Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I don't know Chris Brown. I really had no idea that the kid was THIS popular. I mean, I had heard a song or two. I saw him in Stomp the Yard and This Christmas. But I don't know him personally. Nor do I know Rihanna. I told myself that I'd stay away from commenting on their situation until the facts came out. Well, after reading that police report...I had to say something. I've never hit a woman. I don't know what makes a battered woman go back to an abusive man. I don't know what makes a junkie go back to smoking crack everyday. Instead of talking about 2 celebrities who I don't know...I'll talk about a situation that happened to me and some people that I know.
(true story...the names were changed to protect the innocent and guilty)
Two years ago, Mrs12 had decided to throw a 30th birthday party for herself at our home. We invited friends and family from all over to celebrate. We had anticipated at least 50 people to be there. One of the invitees was Mrs12's best friend, Paulina. They had been best friends since they were small children. I have known Paulina since I started dating Mrs12. I was very fond of her. I always liked the tight bond that they shared. My wife doesn't have a sister but Paulina is the closest thing that she had to a sister. In the months leading up to the party, the friendship was changing. Paulina, who had 2 children from a previous relationship, was now dating Todd. Mrs12 had only been around Todd a few times but she didn't like him. She didn't think that he was right for Paulina. She wasn't going to interfere in Paulina's quest for happiness but she just didn't think that he was her type.
Just before the party got started, Paulina and Todd arrived. They drove 5 hours from South Carolina. I greeted Todd at the door with a firm handshake/half hug. It was the first time that I had met the dude and I wanted him to know that everything was cool even though he probably knew that wifey didn't like him. I also gave Paulina a big hug. She looked happy. After about 20 people have arrived, I noticed that Todd was sitting alone in a corner. This was a party and he wasn't socializing. I understand that he didn't know anybody there but I found that to be strange. I knew that I'd have to keep an eye on him.
Thirty minutes later, Joey walks in. Joey is one of Mrs12's cousin's. He's a month older than her. They grew up together and are very close. Joey also knows Paulina very well. He grew up with her, too. I'm sure that he probably viewed Paulina as a lil sister. After getting comfortable, Joey starts cracking jokes with Paulina. Very innocent. They laughed. There was no sexual innuendo. She was having fun. Apparently, Todd thought that she was having too much fun. He was still sitting in the corner but now he was getting pissed. He asked Paulina to step outside so that he could talk to her. She did.
Todd was pissed off but he decided to take his frustrations out of the house...away from the other guests. While they were outside, he began to yell at her and accuse her of a bunch of things. Then...he PUNCHED her in the face. TWICE. In my front yard!!! Paulina ran into the house...with a busted lip...and yelled for Mrs12 to call the police. When Mrs12 saw that she had been punched, she raced to the door to FIGHT HIM!!! Luckly, one of her cousins grabbed her before she could get to him outside. Joey ran outside to get him but Todd drove off and left. We were in shock. Paulina was crying. Mrs12 was crying. It was a tough spot to be in because she had come to Atlanta with this dude and he beats on her and leaves. The police came and she gave a statement to them and filed a report. She was embarrassed...hurt...wondering how she was gonna get back to S.Carolina.
I paused...then I said what I felt..."Paulina, is this the 1st time that he's hit you?" She replied yes. I told her that I didn't think it was. I don't know much about domestic violence but I know people. I know how people act and how they think. For him to do that hundreds of miles away from home, in front of strangers...let me know alot about him. Domestic violence is about a punch, slap, or kick. But it's also about mentally dominating someone. It's about removing someone's self esteem and self worth. It's about control. The control is re-inforced with the violence. Paulina never had high self esteem. In my opinion, she spent a lot of time trying to "outdo" her friends. That stuff doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you have on the inside.
In less than a year, Todd went to jail (child support) and then came home. Later on that year, Paulina married Todd. Why did she go back? Ignorance...yeah. Stupidity...probably. I can't answer it. I know that she and Mrs12 aren't close like they used to be. Paulina will usually call her every 5 or 6 months. I used to feel bad for Mrs12 because she lost her best friend.
But Paulina has lost so much more.