Phrenology is a defunct field of study, once considered a science, in which the personality traits of a person were determined by "reading" bumps and fissures in the skull.
Sometimes I often wonder how our "readings" would be. There are some things that we say and do that make a lot of sense. And then there are things that we say and do that make no sense...
For example, when we say things like...
"We'll have sex with no strings attached."
Huh? Is that possible? Nope. Maybe we say it because we want to fool ourselves or the other person. But we know better. Every person that reads this post has had sex at least once with somebody who wasn't our girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse! And I think that we all have either said this (or something similar) at least once in our lifetime? Am I lying? Of course not! LOL
You know the scenario...boy meets girl...girl likes boy...boy likes girl...they have sex...they like it...they don't want a relationship...so they say to each other..."let's kick it." Or they say "let's be cut buddies." Sound familiar?? Of course it does. I'm not here to pass judgment because we've all been down this road. I know that you can't go 'round sleeping with everybody but we've all done this.
However, we ignore the facts...
Fact # 1...We are all sexual creatures. We all like sex...some more than others. And some of us are just stone cold freaks. It's ok...you can laugh. I see you.
Fact # 2...Sex is emotional. You are sharing your body with somebody else. You are sharing an experience. It's damn near impossible not to feel ANYTHING for the person that you're with. Even prostitutes feel something! Um...not that I would know...that's what I heard! LOL
Fact # 3...We can't lie to ourselves. Remember in the movie Love Jones when Darius made breakfast for Nina the next morning after a great night of sex. He could have tried to lied to his friends but he couldn't lie to himself. I think this is where we come up short. We tell ourselves stuff like "even though we're no longer a couple...if we have sex this one last time, it'll be ok. This is one for the road." Yeah right.
Fact # 4...Everybody tells themselves that it'll be different. Fellas, no matter how many times you tell her that you are "just kickin' it" or that you're "cut buddies"...she's gonna get attached to you. And you'll be attached to her. That's what happens. If you think that I'm lying, then maybe you should ask yourself how you'd feel if that person told you that they were also having sex with somebody else. Most of us won't go for that. You know that I'm right.
Like I said before, we are some funny people. And I say we because ole Kyle has been down that road before he got married. Some of the things that we've said or done will make you wanna scratch your head.
Ok...who wants to sign up for the first "reading"????
Hollatchaboi!!!
sheeeeesh.....dang finally Im firrrrrrrrrst....
ReplyDeleteok ok ...well I would say lets chill...but like you said ...we lie to ourselves.
I think there's too much emphasis on it; I honestly feel it's possible for people to take something at face value.
ReplyDeleteProblem is people get up in their heads assuming a relationship has to be called or be a certain thing.
We were kinda talking about this on the board
Ooooo wait till I blog post on this one! LOL
e.
I have to agree. I have had buddies in the past and have always had some sort of attraction, even though it's mainly been sex. You cant help but dig another person.
ReplyDeleteChiming in...
ReplyDeleteI have never had a cut buddy or anything similar. I know I could never fool myself into thinking that sharing my body would be strictly without feeling.
I am an emotional creature and I like the attachment and security of a relationship.
Even a sexual relationship is still a relationship, so there will always be some sort of strings attached.
ReplyDeleteI do believe it is possible to have a one night stand or chance sexual encounter with no strings attached. Hook up, give a fake name, get some, get out...lol. I'm just saying.
@ Oyin
ReplyDeleteYou know we lie to ourselves...repeatedly!!! LOL
@ e
You know that the man is usually the last one who wants to define the situation. Haaaaa
@ houstonmacbro
Soooo true, bruh!
@ Kay C The Quiet Storm
No cut buddies? Don't tell me that you fall into the 1%?! LOL. Just kiddin. I feel you, tho
@ Ra
If you're extremely satisfied with the 1 night stand...you'll go back for seconds, right? I think most people would.
Usually only works if it's an out of town kinda thing ;).
ReplyDeleteTMI right...lol.
I had a "Cut Buddy" or a "Freind with Benefits" and it was kool for awhile(six months)I'd call her up on a humbug and we'd kick it as they say..then I might not see her
ReplyDeletefor a few days. It was great until
another guy began askin about her.
Of course I said.."She's just a friend..aint nothin goin on between
us." Then he started persuing her.
Taking her out, buying her things,etc. I really couldn't handle that and when she saw that I was obviously feeling some kind of way..she through it back in my face--'You know we are just friends
right? Why are you getting like that?" Then I stupidly tried to persue her for a relationship and she told me that it was too late, that she really liked dude. I went through some stuff over this..I couldn't believe it myself ,how I was acting. The whole thing went bad.. Not one of my better episodes. I never did the "Friends With Benefits" thing again with anyone else.
@ Ra
ReplyDeleteYou tellin on yo self! LOL
@ Keith
Wow!!! I know that had to hurt. She kinda changed the game on you.
~SEX IS GOOD!
ReplyDelete~EMOTIONS AFTER SEX IS GOOD AND BAD!
~SEX CAN BE FOR JUST ONE NIGHT BUT THEN HE REALLY DIDN'T ROCK YOUR WORLD (OR YOU DIDN'T ROCK HIS) CUZ IF HE DID....EVEN IF IT'S AN OUT OF TOWN THING...HE'LL FIND HIS WAY TO YOU....TRUST ME ON THIS! BUT THEN THAT GETS COMPLICATED!
~WE DO PUT A LOT OF EMPHASIS ON THE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE AND ONCE WE HAVE IT....THAT'S IT..GONE.
WHICH IS WHY I BELIEVE IN SEX WITH THE MIND FIRST.... STIMULATE ME MENTALLY AND THEN EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST....ORGANIC!
I've tried the "kickin it" thing before, and it always leads to either me getting emotions or him getting emotions.
ReplyDeleteThe last time I did that, I got emotions...strong emotions to the point where I was calling him all the time. Then he told me he had a girlfriend, and that pissed me off. I called even more...esp. when I knew she was around. I went to his job and all (he had me sprung). As time passed, we put an end to it, but then started back up when him and his girlfriend broke up. Soon, I got a boyfriend, and he became so pissed...all of a sudden telling me we belong together, driving by my house late at night honking the damn horn...crazy ish.
Least to say, I never did that again because the sex with no strings attached doesn't work. I don't care what anyone says, if the sex is GOOD, you're going to get emotions, especially if you have an orgasm because the hormone Oxytocin is released. This hormone is responsible for many of the "feel good" moments humans have.
Hmmm....I wanna comment but don't want to tell on myself..lol(guess I already did huh )
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMind sex is very stimulating. It's what can make an attraction even better
@ Beautifully.Conjured.Up
Oooooooo! Sounds like you were whipped!!!
Then, you whipped him!!!
Oxycontin? Hmmmm! You're droppin science today
@ MzInspiredMind81
LMAO @ U!!!
I feel you on this. There was this one chick who I was definitely feeling, but she just wanted to be cut buddies, but thats not how I roll. I knew that she didn't feel the same way about me as I did her, and if we went down that route, I would be more attached to her, which would be a very bad thing. Just say no to the cutty buddies...
ReplyDeleteStumbled upon your blog. You mind if a white girl links this post from her blog? I've been talking about teaching our kids about sex. And I like what you have to say, and would like to reference your post.
ReplyDelete@ Charles
ReplyDeleteSmart moves, bruh! Smart moves!
@ Birthblessed
Welcome to the 12th Planet. Make sure that you come back. We have a good time over here. We're here every day...like a stray cat
No problem. I'd happy if you linked this blog. FYI...color doesn't matter at the 12th Planet. We've got people from every race, age, and creed. Opinions are golden here. Thanks for reading. Soon, you'll be hooked...I guarantee!
you speak nothing but truth up in here!!
ReplyDeleteI met this dude shortly after my ex and I split, and it was supposed to be just that- FWB kind of thing and it was PERFECT.
Then I went to Key West for my bday and dude kept CALLING me:
"what are you doing? Did you meet someone out there? I was thinking, maybe we should be exclusive..."
SIDE EYE
(PS- we ended up dating for like 3 months. LMAO!!!)
Yeah, I agree with ya. I don't see how you could avoid the emotions and stuff unless you're just the coldhearted type. That kind situation isn't meant to be long-term, although some folks think they can.
ReplyDeleteFeel for the bumps in my head, I ain't sayin' nuffin'
ReplyDeleteGood post.
ReplyDeleteMy problem is I have too many emotions to just give my body to someone...
ReplyDeleteIm boring! Before Mr Special if I wasnt scared of STD's perhaps I should have tried to get a bit more wild!
hol up....
ReplyDeletei think it is completely possible to have NSA sex. i have done it plenty of time. i have felt ABSOLUTELY nothing for some of the people that i have had sex with, its not hard to do (at least for me its not).
i think that is is damn near impossible for female to do it because of the dynamic of sex. i think that because the girl has something going inside of her, she is more inclined to to become attached to it. sex is a very internal thing for woman, while it is external for men.