Thursday, June 11, 2009

time2mend


I remember getting a phone call from my Dad a few years ago.

It went something like this...

Dad: "Hey...I've got some sad news...your grandfather passed away."

Me: "Really. Wow. Sorry to hear that."


And that was about it. If it sounds strange to you, that's because it was strange. It was strange to me because I didn't know him. I had only spoken with him over the phone once. I knew that he lived in Los Angeles for almost 20 yrs after leaving New Jersey. I didn't have a relationship with him because he didn't have one with my father. When my Dad gave me the news, it was almost like hearing that the old guy who lived down the street from you had passed away. I felt nothing. The fact that my grandfather's death didn't move me...bothered me. I mean, I was nearly in tears when Biggie died and I only knew him through his music. But I wasn't emotional upon learning about the death of the man who created the man who created me. Very strange...

Dad and granddad's relationship went sour when he and my grandmother split when my dad was a teenager. Granddad drank a lot and he wasn't "nice to be around" once he had that "oil" in his body. They had a bad relationship. When he died, dad wasn't mad at him. He seemed to be content with knowing that he loved his father and his father loved him. But I missed out on having a grandfather. Missed out on his wisdom. The fence was never mended. He and dad never connected again like a father/son should be. The one positive thing about their relationship is that dad vowed that if he ever had a son...he'd make sure that he'd be close to his son and be a better father than he had. And he did that for me and my brother.

Life is long...but it's also short. Tommorrow is not promised to any of us. Almost all of us have someone...parent, spouse, sibling, friend...that we should mend our fences with. We all assume that we'll be here forever but we know better. Sometimes people get relationships/friendships go awry and we don't even remember what happened. Life is too short to go around being mad at someone.

Maybe this post will move you to mend a fence with someone in your life.

Maybe...

6 comments:

-Q. said...

There's power in knowledge. And the you that I know (like you speak of your father),knows better.Thats why yall are great fathers Too many of us dont learn from life's lessons (like these) and never improve a situation. Sorry for the loss RIP, but there is always positives (like this blog) that come out of loss. -Q.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Gettin' deep on us today, Kyle.

I can understand where you are coming from. Everything (the good and the bad) molds us into the people we are today.

Mabe I'll pick up the phone to reach out to a few people :)

Trish said...

I never knew any of my grandparents on either side. I slightly remember by Granddad on my Maternal side. My not knowing them however was not because of and animosity or ill feelings in the family. It must really hurt when you think of it in that respect.
What I felt helped me was doing census research, family tree research and geneology research on all of my grandparents. I was able to even obtain very old pictures of my Grandparents that I had never seen before. Census records, army records, birth certificates, etc. Its small but it gave me a little connection to them.

ShellyShell said...

Whew this post hit the spot for me! I just got off the phone with my bff talking about the back and forth me and my mom have been going through since March! Our damn personalities are so similar that we set each other off! But I know that's my mom and we can't be beefin. Life is far too short for that! Good Post!

dessex said...

Great post considering father's day is around the corner. I use to have a lot bad emotions towards my dad but I'm tryna get better with that.

Solomon said...

There is someone in my life who I don't talk to enough, it is my daughter. It isn't that we don't like each other, it's the fact that we kind of lost the 'connection' when her mother wouldn't let me see her when she was young. It is pointless to call her, she just doesn't say much on the phone. She lives out of town, maybe soon I'll plan a trip to go see her! I was actually already planning on doing this, it is just that I always seem to have finance issues.