I'll admit...the comment left by Bella on this post about spanking children (http://the12planet.blogspot.com/2012/04/spank-me.html) left me perplexed.
I had to read it twice to get a better understanding.
I think if you decide to go the non spanking part you also have to watch the spoiling part because we have more than enough daddy's girls that never marry because of the crazy set of expectations some dad gave his daughter lol. Men do stuff for daughters they have never done for there wife, telling them a future hubby should do it.
While she went on to admit that she had veered off topic, the comment that she made left me to think about the dynamic between fathers and daughters. It's interesting. The father is the first man that his daughter will ever love. There is nothing like a father's love for his daughter. Even though I've only had Skyler for 7 months, I've found that to be very true.
I slightly disagree with Bella's point. I think expectations SHOULD be high for any man that she should meet (this goes for my sons, too). While there will never be another man who will love her and treat her like her DADDY, she should get the next best thing! She should DEMAND that of any man who wants to be with her. If he can't step up to the plate, then she should move on. As she gets older, we'll have conversations about men. I hope to give her REAL insight into what she will be dealing with in the future. I would never tell her that "all men are dogs" or "men ain't shit". Men are who we are but you can control some things about the man that you choose and how he treats you. For as great as I am (and I AM great...modestly speaking), I don't expect her to find a boyfriend or husband like her father. That's not going to happen. I'm built different from any man of her generation will be. However, I do believe that she should not settle for the first dude who calls her cute, comments on her body, or buys her stuff. Life...and relationships are so much bigger than that. I will tell her that she should lay out her expectations...to be treated like a lady (not a baby mamma) from any man. More importantly, I will remind her that she should carry herself as such.
In the eyes of the women that I dated and in the eyes of my father in law...was I good enough? Probably not. Nobody is ever good enough. LOL. I would advise Skyler to seek some of the same traits that I saw in my mother...intelligence, self confident, driven, goal oriented. Her man could never be me but if he can treat her like a queen and his love is only second to the love from her father...she's found the one!
2 comments:
Loved the post, fam.
I hope for the best when it comes to my daughter and who she falls in love. Cause, she loves very, very hard and it would absolutely sadden me to ever see the same amount not returned, at any point.
I do my best to hammer the point that she should seek a nurturer and provider, first and foremost. If so, she will fully understand just why i say as much.
Daughters truly soften a man's heart.
I always say that as daughters, we learn how we look in the eyes of men, through our relationships with our fathers. I have also notice that those who most deal with insecurity in relationships, do not, did not have a strong connection with their fathers...if any at all.
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