What does HE bring to this relationship?
What does SHE bring to this relationship?
Sometimes we are consumed with this thought when thinking about the other person. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship, relationship, or marriage. More often, we don't take the time to address the ISSUES that WE bring to the relationship. And we all have issues. Some are big. Some are small. But we all have our own issues.
I remember when I was in high school I vowed to never deal with a chick who already had a kid. I was young and single and didn't want to deal with that whole element. Was that fair? No. But that's how I felt. I never stopped to think of what or who I may pass up in the process. It's the same way now. If a dude says that he won't date a woman with kids, then he's limited his options.
Kids aren't the only issues. Almost everybody brings something from their previous relationships. We'd like to think that we don't but we do. Those issues aren't always bad. They help mold our current relationship. There are things that you did in a previous relationship that you won't do in your current one/next one.
Some of us have family issues. Broken homes. Broken relationships with parents/sibling. There is always some dynamic to ones family that will affect their personal relationships. It could be positive or negative. Family issues can be a huge burden on a relationship because you have to deal with family. You can't avoid em.
Like I said...we all have our own issues. I like to refer to the issues as bags. When you board an airplane, you've gotta bring your bags with you. We all have bags. Some bags are big and some are small. You can't ignore the bags as you watch them on the coveyor belt at baggage claim. You have to do what everybody will have to do...identify your baggage...pick it up...and take it with you.
What does SHE bring to this relationship?
Sometimes we are consumed with this thought when thinking about the other person. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship, relationship, or marriage. More often, we don't take the time to address the ISSUES that WE bring to the relationship. And we all have issues. Some are big. Some are small. But we all have our own issues.
I remember when I was in high school I vowed to never deal with a chick who already had a kid. I was young and single and didn't want to deal with that whole element. Was that fair? No. But that's how I felt. I never stopped to think of what or who I may pass up in the process. It's the same way now. If a dude says that he won't date a woman with kids, then he's limited his options.
Kids aren't the only issues. Almost everybody brings something from their previous relationships. We'd like to think that we don't but we do. Those issues aren't always bad. They help mold our current relationship. There are things that you did in a previous relationship that you won't do in your current one/next one.
Some of us have family issues. Broken homes. Broken relationships with parents/sibling. There is always some dynamic to ones family that will affect their personal relationships. It could be positive or negative. Family issues can be a huge burden on a relationship because you have to deal with family. You can't avoid em.
Like I said...we all have our own issues. I like to refer to the issues as bags. When you board an airplane, you've gotta bring your bags with you. We all have bags. Some bags are big and some are small. You can't ignore the bags as you watch them on the coveyor belt at baggage claim. You have to do what everybody will have to do...identify your baggage...pick it up...and take it with you.
Dawg, I was right with you on the not dating a woman with a kid even through college, then it turned out that mad women had kids already, and I realized that it wasn't realistic.
ReplyDeleteSome people got way too many bags. I mean even Southwest charges if you have more than 2. LOL
Some people got way too many bags. I mean even Southwest charges if you have more than 2.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! So true! The signs of too many bags are usually there. You can't ignore it...no matter how fine she is. LoL
I'm laughing because I vowed to not date a man with kids, LOL!
ReplyDeleteWith getting back in the dating scene in my 30s that is sooooo unrealistic! But can I have a cap on the number of kids...like maybe two?!?!?!
2 must be the magic number of the day :-)
I'd rather have my baggage lost in baggage claim oblivion...
ReplyDeleteI still vow not to get involved with a man with more than one child...it use to be no children...
ReplyDeleteyou are correct, I feel that many are so focused on what they want from the other, that they fail to evaluate self!
But me, knowing me, and knowing what I bring to the table...and knowing what I just don't want to put up with going forward...and I have come to these realizations due to my past experiences...
when does it stop being "baggage" and become a stepping stone for growth...is it when you let go of the hurt associated with it? Hmmm...
I'm working on leaving my baggage...I think I'm too attached to my luggage though...or should I say, too comfortable with it.
ReplyDeleteMan, baggage. The things that often keep relationships interesting.
ReplyDeleterashan jamal has a point, it's not realistic to zero in on women without kids. Almost setting yourself up to miss Love. If it is to be.
first step is realizing what your baggage is and learning to deal with our issues, so that we may pack light.
I wont date a man with more than one child...its just long!
ReplyDeleteWhat's going on with this new fashionized blog?
Yep, anyone who claims not to have any baggage is delusional. I won't even get started with the men with kids issue...talk about weeding out 75% of the available* single men. What's a fab girl to do?
ReplyDelete*sane, employed, hetrosexual, etc.