Monday, June 13, 2011

the definition

I've never been a firm believer in following the crowd.

I think you should always be your own man...or woman.

What is the definition of a man? What is the definition of a woman? For some reason, society has adapted the the theory that if you've reached the age of 30 and don't have a husband/wife and kids, then you're somewhat "behind where you should be." That makes no sense to me. Since when did having a spouse and kids make you a man or a woman. While I am grateful to have a spouse and kids, they don't define me. I define me. And YOU define who YOU are...not society.

I've got 5 close homies who are...good dudes, over the age of 30, college educated, have good jobs, attractive and they aren't married and don't have any kids. Should they be "settled down"? I don't think so. That's their choice.

Maybe they aren't ready for it?

Maybe they aren't at that stage in their life?

Maybe that's NOT what they want?

Some people in society will lead you to believe that "something is wrong with them" if they weren't married or have kids. The truth is...marriage ain't for everybody. Some people don't wanna be married. Some people have NO desire to have kids. I respect those who feel that way. Truth be told, there are a ton of parents who have NO business being parents. Those are the ones who should have never had kids. But I digress...

It's even worse for women. I know several women who are great woman...over 30, college educated with multiple degrees, good jobs, attractive, and they are without a husband and kids. Does that mean that they've failed? Does that mean that they are CRAZY? Everybody goes to different things at different times in life. People lose sight of that. There's a time and a place for EVERYTHING. No matter if you're male or female...when you desire a spouse and kids...and you're'll happen for you.

Don't let society tell you otherwise.


Tee Reese said...

I agree with you 100% in your train of thought... but at the same time.. yes, I just did a I agree BUT! LMBO...

What I'm getting at is, as much as we all seem to find those things that lead us to believe we're doing it our way... there are those things that do touch us that tend to lead us down a path that either fit into the norm of what society says in our train of thought. After all, as much as we want to be our own person we are still driven by those things we see.

Face it we're a bunch of copycats! I don't mean it in a bad way but thing about it. For those of us who are parents as much as we want to teach our kids to be their own person. There are those things we want them to mimic from our behavior. And yes, there are those things we do that we don't want them doing but let's face it. They do what they see and we prayerfully, through our acts, try and lead them in a direction that will see them not always following what they see that can be detrimental to their growth in becoming men and women who will in turn be future leaders, trend setters, etc.

Did that make sense?

We all are a bunch of copycats! We as individuals have to find what works for the person within as we move forward in life. I just hope that more of the things we as a people copy are things that represent in a way that is respectful and not so much a detriment to self and/ or to the society we live in.

Then back to the 'the definition' whew! That is thrown out of whack when a lot of other factors come into play. (One's sexuality, culture, environment, and the list goes on)

Great post, food for thought...

Jazzy said...

right on bro!

i get the "something must be wrong with her" looks from my mother ALL the time. i am not trying to force things just to give her another grandchild.

i remember when I was younger, if your yearly salary was "twice your age" you were doing big things lol!
It's silly the things we equate to being grown.

now about these single friends of they live close to NY/NJ??? iKid...but #not really LOL

♥ CG ♥ said...

You know...since I hit 40 I've given the whole side-eye looks the mental middle finger. I agree, when it's meant to be it will happen. Given it seems to be an epidemic (lol) I think it makes it less of a worry. Pray for a sista though :-).

r a n d o m t h o u g h t s said...

Thank you!

ShellyShell said...

My bday is exactly 2 weeks from today and I will be closer to 40 than 30. A lot of people ask me why I'm not married,kids etc. I never was the girl who wanted to get married or have kids. It wasn't until I hit 30 that I thought maybe I'd have kids. Well, I'm over 30 and I don't have any nor do I have a man. But I'm ok with it. I hope that I have a chance to experience motherhood and being a wife and if I don't. It certainly doesn't make me less of a person.

Ummm where are these single friends of yours? Hook a sista up! LOL!

Hey. I'm L. said...

Kyle, you already KNOW that this post resonates with me. I've had family and many so-called friends (who are no longer in my life for this and other reasons) tell me I'm not a real woman until I'm a "married with kids" woman. To which I say "fuck you" and keep it pushin'. There are so many things I want to do with my life, including being married again, but having a biological child is not one of them (we've already had that conversation LOL!). Who is this "society" cat any-damn-way? Maybe you and I should go and have a talk with him LOL!

12kyle said...

@ Tee
I agree with you! We're sayin the same thing!

@ Jaz
The crew is in the Atl. Lemme know when you come in to down.

@ ♥ CG ♥
LOL @ middle finger!!! I know where you're coming from

@ ShellyShell
You can always adopt :)

@ random thoughts
Nooooo problem. Thanks for coming thru

@ L
YESSSS!! We just had this talk last week! Me and society will have to sit down and talk...real soon!