PODCAST: be careful what you ask for...

Have you ever heard the saying... "Be careful of what you ask for because you just might get it"??? Well, on this week's episode of the 12Kyle Podcast, I will share 3 stories about people (including me) who asked for something but were not prepared for the results.


1:37 - Sleeping your way to the top...
8:42 - She wants to have your baby...
15:32 - I should have known she was crazy...


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Happy Birthday, Skyler

Skyler, 

Two years ago today my life changed forever. This is the day that you were born. I remember holding you in my arms and thinking to myself..."is there a more beautiful creature on God's earth?" There wasn't. And I still feel that way today.

You and I have a special relationship. My friends told me that it would be this way. Your Uncle Damon told me that it would be this way. It was hard for me to conceive because you were not here. Once you arrived, it made more sense. One of my friends told me that you will always be the apple of my eyes. That is so true. I have a different relationship with your brothers. I love them as much as I love you...but it's different. Girls are different. A father's love for his daughter is different. A girl's love for her DADDY is different. I am the first man that you'll ever love. There will be men that will come and go throughout your life. But not your DADDY. I'll always be here. There are times when I look at you and just wish that you can remain the smart, adorable little girl that you are right now. But that's not realistic. I will teach you the values and lessons that you will carry with you and pass on to your children. And when somebody asks you to do something that you aren't supposed to do...you'll utter these words..."I can't do that. My DADDY will KILL me!" 

You are a gift from God. And I thank HIM for you. Happy Birthday to my princess. Happy Birthday, Skyler. Daddy loves you!

Love, 

Daddy

Marriage 501...12 RADIO SHOW

Check out the 12 RADIO SHOW. The 12 RADIO SHOW is the most innovative and interactive show on Blog Talk Radio. Tune in tonight at 9pm EST as the host, 12kyle, informs and entertains! 

Don't just listen to the show...be a part of the show and participate in the interactive chat room...or call in to speak with 12kyle and his co-hosts. 

TOPIC - Marriage 501 

co-hosted by Krishna

Join us as we discuss the good, bad, funny, and ugly of marriage. Don't miss it!

(347)215-7162

www.blogtalkradio.com/12kyle

Krishna

daddy no show

How can a man not have a relationship with his child and be completely okay with it???


This question was posed to me a few weeks ago by good friend of mine. My first thought... in answering the question... was to state the obvious...I don't know.

I honestly don't know. But it is deeper than that answer. For those of you who know me and those who read this blog, you know how I feel about fatherhood. To me, fatherhood is the most important job that I will ever have. I love it. I cherish it. I embrace it. I think I embody everything that I father should be for their child. That's not bragging... that's the truth. But this is what I've gotten from my father and what I've seen from my uncles. I'm simply trying to carry on tradition.

To a man that has kids, fatherhood should be their EVERYTHING. These are the people who are totally dependent upon you. And I don't mean monetarily. As a man, you have to set the example for your child. No excuses. So when you choose not to take an active role in your child's life, what kind of messages are you sending? Do you want to be one of those fathers who wakes up one day and doesn't even know who their child is? Conversely, are you okay with your child not knowing who YOU are?

Relationships and marriages sometimes fail... and we all know that. Kids never asked to come here but they are created by two consenting adults. And as adults, we all should take an active participation in their growth and development for their entire life.

So what if she was just your baby's mama...

Who cares if the marriage didn't work?

Don't be mad because you fell out of love?

If you have a child from her... step up and be a man. Your child needs more than a few dollars and a couple of sneakers. They need you!!! There's nothing worse in life than seeing an old father who has missed many years of their child's life that they could never reclaim. And they want to reestablish a relationship.

Lastly, I am always amazed at the women who find these men and create MORE children with them. If you didn't take care of his kids before he met you, what makes you think that he will take care of the kids that you create? That makes no sense.

Never uphold a man who shuns his responsibilities because when you do you are a part of the problem

12 RADIO SHOW

Welcome to the 12 RADIO SHOW! It is the most inovative & interactive show on BlogTalk Radio. Tune in tonight at 9pm EST as the host 12kyle entertains and enlightens you.

TOPIC - MARRIAGE 105...cohosted by Tiffany. Tune in as we discuss weddings, the pros & cons to marriage, and how to make marriage work. You will be educated and entertained! Don't miss it!!

daughters

I'll admit...the comment left by Bella on this post about spanking children (http://the12planet.blogspot.com/2012/04/spank-me.html) left me perplexed.

I had to read it twice to get a better understanding.

I think if you decide to go the non spanking part you also have to watch the spoiling part because we have more than enough daddy's girls that never marry because of the crazy set of expectations some dad gave his daughter lol. Men do stuff for daughters they have never done for there wife, telling them a future hubby should do it.

While she went on to admit that she had veered off topic, the comment that she made left me to think about the dynamic between fathers and daughters. It's interesting. The father is the first man that his daughter will ever love. There is nothing like a father's love for his daughter. Even though I've only had Skyler for 7 months, I've found that to be very true.

I slightly disagree with Bella's point. I think expectations SHOULD be high for any man that she should meet (this goes for my sons, too). While there will never be another man who will love her and treat her like her DADDY, she should get the next best thing! She should DEMAND that of any man who wants to be with her. If he can't step up to the plate, then she should move on. As she gets older, we'll have conversations about men. I hope to give her REAL insight into what she will be dealing with in the future. I would never tell her that "all men are dogs" or "men ain't shit". Men are who we are but you can control some things about the man that you choose and how he treats you. For as great as I am (and I AM great...modestly speaking), I don't expect her to find a boyfriend or husband like her father. That's not going to happen. I'm built different from any man of her generation will be. However, I do believe that she should not settle for the first dude who calls her cute, comments on her body, or buys her stuff. Life...and relationships are so much bigger than that. I will tell her that she should lay out her expectations...to be treated like a lady (not a baby mamma) from any man. More importantly, I will remind her that she should carry herself as such.

In the eyes of the women that I dated and in the eyes of my father in law...was I good enough? Probably not. Nobody is ever good enough. LOL. I would advise Skyler to seek some of the same traits that I saw in my mother...intelligence, self confident, driven, goal oriented. Her man could never be me but if he can treat her like a queen and his love is only second to the love from her father...she's found the one!

silence is golden...

Sometimes we have to take a look in the mirror and ask ourselves...

Am I selling myself short?

Am I just selling myself?

I've always been a firm believer that you have to keep SOME of your personal business to yourself. Case in point...last week's episode of HBO's Hard Knock series that chronicles a behind the scenes look that the New York Jets. There was a segment that featured the Jets new cornerback, Antonio Cromartie. He just joined the team a few months ago after spending his first few years in the NFL with the team that drafted him, San Diego Chargers. Despite being only 26 yrs old, Cromartie has fathered 8 children from 7 different women.

During last week's episode, Cromartie made an attempt to name all of his kids by name and age. (SEE VIDEO BELOW). And he stumbled. I felt uncomfortable watching it. I wasn't sure what was worse...1) he had somewhat of a difficult time naming all of his kids 2) having fathered 8 kids at 26






As a former athlete (and that's what I call myself), I think that Cromartie fits the stereotype that most of us try to shed. Nobody wants to be viewed as a dumb jock. I'm not a jock and I'm far from dumb. I remember when I was in college at South Carolina State University, people would be surprised when they heard me speak or do a presentation. One chick said..."You're a smart football player." Huh? Are we all supposed to be dumb? That's not me. The School of Business was the hardest curriculum on campus. I guess she didn't expect a football player to walk away with a marketing degree. LOL

Cromartie also fits the stereotype of a young black man. Promiscuous lifestyle with kids out of wedlock. It was rumored that the Jets gave him a 500k advance to "assist" him with some past due child support.

He's a great athlete and I think he's gonna help the Jets win this year. However, maybe he should stick with the old saying...."Somethings are better left unsaid."

growing pains...

recent convo...

ME: Man, these boys are growing up so fast. Never thought I'd have sons that are 10, 7, and 2. Time really does fly. I can remember the day that we bought Deion home from the hospital. Kinda hard to believe that it was 10 years ago.

Mrs12: Time really does fly

ME: Won't be long before the girls and stuff start.

Mrs12: What do you mean?

ME: I mean, it won't be long before he'll really start to like girls and things will really take off.

Mrs12: Take off? I don't understand.

ME: He'll like girls and then they'll be calling the house all the time.

Mrs12: Oh no! Those lil fast girls won't be calling MY house!

ME: Excuse me (laughs)

Mrs12: You heard me. Some of these lil girls are fast. Too damn fast. They won't call my house.

ME: At one point in time, YOU were a fast lil girl that called somebody's house! LMAO!!!

Mrs12: Yeah. Whateva.



The truth is...as parents you can't imagine your child being interested and falling in love with another child. You tend to look at your child through innocent eyes. In reality, when they become teenagers...sex will become an issue. You can try to hide it from em. But you have to remember that kids are exposed to so many things that we weren't exposed to. Back in my day, it was cool if you could get your hands on a copy of Playboy or Black Tail (some of y'all know about that). Nowadays, you can find any nudity you want (including porn) on the 'Net (some of y'all know bout that, too! LOL)

I always laugh when I hear dudes talk about how they are gonna protect their daughters from horny lil teenage boys. They talk about "getting their shotguns" to let these lil dudes know what time it is. Can't say that I blame em. If some young punk showed up at my door with 2 earrings, gold fronts, and with his pants falling off his ass coming to see my daughter (if i had one)...I'd wanna shoot his ass, too. Nothing wrong with being overprotected but we need to be honest with ourselves. You can't hide sex from teens. You could walk into any high school and I'm sure that you'd find very few virgins. Some of us got started earlier than others. LOL. But it's a sign of the time. There will be girls that will come along a make my boys THINK they are in love. And they'll get their little hearts broken. You don't wanna see it happen but it's a part of life.

I went on to explain to my wife that I'll be sitting down with Deion one day and explaining to him the birds and the bees. I won't tell him "DON'T BRING ME NO GRAND KIDS" (like my mom did). I'll talk to him about girls. Tell him the pros/cons to sex. I would never advocate that he has sex but I'd be unrealistic to think that he's gonna wait until he got married. I would prefer that he's ready. I think you know when you're ready. I'd tell him about HIV/AIDS, STDs, and pregnancies. I'd also tell him what Dad told me.

Before you do anything with a woman...ask yourself if you would want to deal with this woman for the rest of your life. If she gets pregnant, that's what you'll be facing.

Treat a girl/woman the same way that you would want another man to treat your sister.

I never forgot those words.

At the end of the day, you can only inform them and hope that they do the right thing. Some kids will wait. I didn't. But I did the right thing. Some women will say that they should have waited. Who knows what my sons will do? I just hope that they listen.

the magic number

I don't recall, ever graduatin at all
Sometimes I feel I'm just a disappointment to y'all
Every day, I just lay around then I can't be found
Always asked to give me some livin life like a bum
Times is rough, my auntie got enough problems of her own
Nigga, you supposed to be grown
I agree, I try to be the man I'm 'posed to be
But negativity is all you seem to ever see
I admit, I've done some dumb shit
And I'm probably gon do some mo'
You shouldn't hold that against me though (Why not?)
Why not? My music's all that I got
But some time must be ingested for this to be manifested

Cee-Lo from Goodie Mob (Git Up, Git Out)

The other day I was having a conversation with Mrs12. One of her best friends has a daughter who just turned 13. I can imagine that turning 13 is an exiting time for a young girl. I know it was fun for me. Anyway...she was given a cell phone so that she could always be in touch with her parents. She's a good kid and a great student. She's focused and mild mannered.

Here's the situation...at her parents request, she is not to talk to little boys on her cell phone. Period. When Mrs12 told me this, it made me think. I respect the decision that Mrs12's friend has given to her daughter. She is a very good mother and they have a very close relationship.

I told Mrs12 that it's interesting b/c this was the age when young Kyle used to get on the phone and talk to the ladies for hours. In fact, I'd call my boy Zell and we'd call chicks on a 3 way call and harass the chicks...lol (remember that Zell??) I know that it was a different time back then but if I couldn't talk to girls on the phone then...there was no need for me to talk on the phone.

My question is this...

are you too young at the age of 13 to be talking on the phone with members of the opposite sex?

what is the ideal age for a young lady to wear make up?

what is the ideal age for a boy to have a "supervised visit" at a girl's house.

how old were you when you started doing these things (if you can remember that far back)? haaaa!!

There are no right or wrong answers. Even if you don't have kids, I'm sure that you know what age would be appropriate for these things. And let's just assume that the kids that we're hypothetically speaking of are kids who are ones that don't have their pants falling off their ass or one of these HOT little girls.

Hollatchaboi!

One Love

"Any fool with a dick can make a baby, but only a real man can raise his children". -Furious Styles (Boys in the Hood) as told to his son, Tre.

Daddy. The one word that describes me that will always make me smile. That's what I am. That's who I'll always be. Even when I'm dead. I love fatherhood. It is the most rewarding and challenging job that I'll ever have. I take it seriously. Very seriously.

August 9, 1999
August 8, 2002
December 10, 2006

Those were the 3 best days of my life. I remember them as if they were yesterday. Deion was first. Although I'm not an emotional person, I remember crying the day that he was born. I was thankful to be blessed with a healthy son. He's was not only our first child but the first grandchild on both sides. I thought that he'd be spoiled but at the age of 8...he's very grounded. I already see some my qualities in him. He's extremely competitive. He's the friendly one. He's the kid that everybody likes. I love going to pick him up from school and his classmates say..."Hello Deion's Dad!" I get a kick outta that. In the end...I am Deion's dad. And that's ok with me.

Kameron was next. He was special because he came a day before Deion's 3rd bday. No...we didn't plan it but it just happened. I remember him being handed to my wife when he was born. I'd never seen a baby that big! As he's gotten older, I see that he shares some my qualities as well. Kameron is very witty. He's a jokester. I love that about the kid b/c i'm the same way. Both he and his brothers are extremely intelligent. Some middle children struggle to gain their identity. Not Kam. This kid is something else.

Last but not least is Brandon. He wasn't born in August but he was born on December 10th...a day after MY birthday. I remember praying that he would be born on my bday. But Brandon has his OWN mind and he does things his way. Right now...he runs our house. He just doesn't pay any bills! He's a lot like his brothers but he's different too. He's the baby. They will look out for him. They'll show him the way as he gets older. I could go on and on about my sons. They mean the world to me. I feel blessed to have them. They are a gift. It's my job to give them love, discipline, and an example to follow...just as my dad did for me and my brother.

Father's Day Shout Outs

Dad- Love you, man! You always told me and Damon that when we got older that you'd be more like our best friend than our father. And you didn't lie.

Damon- you've done a great job with Taylor and Tyler. I'm proud of you

My cousins...Mike, Eric, Scott, Marc, Robert- job well done!

My crew...Zell, Derrick, Roody, Bill, Shaft, Moe, Russ, Bruce, Clark, Will, Danny, ERob, Erv, Brad, Boogie, Mel, Hakeem, Ryan, Joey, Lamont, Pizzo, Q, Toine, Bobby,Wilson, Zo,

Blog crew...Torrance, Don, Tony OH

To all of you sistas who are mom and DAD for your children.

From me to you...Happy Father's Day.