Monday, May 24, 2010

can't you see?

I met a really close friend's new man this friday (for my approval). Within 10 minutes of meeting him, I knew he was gay. He got even gayer as the night went on. I cant believe she doesnt see it and I am a little perplexed about how to tell her.
Suggestions please...

I received the email above from a very good female friend of mine.

Kinda scary when you think about it.

A straight woman who will be (if she hasn't already) be sleeping with a man who is gay. I found it intersting because MOST women can spot a gay man a mile away. This sounds like a woman who is in denial.

Maybe some self esteem issues?

What do you think?



Rich Fitzgerald said...

I heard of accepting half a man instead of no man at all, but this puts a new twist on the whole thing.

What she needs to do is invite an out of the closet gay friend along and watch the ice break. Dude will get so comfortable she won't be able to help but see it.

Rashan Jamal said...

I've never understood how people can't tell. Really ain't nothing she can say to her friend that will make her see.

Mizrepresent said...

Some of these down-low brothers are smooth with it. You have to watch them for a while to be able to tell. I had man point out to me that someone who was trying to talk to me was DL...i was shocked until i watched him for awhile, and how he looked at every man that walked into the place, (not one woman)...she will know, but in her case, better learn soon.

Angel said...

I went out with a guy guy once and I didn’t know but after a while the signs were just to obvious.

The final part was after months of no physical affection, not even sex he asked me to stay over. Unfortunately nothing happened that night either his 'brother' who he lived with who looked nothing like him and hated me came home dunk and climed into the bed too asking if he would be on top tonight. My man tried to push him out but he pulled open the bedside cabinet full of lubircant, gay porn and condoms. He tried to hide it from me but it was too late. I asked him if he was gay and he said no but he had experimented with men before LOL

My point is she will find out herself hopefully not in the way I did…

12kyle said...

@ Rich
That's not a bad idea, fam. Sometimes you have to SHOW people what they aren't willing to see!

@ Rashan Jamal
That's true. I think she's gonna go all out before she gives up hope

@ Miz
He was checkin out the men and not you??? Dayyyyyum!

@ Angel
Woooowww! That's CRAZY! And funny, too! He said he "wasn't gay but had experimented with men before." Does that mean he was a "little bit" gay? LoL! I'm being silly but that's crazy to me. Wow. Glad that you found out!

The Pink Lady said...

welp, this doesnt shock me. so many of my single acquaintances are just trying to grab a piece of man that it doesnt even matter anymore what hes about...good, gay or indifferent.

no lie, i had a friend (single, doctor, no kids, no debt) who has dated a homeless man, then a jobless man, then a 40+ part-time working man who lived with his aunt, then a man missing a leg. it wasnt the fact that he was missing a was bothersome that he lost said leg jumping off of a train running from the police.....yeah, marinate on that

rashida said...

My vote is denial. If her friend was able to pick up on it that quick, there's no way she doesn't know.

He may be a great companion and she doesn't want to lose that by pointing out the obvious. If he's dating her, he clearly hasn't fully come to grips with his sexuality. Let's just hope she's using protection (which she should be doing whether he's gay or straight) and hope that she's can handle the inevitable heartbreak.

Trish said...

BINGO!! Rashida got it. I flat out talked to this friend we are speaking of last night. She's too close of a friend to me for me not to say something. Turns out this beautiful, smart young woman has doubled her physical size in the past year and is settling for all she thinks she can get. She doesnt think that she can do any better, she actually said that to me last night. I couldnt believe it.. this was a friend that always was herself around people no matter what, confident, sexy, beautiful face, gorgeous gray eyes, etc. Now WEIGHT has become a crushing downfall of her self-esteem. While her boyfriend that I met at my house the other night was not a Flaming gay male, he came dressed in a t-shirt, doo-rag, a cap, jeans and sneakers. His female mannerisms and over the top affection for her were concerning.
He constantly told her how beautiful she was (which is what she wants to hear right now) He was trying WAY too hard. She clearly could not be herself around this dude, never responded to his affection. He was way too much into my husband, to the point that I had to do a bit of blocking. They have unfortunately had sex (cant say it was safe) she did tell me it was good. But while he may like a coochie, I can clearly see him bending over for something else !! hmmm. She knows what she needs to do, even her most flaming gay male friend has pointed out her boyfriends female ways. shes says shes cutting this guy off very soon. We'll see.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately lonely is lonely no matter how you stack it up.

If y'all such good friends, just tell her. It's those friends who wait till things start getting serious before telling how they really feel that irk me the most. I've had those kinda friends before. Ugh.

Just tell her.

@Pink Lady......dead.

Kyle, is it you who writes post on how picky we are and can't recognize a good man because of it? I can't recall. At this point I have to formally disagree with which ever one of you male bloggers keep saying that, lol. A gay man doesn't mean he's not a man who ain't got all is other ducks in a row.

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

wow this is very prevalent in Atlanta I know..but what are the signs...what made them think/know he was gay, what did he do??
was it just that hey were not having sex??

LadyLee said...

Face it, bruh... Us ladies get desperate. Rather deal with anything, even if it's dangerous. And it doesn't help that we have to hear regular news reports that the single black woman is DOOMED. If a sista don't have good self love or self-esteem, then these things happen.

Sigh. Surprised we don't see much more of this. Really.

She's in denial. She knows. She lays awake thinking about it at night. She knows!

12kyle said...

@ The Pink Lady
Hilarious!!!!! Mannn, I had to read this twice just so that I could laugh again. Sounds like she needs a real man! I have a friend for her...and he has all of his limbs and teeth! LMAO!

@ Ra
Good points. Ultimately, she'll get hurt. A man can't be "bi-sexual". You're either gay or straight. He's not gonna want her b/c he's gonna want another M-A-N!

@ Trish
First, thanks for sharing the email. We go way back and I'm glad you don't mind me bloggin about it.

She doesn't think she can do better than a gay man? Well, she may wanna get a straight man who cheats with her friends b/c she's betta off! LoL. Seriously, she knows what time it is. She needs let that dude go and be with who he wants.

@ buttafly
I think you missed the part where it says that she just met the her friend's man for the first time this past friday. No time has passed. She's not waiting on anything. Not sure how serious they are.

I'm the one who said that SOME women can't recognize a good man. You can find fault in that theory but I'll stand behind it. What woman wants half of a man? That makes no sense. A gay man is of little use to a straight woman. I don't care HOW nice he is to her. If he's into men, he REALLY aint into women at the end of the day. I don't understand your point. I'd rather be single than with somebody who didn't want to truly be with me.

@ GG
I think it was Trish's "gaydar" that went off. She's just surprised that her friend chose to ignore the signs

@ Lee
I know that some women are desparate. But I wouldn't call this desparate. It sounds pathetic to me. Who is THAT pressed to have a man that they'd have one that aint interested in them? That makes no sense to me. Help me to understand that

Anonymous said...

I'm definately not saying that ANY woman should accept a gay man for ANY reason. No way!!! What I'm trying to say is that women want relationships so bad that they repeatedly ignore clear red flags for fear of being alone. Is it only the confident, intelligent, alert women that your theory of being too picky applies to?

I'm not trying to pick on you, Kyle (I don't think, lol). I just don't hear enough in blog land, talk show land, church land, about MEN and what their positive constribution to the plight of the chronically single woman can be.

It's always the woman's own fault for being single or making the wrong choice.

12kyle said...

@ buttafly
So, are you saying that it's a man's issue that a woman is single? That's not a man's fault. If you take a 35 yr old woman, who is single with no kids...I'm sure that it's on her. There's nothing wrong with that but it's not a man's fault. I'm sure that during those 35 yrs...she passed up on a few good ones