Tuesday, June 21, 2011


It's safe to say that my clubbin' days are long gone. It's rare that you'll find me in a club

This past Friday I made a rare appearance in the club. My boy, Travis, came to town and he wanted to hit a club. No problem. This is my dude. We've been tight since we were kids. I had a good time at the club. It was good hanging with Travis.

I realized something while i was there. There are 10 reasons why I DON'T GO TO CLUBS

1. Too old - Man, I'm 38 yrs old. Married. Father of 3...baby on the way. Despite my boyish good looks, I ain't giving you my phone number...and you can't have mine. As much as I like to dance, I don't wanna wake up with sore knees and hamstrings. I can still "scrrrrruuuuuuub the ground" but I chose to use my mean 2 step.

2. Smoke - I hate smokey clubs. I don't want my good clothes smelling like cigars or weed

3. Steppin on my Timbs - For some reason people always wanna walk past me...especially in a close space near the dance floor. And people are always stepping on my Timbs. Sometimes I just move out of the way before they get close to me

4. Deejays - the deejay can make or break a night at the club. If the DJ is wack, it will make for a long night

5. Sunglasses in the club - Most clubs aren't bright...yet you see dudes walking around with shades on in the club. I don't understand that concept. Can somebody explain it to me?

6. VIP - Never understood why dudes strive to get into an even more crammed area

7. The Circle Dance - groups of women (usually 3 or more) dancing in a circle TOGETHER and not dancing with the men in the club. That's corny.

8. Stay thirsty my friends - drinks cost wayyyyyy too much. $8 for a small glass of Henny. $4 for a bottle of water? C'mon son!

9. Bleeding ears - that ringing sensation in your ears from listening to loud music for 3 hrs

10. No clothes...no man - scantly clad dressed women who are trying to find a man. I watch them closely. They strike out every time. Even when they get attention...it's unwanted.


Jazzy said...

lmao @ "despite my boyish good looks"!! so vain!

1 - I'm with you on this one (old!), but I do have a mean two step and I do like to club ONCE IN A BLUE MOON!

4 - Nothing worse than a DJ that TALKS over the record either. hate that.

5 - Sunglasses. I actually like men that wear them. I know they are on the prowl, and I know to stay FAR FAR away from them.

7 - women do this because MOST of the time we outnumber men at the club. AND...that percentage is even worse on the dance floor since a lot of men don't dance.

10 - This always makes me laugh (I can't help it!). Most of these women eventually make it on that You Know You Dead Azz Wrong website.

12kyle said...

Vain? Me? Neva! ;)

LoL @ #1

#4 Co-sign! We come to hear the music! Not DJ SuchNSuch

#5 On the prowl? Is that what it is?

#7 I still don't understand. I don't stand around on the dance floor. I'm there to dance. I don't need Angela and her "crew" gettin in my way. Steppin on my Timbs! LoL

#10 They always end up on the internet

K. Rock said...

I totally agree with this list!

1.I may not be too old but my soul is too old for it. And I'm just not interested.
2.There is nothing worse than trying to get the smell of smoke out of locs.
8. The rare times I do go to the club, I try to get all my drink in me before I go. Who can afford to get tipsy on club drinks alone? Not me!

At least you had a good time.

Thoughtsofsoutherngal said...

I'm more of a bar/lounge type of girl but I will hit up a club every 6 months or so.

Sunglasses are deceiving. Ugly men try to hide their ugly looks by wearing sunglasses. It's already dark, you might have been drinking, and you see a dude a couple of inches away from you in sunglasses. At that moment he's cute but let the liquor wear off, the lights come on, and his sunglasses come off....the ultimate deception!

Queen of My Castle said...

Boyish good looks? WHO TOLD YOU THAT? *in my James Earl Jones Coming to America voice*

I don't club much, but like Southern Girl, I prefer lounges.

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

Kyle....I am ROFLMAO at this one!

I agree with it all. Never understood why they make the music so loud! You can't hear the person next to you. And that ringing? Yeah, that's hearing loss my friend. Will never hear that tone again. SMH

I'm with Jazzy cracking up at 'boyish good looks' - get it in Kyle, get it in!!!

I HATE when people go out and hold up the wall with a drink. Come on son (in my best NY accent) get off the wall! You could've done that at home.

I have never been a clubber and your reasons are why. My Latin nights are MUCH different than an R&B club!

ShellyShell said...

I can't remember the last time I was at a club but I will go to a lounge in a minute(went to a great one this past weekend). I went to a house party this past weekend too and we danced HARD!

I have bad knees but my knees don't hurt from dancing.

The DJ who stays talking is the WORST!

I hated when dudes where sunglasses in a dark azz place! WHY??? You don't look cool!

Good thing about NYC you can't smoke anywhere but outside and that's barely now.

12kyle said...

@ K Rock
1. I agree. Mainly, I lack the interest

2. I can imagine how difficult it'd be to get smoke out of your locks

8. Parking lot sippin! LOL

@ Southern Gal
LMAO @ the shades explanation. You know what...NOW it all makes sense!

@ Queen
Winners never hate...haters never win. :)

I prefer lounges, too!

@ Kay C The Quiet Storm
9. I can't speak for most people but I like being able to hear. LOL

Jazz be hatin. Pay her no mind. LOL

If I paid $20 to get in the club, the LAST thing that I'm gonna do is hold the wall up. Not me. You'll have to snatch me off the dance floor.

Gotta check out those salsa nights. Can I wear my Timbs up in there? LOL

@ ShellyShell
House parties are the best! I love to go to them. I'll do a house party any day!

I think I hurt my knees when I try to do stuff that I have NO business trying to do. LOL

You can't smoke in most clubs here either. I think I ended up in one that just didn't care if people smoked or not. Cigs or reeferz.

The F$%K it List said...

This reads like the old man's guide to the club. LOL

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

Once again...ROFLMAO!

YEP! Come on in sportin' the Timbs bruh. I've seen it before :-)

theINTELLECT said...

I think I started being too old to club when I turned 21 and discovered bars/happy hour. Besides it seems my generation doesn't know how to have fun anymore. When a grown man tries to fight a girl because HE spilled his drink on her then I know it's time for me to exit stage left.

♥ CG ♥ said...

ROFL! I hear ya, Kyle.

12kyle said...

@ The F It List
LOL! Whuteva

@ Kay C
I'm wit it!!!

That's so true. When it gets like that, it's time

@ CG
You know I gotta keep it trill!

Hey. I'm L. said...

It's official, Kyle. Yo ass is getting old. And I'm right there wit'cha! I haven't been to the club in at least ten years...