Monday, August 20, 2012

daddy no show

How can a man not have a relationship with his child and be completely okay with it???

This question was posed to me a few weeks ago by good friend of mine. My first thought... in answering the question... was to state the obvious...I don't know.

I honestly don't know. But it is deeper than that answer. For those of you who know me and those who read this blog, you know how I feel about fatherhood. To me, fatherhood is the most important job that I will ever have. I love it. I cherish it. I embrace it. I think I embody everything that I father should be for their child. That's not bragging... that's the truth. But this is what I've gotten from my father and what I've seen from my uncles. I'm simply trying to carry on tradition.

To a man that has kids, fatherhood should be their EVERYTHING. These are the people who are totally dependent upon you. And I don't mean monetarily. As a man, you have to set the example for your child. No excuses. So when you choose not to take an active role in your child's life, what kind of messages are you sending? Do you want to be one of those fathers who wakes up one day and doesn't even know who their child is? Conversely, are you okay with your child not knowing who YOU are?

Relationships and marriages sometimes fail... and we all know that. Kids never asked to come here but they are created by two consenting adults. And as adults, we all should take an active participation in their growth and development for their entire life.

So what if she was just your baby's mama...

Who cares if the marriage didn't work?

Don't be mad because you fell out of love?

If you have a child from her... step up and be a man. Your child needs more than a few dollars and a couple of sneakers. They need you!!! There's nothing worse in life than seeing an old father who has missed many years of their child's life that they could never reclaim. And they want to reestablish a relationship.

Lastly, I am always amazed at the women who find these men and create MORE children with them. If you didn't take care of his kids before he met you, what makes you think that he will take care of the kids that you create? That makes no sense.

Never uphold a man who shuns his responsibilities because when you do you are a part of the problem


allcatsaintcreatedequal said...

WOW! Thanks for this. I have posed several unanswered questions about this same topic (the absentee father) and I cant seem to get a pulse on the problem, nor can I find a solution. What I can tell you is this issue has effected many households and the epidemic doesnt seem to end.
The most difficult part in this is hoping that absentee fatherhood isnt a cycle that gets repeated by those children that have had to grow up without a father.
Thanks Kyle! Thanks for being a great father to the children you have been blessed with. Thanks for shining a light on the topic and mostly, Thanks for being a stellar friend with GREAT advice.

12kyle said...

The most difficult part in this is hoping that absentee fatherhood isnt a cycle that gets repeated by those children that have had to grow up without a father.

This is SOOOO true!! I think one of the main reasons why I had the influence of a great father is because my grandfather wasn't there for my father. He made a vow to be a better father than his father was to him. And he did! I think it's great if the next generation does that, too. But it's important for men to do the job that they are supposed to do and not wait on the next generation to fill a void.

Unknown said...

Well, first of all, this is an awesome post bro. I can totally relate because my father was never in my life. Even as an adult, he never wanted a relationship. He always made excuses about being there but the real reason was that he had no desire and didn't want the responsibility. So, yes it did hurt, but I had to deal with it. My mother never spoke a negative word about him because she said she wanted me to form my own opinion of him with no help from her. And I did and it was not a positive one.

12kyle said...

I posted this link on my Facebook page and my father commented on it. I wanted to share with you his thoughts...

I loved your blog. It was well said and needed to be said. Thanks for your compliments about me. Aside from being the most important job I ever had, being a father was and is the most fun job I ever had. Nothing can top seeing your child take his first steps (yours was to get a chicken leg), say his first word, or bring home his first A. Later, you repeat the joy when you are blessed with grandchildren. When you fail to be a father, you miss what can and will be some of the most rewarding times of your life.

12kyle said...

@ SheThinksOften

Thanks for the comment. While I am sorry that he was never there, I am sure that it made you a stronger person and a better mother for your son

bayoucreole said...

Great post.Your dad is right, it needed to be said. My son has never met his biological father. We divorced and he never bothered to assume a role as parent. I often hear my son say that he'll be a better father than his sperm donor was, that he will be there for his child.