a boy to a man. For them to be there to share in the moment was special

#4. My Wife. When she walked into the back of the church, my mouth dropped. I had never seen her that radiant. All I could do was smile. The wedding went well (except for the preacher messing up once or 4 times). I married my best friend. She has helped make me a better man. I have to tip my hat to her b/c I'm not the easiest dude to deal with. LOL. But she's hung in there and we've made it this far.

People often ask me how do you make marriage work?

My response...day by day. That's it. Marriage is work. Hard work. Constant work. It's work when you don't wanna feel like working. If anybody tells you that they have a perfect marriage, they are lying. There's no such thing b/c people aren't perfect. If you don't have perfect people, you can't have a perfect marriage. Marriage is what you make it. It truly is. These last 9 yrs have been the best. I wouldn't trade it for anything. There have been bumps in the road...but there will never be a smooth ride. When times got tough, you want to look and make sure that she has your back as you prepare to fight the world. And she has done that. No matter what. I've done that for her. Like in any relationship, there are moments where I piss her off (i know that's hard to believe) but we've made a committment to each other. We're down for each other. Forever.

I remember several female friends in high school telling me...You're gonna make some young lady very happy one day.

I think i have.

Happy Anniversary, baby

I love you.

baggage claim

What does HE bring to this relationship?

What does SHE bring to this relationship?

Sometimes we are consumed with this thought when thinking about the other person. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship, relationship, or marriage. More often, we don't take the time to address the ISSUES that WE bring to the relationship. And we all have issues. Some are big. Some are small. But we all have our own issues.

I remember when I was in high school I vowed to never deal with a chick who already had a kid. I was young and single and didn't want to deal with that whole element. Was that fair? No. But that's how I felt. I never stopped to think of what or who I may pass up in the process. It's the same way now. If a dude says that he won't date a woman with kids, then he's limited his options.

Kids aren't the only issues. Almost everybody brings something from their previous relationships. We'd like to think that we don't but we do. Those issues aren't always bad. They help mold our current relationship. There are things that you did in a previous relationship that you won't do in your current one/next one.

Some of us have family issues. Broken homes. Broken relationships with parents/sibling. There is always some dynamic to ones family that will affect their personal relationships. It could be positive or negative. Family issues can be a huge burden on a relationship because you have to deal with family. You can't avoid em.

Like I said...we all have our own issues. I like to refer to the issues as bags. When you board an airplane, you've gotta bring your bags with you. We all have bags. Some bags are big and some are small. You can't ignore the bags as you watch them on the coveyor belt at baggage claim. You have to do what everybody will have to do...identify your baggage...pick it up...and take it with you.

off tha dome

random thoughts...

how can MTV show the VMAs (video music awards) when they don't show videos?

i still don't know who taylor swift is or what she sings

football is back! i love it!

if Prez Obama called Kanye a jackass...what do you think Dubya called him?

it's been a minute since i've read a book. i prolly should read one

can you believe that i HAVE NOT purchased Madden 10 yet?

ever wonder what happened to the kid in your high school class that was voted most likely to succeed? what are they doing now?

speaking of high school, i remember a dude in my class named george. he was the best dancer at my high school. he was white and i went to a predominantly black high school. don't tell me that all white people don't have rhythm.

george idolized michael jackson. he studied all his moves. he even dressed like mike. no lie!

i don't go out for drinks with co-workers. i just don't. when people drink, the truth comes out.

that's when you find out who in the company is sleepin' with each other. nah...i'll pass.

i know a dude who swears that he has a girlfriend...but she lives out of town. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite

was ernie and bert gay? i mean...2 dudes who lived together but never had any chicks over at their crib?

please get your cousin. tell her that this is not how we do it in 2009.

one of my favorite cereals is frosted flakes. i love captain crunch but it leaves the roof of my mouth battered.

first car....86 sentra. i drove it like it was a benz. your first car?

sleeping in for me is being able to sleep uninterupted until 8am

i missed the whitney interview on oprah. glad that i did.

if a dude tells me that he watches oprah with his old lady...i'm revoking his man card! you can't do that!

9/11...we'll never forget!

as you travel, keep a close eye on airport security. the security is always tight here in atlanta but i can't say that for other airports. i flew to dallas and i remember seeing screeners just standing around...joking and not paying attention to what they need to be doing.

got my permission slip signed! la for my burfday! i can't wait.

ladies...there is a such thing as too much cleavage at the workplace. just in case you forgot

fellas...women outnumber us on this planet. there are plenty for everybody! don't handcuff em. if she don't want you, move to the next woman. don't be a stalker.

ladies...when naming a daughter...please do not give her a stripper (shoe model) name...cynamon, peaches, lexus, etc

took the fam to disney for labor day weekend. we had a ball. i wonder how much the dude in the mickey suit makes a year?

still not feelin the mohawk look on little boys. i just don't like it

i found some old skool pics of me. if i can learn how to scan em...i'll post em to the blog

the more and more that i watch TVOne...the more i hate bet.

christmas is just around the corner. wow

my anniversary is right around the corner, too. i'm puzzled. what do you give the woman who has had the extreme pleasure of being married to ole 12kyle for 9 yrs? i mean...what more could you ask for?

jay z's blueprint 3 & raekwon's only built for cuban linx 2...cold

zoe saldana...zoe saldana...zoe saldana

growing pains...

recent convo...

ME: Man, these boys are growing up so fast. Never thought I'd have sons that are 10, 7, and 2. Time really does fly. I can remember the day that we bought Deion home from the hospital. Kinda hard to believe that it was 10 years ago.

Mrs12: Time really does fly

ME: Won't be long before the girls and stuff start.

Mrs12: What do you mean?

ME: I mean, it won't be long before he'll really start to like girls and things will really take off.

Mrs12: Take off? I don't understand.

ME: He'll like girls and then they'll be calling the house all the time.

Mrs12: Oh no! Those lil fast girls won't be calling MY house!

ME: Excuse me (laughs)

Mrs12: You heard me. Some of these lil girls are fast. Too damn fast. They won't call my house.

ME: At one point in time, YOU were a fast lil girl that called somebody's house! LMAO!!!

Mrs12: Yeah. Whateva.



The truth is...as parents you can't imagine your child being interested and falling in love with another child. You tend to look at your child through innocent eyes. In reality, when they become teenagers...sex will become an issue. You can try to hide it from em. But you have to remember that kids are exposed to so many things that we weren't exposed to. Back in my day, it was cool if you could get your hands on a copy of Playboy or Black Tail (some of y'all know about that). Nowadays, you can find any nudity you want (including porn) on the 'Net (some of y'all know bout that, too! LOL)

I always laugh when I hear dudes talk about how they are gonna protect their daughters from horny lil teenage boys. They talk about "getting their shotguns" to let these lil dudes know what time it is. Can't say that I blame em. If some young punk showed up at my door with 2 earrings, gold fronts, and with his pants falling off his ass coming to see my daughter (if i had one)...I'd wanna shoot his ass, too. Nothing wrong with being overprotected but we need to be honest with ourselves. You can't hide sex from teens. You could walk into any high school and I'm sure that you'd find very few virgins. Some of us got started earlier than others. LOL. But it's a sign of the time. There will be girls that will come along a make my boys THINK they are in love. And they'll get their little hearts broken. You don't wanna see it happen but it's a part of life.

I went on to explain to my wife that I'll be sitting down with Deion one day and explaining to him the birds and the bees. I won't tell him "DON'T BRING ME NO GRAND KIDS" (like my mom did). I'll talk to him about girls. Tell him the pros/cons to sex. I would never advocate that he has sex but I'd be unrealistic to think that he's gonna wait until he got married. I would prefer that he's ready. I think you know when you're ready. I'd tell him about HIV/AIDS, STDs, and pregnancies. I'd also tell him what Dad told me.

Before you do anything with a woman...ask yourself if you would want to deal with this woman for the rest of your life. If she gets pregnant, that's what you'll be facing.

Treat a girl/woman the same way that you would want another man to treat your sister.

I never forgot those words.

At the end of the day, you can only inform them and hope that they do the right thing. Some kids will wait. I didn't. But I did the right thing. Some women will say that they should have waited. Who knows what my sons will do? I just hope that they listen.

tha vent

This goes out to you...

This goes out to you...

And especially you...

From me to you...I'd like to tell you how I feel.

In my personal opinion... YOU AINT SHIT!

Yeah, I said it. If you don't like it, come see me. I ain't hard to find. This post is dedicated to all of those dead beat dads out there. Be a man.

For those of you who know me, I rarely call people out but you know that I'll tell you how I feel without holding my tongue. For those of you who know me, you know that fatherhood is something that I take very seriously. It is the most important job that I'll ever have. Having 3 sons, makes me want to work even harder at fatherhood because I know that they'll learn how to be a man from me. If I fail, I've failed those 3 little boys.

I don't understand how a man (and I use that term loosely for you bums) could help create a life but have nothing to do with it. You dead beat dads/baby daddies/sperm donars kill me. You would never seen an animal in the wild leave their young until they were able to fend for themselves. I don't understand your way of thinking. I won't attempt to. Some will say that they aren't in their child's life because of the strained relationship with the child's mother. That's bullshit. You can do anything that you want to do when it concerns your child.

Deadbeats are all around us. Take a look. You might be sitting next to one. You might be sleeping with one. If a man doesn't take care of his children...that are of his flesh and blood...he will do even LESS for you.

I can only shake my head at you fools. For example, I have a friend who hasn't seen her father in nearly 30 years. Thirty years? Are you serious? I have another friend who would chop his right arm off just to have a conversation with his daddy. He knows where he is but the father has denied for 36 years that my friend is his son. And then there's my niece's daddy. He's seen her twice in her 3 and a half years on this earth. Maybe he's spending time with the other kids that he had after she was born? Did i mention that he's only 23? Deadbeats. That's what y'all are.

Do me a favor...step up to the plate as a man and handle your business. For as great as children are...they didn't ask to come here. Just sending money isn't always the solution either. Spend time with your child. Bond with them. Children are smart. It won't take them long to realize what the rest of the world already knows...


YOU AINT SHIT!

time4acap

There comes a time for CHANGE

And I ain't talking about Prez O...

I think it's time for a change in the laws.

I would like to institute a salary cap...kinda like the NBA...on child support.

There should be a cap on the maximum amount that one can receive for child support despite of their parents earnings. Let me preface my comments by saying that this post ain't about those dead beat dads (baby daddy's) who pay little or nothing towards child support.

This post is for those "high priced babies." You know...the ones who costs more than my kids and your kids. The kids who are born to these celebs who need "special treatment" as a result of a divorce settlement or paternity test. In July, a judge ruled that the hip hop star NaS would have to pay his ex-wife, singer Kelis, nearly 40k/month in "support" (30k in spousal support and 9k in child support). Are you kiddin me? 40k per month? That's 480,000 a year. During their divorce proceedings, Kelis told the judge that she had not received any money from NaS during her pregnancy and she "only made nearly 21k per month." Kelis, who recently gave birth to the couples first child, asked the judge to make sure that she nor the child would not have to have a change in their lifestyle.

The judge ruled in her favor and granted that NaS pay her 9k a month for their child.

I have a HUGE problem with this. Kelis is not the first celebrity to cash in the child support dollars. Kim Porter, former model and the mother of 3 children to mogul Puff Daddy, cashed in for nearly 40k/month per child a few years ago. Porter and Puffy were never married. Fashion mogul Kimora Lee Simmons receives more than 100k/month from her ex husband hip hip mogul, Russell Simmons for their 2 daughters.

I think these amounts are insane. I understand that the "child support" numbers are determined by how much their fathers earn. I don't think any judge would ask NaS, Puffy, or Russell Simmons to pay "child support" that they couldn't afford to pay. I also understand that 40k per month for a multi-millionaire is like us paying 40 bux a month for a credit card. Do you really think that money is being used to "support the child?" Do the kids need Cristal in their Captain Crunch? Do the kids need platinum pampers? Do the kids need to be driven to school in a Bentley? What happens when these dudes don't earn this kinda money any more? Will these women still have the money that they should have set aside for the kids? Hell no

I'll be the first to admit that I don't know Kim Porter personally. However, I have run in the same circle as Ms Porter and we've been in some spots here in Atlanta. I don't know what she does with her money but I find it every time I've seen her...she and her girlfriends are pissy-drunk. I wouldn't call buying out the bar at a club a sound investment. But hey...that's just me.

I hereby propose salary cap on "child support." The new cap number is 7k per month. That is the max no matter how much the parent earns.

I think the cap is necessary because...quite frankly...if you can't raise a child on 84,000 per year...you prolly shouldn't have kids. If you can't raise a child on 84k, send em to me...I'll take care of em and you send ME the 84k.

backinmyday

1987 was a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time ago.

Well...for some people it was. LOL

I bring up 1987 b/c I was having a convo on twitter with Pigskin Loving Lady and she mentioned that she graduated from high school in 1987. I advised her that I ENTERED high school in 1987!
So, after a few jokes. I began to try to remember what THE JAM was in 1987. I couldn't remember. Shoot, I have a hard time remembering what I did yesterday. I definitely don't remember '87. But it got me to thinking about the year that I graduated from high school...1991. I began to wonder about the music that I listened to back then.

Still couldn't remember. So I decided to look it up. Wanna know what my favorite cds that were released in 1991???

In no particular order, I'll give you my fav 4 cds/tapes/albums that dropped in 1991.

Boys II Men
Cooleyhighharmony

singing group from Philly who was founded by New Edition member Michael Bivins

hits- Motownphilly, It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday, Uhhh Ahhh, Please Don't Go, End of the Road

A Tribe Called Quest
Low End Theory

a hip hop classic.

hits- Check the Rhyme, Jazz (We've Got), Scenario, Buggin Out

Ice Cube
Death Certificate

critically acclaimed music for one of the hip hop pioneers on the West Coast

hits- Steady Mobbin, True to the Game, Us, No Vaseline

Michael Jackson
Dangerous

anutha gem by the G.O.A.T (greatest of all time)

hits- Black or White, Remember the Time, In the Closet, Jam, Heal the World

I'll admit that I didn't know that these all came out in '91. I used Wikipedia to find out the music that dropped in '91.

What about you? What was the music that dropped the year that you graduated from high school?

a trail of Indigo

As many of you know, on sunday we lost someone who was near and dear to us. Nikki Harris aka Nikki Indigo, who was the author of the blog Indigo Trail of My Thoughts, passed away due to complications from a rare autoimmune disease called dermatomyositis. The disease attacted her lungs and ultimately took her from us. Nikki was known and loved by many for her great sense of humor and charm.

I met Nikki through this blog. I had only known her for about a year. She would always come here to the 12th Planet and bless me with some funny commentary. If there was something debatable, Nikki never held her tongue. She was not going to agree with me "just because this is my blog." I liked Nikki. Her warm spirit always made you feel better. She always had something to say. We both shared a love for music, blogging, Facebook, Twitter, and sports!

The funny thing is...I never met Nikki.

We told each other that we were gonna hang out and catch a game but we never did.

I knew that she had been in and out of the hospital but was never sure why. I spoke with Nikki 3 days before she left us. I asked her why was she back in the hospital. She told me that they were running more tests and that she may need a lung transplant. She never mentioned the disease nor the severity of it. I know that lung transplants are serious but the way she spoke...she made it sound as innocent as getting a tooth pulled. I told her that I'd pray for her and I know that she'd be out of the hospital soon. I believed that. I also asked her if she wanted me to sneak some wings and beer into the hospital. And of course, Nikki said something funny that made me laugh. That said a lot about who she was. She was in the hospital and she was saying things that made others laugh or smile. For those of you who were friends with on Facebook like me, you know that she would say something that would make you laugh...or shake your head at her charm.

Little did I know that it was the last time that we'd share another laugh.

I think we would still want her here with us but that is for selfish reasons. She is in a much better place.

Here is the last status update that she posted on Facebook...

"Nikki Harris is watching the sun rise with a child's ability to hope, a teen's stubborness to fight, and an adult's recognition of faith, wearing the smile of a fighter."

God Bless you Nikki. May you forever rest in peace.