Tuesday, September 15, 2009

growing pains...

recent convo...

ME: Man, these boys are growing up so fast. Never thought I'd have sons that are 10, 7, and 2. Time really does fly. I can remember the day that we bought Deion home from the hospital. Kinda hard to believe that it was 10 years ago.

Mrs12: Time really does fly

ME: Won't be long before the girls and stuff start.

Mrs12: What do you mean?

ME: I mean, it won't be long before he'll really start to like girls and things will really take off.

Mrs12: Take off? I don't understand.

ME: He'll like girls and then they'll be calling the house all the time.

Mrs12: Oh no! Those lil fast girls won't be calling MY house!

ME: Excuse me (laughs)

Mrs12: You heard me. Some of these lil girls are fast. Too damn fast. They won't call my house.

ME: At one point in time, YOU were a fast lil girl that called somebody's house! LMAO!!!

Mrs12: Yeah. Whateva.

The truth is...as parents you can't imagine your child being interested and falling in love with another child. You tend to look at your child through innocent eyes. In reality, when they become teenagers...sex will become an issue. You can try to hide it from em. But you have to remember that kids are exposed to so many things that we weren't exposed to. Back in my day, it was cool if you could get your hands on a copy of Playboy or Black Tail (some of y'all know about that). Nowadays, you can find any nudity you want (including porn) on the 'Net (some of y'all know bout that, too! LOL)

I always laugh when I hear dudes talk about how they are gonna protect their daughters from horny lil teenage boys. They talk about "getting their shotguns" to let these lil dudes know what time it is. Can't say that I blame em. If some young punk showed up at my door with 2 earrings, gold fronts, and with his pants falling off his ass coming to see my daughter (if i had one)...I'd wanna shoot his ass, too. Nothing wrong with being overprotected but we need to be honest with ourselves. You can't hide sex from teens. You could walk into any high school and I'm sure that you'd find very few virgins. Some of us got started earlier than others. LOL. But it's a sign of the time. There will be girls that will come along a make my boys THINK they are in love. And they'll get their little hearts broken. You don't wanna see it happen but it's a part of life.

I went on to explain to my wife that I'll be sitting down with Deion one day and explaining to him the birds and the bees. I won't tell him "DON'T BRING ME NO GRAND KIDS" (like my mom did). I'll talk to him about girls. Tell him the pros/cons to sex. I would never advocate that he has sex but I'd be unrealistic to think that he's gonna wait until he got married. I would prefer that he's ready. I think you know when you're ready. I'd tell him about HIV/AIDS, STDs, and pregnancies. I'd also tell him what Dad told me.

Before you do anything with a woman...ask yourself if you would want to deal with this woman for the rest of your life. If she gets pregnant, that's what you'll be facing.

Treat a girl/woman the same way that you would want another man to treat your sister.

I never forgot those words.

At the end of the day, you can only inform them and hope that they do the right thing. Some kids will wait. I didn't. But I did the right thing. Some women will say that they should have waited. Who knows what my sons will do? I just hope that they listen.


Kingsmomma said...

I'm siding with your wife here. Those little fast assed girls will NOT be calling my house. HMPH

im realistic... I intend on telling my son during our birds and bees conversation that he can have sex when he can afford to pay for the use of his penis---that is his circumcision...Twas not cheap and since it is technically on layway when he pays me in full he can go ahead and think about having sex which will lead to a deeper discussion about sex. I'm realistic, at some point he'll have sex but it damn sure won't be when he turns 10. Nope homie don't play that.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

Yep, all you can do is hope they listen.

I'm like you, I just give it to them straight. I have four girls (24, 20, 12, and 11). My 24 year old grew up listening primarily to her momma - despite what I said, she's been sexually active for some time, but she seems to be very responsible so she does her thing. The 20 year old is still a virgin, but I'm not sure how long that will last. She knows the game and she see's how dudes have played MANY of her friends, so she is definitely being selective. I hope she waits till she gets married, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't - neither myself nor her mother waited. So I'm not putting that pressure on her.

Now my younger girls, they think they are slick. Those are the two I have to watch. They try to talk about boys in code, but I just pull the covers back. The thing I try to do is to not make such a big deal about it so that they don't feel they need to sneak. It's natural to be attracted, but that attraction has responsibility and limitations attached to it.

I plan to approach my son similarly but different. He's already charming and very comfortable around pretty girls. So my biggest concern is not if he'll have sex, it is to keep him from having A LOT of sex before he gets married. I still plan to hold the "wait till you get married" carrot in front of him, but there are some fast assed girls out there - LOL!

12kyle said...

@ Kingsmomma
i'm sure that before you were Kingsmomma, you were a fassss lil girl who called people's houses. LOL

Yeah. He won't be sexin at 10 but it won't be long after that when his lil hormones will be raging.

@ Rich
Man, you can hold that carrot out there forever and he may not even look at it! LOL. I feel you, tho. Keep your eye on those lil ones. They think that they are slick but Daddy knows what time it is.

Much props to the 20yr old. She just may wait until she's married.

The F$%K it List said...

Hmph I'm with Mrs. 12K and Kingsmomma There will be none of that calling my house mess.
And before you even go there I was NEVER fast so shut it!

Seriously I don't know how I am going to handle the little girls that will be interested. I guess I can be like my mom and meet them with my baseball bat hahaha. No she really did meet my hubby that way.

Queen of My Castle said...

I don't want to think about it. I'll be sending my boys to Atlanta when that time comes...so make room.

Kingsmomma said...

hey hey now!!!!!!

I was not a fast ass little girl thank you very much.. I was very much (and still kinda sorta am ) a prude!

Rich... you do realize your approach is a double standard.

12kyle said...

@ The F$%K it List
Damn! Your momma was tougher than leather. Baseball bat? Wow.

@ Queen
Ohh lawd! Send em on to me. I'm sure they will catch hell in your house. LoL

@ Kingsmomma
Ok. You weren't fast but you aint no prude. LoL

Double standard? How?

Just noticed that there's a common theme here. All of the ladies who have commented all have sons!!!

Hmmmmmm...interesting! Lmao

Charece said...


Rashan Jamal said...

I never had any kind of advice, but I turned out okay. It's something that I hope to correct when I have children. As far as the fast girls not calling the house, good luck with that one, Mrs Kyle. LOL. Better they call the house, than sneak around, in my opinion.

Angel said...

I dont have kids (yet) but when its time I will be glad I subscribed to this blog...trust me!

Tha L said...

it's so cool when you let the blogpeeps into your house like that, Kyle. even though i don't have kids, i always remember my granny saying "all you can do is show them the right road, it's up to them to take it".

and what do you mean, "one day" you'll be talking to Deion about sex? you don't think age ten is a little late these days? just wondering...

great post :-)

12kyle said...

@ Charece

@ Rashan
Man, you ain't neva lied

@ Angel
Awwwww! Thanks!

@ L
Granny was on point with it. That's all that we can do as parents.

I don't think 10 is too early to talk about sex. We've talked some about girls, hygine, and hormones a little. Nothing major. I just want to assure him that he can talk to his old man about anything. Those kinda talks that he may/may not have with Mrs12. He can always talk to me. I just want to make sure that the doors of communication are open and he knows that I'm here.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I believe that all you can do is try to be honest and up front about sex. At least the conversation will be open and hopefully they will come to you with questions instead of their friends!

Funny how we never think the little ones will never grow up...back in the day someone thought of us that way as well :-)

The Dreamy One said...

Its great that u will have these convo's! U can't stop the inevidable but u can inform your child! So they will know how to make the right decisions!

Kids grow up so fast these days and times are changing!

Great post Kyle

Anonymous said...

I don't know how I feel about having the "talk" with my daughter. I've got some time to prepare myself, she's 3. My mum never had that talk with me, so I want to make sure I have it my my daughter. I think it would be best to just be open and honest. I don't want to scare her or make here think she couldn't come to me.

My mum made me feel that way, so I never talked to her about sex. If she wasn't going through my stuff and found my condom stash, she wouldn't have known I was even having sex.

Great post

TravelDiva said...

LOL. Your wife is funny. Already the girls are fast! Ha! Girls and boys will find a way to talk on the phone and do whatever. But I do think it's about honesty and giving the kids sound advice because otherwise they will listen to their stupid little friends, and you'd rather your children benefit from your wisdom than nonsense in the streets.

That Girl Jonnie said...

Y'all need to quit actin like y'all weren't playing Hide and Go Get It in elementary school. We all know that Hide and Go Get It is the first Sex Ed class that most of us have.

I don't have kids, but by the time I do I'll probably have to start talking to them about sex right after they learn shapes and colors.

The F$%K it List said...

WAS? She's still tougher than leather!

12kyle said...

@ Kay C
It's funny how we tend to forget those things once we get older. The same way that I look at my boyz is the same way that my parents once looked at me.

@ Dreamy
They grow up too fast! Much faster than we ever did

@ Boredntalkative
You momz found a condom? Wow! I'll bet she went off!

@ TravelDiva
Welcome back Ms Newlywed!!! Good to see you again

That is so true. The streets will only tell you HALF of the story.

@ That Girl Jonnie
LMAO @ Hide and Go Get It. We played that, too!

@ The F$%K it List

Go said...

Yes indeed!