Friday, May 6, 2011
Are we products of our environment?
Are we victims of circumstance?
Maybe we're somewhere in between?
Relationships are a funny thing when you think about it. Especially when it comes to marriage. You have a man. You have a woman. These two people grew up separately and have lived vastly different lives. They find some commonalities within each other that brings them together. They grow close. Love ensues. Then they decide to spend the rest of their ENTIRE lives together and expect it to work. Sounds perfect, right?
I'm being funny but you get my point. I was having a conversation with a good female friend of mine and we were discussing marriage. During the conversation, I realized how "different" some of my views were on marriage. These views were shaped by the marriage that I saw crumble right before my eyes. My parents divorced when I was 14. It came as a total shock. One day we were a happy family. The next day, they sat me and my younger brother down to tell us that they were getting a divorce. It hit me like a ton of bricks. They never ARGUED and yet they were splitting up? You don't understand how things are when you're that young. You learn as you get older. I've done a 10 yr bid in this marriage thing. LOL. I've learned some valuable lessons over the years. Marriage is hard. It's work. It's work...even when you don't wanna work. Just like love. Love is the ultimate verb. It's something you DO. Marriage is rewarding, tho. I hear people talk all the time about wanting to get married. There's nothing wrong with that. The question is...do you want to PUT IN THE WORK?? It's like saying..."I want to be in the NFL". But if you're not willing to get your body in shape, then it's all pointless.
My parents had a messy divorce. Dad got married again. Mom is still single. I don't think they were ever the friends that you need to be when they got married. Did they rush into it? I dunno...I wasn't here. I can't say that they hated each other when it was over but there was some extreme dislike. But a funny thing happened some 13 yrs later...they became grandparents. It was then that they had something in common. They went from being distant strangers to grandparents who marveled with pride about their new grandson. I laugh at them now. They talk all of time. Safe to say they are friends now. Last year, they came to my house to celebrate Deion's 5th grade graduation. They actually stayed under the same roof...for the first time in more than 25 yrs.
Friendships should come before marriage. A strong friendship is the foundation. Always keep that in mind.
As for my parents, it came after marriage. And I'm cool with that.