let me be the first to say MERRY CHRISTMAS to you! it's June already and when you blink...it'll be December.
you gotta feel bad for this generation. they don't know how to go outside and play ALL day like we used to
i may one of the few people who go through airport security and aren't annoyed by the TSAs.
raise your hand if you're behind the wheel and you constantly talk to the other drivers how bad the traffic is...and you know they can't hear you but you talk anyway
you can always tell if somebody moved something from your desk...no matter how messy your desk is
Herm Cain just got a new gig on a talk radio show. why? because chicks dig radio guys...that's why!
my co-worker told me she went from a size 16 to a size 4 in a year. her secret? workout every day
sometimes i try to have intellectual conversations with Siri
10 yrs from now...will the video chicks look back and say..."do you see how fine i was in that Wacka Flocka video?"
when somebody sneezes in a room, either YOU or somebody else will sneeze within a minute
i miss Mike Jax
have you ever walked into a room...then forgot WHAT you came in the room for?
if you don't tune in to the 12 Radio Show every Wednesday night...you are truly missing out.
my girlfriend will be be back next month. can't wait to see her!
i think most people are ok with their co-workers being their Facebook friends but WILL NOT let them follow them on twitter
why is it that those who are offered chewing gum are the first ones to turn it down?
water should not have a taste
private school or public school?
this is what my pinky looked like after i didn't catch a pass in a scrimmage game in college. thanks, Russ! (@3rddeadline)
ladies...everybody can't wear sundresses
fellas...don't uphold your homies when it is clear that they are wrong
ladies...all you need is a splash of perfume...that's it. don't take a bath in it.
fellas...all you need is a splash of cologne...that's it. don't take a bath in it
back in the 70s..Evil Knievel was the coolest
why are rappers always saying "we're doing it REAL BIG"? can you come up with something else?
when a preacher says "in closing..." that means he's gonna preach for 20 more minutes
remember when you played outside ALL day long during the summer as a kid? you would never say something crazy like..."it's too hot outside."
i don't like to watch tv if it ain't in high definition
remember when tv stations actually "signed off" the air at night?
i'm going to get my first tattoo this summer.
why pay for the newspaper when you can find it online for free?
Skyler is crawling now...AND driving