Thursday, October 25, 2012
stuck in the friend zone
"There is a hole in every zone." - Anonymous
This rule applies in football and basketball.
The friend zone? Not as much
What is the friend zone? The friend zone is the equivalent of the Black Hole in outer space. Once you're in there...you're stuck. I think it's damn near impossible to get out of it if you are a man. Women?? It's possible.
The good folks at Men's Health Magazine has offered a few tips about getting out of the friend zone. Try it. Let me know if it works.
Want to make your girl friend your girlfriend? Of course you do. In a study where 88 opposite-sex pairs of friends filled out questionnaires about their relationship, guys were more likely to be attracted to their female pals than the other way around, the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found.
Men were also more likely to overestimate their female friends’ attraction to them. So if you find yourself wanting to jump from the Friend Ship to the Relation Ship—see what we did there?—abide by these four strategies to make the tricky transition go as smooth as possible. (But believe us: There are still plenty of Good Reasons Not to Sleep with Her.)
1. Assess the Situation
First, is she available? “If she has a boyfriend, is just getting over someone, or is confused about what she wants, it’s a red light,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sexuality counselor and author of She Comes First. “Otherwise you’ll look like you’re trying to seize an opportunity, which could leave her feeling betrayed.” If, however, you spend lots of one-on-one time together, your interactions often feel like dates, or they have a romantic energy about them, those are good signs that you could become something more than friends.
2. Test the Waters
“In conversation mention, ‘Gee, if I were dating you, I would do x, y, z,’ and see her reaction to it,” suggests Amy Laurent, relationship expert and star of Bravo’s upcoming series Miss Advised. “If it makes her uncomfortable or she laughs and says, ‘Oh stop!’ with an awkward smile, you may be crossing the boundary and need to respect that she may simply just want to be friends with you.” But if she seems genuinely interested in how you would treat her—for instance, she asks follow-up questions to your hypothetical scenario—she may already be thinking you’re boyfriend material.
3. Make a Pact
You have to know going in that there’s a risk of ruining your friendship if a relationship ultimately doesn’t work out, Laurent says. “Make a pact to not let that happen,” she adds. “If you’re going to risk a great friendship, make sure two elements—respect and communication—are always there. Because hopefully they’ll still be there and you can go back to being friends.”
4. Find the Right Moment
Telling her you want to date her while drunk and standing in the middle of a crowded bar surrounded by a group of friends: Bad idea, buddy. “Women are often very sensitive to context, so even if she feels the same way about you, she may not feel comfortable telling you in that moment,” Kerner says. Your game plan: Confess your feelings when the two of you are alone. “Make sure you’re in a fun, romantic context such as out to dinner, on a walk, or shopping together to help set the tone,” Kerner adds. “Then, depending on the situation, put your arm around her, hold her hand, or say, ‘I’m just going to do something here,’ and lean in for a kiss,” he adds. “These actions give her the opportunity to reciprocate if she feels the same way.”