Wednesday, October 21, 2009



I remember that day like it was yesterday

It started with an upset stomach. That rarely happens. Nevertheless, I went on to work despite feelin like shit. Once I got to work, I was immediately met with some drama about something that I had done wrong. Now, I was pissed off AND I didn't feel well. I pressed on...

As the day progressed, my supervisor continued to annoy me about petty stuff. I was completely out of my zone. I called my wife and told her that I was tired of the micromanaging and I was about to cuss this chick out. I left the building for lunch to catch some fresh air. When I came back to the office, I tried to get back into my zone but I couldn't. I felt strange. I didn't know why. For some reason, my stomach was killing me again. I thought to myself...This has been a shitty day. What else could go wrong???

Then it happened. I got a text message at 2:45 from my friend Stacy. It read...

By the time u read this it will be to late. I love all of have been great friends and family. I just cant do this anymore my life is done

Huh? What is Stacy talkin about? That's what I was thinking. I read the text again. Scratched my head for a second. The text message sounded suicidal. I had talked to Stacy 2 weeks prior to getting this text message. Stacy was going through some hard times. Stacy was about to be unemployed. Got fired because of some bs. Not only did Stacy lose the job but Stacy had a several relationships that had gone bad. With huge financial/personal issues, Stacy had decided to send this text message as a last goodbye to family and friends. I couldn't believe it. I have been tight with Stacy since high school. I sat at my desk for a minute...dazed. I stepped away from my desk and called Stacy. No answer. I tried answer. Then I tried answer. I called my wife and told her about the text message. She advised me to call one of my boys who lived near Stacy. At this point, I'm freaking out because I can't reach Stacy.

Hours go by. Still no answer. I finally get Stacy's brother's phone number. My worse fear had been confirmed.

Stacy had attempted suicide.

The news hit me like a ton of bricks. I was numb. Why would Stacy want to leave this earth? Times are hard and I know that. I think that no matter how bad things are you still have to do what you have to do to make things better. Jobs, friends, girlfriends/boyfriends/spouses will all come and go. As long as you have air in your lungs, you're ok. That's the way that I feel.

I spoke with Stacy later that day. I really didn't know what to say. I was hurt. I was pissed off. I was mad. I was confused. Not only did Stacy send that text message to me but to Stacy's siblings and parents. I really didn't say that much to Stacy that day. There was so much that I wanted to say but I couldn't. There are so many issues. Depression is one. Too often (especially in the black community), we never address the issue of depression. We ignore it. Did I ignore it in Stacy? I don't think so. Nevertheless, Stacy is getting help and counseling. I spoke with Stacy last week and it was almost like old times. Lots of laughs and jokes.

I'll be honest. I wasn't even gonna write this post. This happened nearly 2 months ago and I finally had the mindset to put it out there. I try to keep things positive. I've read blogs about stuff and become sad after reading it. That's not the intent here. Far too many times, we ignore the little things in people. The small cries for help. Sometimes we never know until it's too late. It's ok to tell somebody and show somebody that you care. More importantly, it's good to show them that they mean something to somebody. Far too many times we're left with unanswered questions.

I'm just glad that my friend has a second chance...


Anonymous said...

Wow that must have been horrendous. I'm glad your friend got the help she needed to still be here.

Tyrone said...

I think it's important that you wrote this - we can't pretend that suicide is something that happens in other cultures and communities.

More importantly, make sure you're there for Stacy. I'm glad the both of you have that second chance.

Trish said...

You never know whats going on behind peoples closed doors.
Ive known ppl that put on the positive, cheery, persona only to find out inside they are really torn apart, whether its home life, relationship issues, or just the hard knocks of life in general.
We really have to be friends to each other, open ourselves up to hear our friends, dont judge a friend when they do tell you something, sometimes they just need a sounding board, someone to listen. Im glad Stacy is still here.
Kyle you know Im here to talk when ever you need to. always friend.
Know that.

Proactiff said...

straightaway i picked up on the kinship of you and stacy's long time friendship; to the point you felt ill for what you later find out wasn't happenstance. i'm sure all of your presumed work-related BS paled in comparison to the bigger picture. i love your honesty regarding being angry about her selfish attempt. i hope one day when she is stable you're able to share that with her. meanwhile, thank you for sharing this. you definitely have a genuine way with words. all feel-good-like inspires me to want to write/share. ;)

Rich Fitzgerald said...

This was a moving testament to the love you have for your friend Stacy. I think that when she is stronger you have to tell her how you felt so she doesn't try this sort of thing again.

I commend you for peeling back a layer and sharing an intimate piece of yourself.

This is the sort of thing that allows others to have hope, to feel like they aren't the only one going through.

Sugarking said...

Aww man, sorry about ur friend o! i know u did a lot, but this has just tot me how attentively i need to listen to my friends and their problems and just be there for them.

♫Hershey's Kiss♫ said...

I can imagine the pain and shock. Try to be there for that person. I've been to the point of suicide and it's not easy when you feel alone, but As God as my witness with strong support from real friends and family you can make it.

Mizrepresent said...

This was riveting and quit disturbing for wanting only the best not wanting to here that she had actually taken her knowing you would do all you could...and you did. I am so glad this turned out well, an i am so glad that you were there, before, during an after.

you see, i too have been in this place before...and so i know how devastating it must be for you and her family...but you an others heard her call, and that is what is most important. Depression is serious, very, very serious...and we all need to take it serious and do whatever we can to help the ones we love.

12kyle - you are special in so many are a blessing to all those who are in your presence, including me...continue your know what it is...just being you.

JACK said...

I don't normally comment here - but I'm making an exception. Depression is real and, yes - we all too often ignore it ... in ourselves and in others in our communities. For some reason latinos don't deal with it either. We don't discuss it or anything - like it's some sign of weakness or worse, shame.

I've known depression - but can't say I've ever known the will to take my own life. But I can understand the disease's propensity to make that avenue an attractive one. I'm just too chicken shit ... I bit my lip while eating the other day and that was enough to make me wanna take Valium!

At any rate - I'm glad hers turned out to be a cry for help ... and I pray those around her are more atune to the symptoms.

Kingsmomma said...

You're right...It's the dirty little secret in the black community esp for black wome. It's as if by admitting they're struggling it takes their black womenhood away b/c black women are supposed to be these stronger than thou figures. We hurt too. Thanx for sharing that story.

my friend took a psych test to be a cop and one of the questions were if you were to commit suicide how would you do it...
anyone who answered that question with a method was denied b/c it sends a red flag.

Depression is real and we've got to allow ourselves to be helped when we need it.
I hope your friend is finding that she has a great support system and gets the help she needs.

Rashan Jamal said...

I can't imagine what I would say to a friend that tried this. Do I just pretend it didn't happen, do I try to cheer them up, what do I say? I'm glad you are there for her.

Tha L said...

OMG Kyle. I just posted something that you've got to read. I'm so glad your friend got a second chance. Wish my friend had not been successful...

Keith said...

Wow...I would have been just as stunned if a friend of mine had attempted something like that.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that the people nearest and dearest to us simply slip through the cracks.

I am very glad that your friend got another chance...One never knows what a new day will bring or how close they are to turning things around.

12kyle said...

@ Everybody
Thank you for your kind words. They truly meant a lot.

Funny how I wrote this...and I never mentioned Stacy's gender...but everybody knew that I was talking about a female. Y'all are so perceptive. LOL.

Seriously, I got a chance to speak to her today. She sounds so much better than before. She admitted to me that it's gonna be hard to see me face to face. But we will see each other this weekend at our high school homecoming in Florence, SC. I can't wait to see her. A lot of people know what happened but she's gonna go and have fun.

When we talked, I've made it a point to NOT ask how it happened. I don't know if she took pills or cut her wrists. I don't wanna know. I'm just glad that she's still here.

Once again...thank you all for reading. If this post helped's cool with me

dessex said...

I wouldn't know what to do if a good friend of mine did that, I probably would be really hurt.

Pigskin Loving Lady said...

Wow...I thank God that she has a second chance as well. I pray she understands this and got sought help.