Tuesday, August 23, 2011

one or more???

Were we meant to be in one relationship?

Were we meant to date EVERYBODY and never commit?

Funny how these things come to my head. I heard this being discussed on talk radio the other day. I caught the end of it but what I heard made me think. I remember discussions that I've had with male and female friends. The perspectives from the males were vastly different from the females. Personally, I think there is SOMEBODY out there for everybody. Actually, there is more than one person for everybody. But does everybody want a girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband? I don't think so. As a man, we experience the ultimate journey. We go from being pimple faced teens who try to get as many girls as we can. Then, there's the girl that comes along who wants you all to herself. That transformation is a funny thing to see from a distance. The dude who used to run with the crew all the time gets transformed to a dude who is under his girlfriend all the time. And things change even more once we go from teens to men. Women have the same journey but I think they are more inclined to be in relationships and committed to one dude before men do.

I reached out to my partner in crime, JFresh, to get his perspective on it. J's a single dude with no kids and no serious relationship (*wink, wink). LOL. He offered this perspective...

Separate from all of our social conditioning is the base of our nature, desire. Desire doesn't necessarily have to refer to sexual desire, but the most primary desire to survive and satisfy cravings. Babies do this so effortlessly and we think it's cute. Babies eat, shit, sleep and cry when they don't any of those things exactly when they want it. Babies also masturbate when they want. These desires don't mature into social rules, rather we tend to curb these desires based on our training, upbringing. There is a never ending conflict between nature and nurture.

Being with ONE person is something existing between both nature and nurture. If you meet a person that makes you feel good, whether sexually or psychology caters to you, you want those feelings to continue, and logically so, you want to harness that source, own it. In my opinion, derived from studies, this is the birth of 'marriage', man's desire to own that which he likes. Still, this does not mean there is only one fruit that pleases our taste buds. It's not just man, but women have the same desires, hence, women are susceptible to the same weaknesses as a man. However, our societal construct has placed women in a position where they are the ones who have to behave in such manners as a "princess".

Now, as we know, no opinion or research findings are complete, but it would very difficult to argue that our true nature isn't to be free and satisfy our desires at will. Being with ONE person isn't being free, it's restricting and would imply that humans do not change. Heck, we barely want to eat the same foods everyday, but there is no turmoil concerning food because we can go to the grocery store and get what we want when we want it. A mate on the other hand can roam and hence becomes scarce, creating a demand which we then tend to pursue ownership of.

I could go on and on, and maybe I will expand on this further a little later. I came to this conclusion, or rather, understanding after reading several ideas from philosophy and psychology. I use to have similar discussions with my Human Sexuality professor in college and he agreed with my deductions, rather, he probably already had the same understanding.

Interesting...your thoughts?


Tee Reese said...

I get where be was going with it and my 2 cents is just as he did, in its simpliest form.. of what comes natural and its not until our behaviors are shaped that we develop a conscious to do or not do what is the righteous actions according to the society, environment we grew up in.

Myself personally, growing up I valued the desire to be with one, once I've commit to that one I do son I can to see that there is a bond that wouldn't
be broken in spite of the err of our ways. I've done my share of things to harm that one relationship and in turn I know my partner is just as human as me and simply hope that we're on the same page of we will work thru it.

Mizrepresent said...

Great topic and discussion. I have lived by the rule of 1 woman = 1 man, but i also have learned by experience that that is not so. We are evolving everyday to be the best that we can be and in that plan we are gonna meet other women and men that we desire. It is a choice, and a committment that allows us to be with "that one"...but in our minds eye, there are many. When we become older we seem to realize this more and focus more on "who makes us happy", whether he be the best or worst looking, the best financial possibility or even the man whore. We tend to pick and choose a life partner based upon not only our experiences, but also on our desires. So, when it all comes down to choosing, we choose what we love.