Thursday, August 2, 2012

what's yours is MINE...what's MINE is MINE




I have a colleague from work.

She's a wife (18 yrs) and a mother (16 yrs). She's a good woman.

She makes a little more than $120,000 a year.

HERE'S THE ISSUE...

Her husband makes her deposit ALL of her pay check into their joint account. She has her own personal account but NONE of her paycheck goes into that account. Her husband has put her on an allowance and mandates how much she can & can't spend each month.

And her husbands makes a THIRD of what she makes...but he controls the money.

Ladies...how would you handle this?

What advice would you give her?

10 comments:

LadyLee said...

I hope you meant $120,000 a year, bruh. If it is per month, I am surprised she ain't broke camp!

Uh, she mighta been mucking up money. That's the only reason I see to deal with that. One spouse is usually really good with money while the other has challenges.

I would appreciate a husband who saw me being compulsive and dealt with the thing. She would appreciate it later.

Now if he's just being an ass... then that's a whole nother story.
Ugh. If so, I know she is utterly miserable. And that's a terrible place to be.

My ex- decided he was just going to keep his money and let me pay every thing, bills and rent, by myself... He wanted to save "his" money.

You see what happen with that. *lee getting the heck on*

Adrienne said...

Please tell me you mean 120k a YEAR.

MONTHLY???

I agree with Ladylee. When I was first married Tony handled ALL the money because I was terrible at it. I had us in all types of debt, now that I have that under control, I handle it all.

12kyle said...

@ LadyLee
I meant to say 120k a year. LOL

LMAO @ you getting the hell on!

@ Adrienne
That's good to hear that you found a "financial balance"

Thoughtsofsoutherngal said...

First off, can't nobody make me do nothing. Second, if she's not that good with money then maybe the husband handling the money is the best. Is she having an issue with this? We need more info Kyle!

12kyle said...

@ Traycee

There is a financial power struggle in her house. She agreed to this because he is "better with money" than she is. What started out as something small has turned into something big. He gives her an "allowance"...much like you would do your child. She grew up in a house where her father was the head of the house and made the financial decisions. This is different. She is clearly the bread winner.

From what she told me, she wasn't as good with money as he was. However, the fact that she has to ASK him before she buys a purse or a pair of shoes is ludicrous to me! It's a control thing. And I don't think that you should try to control anyone... especially your wife. She reached out to me to get a male perspective about why he is behaving like this. And I really can't explain why. The problem that she has is that he mandates what she does with the money. She doesn't have a problem with him handling the money. But he's giving her as much fiscal responsibly as he does their teenage son. The partnership of marriage fizzles when the other partner isn't made to be felt like a partner. If she was bouncing checks, I'd understand his stance...but she's not. She is clearly frustrated that he is treating her like a kid.

K. Rock said...

All that reply to Traycee should have been in the blog post cuz I didnt understand what the problem was. But now I see. If she has her own personal account I dont know why she has to ask him anything. At the least it sounds like she needs her "allowance" bumped up. She should get a DECENT portion of her paycheck put in her account and should be free to do with it what she pleases. They need to talk about that.

She Draws said...

I should probably do a response post but I'll just leave a comment instead.

I would probably feel a certain way If I out earned my spouse by that much. And if that were the case It would probably be best for him to handle the finances to make us both feel like he has somewhat of a say so and is in fact the head.

In my first marriage I handled the fiances. I did a good job but I was actually considering the next time around having my hubz handle the finances. I will still have a say so as to what goes into my own personal account but as far as him paying the bills I'd be okay with that.

I grew up in a household where my mother handled the finances and she did a terrible job but she would do my dad the same thing. He'd hand over the check and she'd give him a couple twenties out of a months worth of pay. I always had an issue with that. My father would have been the better option to handle the finances but my mother was a stay at home mom so I guess that was just more convenient to have her handle the finances.

This is very interesting. I know one thing he wouldn't be treating me like a kid with my own money.

Sweet

Gia Shakur said...

FIRST OFF, I'D SAY SHE HAS SOME SELF ESTEEM ISSUES. CONTROLLING ONES FINANCES IS A FORM OF ABUSE, AND BECAUSE NATURALLY CAUTIOUS AND PARANOID I CANT LET SOMEONE CONTROL ALL OF MY "FUNDAGE". I HOPE YOU CO WORKER SEE THE LIGHT AND RECTIFIES THAT SITUATION.

TiffanyInHouston said...

Naw, no can do that at all. Agree with the other folks that if she was messing up some $, then yes I could see that. But you issuing out pennies to me like I'm a two year old after I've proven myself to be more responsible?? No bueno.

I'd be in payroll so fast changing my direct deposit that ninja's head would spin.

I manage the JOINT finances in my house. There are no allowances given up in here.

Mr.RXS said...

Financially, things can get really bad for people. There are financial consultants that people actually PAY to do the same thing that her husband is doing. Unless he is wasting the money or using it for personal things, i have no problems with this scenario.
@12Kyle You sure she is being 100 with you when she says she wasn't as good with money as him? Do you think she could have underplayed how bad she was financially? And an allowance has nothing to do with age but more to do with responsibility. If you gave me $100 at 6, i would have lost my teeth to candy by seven.