Wednesday, July 29, 2009


The thoughts expressed in the post are the strictly by the author of this post. They contain graphic and sexually explicit content. If you're reading this at work, you may wanna stop right here b/c I don't wanna get you fired. LOL. If you're easily offended or extremely "hot and bothered" (as the old people say)...stop right here. If not...proceed!

Today, I'm gonna talk about something that we ALL can relate

I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that if you're reading this post, you've had sex at least once in your lifetime. You may have called it sex. You may have called it what others call it...

sex, fuckin, bonin, screwing, humping, hunching, shagging, getting your back blown out, hitting, punchin', getting broke off, chopped and screwed, making love, getting tapped, knockin' boots, bangin', getting some trim, nut bustin, or splacking (my personal favorite term from back in the day).

Whatever you wanna call it...we all do it. And MOST of us enjoy it. We are the most sexual creatures on the earth. Why do we love sex? Well, that would depend on who you ask. Let's take a deeper look at sex.

1. Men view sex different from the way that women view sex:
Duhhhhh. That's like saying that "an elephant is heavy." In general, men think about sex probably more than they think about anything else. It's natural. The reason why I say it's natural because we've been thinking about sex since we were like 13 yrs old. We gotta have it. LOL. Seriously, we just don't view it the same way that women do. When a man meets a woman, his thoughts will ultimately lead to how soon he can get her nekkid so that he can knock the boots. A woman may meet a man and be thinking about how nice he cute he smart he is...yadda yadda yadda. For men, we'll put a instant clock in our head as to "how long it MITE take before we can hit it." Ladies, if you don't believe me...ask your man about what he thought about you before y'all became a couple. LMAO!!!

2. Women know within the first 7-10 mins whether or not they will sleep with a man:
MOST women...not all women...but most of em know if and when it's gonna go down. Sometimes, it depends on what the man says or doesn't say. I've had female friends tell me about how they were gonna bone the dude but he said something stupid and ruined it for her.

3. Men and women view sex on the first night different:
Some women think that men think that they are a slut if they splack on the 1st night. Wrong. I mean...doesn't it take 2 people to have sex? If she's a slut for having sex on the 1st night...then what is he? A stud? That's bullshit. Men don't care about that. What men DO care about is whether on not she has sex on the first night with him, Joe, Kevin, Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike.

4. Orgasms count:
As a man, you had BETTA make sure that she has an orgasm! You hear more and more women complaining about NOT having one. That's up to the fellas. We gotta get them there. Or you might not get a returned phone call. However, it's just as important for the woman to make sure that the man "bust a nut". If he doesn't, I can promise you that he won't call you back.

5. Orgasms = love or Orgasms = lust
Ever notice how SOME women fall in love after sex? He blew your back out and now you want to be his girl? Why? Did you want to be his girl before y'all had sex? Was that even discussed? Just because he made your eyes roll in the back of your head and had you shivering like a 3 yr old standing outside on a 30 degree day doesn't mean that you love him. You lust him. Or maybe you love how he twisted you? But don't get it confused, you don't love him.

On the contrary, I've seen dudes just get pussy whipped after sex. I mean, I've seen dudes just disappear after gettin' some good trim. LOL. But it ain't love. Orgasms are great but they don't lead to love. Quiet frankly, some of us have been with people who could ONLY give us a good orgasm and not a good 5 minute stimulating conversation.

6. Let's be fuck buddies:
Bad move. If you ever decide to JUST have sex with a person and become their fuck buddy, you're wasting your time. That doesn't work. "We can have sex but have no emotional ties to each other." Bullshit. What you're saying is..."I wanna hump you and everybody else but I don't wanna stop humping you just yet." People forget that sex is an emotional act. It's almost impossible to have sex with somebody and not feel SOMETHING for them. You may not be in love with them but you care. The only people who can have non emotional sex are porn stars and prostitutes...and I don't think y'all fall into that category.

7. Explore your inner freak
We're all freaks. I'ma freak. You're a freak. He's a freak. And she's a freak. Don't be afraid to try new stuff. You never just might like it.

8. Sex sells
Sex sells and sex pays. Remember that. If you do things, you'll be rewarded. Fellas, take out the trash and clean the garage and watch to see what happens. LMAO!!!

9. Be open
Men and women must always be open to their partners needs and desires. Communication is the key.

10. When in doubt...when you're pissed off...fuck
Ladies, always take advantage of morning wood! LMAO!!!

I'ma stop right here. At this point, I don't know what the hell y'all gonna say about this.


Kingsmomma said...

First let me say the term Splacking sounds soo damn gross. SOunds like a sound effect or something. Back in which day was that 12Kyle and I'm hella Glad I wasn't there. (and you forgot my personal fave "
pipe, piping"

I agree on all fronts except #3. Yeah it takes two to tango but the woman would still call the next day or would still be interested in a potential relationship whereas the man may rule out a potential relationship with the first night sleeper.

The Jaded NYer said...

Kyle! I can't believe you wrote about this! I'm calling your momma...LOL

but seriously, I agree with most of this except:

4. Orgasms count:
As a man, you had BETTA make sure that she has an orgasm! You hear more and more women complaining about NOT having one. That's up to the fellas. We gotta get them there. Or you might not get a returned phone call. However, it's just as important for the woman to make sure that the man "bust a nut". If he doesn't, I can promise you that he won't call you back.

The way you wrote it makes it sound like one can lay back and just wait for the other person to give them an orgasm, and it takes both parties being into it 100%- mind & body- for both to get off

Kingsmomma said...

I was just coming back to comment on that oversight. JadedNYer beat me to it.
I agree.
A woman is just as responisble for her Orgasm as the man is.

Anonymous said...

So I ignored the disclaimer and read this at work. lol

"Splacking"?? Never heard that before.

You make some valid points.

Trish said...

Splacking.. I love it!! lol
Okay Kyle, you know I couldnt wait for this one.

1&2. I personally absolutely know if a man is gonna get it very shortly after I meet them. Its up to him not to say the wrong thing, or act like an a**, so that my mindset stays that way.
I agree, Sex is the first thing that men are thinking about as soon as they start clocking you, and my longtime theory is that men have their genitals on the outside and we women have ours tucked in a nice little package. Men have there's just out there seeking, sniffing, always ready. It has a mind of its own. lol
3. I have definitely had sex on the first night, no shame because if I did, I thought about it before I did it. Do I really want a relationship with this guy or am I just trying to pounce and bounce.
I do disagree with the fact that Men dont care about that.
REAL MEN dont care about that. Others get it in their head that the women is a fast a**.
4. Men who really know how to "dig" can help their women get an orgasm, but the majority of dudes doing it out there are sadly mistaken. Most of my girls..while loving the sex, are really getting themselves off with the added bonus of a big delicous man.
Some are even faking an O !!! Yes, faking the O. You need to have blog on that. lol
5. I agree, its LUST not LOVE at that point, but younger women especially get that all mixed up.
They think because the man did it so good to them, he must want them
in a real relationship way.
6.I dont know if I believe that you cant just be "lets bone buddies" Men do it all the time. Women are emotional creatures. It takes real effort to separate the two. Women can do it, cause Ive done it, but the key is that Women have to make it clear that,, thats all it is from the beginning. If not it ends up getting tricky.
When men get "Whipped" its just because we women REALLY put it on them, we brought out our best game. Each women has a just enough sex side, a better than just enough and a rip his balls off side !! lol
7,8,9,10. Yes we all need to explore our freaky side. You will like it!
Foreplay begins way before the act of sex.
Communication is the key in a relationship, hands down.
Im sorry, I personally cant have sex when Im pissed off.


rashida said...

Hunching and Splacking ... Hilarious

I have to agree with Jaded about #4.

Gotta disagree with the inability to have sex without emotions. Multiple encounters is bound to generate emotions, but I think it is completely possible to bang one out and walk away without any attachment.

I'm glad you pointed out the fact that men do get pussy whipped.

That's all I'm gonna say for now :).

Capone da Author said...

As usual bro your posts are on point. I had to weigh in on this one, just my .02 y'all. ;-)

1. You are absolutely right about this one bruh. It doesn't matter if you are married, single, seeking, destroying, biting, chewing, fighting, and screwing we just look at sex differently than women. To MOST men sex is as important as air, food, and money.

2. Again you are on point, even though we think differently than women they do know within the first 10 minutes if they are going swag-surfin or not. We just happen to know within the first 30-60 seconds if we wanna beat it up or not.

3. I agree, I don't think a woman is a slut if I bang on the first night; I actually tend to think I'm a beast if I can do the horizontal tango on the first night. Now I would absolutely think that she was a pig-slut-whore if she hit Joe, Kevin, Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike. Actually if she had sex with any dude named Bobby at any point in her life she's pretty much done with me. Just my opinion.

4. You are creating Bang'Em Suicide if you DO NOT do everything in your power to make sure she gets off. You better do push ups, sit ups, mountain climbers, jumping jacks, the running man, the smurf, the cabbage patch, moon walk, tell jokes, hit it from the back, front, middle, side to side, lick the bearded clam, suck the liquorice clitoris, lick the lips, or just down right eat the pussy. Do what you gotta do to make sure she cums.

5. Couldn't have said it better so I won't even try.

6. NEVER EVER EVER be fuck buddies, there's nothing worse than a buddy fucker. It never works out well for the guys. We can have sex with NO attachments but for the most part, MOST women equate sex with emotions and some voice in their head eventually says to them, "Girl, that muthafucka thinks that you're a game or somethin, how the hell he gonna play with your emotions like this like you're some kinda whore or somethin'". Once they hear that voice, it's a wrap.

7. I agree, everyone is a freak. There are a couple of bad things about that though. For starters I have 4 daughters, nuff said about that. Secondly all of us men want freaks but sometimes there's that voice in our head that says "Damn dude she freaked the hell outta you, you know nasty ass Bobby did some fucked up shit with her". So women get freaky but damn let us at least believe you haven't jumped out the boat with Bobby; let us at least think we brought you to the point of ridin' down I-75 gettin some trim while the truckers watched as we bust a sticky wad across your eye-lid while switching lanes.

8. Men are like microwaves and women are like croc-pots. Press a button and we're hot and ready instantly; but with women you gotta get them started early in the morning so that it's piping hot that night. So yeah take out the trash, pause the game when she wants to talk and actually pay attention to what she's saying, send her a thoughtful text or email while she's at work, etc.

9. No communication equals no true satisfaction or stimulation.

10. Yep I couldn't agree more. Ladies every time your man gets it up, put it down. Beat the brakes off that dude.

orell007 said...

Well this was freakin real talk....all of it....I've never heard of the term "spackling" but whatever....Men are very simple creatures and most women know this but tend to over-complicate things trying to make it more complex. Why? Damn if I know...The sex buddies thing was right on point....Good sex comes from a good emotional reality most FB's could probably be a couple but once they have labeled it "fuck buddy" neither party wants to stop the enjoyable encounters they are having and they usually are just banging each other on average....but would never say a word....good post....I'm bout to post some things....I hope y'all check it out.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

Splacking was the term back in the day. (smiling and nodding head)

I can cosign most of what you say, but a couple of things I see differently.

The orgasm thing -- some women just can't have them. You can do all in your power to get her there, but some women just can't. It's well documented. Nevertheless, by all means view every woman as if she can have one and approach her accordingly. Don't go in all selfish and busting within minutes of getting in the trim. That's not a good look.

Hitting on the first night -- In all likely hood that chick usually does not make it over the long haul. You have to be extremely lucky to be one of the few to get it on the first night. Chicks who end up doing it then say they never do things like that are usually lying. They don't want you to think they are a ho.
I've had my share of first nighters, but I've just never seen them work out over the long term. We may stay around for several more rendezvous, but if we have options we tend to kick it with the chick who can say no. I figure if she says no to me, she will say no to the next dude. I got some game, so I need to know she can withstand game from the next dude. In my experience, the only guys who fall for the chicks they hit on the first date are the tender dick dudes. The ones you describe as pussy whipped or the ones who fall for any chick willing to give them some play.

Tha L said...

OMG Kyle! Loves this post!!

I've told my man from the very beginning about the importance of "exploring the inner freak". I've known my inner freak for years, but apparently he's never met his. Ugh. He must have some sort of mental block because he is always trying to stick with the ordinary stuff. Borrrrriiiinnnng. He's coming around slowly (did I say slowly? I meant to say slooooowwwlllyyyyy), but I swear it's like pulling teeth to get him to try anything new. I don't mean to say that he doesn't please me, because he does (and that's primarily because of the emotional connection), but it could be soooo much better if he pulled out the cuffs or the paddle or...well, you get the point. :-)

12kyle said...

@ Kingsmomma
Splackin aint gross. LoL. It's an old skool term. Y'all youngstahz don't know nuffin bout dat! Hahahahaha. It was also a southern term, too. (See Rich's explanation

Good point. I think the woman is gonna want to seek a relationship regardless if they splack on the 1st night or 6 months later.

@ The Jaded NYer
Good thang momma12 don't read my blog. LoL

No. I'm saying that it really falls on both people. The fellaz have to step their game up, tho. I know plenty of dudes who operate by the "12 Round Rule." is supposed to be like a 12 round fight (like in boxing)...but it's gonna end early! Lmao! And they don't care if sex ends early or not b/c as long as they's all good. And that's not right. That mindset will prevent an orgasm every time

@ Kingsmomma

@ BorednTalkative
I put the disclaimer out there and you just ignored it! Lmao! Hilarious.

@ Trish
Here's where we differ on the 1st night...her actions will move him to a conclusion that either 1) this is the first time that it's ever happened or 2) she's a give-it-up-on-the-first-night-pro

Excellent points

@ rashida
I have a good friend who lives by the "3 strike rule." He won't bang a chick more than 3 times. He said "after 3 times...she'll be attached to me and I don't need that." been gone for a minute...good 2 see u back over here do get pussy whipped. Gotta question for you...if he marries you...does that mean that you have pussy whipped your husband? Hmmmm?!! LMAO!!

@ Capone
To MOST men sex is as important as air, food, and money. ayyyyyyyyyyyyymen! LoL!!!!

Excellent points, bruh

@ orell007
Welcome to the 12th Planet Make sure that you come back. We have a good time over here. We"re here every day...hangin out like wet clothes.

I agree about fuck buddies. They get soooo into each other but they don't wanna go "all the way."

Where's your blog? I'll check it out

@ Rich
I KNEW that you knew about splacking! Lmao!!!

Great points. First night splacks are that you or I would know anything about that. Lmao!!!

@ L
It takes some time but I KNOW you can bring it out of him. Nobody wants to have the "same ole sex." You gotta make it creative and innovative. Especially if you're talking about a long term relationship or marriage. If I'ma be married until I'm old and gray, I might as well do all of the freaky stuff while I'm able to do it. You can't jump off the dresser into the bed when your 75 yrs old.

not that I do those types of things


Pigskin Loving Lady said...

OMG we said HUNCHING back in the day.
1.I'm a freak
2. I take full advantage of the morning wood...this will ensure that I have an orgasm..*fans self over the flashback*
3. Throw on some music and this here post would be porn! LMAO

MzInspiredMind81 said...

WOW!!!!!! Kyle, I am trippin you wrote this! LMAO. You pretty much spoke the truth on most points. I'll be back to comment more when I'm not in class. LOL

ShellyShell said...

LOL @ Splacking! I remember the dudes used to say I got her guts! Ill that shyt sounds so damn nasty!

1. I'm going to say some men think differently. I have a girl that when she meets a new dude and things are going well..she'll say to me it's time to get on Outlook and she'll be like he and I are going to get it in by this date! LOL! She's been doing it since I met her 8years ago.

2. LOL Agree

3. First night bonin. I think it depends on the people. Some dudes look at it like she's night wifey material and others are like so what if it happens it happens.

4. I think both have to bring it.

5.If dude blew your back out the first or second time it's just that! No love...WTF!

6.I think after awhile you do start to like the eff buddy. LIke you said you may not love them but you develop some sort of feeling towards them!

7. Lawd My middle name is 'SuperFreak" LOL!

8.LOL! So true!!

9.Communication is where most people go wrong. Hell I've been guilty of that in the past!

10. Morning wood,afternoon wood, evening wood! Just give me the WOOD!!

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

This is some great stuff...too bad my cramps are preventing me from writing more in my reply (I HATE THIS MONTHLY CRAP)...anyways...I'm looking forward to reading more this week.

Keith said...

Lovin this post man....

Splacking? Never heard that term...Must be a southern thing.

We used to say "Blending" back in the 80's..but that was short lived.

My favorite was more direct.."gettin the panties" and this other gem.."gettin paid"
All 80's slang.

I'm not sure what the kids say today.

-Q. said...

Splackin? man Im just glad you represented with 'knockin boots' - HTown ruined the term...

You got it in with this one. Not to explicit but a great post. Them Orgasms, you gotta get em in. But the word on the street is alot of dudes fuck game aint on par. My rule is if a chick let you hit 3 or more times you doin somethin... If I could add Fellas pay attention to your womans body and mannerisms so you know whats good to her.

Personally I think about how the sex wuold be, how I would like to do it. If i'd do some extra special shit, how she looks naked and how she undresses-if she's sexy in the bedroom- THEN if thats poppin I might thin about when. I think I think about that with every woman I ever did a second-take to.

Never cared what a woman thought about me getting it. If I liked her I was going in. Charm, freindship, professionalism- whatever her thing was.. I can honestly say that with an exception for about 3 or four I've slept with every woman i've really wanted to sleep with.

Back to Orgasms- Make a chick bust 3 times or more(in a row), the puss is in love- for sure. If you ugly or unsanitary you might need to get her about 5 or 6 lol.

Fuck buddies have personally worked for me. I agree wit you for most though.. I guess I have more like fuck friends. I mean I'm close to everybody, If I know you or deal with you we have some type of relationship- its my nature. YOU DO have to be VERY mature for those not to blow up in your face however:both people. Cause the puss/dick can get you caught up. I can hide in the streets and shit like that. So I couldnt fuck wit somebody who would trip and shit if I saw them in the street with somebody else..

Lastly - you didnt mention this one and alot of folk dont on the sex post but.... If you cant fuck, or you got a weenie instead of a dick- keep ya moves simple. Get it in, hit tha spots... Dont be trying to do all the moves. stick to two three positions and get good at em. Cuzz fellas (ladies kno) these brawds be talkin shit about what you were tryin to do if you cuoldnt do it real well or if you kept slippin out.. Do the shit that makes em walk wit that limp the next day in short strides cause you swole that puss up..

GREAT POST my brotha.. Ladies slide the panties to the side once in a while. Keep them pumps on. OOOOW! -Q.

Anonymous said...

Ive actually learned something on KYLE'S page today...

lol, you bet your ass...orgasms count. If a man dont bust one.....(eyes rolling) o please I never met one!

soul said...

you know,
I've never had a buddy that didn't turn into a relationship and you are quite right, sex is as much a physical act as well as emotional.

But isn't it possible to just not be that emotionally attached to a dude you are having sex with?.

I mean you can like him, like qualities about him, but just not want to be his girl. Can't he just be a meantime experience?
Someone to explore with and satisfy our natural female physical needs with?.

Don't you think?

Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keisha "Kitten" Isaacs said...

What's up Brother!

How about I turned my television down to concentrate on reading your blog and I ended up hearing my neighbors "splacking" as I read it...go figure!

maylady84 said...

Hey Kyle, just wanted to show u some love for visiting my blog. Great post!

I've written about fuck friends before. Maybe I was a prostitute in another life (lol( but I hardly ever get caught with my emotions on my sleeve. I mean I care bout em, I'm not a robot. but not too much. emotions suck! lol

Angel said...

The problem is...I didnt listen and I was reading it at im feeling....awake...for want of a better word!


Anonymous said...

crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?

Anonymous said...

is porn the only winner during credit crunch?