If you listen to hip hop/rap, there are a few lyrics that will make you stop in your tracks...press the rewind button.
Then, there are lyrics that make you say..."whut the hell did he/she just say?"
In this case...the latter will apply.
The website, about rap.com, has presented the Top 25 Worst Rap Lyrics of All Time. While Waka Flocka, Gucci Mane, and OJ the Juiceman didn't make the list...I'm sure you'll find some of these comical and horrendous at the same time...
25 lyrical missteps that made rappers wish they could go back in time and rewrite their rhymes.
25. "Verse number 2 do the damn thang keeps on my neck pocket's full of Ben Franks."
Yung Joc, "It's Goin' Down."
Album: New Joc City
A classic case of saying...absolutely nothing.
24. "There's no need to lie folk, Why you sleepin' wit ya eyes closed?"
Timbaland, "Get on the Bus"
Album: Why Do Fools Fall in Love (Soundtrack)
Well, Tim, if I had to endure your mediocre rhymes all the time I'd definitely sleep with my eyes, ears, and nose closed as well.
23. "I can double my density from three-sixty degrees to seven-twenty instantly."
Canibus, "Funk Master Flex Freestyle"
Obviously, Canibus slept through 10th grade when they went over units of measurement.
22."Thirty-eight revolve like the sun round the Earth."
Jay-Z, "It's Hot"
Album: Volume 3: Life and Times of S.Carter
And, Jay-Z skipped his Geography class.
21. "N****s in the Bronx call me Lex cause I push a Lex, and I rock a Rolex and I lounge on Lex', and I love sex."
Peter Gunz, "Deja Vu: Uptown Baby"
Album: Make It Reign
What are the odds that Cory Gunz ghostwrote this for his dad at age 9?
20. "Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then I'm slippin."
Dr. Dre, "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang"
Album: The Chronic
Aren't we glad that he eventually decided to hire some ghostwriters?
19. "When it's hot I'm duckin' them people with my firearm Look I be straight thuggin."
Turk, "Trife Livin"
Album: Young and Thuggin'
If he's the one with the firearm, why's he duckin'?
18."My paragraph alone is worth five mics (uh-huh) A twelve song LP, that's thirty-six mics (uh-huh)"
Redman "5 Boroughs"
Album: The Corruptor Soundtrack
Apparently, Redman's calculator is miles ahead of the game.
17. Don't try to treat me like I ain't famous My apologies, are you into astrology Cause I'm, I'm tryin to make it to Uranus
Kanye West, "Gettin' It In"
Album: Kiss of Death
Oh I get it: there's Libra, Sagittarius, Scorpio, and then Uranus. And you say Kanye doesn't deserve to have his image displayed next to the word 'genius' in Webster's Dictionary?
16."Hood n***a from Bankhead, I stay by Grandma Nana I lay by my banana, dumpin' and punkin' monkeys."
Young Dro, "Shoulder Lean"
With all the money T.I. makes from music and movies, you'd think he would at least invest in a decent ghostwriter for his sidekick.
15."When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets."
LFO, "Summer Girls"
Cut them some slack. These guys graduated from the prestigious Vanilla Ice Institute of Hip-Hop and decided to try their hands at random word association.
14. "Sometime y'all get crimey crimey, grimy grimy But those with a tiny hiney they get whiny whiny."
Cam'Ron, "5 Boroughs"
Album: The Corruptor Soundtrack
Someone should have informed Cam that this choppy choppy rhyme thing is silly silly.
13."I'm hungry for cheese like Hungry, Hungry Hippo."
Project Pat ("Ballers")
Album: Ghetty Green
Extra points for giving us one of the worst songs ever known to man.
12."If you don't bring back my m****f*****n money or my m***f****n dope, you can forget about Christmas n***a, cause you ain't gon even see New Years."
Master P ("Do You Know")
In Master P's universe, New Year comes right before Christmas.
11."It's like fee, fie, foe, fum, I smell the blood of a jealous a*s punk."
Prodigy ("Click Clack")
Album: Blood Money
No longer inspired by hardcore hip-hop, Prodigy turns to nursery rhymes for some equally uninspiring lyrics.
10."First family will gradually lift that a*s up like gravity."
Lil' Fame (of M.O.P.) ("Half and Half")
Sir Isaac Newton must be turning in his grave right now.
9."I like the way ya ass move to the beat You a freak, that's somethin' you can be."
J-Kwon ("Show Your A**")
Album: Hood Hop
You see, kids, that's another reason why you should stay in school.
8. "D.D.T. the b**ch, I can go for some hours. Let Parlae hit, together we like twin towers."
Pimpin ("Freaky as She Wanna Be")
Album: On Top of Our Game
A terribly humorless and tasteless joke. Enough said.
7."I like them black, white, Puerto Rican, or Haitian Like Japanese, Chinese, or even Asian."
Chingy ("Balla Baby")
As far as Chingy's concerned, Asian is a nationality damnit.
6."I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho."
50 Cent ("Candy Shop")
Album: The Massacre
Well, what do you expect from an artist whose stage moniker in itself constitutes a grammatical mishap?
5."Thirty-two grams raw, chop it in half, get sixteen, double it times three. We got forty-eight, which mean a whole lot of cream Divide the profit by four, subtract it by eight We back to sixteen..."
Foxy Brown ("Affirmative Action")
Album: It Was Written
This holds the world record for worst mathematics on a song.
4."Got a Bill in my mouth like I'm Hillary Rodham."
Ali G (Grillz)
3."Young, black, and famous, with money hanging out the anus."
Mase ("Can't Nobody Hold Me Down")
Album: No Way Out
Now, that's the type of money I definitely wouldn't want to touch before breakfast.
2."I watch my back when I'm walkin, I watch my mouth when I'm talking. My glock cocked when I'm crawling."
Mike Jones ("Scandalous H**s")
Album: Who is MIke Jones?
What's next? I watch my ears when I'm hearing, I watch my sight when I'm seeing?
1. Now you know that I'm the Queen of Miami. All that loud talkin, lyin, save that sh*t for your mammy. Sounds like "blah, blah blah, blah bla blah-blah," I'm like uh-huh (uh-huh) okay (okay), Whassup (whassup) SHUT UP!"
Trina ("Here We Go")
Album: Glamorest Life
Can you think of any other lyrics that should be on this list?
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I am Hip Hop.
It lives in me.
It lives in you.
Hip hop is a culture. It is a movement. It's not just a form a music. It's in everything. It's in your walk. It's in your talk. It's in the clothes that you wear. It can't be created or manufactured by Madison Avenue. Hip hop has seen it's share of fads. Some good...some downright terrible.
high top fade
hip hop phrases...
bum rush- crash into a show hoping to see it for free, to arrive in force
bust a cap- shoot a bullet
clap iron- shoot a firearm
coolin’ it- relaxing
da bomb - the bomb, i.e. cool, appealing, or popular
da shiznit- "the shit" - cool, appealing, etc. (also tha shiznit, the shiznit). Popularized by Snoop Dogg.
flip the script - Commonly used in rap battles, it means to take what somebody said against you and to use it against them.
fo shizzle my nizzle - literally, "for sure my friend"
my bad - my mistake or I’m sorry
off the chain-unbelievable, outrageous, wild, etc.
off the hook- unbelievable, outrageous, wild, etc. from telephone_hook
open up shop- sell drugs, establish a drug-selling spot
peace out - good bye
roll out- leave. Specifically, to get in your vehicle leave the scene.
what up ? - hello, how are you ? or what is going on ?
word up - you got that straight, that’s right or how’s it going
oh fo sure - thanks, no problem
bail - v.- leave- "Let’s bail."—’Let’s leave’/’Let’s go’. Common slang, meaning basically the same as in "Let’s bail out" (common English usage).
bent - adj.- intoxicated
crib -n.- place of residence
dime - n.- a very attractive woman ; a "ten" on a scale of one-to-ten.
dip - v.- leave. "Let’s dip."—’Let’s go.’ "I’m a dip if I see one-time pop up."
dog (also dogg) -n.- 1. a close & trusted friend.
hate - v.- aside from its usual meaning, has different shades of meaning such as "criticizing", or "disrupting" someone’s game. "Why you gotta hate on me ?"
hating (hatin’) - v.- same meaning as ’hate’ (see above). "Why you hatin’ on a brutha ?"
herb - n.- marijuana
hood - n.- neighborhood
ice -usually as a plural noun- diamonds. "That dude got a lot of ice on his wrist."—meaning, ’That guy is wearing a multi-diamond-studded bracelet’.
ill -adj.- 1. cool, appealing, far-out ("That’s ill.") 2. crazy, rowdy ("Act ill").
jet- to leave, to leave quickly- "C’mon, let’s jet."
scratch- n.- money
scrillah- n. - money
shorty- n.- a girl ; a woman ; a child ; a young man
spit- v.- "He can spit."—meaning, "He can rap." Less often used as a noun.
straight- adj.- ’fine’, ’okay’- Example : A person asks "You want some Henny ?", the other person replies "No. I’m straight."---meaning, "No. I’m fine."
strapped -adj.- bearing a firearm
stuntin- showing your best(cars,jewelry,etc.)or to act out of the ordinary
tight- adj.- cool, high-quality, appealing.
toaster -n.- firearm
trippin’-v.- high on drugs, or being crazy ; "You must be trippin’"
tweak -n.- to do crystal meth ; to smoke weed
whip -n.- car, automobile
Are there any fads, phrases, or terms that you'd like to see come back...or go away?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
"Rappers spit rhymes that're mostly illegal
Emcees spit rhymes to uplift their people." - KRS-One
"He ain't no MC. He's a rapper!"- Me
I've said that a thousand times before. And I'll continue to say it...especially nowadays. When you consider the fact that real hip hop has faded away, I'm sure I'll continue to say it. However, I can and will always recognize a real MC. Today, I have compiled my own list of MCs. These aren't your average MCs. In fact, these MCs are better than average...but extremely underrated. So, you won't find Jay Z, Eminem, or NaS on this list because they get their just due. These MCs are some of best that hip hop has to offer yet they are underrated. This list is based on their lyrics, delivery, storytelling and flow.
In no particular order...to kick off HIP HOP WEEK on the 12th Planet...I present to you my top 10 underrated MCs
Black Thought (Philly) - The front man for the Roots has always has always held his own...
Asphalt to the cement, your trash talk, delete it
I blast off then lay 'em out like a Tempur-Pedic
It's Black Thought, for certain I'ma win eventually
This unsung, underrated, under-appreciated
The one them underachievers had underestimated
Finally graduated, I'm one of the most hated
Scarface (Houston) - He's one of the first true MCs to hail from the South...
Now as I walk into the studio, to do this with Jig'
I got a phone call from one of my nigs
Said my homeboy Reek, he just lost one of his kids
And when I heard that I just broke into tears
And see in the second hand; you don't really know how this is
But when it hits that close to home you feel the pain at the crib
So I called mine, and saddened my wife with the bad news
Now we both depressed, countin our blessings cause Brad's two
Prayin for young souls to laugh atlife through the stars
Lovin your kids just like you was ours
And I'm hurtin for you dog; but ain't nobody pain is like yours
I just know that heaven'll open these doors
And ain't no bright side to losin lifel; but you can view it like this
God's got open hands homey, he in the midst.. of good company
Who loves all and hates not one
And one day you gon' be wit your son
I could've rapped about my hard times on this song
But heaven knows I woulda been wrong
AZ (NYC) - I call him the Gift and the Curse. He delivered one of hip hop's hottest 16 bars on NaS' Life's A Bitch...and that verse and his subsequent ones haven't delivered the commercial success that he deserves...
Visualizin the realism of life and actuality
Fuck who's the baddest a person's status depends on salary
And my mentality is, money orientated
I'm destined to live the dream for all my peeps who never made it
cause yeah, we were beginners in the hood as five percenters
But somethin must of got in us cause all of us turned to sinners
Now some, restin in peace and some are sittin in San Quentin
Others such as myself are tryin to carry on tradition
Keepin the schwepervesence street ghetto essence inside us
Cause it provides us with the proper insight to guide us
Even though, we know somehow we all gotta go
but as long as we leavin thievin we'll be leavin with some kind of dough
so, and to that day we expire and turn to vapors
me and my capers-ll be somewhere stackin plenty papers
Keepin it real, packin steel, gettin high
Cause life's a bitch and then you die
Bun B (Houston) - One half of the group UndergroundKingz (UGK). Bun B is a spitter. When you listen to Bun, you learn. Period.
I wonder if it's a better place for the innocent kids
In the ghetto they gotta suffer for shit that they ain't did
By no fault of they own, goin through struggles and strife
Havin to deal with a fucked up life (that's cold)
I know they thinkin nobody knows, or nobody cares
Why can't nobody see the shit, when everybody stares
Man we losin the children, we losin the youth
Cause you motherfuckers won't tell 'em the truth
So they runnin 'round unprepared, and uninformed
It's understood that's why the hood is dumpin on 'em
We gotta show 'em it's a better way (F'REAL) at any cost
Cause they the future if we don't save 'em then we already lost
Ras Kass (LA) - This rhymer may never blaze the charts but real hip hoppers appreciate what he brings to the game.
To MC or not to MC?
Beyond B.E.T. and MTV exists me
Cause God created man and man created hip hop
I declined to participate until I was orientated
I heard 50,000 drivebys
And 49,999 was lies
No surprise, as the sun rises
Thine eyes have seen the light
But we stalk the night
I expose like an overbite
In limbo I lamp
Rape the lady kill the tramp
The wrong action for the motive
Give me 50,000 black angry role models
Take me to DC I'll throw the first fuckin' bottle
Cause I don't give a fuck about a menial existence
And I don't give a fuck about nonviolent resistance
Civil right will not suffice
In the name of Jesus Christ they got my Soul On Ice
Mos Def (NYC) - The Mighty Mos Def is the guy who my 67 yr old uncle Joey says is "the best in the game...bar none."
Like I got, sixteen to thirty-two bars to rock it
but only 15% of profits, ever see my pockets like
sixty-nine billion in the last twenty years
spent on national defense but folks still live in fear
Big L (NYC) - Gunfire ended his life before hip hop really knew who he was. Before he left, I knew who he was!
A burglary is a jook, a woof's a crook
Mobb Deep already explained the meanin' of shook
If you caught a felony, you caught a F
If you got killed, you got left
If you got the dragon, you got bad breath
If you 730, that mean you crazy
Hit me on the hip means page me
Angel dust is sherm, if you got AIDS, you got the germ
If a chick gave you a disease, then you got burned
Max mean to relax, guns and pistols is gats
Condoms is hats, critters is cracks
The food you eat is your grub
A victim's a mark
A sweat box is a small club, your tick is your heart
Your apartment is your pad
Your old man is your dad
The studio is the lab and heated is mad
I know you like the way I'm freakin' it
I talk with slang and I'ma never stop speakin' it
Cee-lo (Atlanta) - He's famous for being 1/2 of Knarls Barkley. But he got it started rhyming (and singing) as the lead man for Goodie MoB
I get off on an extension or compare comprehension
I'm in a classroom of my own, I'm too far gone for competition
Yet I'm never obnoxious with my obvious ambition
Perfectly imperfect is my dimension's definition
I engage my pen pierces the page so that it bleeds my intention
With honorable mention of God's divine intervention
I'm incredible I'm inevitable and there's no possible prevention
I'll hardly (have to) scream my dream and I'll have your undivided attention
The powers that be will be beaten into submission
And you will be able to see my revolution on television
You'll get an aneurysm fuckin around with my head on collision
With the power to get you dead and half the dead risen
Redman (Newark, NJ) - His rhymes can be funny...yet clever. Reggie Noble always brings it.
I don't tote guns I tote funds
While you still puzzled how my antidote runs
Your whole vocabulary's played out, admit it
Still wack if it came out my mouth and I spit it
You remind me of school on a Sunday
No class, beatin all King's down
doin over seventy, in a Hyundai, blast
Give em a good reason to open Alcatraz
Back, nobody got the Red shook
Been a weirdo everysince the doctor said PUSH
Def Squad skills make it hard to overlook me
That's why them hardcore promoters still book me
You shook G
Royce da 5'9" (Detroit) - He's that dude that makes you listen to his verse 2 or 3 times just to see what he said
I'm a product of when a nigga momma gives up
Cryin layin in the trash with the lid shut
Ain't got no family, my mind is tender
My - daddy's invisible, my moms is Brenda
Uhh (uhh) if I survive I'ma grow into what
society considers trash, the rope is to us
That mean I'm hangin myself by livin
The noose is gettin murdered, that or goin to prison
My mind's controlled 'fore I learn mind control
What you call livin life, I call dyin slow (slow)
I'm genetically predisposed
The reaper the only thing that can ease my soul
Freezin cold – feelin like
I was given life, and if I take it at least I chose
I'll probably be in heaven when the pain stops
'Til then all I'm hearin is wind and raindrops
Friday, December 24, 2010
Vince Carter aint been the same since he was in the dunk contest and put his elbow in the rim
Mike Vick is the MVP of the NFL this year in my opinion
remind me to take the week of Christmas off next year. it's always boring at work this time of year
2010 came and went like that! *snaps finger*
i never make new year's resolutions. i just wanna be a better me. if i'm better...i'm a better father, husband, son, brother, friend, etc.
everytime i watch Entourage, I wanna move to Los Angeles.
one of the best Christmas' I ever had was the one that I spent with my wife and her family in Los Angeles when were dating. I wonder if her parents knew that I was gonna marry their daughter
i wonder who our oldest son, Deion, will bring home?
conversation with Kameron...
Me : Kameron, did you take a shower?
Kameron : Yes, Daddy
Me : Did you wash?
Kameron : Yes
Me : With soap???
Kameron : Yes
record labels aren't concerned with cultivating artists and their careers. they just wanna make the next hit
facebook consists of a lotta people who you went to school with but you barely even know right now. twitter consists of a lotta people who you didn't go to school with but wish you did because you feel like you've known em for all your life.
it's hard to shop for women
#shoutout2 former blogger PrettyBlack...good spoken word piece rite here. She's So Damn Cali
if you want more out of your life...put more into it!
don't make new yrs resolutions when you KNOW you aint gonna keep em.
5 to 6 hrs of sleep is enough for me. if i slept 8-10 hrs, i'd be miserable
i'll destroy a box of Captain Crunch with no regard for the roof of my mouth
ladies...a man won't treat you like a lady if you don't carry yourself as a lady.
fellas...step up to the plate and be a man...in every phase of the word
funny how some black churches will say "come as you are" but if i showed up dressed like i was going to a Wu-Tang concert, they'd look at me strange
speaking of church, Eddie Long (aka Sex Ed) is gonna settle the lawsuits. he don't wanna see the truth play out in court
Kerry Washington...Kerry Washington...Kerry Washington
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/DOMESTIC ABUSE?
Domestic violence is not an isolated, individual event, but rather a pattern of repeated behaviors. Unlike stranger-to-stranger violence, in domestic violence the assaults are repeated against the same victim by the same perpetrator. These assaults occur in different forms: physical, sexual, psychological. While physical assault may occur infrequently, other parts of the pattern may occur daily. Tactics interact with each other and have profound effects on the victims.
What is your definition of domestic violence?
Monday, December 13, 2010
Even when we win...we lose. This HAS to change!
ORLANDO (AP)— The disparity between graduation rates for white and black players at schools headed to bowl games grew again this year even as overall academic progress increased for both, a study released Monday found.
The annual report by the University of Central Florida's Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport found that the graduation success rate is increasing at a higher rate for white players than black players.
Richard Lapchick, the primary author of the study, said it's a "disturbing" gap that has continued to widen.
"The growing gap is and has been my biggest concern with graduations rates for some time," he said. "It's like in the economy if income for Latinos and African-American grows at 2% but increases 3% for whites. Yes, it's getting better. But it's still not great for everybody."
The graduation success rate for black players went from 58% to 60% this year among the 70 bowl teams. But for white players, the graduation rates increased from 77% last year to 80% this year.
The NCAA was encouraged that all graduation success rates — not just those for whites or blacks — increased, and hoped continued improvement for both groups in the future would close the gap.
"With such a large number of students, any increase is important, so this improvement is noteworthy. That improvement extends to African-American football student-athletes as well," NCAA spokesman Erik Christianson said in a statement.
Data was collected by the NCAA from member institutions for the study. The Institute reviewed the six-year graduation rates of each school's freshman class that enrolled in 2003-04, then calculated a four-class average.
Five schools had graduation success rates for black players that exceeded their rates for white players: Northwestern (1% higher), Virginia Tech (3% higher), Southern Mississippi (3% higher), Notre Dame (four percent higher) and Troy (10% higher). That's up from four schools in last year's study.
Notre Dame and Northwestern were the only schools that graduated 95% of their players and at least 95% of their black players. Air Force and Northwestern had the highest academic progress rate with scores of 988 and 986, respectively.
Texas Tech was the lone school that had overall graduation success rates for football players that were better than the overall athletes. And Oklahoma was the only school that graduated less than 50% of its white players
Friday, December 10, 2010
thank you for all of the birthday wishes yesterday. i appreciate all of you! thanks for the luv
hey Prez O...we didn't put you in office to have gas prices at $3 for Christmas. c'mon son! holla at dem people!
they caught the dude from wikileaks in the UK. maybe now they can catch Bin Laden. he runs a bodega on Flatbush Ave in Brooklyn.
Elizabeth Edwards (RIP)
12 Radio on Wednesday nights...appointment radio!
i hate when people speak in their language in front of you when they can speak English. it makes me think they MITE be talkin bout me
if you order take out...do you tip the person who brings you the order?
#stupidstuffwedidinhighschool Go to McDonald's. Go to the drive thru. Place an order for $75 of food...then drive off without paying or taking the food
Brett Favre...go sit down
i don't think people will ever REALLY appreciate Prince until he's dead an gone...
some men won't ever be ready for a serious relationship because they are just too damn immature. that's not hatin'...it's the truth
even though we've been together for nearly 10 yrs...i hate Sprint
the mere mention of snow bothers me
i heard Justin Beiber bought a 2 million dollar Bugati. can he even spell the word Bugati?
psa...don't be the one who gets drunk at the office Christmas party
have you ever noticed how black churches will tell you to "come as you are." but if you showed up in flip flops and shorts...they'd be lookin at you like you were crazy
what was the best Christmas gift that you ever got? for me...Atari 2600
Suge Knight...went from top 10 to not menitioned at all
do you remember Fraggle Rock? that show used to scare me
i like Chistmas but I think Thanksgiving is much better
I want a girl with extensions in her hair...bamboo earrings...at least 2 pair
dvr's will change the way thtat you watch tv
the one year that i got the flu shot...i got the flu
Birthdayshoutout 2 the best 4 yr old in the world!!!! Happy Birthday Brandon! Daddy loves you!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I said I wasn't gonna do this again but here I am...
Another year has come and gone. And what can I say??? I am blessed beyond measures.
Thankful to see another year. The past year has allowed me to realize how blessed I truly am. I knew it before but I'm even more thankful this year.
Thankful for you, you, yoouuuuuuuu, them, them, dem, and them. Errrybody.
38 yrs on this Earth is a blessing. I know I'll be here for at LEAST another 97 yrs.
Thank you for the well wishes. I am humbled. Grateful. And thankful for them
Most importantly, I am thankful for God who allows me to be who HE wants me to be. HE has put the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. And I am eternally grateful.
aka Dr. K
aka THAT GUY
aka Randy Floss
aka Arthur Fonzerelli
aka Julio Fuentes
aka Quik 1
aka Chocolate Boi Wunder
aka Kid Chocolate
aka...well...you get the picture! One Love!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Have you ever stared into a man's eyes and wondered...
What is he thinking about???
Is it this...
Or is it this...
Or maybe it's this...
Have you ever wondered what's on a man's mind?
Tune in tonight at 9pm est to 12 Radio
Topics...Random - men covering a wide range of topics (love, sports, marriage, sex, fatherhood, music, and being a man) giving you some insight into how we think.
Co-hosted by DLuvhall & VA Eazy
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Differences between Men and Women
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazine also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".
Tune in tonight to hear more about how we are different
Men are from Venus...Women are from Mars
Co-hosted by Lady K
9 pm EST