Monday, May 23, 2011

5 questions NOT to ask a man...

5 Toughest Questions Women Ask

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an
article in an issue of Sassy magazine.

The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode
into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly,
which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?"

The proper answer to this question, of course is,

"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance what so ever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a - Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the article, the best answer to this stupid question came
from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?"

The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:

a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?"

The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:

a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?"

Correct answer:

"Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck
that came my way."

Your thoughts...


Anonymous said...

Love it!!!!My policy is don't ask a question if you're not ready to hear the answer. And I agree with Al, I think I'm gonna use that answer when someone asks me that question. lol

Jazzy said...

ughhhhh I typed this GREAT response and blogger won't let me be great!

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL @ Jazzy

Who would ask such dumb ass questions, anyway?

9 times out of 10 I don't care what he's thinking because I'm too busy thinking

I know without questions whether or not I look fat.

If I died, I obviously wouldn't know how he'd spend the money.

Love is an action word, so my mother taught me, so his actions would speak volumes.

Whether she's prettier or not, in MY head, I'm the baddest chick I know. LOL

La said...

I think "Can we talk?" should be added to this list.

But more importantly... do women really ask these questions?! lol

Lady K said...

I love it! I'm dead over here. I agree these are valid questions a women shouldn't ask. I'm a firm believer of not asking something I know I don't want to hear the answer to. Men are men and when it comes to relationships, they take stuff as it comes. There's no thought put into it like females do.

With that being said, don't patronize me with that bullshit "correct" answer you gave either. Insults my intelligence! That is all!

Tee Reese said...

If I'm asked any of these questions.. I see now I'll answer wrong! LMBO! I'm not going to give the what you want to hear... I'll you the real, but I've haven't had to deal much with being asked these darn 5 questions.

Leonaye said...

Ha! Now that is hilarity for sure. I have to admit, I have been guilty of asking the fat question a few times. I've NEVER gotten the response that actually makes me feel better...stopped

12kyle said...

@ Boredntalkative
Lol!! I'm with you!

@ Jazz
Why didn't you just type it again? LoL

@ Queen
Love IZ an action word! I agree totally. LMAO @ u being the baddest chick! That's funny. You aint the baddest, tho! ;)

@ La
Great point! That should be added! And yes...women do ask these questions

@ Lady K
Hahahahah! That wasn't my answer. :)

@ Tee Reese
Take your time with your answers, bruh!

@ Leonaye
dyin laughin at you!

Queen of My Castle said...

Oh bite me!